A place to spill my thoughts

Thoughts, poems, and things I never said.

[firewriter]

It feels like I have nothing.

Nothing to bring me joy, nothing to calm me down, nothing to make me feel alive.

It feels like I have no one.

No ones shoulder to cry on, no one I can call for help, no one I can talk to about how I feel.

It feels like I'm going nowhere.

My relationships are breaking down, my job isn't giving me purpose, and I have no place of my own to hide away.

It feels like it's all over.

The days blend into one another, my mind spiralling out of control, I have no grasp on reality.

[remanence-of-love]

[weltenwellen]

Joanna Klink, from “On Diminishment”, The Nightfields

[authenticity2025]

[firewriter]

Christmas Eve hasn't been the same since 2021

The Christmas I thought I wouldnt see, the day I was certain my life was done.

Each year since has been different, but each one has been just as hard.

Each year I get further, my body becomes more scarred.

The difficulty doesn't lie with wanting to leave this world but with not wanting to destroy those around me,

And the scars don't appear in search for help or attention, but to help me continue and escape my mental torment.

Each Christmas Eve since 2021 I've been thankful to be alive,

But each year gets more difficult just to survive.

[firewriter]

Fuck you for making me fall in love

Fuck you for making me crave you

Fuck you for making me feel like I belong

Fuck you for making me feel loved

[firewriter]

Because of you, my chest is set alight once more.

Because of you, my body aches for your touch

Because of you, my head is filled with promise

Because of you, my hope has returned

Because of you, my cheeks hurt from the smile you put on my face

Because of you, I feel like I belong

Because of you, my heart sinks into my gut when I leave

[firewriter]

[firewriter]

I miss the constant needing in your touch.It's like you'll crash and burn if our skin ceases contact with one another.

I miss the infatuated look in your eyes, as if you're taking me in for the first time over and over again.

I miss the raspy longing in your voice, like you are constantly craving your body against mine.

I miss the smile that spreads across your face, as if I am the only thing that can lift the veil of sadness off of you.

[firewriter]

I can't lie, I can't let this die. I have too much love for you but I'm not in love anymore.

It's not been wasted time. You've taught me how to love again. I hope I haven't hurt you, I hope our ending doesn't bring you pain.

Our chapter is over but our stories still remain and maybe we will feature in one another life again somewhere along the way.

You fixed so many parts of me and for that I will forever be thankful, but im still so deeply broken and that is not for you to handle.

I hope your next love is the one that lasts, that life treats you well and you learn from our past.

You deserve so much more than I could ever give. You deserve a happy life, and you deserve to live.

[firewriter]

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you now, Despite all your heartbreak, you cant throw in the towel.

Because your heart can be whole again if you just give it time, and your smile will glow again, I promise you'll be fine.

Though it feels like the walls are coming crashing down, I'll ward off the waves of pain, and I won't let you drown.

I will hold your hand for as long as you need, I will walk you through your garden and help you plant new seeds.

Because I can not sit and watch you give up, even when it feels like you're shit out of luck.

There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do to be sure that you're safe and that i'll never lose you.

I would rather sit here with you and ride out the storm, hold you in my heart, keep you warm.

[firewriter]

Here come the autumn leaves and with it the misery of the summer I've left behind.

The days begin to shorten, allowing me more time to hide from the world in my bedsheets.

And though the air has begun to nip at my skin with its cold chill, I breathe in the icey fresheness to feel alive.

Because this is another change of seasons that I've survived to see.

[firewriter]

Infatuation spawns host to a multitude of sins, so it's a good job I worship the devil.

I'm smitten with you. I'm not sure if it's love or if it's lust, but the feeling is on another level.

They say you'll meet someone when you least expect it, and I found you while I was climbing out the rubble.

You've lifted my spirits despite the darkness that lingers, but you truly understand all my struggles.

Just as I was becoming comfortable in my solidarity, the attention you've given me has been tenacious.

You've made your feelings so clear, tell me there's nothing to fear with your body language always flirtatious.

I'm like a crow to a worm, a magpie to a sparkle, with you I just can not resist.

My heart races wild, and my stomach is in knots. I've been infatuated since the moment we kissed.

[firewriter]

I thought, last night, that I would end all

Step off the ledge and embrace the fall

Drive off of the road and hit a tree old and tall

But when I got to the edge, I'd stumble, I'd stall.

I am exhausted from living, from trying to do right

But I feel so alone, out of mind, out of sight

I've got no more energy to keep fighting this fight

I just need tunnel vision so I can go towards the light.

[firewriter]

I hate my self-destructive behaviour, I am shunned, I need a holy saviour.

I thrive in the risk of becoming undone and I can't ever finish what I have begun.

I'm impulsive with all my actions, get a thrill in receiving a reaction.

I'm toxic I know, the proof is in the scars on show.

The bruises on my heart need to recover hoping Im the future ill do better on my part.

But who am I kidding, as I sit quietly on my throne.

I'm forever an issue, toxic to the bone.

[firewriter]

I wait for you to call but you don't message me at all.

Only when the time suits you, do I become the one you choose.

I relish in talking again because I don't know when you'll be back again.

You lock me out and ghost me so much, but as soon as you need me, I come in clutch.

I'm a simp for you. It's so obvious to see. But to you, my existence is obsolete.

You know I reply the minute you hail, because, for you, I never want to fail.

For me to move on, I need you to be blunt that on the end I am not what you want.

Until you break my heart, I'll crawl at your feet, because for just one night, I know we are destined to meet.

[firewriter]

Brakence lyrics are next level relatable.