I came here to drink milk and kick ass

[animalcrossingmemes]

[fiendir]

[guerrillatech]

[dogpuppy]

[miseria-fortes-viros]

they dont tell you this but like half of adulthood is just washing the same FUCKING pan

[miseria-fortes-viros]

WASHING THE FUCKING PAN AGAIN!!!!!

[loulooser]

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

[spinostarz]

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

[loulooser]

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

[determinedowl23]

there’s a joke to be made about pilots here but i can’t think of one rn

[loulooser]

HOW I AM SO CONFUSED

[determinedowl23]

September 11 attacks - Wikipedia

[love-always-adelaide]

[etherealspacejelly]

bastard sounds great in an irish accent. if an irish person calls you a 'daft bastard' it just feels right

the welsh have the monopoly on things ending in hell. fuckin hell and bloody hell hit different in a welsh accent. its like music to my ears

the scots have piss and shite for sure. "its pishin it doon out there" "this is a load of shite" absolute poetry

if i may speak for the english i think we do penis related words very well. dickhead, knobhead, bellend, etc.

and for all the shit we give them, you gotta admit that no one can deliver a 'goddamn' quite like an american. theres a certain weight to it that you just cant achieve in other accents. when an american says goddamn you know shit just got real

[notahorseindisguise]

im not fucking joking i just found a women want me fish fear me hat on the ground

[notahorseindisguise]

it needs a wash bc it was on the ground and i dont trust that but im so excited. best find ive ever found

[megamindsupremacy]

the notes on this post are SENDING me

[ryan-sometimes]

As a Brazilian, watching the club world cup is always so funny because this year a game got cancelled due to RAIN. In Brazil, the lights in the stadium need to go out, the pitch needs to flood, and a minimum of 3 players need to get struck by lightning, only for the game to be delayed by like 20 minutes. Once a football game gets scheduled in Brazil there is no weather that can stop it. Zeus himself needs to come down to smite the players one by one

[fionacle]

prev i saw you mention a photo can you find it 😳

[mvrphys-art]

there are so many

(that third one is my favourite)

and players getting the water off the grass to keep playing:

[ryan-sometimes]

POV you are a Brazilian football player:

[himynameisemail]

[batbetbitbotbut]

Safety first!

[literallyaflame]

“afab chests aren’t inherently sexu—” please say breasts please just say breasts please please please stop throwing the term “afab” around say tatas say titties say big bahoona bazingoroos if you must

[literallyaflame]

not to be that guy but if you’re talking about breasts, say breasts. if you’re talking about pregnancy, say pregnancy. you don’t have to bend over backwards coming up with wacky shit like “uterus-having pregnancy-carrier” or “afab presenting nipples” to be more inclusive. half the time, it’s not inclusive anyway. so just be specific. a person with breasts can simply be “a person with breasts.” it’s easy, it’s fun, it’s free

[hypokeimena]

#some trans men don’t have breasts. famously‚ there’s a surgery about it #some cis women don’t have breasts. the same surgery #some trans women do have breasts. famously #there are hormones and also surgery about it #some cis men have breasts. Gandalf for one (via @aurpiment)

[femmenietzsche]

Whenever I’m on the street children throw large pebbles at me and say “This is only somewhat due to your bad tumblr posts. There are multiple reasons for this.”

[beggars-opera]

I just found this on my computer and have no memory of making it. I stand by it though

[beggars-opera]

I love that I gave 0 context for this and 700 people still went "yeah that's a vibe"

[bunniehunn]

the difference in the comments on Amaury Guichon (the chocolate guy)’s YouTube vs the notes on tumblr is so funny.

on YT everyone’s like: “amazing!!! one of the most talented artists of our time!”

on Tumblr it’s like: “he’s done it again. we’ve gotta kill this guy.”

[evilwizard]

one time i walked into God’s room when He wasn’t expecting me and He was kneeling by the foot of His bed praying. tf. who was He praying to ..?

[latinare]

dei cubiculum quondam intravi dum me non exspectaret et ad pedem cubilis orans genuit. qf. cui orabat ..?

[evilwizard]

this is good because maybe there are medieval priests who wanna read this one

[nealashitposts]

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway

[janedrewfinally]

Accurate tags:

#and this is why no-fault divorce brings down the murder rate

[tricky-pockets]

There was a character in a book I read once who was described as "handsomely fat" and that phrase is stuck in my brain forever. The author really was like "no shut up, they're charismatic, they're good-looking, they're handsomely fat. not just handsome AND fat; them being fat is directly contributing to their good looks. you agree." and they were RIGHT

[99percentprocrastination]

loml, the libby app