Karma's gonna come collect your debt @finndupont-blog - Tumblr Blog

taxidembry:

Good! That’s good. Therapy is good. [Except for Embry. Then therapy sucks.] It really seems to be helping, you seem… chill.

[If only you knew, Embry.]

[Finn smiles a bit brighter, disguising the turmoil within.]

Really? I’m glad. Selma told me I have something called borderline personality disorder. And depression. And anxiety. There’s a whole list of shit they diagnosed me with. I guess I’m just glad to know that it’s not really me, you know? It’s my brain.

#embry

taxidembry:

Yeah. It does.

[He takes a long sip of his coffee, breathes in, breathes out, then smiles through his tears.]

So, uh… Therapy, yeah? Therapy. H-how’s that working for you, man?

[Finn fakes a smile, clenching his teeth together as he sips his own drink. This is fine. Everything is fine. You can manage to shove all these shitty feelings down. Just keep smiling.]

Semes to be helping. I don’t lash out like I used to. Ignoring the shitty feelings is a little harder, but I’m managing.

#embry

taxidembry:

Yeah. I just… [He blinks tears away, sniffles, and scrubs at his face with one hand. He’s completely oblivious to Finn’s discontent.] I don’t know what to do.

[One hand clenches slightly over Finn’s fabric-covered knee, and Finn reaches for his cup again, slurping almost frantically.]

I wish I knew what to tell you, man. I’m sorry about all that shit. It sucks monkey balls.

#embry

taxidembry:

I don’t wanna wait. I want Radio back now. I feel like I’m dying without him. [He takes a shaky sip of his coffee.] I’ve never cared this much before. About anyone. It’s super weird and I hate it.

[That hurts. That hurts so fucking bad Finn nearly gets up and leaves right then. But he doesn’t. He makes himself sit still, toes curled in his shoes as he struggles to maintain a neutral expression.]

[Does Embry mean to say he doesn’t care about Finn? He only cares about Radio now? Finn doesn’t matter all?]

[Fuck.]

Yeah. I get that.

#embry

taxidembry:

That’s what I said! [A little more eloquently, but still.] But he’s so adamant about it, and he won’t talk to me, and he declines my calls… He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. How can I make him love me again if he won’t even talk to me?

Sometimes when shit like this happens, you gotta just let things work out on their own. Radio probably still knows he’s gayer than a rainbow, but shit was probably so bad in the hellhole that he’s got like, PTSD or something. I dunno. Trust me, he can’t stay away from you for too long.

[Ugh. The words taste flat on Finn’s tongue, but he presses on. He wants to get better, doesn’t he? Selma will be so pleased if he doesn’t slip up tonight.]

#embry

taxidembry:

Last Sunday. So… just a week ago. [He sniffles, trying to hide behind his coffee.] Radio hasn’t loved me in a week…

[As much as it causes a sick metallic feeling to pit in Finn’s stomach, and as much as he doesn’t want to comfort Embry, he makes himself do it.]

I doubt that he honestly doesn’t love you, Em. You know all that conversion therapy bullshit is just mindfuckery. It just makes people who are gay suppress the fact they are, in fact, cock lovers. Or bush eaters. Whichever. Doesn’t change the fact that they are gay. Just makes ‘em afraid to admit that they are.

#embry

taxidembry:

[Embry lowers his eyes and takes a sip of his coffee. Yep, that’s precisely how he likes his coffee: lactose-free and super sweet.]

Radio, uh… His mom sent him to conversion therapy. And now he says he doesn’t love me anymore, so…

[The first thing Finn feels is the familiar pang of jealousy and anger, something he’s immediately aware of. The second thing he feels is glee, that Radio is seemingly out of the picture and Finn can swoop in and have Embry all to himself again.]

[The third thing he feels is absolute shame. Isn’t he supposed to be past this? It’s not good to be so hung up on Embry like this. Finn worries at his cup lid as he struggles internally between glee and shame, and finally clenches his teeth and mentally squashes down the glee.]

[Then comes the revulsion. Conversion therapy? Jesus fucking Christ, that shit will fuck you up even within a few days of being there. Finn immediately feels sympathetic, especially when Embry’s eyes go glassy, as if he might cry.]

[He reaches out, putting down his drink to grip Embry’s hand.]

Shit, man, I had no idea. I’m so sorry. When did this happen?

#embry

taxidembry:

[Oh, that reminds him: Embry’s monthly allowance went through yesterday. He can buy more coke…]

It’s chill, dude. I get that you’re sorry. And sick. So don’t worry about it.

[That’s surprisingly passive. Embry usually pitches a fit whenever Finn tries to apologize.]

Is everything okay? You mentioned that you could be better, earlier...

#embry

taxidembry:

That’s great. Glad you’re getting your life on track or whatever.

[That’s a lot more than Embry can say for himself.]

[Finn notes the despondent look on Embry’s face, and takes it as he’s still depressed to be back on coke. He has no idea what’s happened to Radio.]

Look, Em, I wanted to say I’m really sorry. Selma’s been helpin’ me see what a douchetool I’ve been, ‘specially to you. I should have never ever gotten you back on coke, or called you boring. [He blinks, looking away as if ashamed. He is ashamed.] I know an apology doesn’t help now, but I wanted to say that. And I wanna make it up to you if I can.

#embry

taxidembry:

[Embry smiles faintly, sitting opposite Finn and wrapping his hands around his drink. At least Finn got his order right. Iced salted caramel mocha, no whip, soy milk.]

Could be better. You?

I’ve been going to therapy.

[Might as well just get that out there.]

Got officially diagnosed with some shit.

[Finn takes a tentative drink of his cold tea before continuing.]

It’s been helping, I think. I’m takin’ DBT classes every Tuesday, and going to my therapist once a week and talkin’ shit out.

#embry

taxidembry:

[Text] Yeah that’s it

[Text] See you there

[Embry arrives in due time at their favorite Starbucks. Finn grabbed two chairs by the condiment bar, sitting his acai tea with coconut milk on the table as Embry approaches. He smiles tentatively, giving Embry a hug and silently noting the pallidity and thinness of Embry’s face. He looks worse than ever, and Finn feels bad yet again for dragging Embry back into hell.]

How are you?

[He’s afraid to ask.]

#embry