Puddin @firstoverthefinishline - Tumblr Blog

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

endreams-s

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

honeypressed

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

moonreflectioninthefragglepond

A++ addition

tetsuskitten

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

tigerliliesandcherryblossoms

I LOVE THIS

vmohlere

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

laziestofthedreamers

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

pamgkrthwrites

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

ladyhavilliard

…perfect

outerspacekake

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

yourpotatotwiceremooved

THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY

Okay so this has just come to my attention and I’m SICKENED.

I will be tagging for the black list.

Anyways, it has come to my attention that at 16 years of age (still a child but due to his country’s laws it’s was deemed acceptable as the age of content is 16 and there is no Romeo and Juliet law) Nikita mazepin was in a relationship with mother of one and glamour/adult supermodel Alena Shishkova when she was 23 years old.

Their relationship lasted from 2016-2017 but they were seen together before it was made official so he may have been 15 when it started (a child unable to content in the eyes of Russian law but nothing is confirmed so it’s a rumour).

When they made it official newspapers reported it branding him the luckiest boy alive... if the roles were reversed and Nikita was 23 and his girlfriend was 16 there would have been uproar and he would have been branded a pedo.

No 23 year old woman has any right to be messing with a 16 year old boy, a child in society as they aren’t even able to drive or buy/consume alcohol.

I am sickened with the way it has been reported, how the world doesn’t see she is a nonce, how it was deemed acceptable for a 16 year old boy to be partying with his adult girlfriend.

I don’t like Nikita as a driver or a person but damn, even I can’t stand this shit.

A child is a fucking child, don’t shag them for fuck sake.