ok so imagine you’ve been close friends and political allies for Years. and you were never equals, not really — one of you is subordinate to the other, that’s the structure of your lives — but you’re on the same page, planning and acting in concert, so it’s easy enough to pretend. and you can talk to each other. only each other, really!
and then. suddenly. something changes. you’re not on the same page anymore… one of you the same as ever, subtle and cautious and slow to act, and the other (changed, infected) suddenly jumpy, paranoid, not in control. and you can’t talk about it privately as friends, or allies or partners, because you’re both public figures and your behaviour is visible and impactful and what you do is Not personal or private, actually, because everything you do and say is an Edict. and people Watch you. because your relationship has consequences
so when one of you oversteps, the other Yanks on the leash. and the unspoken subtext of your relationship (you are not the same) is suddenly text. and you don’t know what changed in each other or how to fix it or get on the same page again because now one of you is a dangerous dog and the other is the Master. right up until the end, when the death of one is the catalyst for the final irreversible decline of the other until she can’t be reasoned with or be anyone else’s friend or ally again, because Everyone Who’s Left is potentially hostile, potentially an existential threat to her…
so anyway after the death of her dear friend, there's no way to avoid fighting and killing meredith. even if you supported her all the way. which could mean nothing
if the carta have no mages because they’re dwarves and the dalish have no hope of legitimate access to lyrium because the chantry runs that trade, then surely there’s room for a deal to be struck where if a dalish clan is lucky enough to have a surplus of mages then the spares could do stints as spellcasters for the carta in exchange for a lyrium supply. there is no point to this thought except my desire to throw factions with opposing vibes together so i can make up character dynamics
you said something somewhere about isabela and bethany having vastly different relationships with femininity and gendered trauma and i'm realising it's made me very curious: how do you see bethany's relationship with gender and womanhood, and do you think she considers that aspect of her identity as being related to her victimisation? because on the one hand, it does seem very gendered to me that she as little sister is being treated as this sort of precious but burdensome object to be protected within her family. but also how much of that is she associating with woman, and how much is she associating that with mage, or is it something else entirely?
i have to first acknowledge that i love @gyrovagi and @ikarons's dragon age gender discussion, namely these two posts. bc i am now i think irreversibly academia-brained, let me also say that while those two posts are rattling around in my brain currently, there is a whole ecosystem of mage-gender thought and more broadly, how misogyny/sexism functions in thedas as a setting that nominally venerates women due to the andraste of it all out there. and all of it makes me feel like a teakettle abt to explode.
jumping off that point, bc we're dealing w a type of misogyny that comes from the veneration of women (compelled to complain that that's actually p normal for misogyny as we know it), i gotta state that the type of womanhood/internalized misogyny bethany is dealing w has sooooooooooo much more to do suffering and impossible expectations than like. whew. okay. i thought this was going to be a normal answer, and i don't know why i thought that lmao.
1. andraste as non-mage but ideal woman; bethany as mage and aspiring woman
bethany is at least a little bit drawn to andrastianism. she enjoyed listening to leliana's stories in lothering. she goes to the chantry in kirkwall to light a candle for carver. maybe leliana was only ever telling secular stories. maybe she went to the kirkwall chantry out of guilt. i think it does a disservice to her whole deal to say she isn't religious, bc religiousity (read: andrastianism) is compulsory in thedas. v few things abt bethany's whole deal are abt agency in a positive way, at least initially. whether she likes it or not, she's suffused in andrastian patriarchy.
andraste is inescapable as the ideal of womanhood. andraste, as the daughter of an extremely influential alamarri leader, is of noble blood, and i have so much to say abt alamarri culture being superseded by andrastian interpretations of alamarri culture but this is going to be so long already a;sdljf;ldask
andraste also 'overcomes' infertility, and while that's a moral framing i personally find rly abhorrent, we all live in a society. she also 'overcomes' the chronic illness that causes her infertility: second verse, same as the first, etc. there's some shit there re: values surrounding procreation and being able-bodied that i think. are in the mix. even if again this is going to be so long already.
women are mothers, and if they're sick, it's bc you can suffer your way to goodness — sometimes as an ex-slave, and sometimes as a martyr. lol, lmao even.
i think it can be extrapolated that andraste demonstrates a fidelity and patience that are supposed to be venerated/emulated, esp in contrast to her husband, maferath. maferath has a concubine named gilivhan who bears him children long before andraste does, but nowhere in the mythology does there seem to be any cruelty or resentment on andraste's part — she raises gilivhan's three sons as her own after gilivhan's death. so part of womanhood is a sort of default maternal attitude.
i do not think the presence of concubines in this instance points to a thedas-wide acceptance of, say, polyamory or even communal child-rearing. isolde is pissed by the idea that alistair is the result of an extramarital affair and takes it out on alistair. i would argue that while andrastian mores would advise her to be more tolerant of and patience with her husband's other partners or children..........................clearly the chantry is more than capable of taking over the responsibilities of raising alistair while isolde and eamon get back to their marriage and connor.
so we've got andraste as wife and mother, and let's not skip over andraste being The Bride. the ur-bride. faithful to her mortal husband and yet also some other guy's wife. CLEARLY, at least to maferath and his contemporaries, wives being another man's concubine or participating in other relationships is sufficient cause to betray whole causes, much less the wife in question. wife, mother, bride. my take here boils down to the idea that andraste, despite being a mother and married to a mortal man, kind of gets to retain a spiritual virginity.
then you've got andraste as warrior and prophet. women who fight and women who are believed. LOADED!
intriguingly, tho it doesn't seem super emphasized, there is andraste as enslaved — and formerly-enslaved. I'm Every Woman. potential for some v conflicted and guilty feelings on bethany's part there as she ruminates on her lack of freedom and also relative freedom as compared to her brethren in the circles. is it blasphemy to hate her life? idk ask teenage bethany sitting in the lothering chantry listening to sermons abt how magic exists to serve man.
last but not least, there's andraste as sister. andraste as witness to whatever mysterious accident that claims the life of halliserre, the accident that causes her chronic illness that in turn causes infertility. much 2 think abt.
bethany's not a wife and a mother, and she's never been a bride. those are def things that i think she wants to be, bc those are things women are supposed to be. she knows she's of 'noble blood' and demonstrates a genuine interest in rediscovering and reclaiming leandra's history.
bethany is not a warrior, or at least her ability to protect herself and be violent to others is not integrated into her identity — or rather it's been forcibly integrated into her identity in such a way that viewing herself as inherently dangerous or as an unstable weapon in need of constant surveillance is like. idk if i'm articulating this well, but if you're constantly a threat, enacting violence on purpose might not register in the same way as it would for aveline, for example, who can more effectively categorize and maybe compartmentalize her own violence.
Aveline: You show admirable restraint, Bethany.
Bethany: For a mage, you mean.
Aveline: I could also say, "for a Hawke," but yes, for a mage.
Bethany: You have a sword. Why aren't you killing someone right now?
Aveline: Fair point, but I can put my sword down.
Bethany: Believe me, I have tried.
bethany would love to be able to put down her sword, but since she can't, she just does her best to pretend it's not there. kind of. that said, this battle cry: 'what are you, afraid? i'm not hiding anymore!' i think reveals a lot abt how she feels abt fear and when she's allowed to not be afraid.
bethany might feel like a prophet (and it wouldn't allay that feeling, i think, to be someone who does more observing than participating), but if she's a prophet, she's a cassandra, a cassandra who feels like smth is coming for her and once it does, if she gets taken by the templars, she's relieved it finally just happened.
in the circle, bethany becomes a teacher and at least one of her younger apprentices rly bonds w her. when immersed in an explicitly andrastian environment, she conforms, not unhappily, to the ideal of an andrastian woman as much as any mage can, by taking on a position that allows her to be maternal.
bethany and freedom is p fraught, kind of its own essay, but since this is going to be a monster already, let's focus on:
2. bethany as sister
that's like her whole identity to whole hawke family: baby sister. she has to be protected, she has to be curtailed, she has to be hidden. leandra says she never cried as a child — is this bc, as is true for many girls, she understood from an early age that her emotions created the need for attention and energy that she might have experienced as equal parts smothering and exposing? is it bc from a v early age, malcolm impressed upon her the importance of her keeping her emotions in check, bc they put both her and her family in danger of demons or templar attention? what abt the pressures that come from being raised in a family that seems to have struggled w money at least periodically?
like what's the difference between being a mage and being a girl for someone living in a body where they are one and the same? how do you separate your gender from your mage-gender? i think bethany shows signs of trying to a 'normal' woman in that she's demure, polite, pacifying, etc. those things are inevitably filtered thru her identity as an apostate mage, but if she performs them well enough, then maybe she can be mistaken for a well-behaved woman first, before she's a well-behaved mage, right?
babies who are 'easy' don't cry. children who are well-behaved are quiet. bethany is always the baby sister. like she just wants to be 'good,' whatever that means. a good woman is a good wife is a good mother is a good warrior (presumably a warrior who can put down their sword as well as wield it; read: discipline) is a good sister. i am being deliberately delicate abt the enslavement aspect bc yes, if you are enslaved, you are designated 'good' if you are quiet, obedient, competent — but not too competent. andraste did free herself. mages aren't supposed to do that. one must imagine sisyphus happy and dry heaving, etc.
she would have been praised consistently for her control, and she is, in the game, even by someone like fenris, praised in absentia for her self-control, phrased as a lack of weakness. do we think bethany was seen as mature for her age. do we think the neighbors told leandra and malcolm how lucky they were to have such a helpful and sweet little girl who stayed out of the way. even her childhood friend peaches chooses not to turn bethany into the templars bc she seemed, AND I FUCKING QUOTE, 'too nice to be magic.'
the big moment in her life when she stands her ground against a bully is the incident that precipitated the family's move to lothering. do we think she learned any unfortunate lessons abt what happens to mage girls who fight back. do we think we can infer that no amount of staying quiet and nice protected bethany from the kid who bullied her so badly she threw him across the field w her magic. do we think it's a coincidence that this bully was a boy.
when she fails! as a sister! her family suffers. it is never just abt bethany's wellbeing, tho clearly she's internalized that 'other ppl' are the ones 'taking the risks' on her behalf, as if she is not herself at risk. she doesn't get to feel her own feelings abt her life. she is the vessel for everyone else's anxiety and grief, and she doesn't even get to fucking cry.
she is, in this way, way closer to halliserre than andraste. does she think of herself as andraste-adjacent? does she have enough exposure, even, to andrastian texts on halliserre to identify w her? would she, too, love to die in a mysterious accident that unburdens her family from the burden of caring for her, one that leaves her unblemished and tragic but free from the obligation to be good? i think that's what she means when she says she tried to put her sword down, yeah.
3. how much of it is being a mage, and how much of it is being a woman
ig we can get into the weeds of suffering as worship and suffering as nonnegotiable here, but that feels too thorny to actually approach in a way that works. idk man. i do think 'mage' as a gender category positions 'mage' as a failed person in a way that feels analogous to a lot of misogyny/types of misogyny. what i'm going to skirt around here is that she mentions alrik, who is a rapist who (shoutout @recents) specifically targets mages w the threat of being made tranquil and also just straight up targets tranquil mages, period.
but while i agree that this can kind of be muddied by the gender dynamics between alrik and ella during dissent...................................i am also cognizant of the fact that a circle-route bethany mentions alrik by name in her letter and that ella is one of bethany's students, the one bethany mentions in that same letter as having gotten rly attached to bethany. that is a connection that has rly horrible implications. how much bethany can protect ella is directly contradicted by how much she can protect herself.
bethany is a failed woman bc she's a failed person as a result of being a mage. i think she still tries to 'good girl/woman' herself into being a person, or at least to cancel out her mageness. but as the dialogue w aveline shows, she rly resents it when other ppl compliment her on being a 'good' (read: unthreatening) mage.
but tbh i don't think bethany rly gets to decide for herself what's going on w all that until after the end of da2. the sheer amount of sexualization she experiences even from ppl who ostensibly respect and love her is like. she simply doesn't ask for any of it (except maybe w isabela and sebastian, and wrt latter don't piss me off). but i do think that varric rly takes the cake for me in terms of benevolent sexism.
Varric: So... Milady Sunshine, what's your first act as a noblewoman going to be?
Bethany: *giggles* A noblewoman with no fortune and no title? Looking for work, probably.
Varric: Practicality is for peasants, my lady. You need to do something frivolous to celebrate your birthright.
Bethany: Such as...?
Varric: Come up to the Hightown Market and complain bitterly that there's no Orlesian silk that matches your eyes.
Bethany: But what if something does match my eyes? What will I do, then?
Varric: Insist that they're blatantly copying you, and demand royalties. A good noble always has a complaint ready, Sunshine.
this is one of the most egregious examples of somebody interacting w bethany and completely failing to retain any knowledge of her personality or wants or needs or like. anything. i get that she's giggling. i get that it's all in good fun. i get that the joke is that bethany would never behave this way, and the comedy lies in the distance between the imagined noble lady and bethany. i get that.
however what varric is failing to acknowledge here is the elephant that's in every room ever: bethany is a mage. she doesn't get to complain. she doesn't get to be frivolous. she doesn't get to call attention to herself, period. varric is unintentionally underlining how much being a mage impacts bethany's womanhood, even a newly privileged womanhood.
and yeah, bethany enjoys this bc she enjoys imagining herself as normal. she enjoys the fantasy that she gets to be the type of woman who throws a fit over silk. but even varric's nickname for bethany — sunshine — implies a life of being visible that bethany has not lived and won't get to live until after da2 best case scenario, at least within the framework of freedom that varric has. being alive and visible as a mage means either her whole world becoming the circle or the wardens.
like she's barred from most womanhood. she wants pretty dresses, and she wants princes to call her beautiful, and she wants to be a daughter the way leandra was a daughter.
she wants to be uncomplicated! she wants to not be a problem! she doesn't want to need protection! but while all of those things are abt not being a mage, i think she'd be fine with being protected by a chivalrous prince — there is a fantasy there, for sure. a fantasy that requires her womanhood being prioritized over her being a mage.
milady sunshine. blech. nevertheless, while i think varric misunderstands her utterly, he does at least misunderstand her in the way she prefers to be misunderstood. varric can construct a fantasy-bit where bethany gets to just be a woman. but it is, ultimately, a fantasy.
andraste is wife-mother-bride-warrior-prophet-victim-saint. bethany doesn't have 'aspects' except in the realm of story; bethany fumbles personhood across the board thru absolutely no fault of her own.
i think that's why she gets squeezed into boxes that don't rly suit her. there's so much unwieldy stuff going on that it's easiest to slot her into a role that coincidentally!!!!!!! doesn't have agency. baby sister. crucially, she's not sexually agentive, she's vulnerable to corruption and in need of an older sibling or guardian to make sure the baby doesn't get into trouble, and this is an established enough dynamic that she will self-police. andraste as statue and icon, babyyyyy. emotionless, motionless, and emblematic of whatever you want to project onto her.
(but then da2 ends and actually she gets to spend her thirties being whatever type of woman she wants to be)
you said something somewhere about isabela and bethany having vastly different relationships with femininity and gendered trauma and i'm realising it's made me very curious: how do you see bethany's relationship with gender and womanhood, and do you think she considers that aspect of her identity as being related to her victimisation? because on the one hand, it does seem very gendered to me that she as little sister is being treated as this sort of precious but burdensome object to be protected within her family. but also how much of that is she associating with woman, and how much is she associating that with mage, or is it something else entirely?
i have to first acknowledge that i love @gyrovagi and @ikarons's dragon age gender discussion, namely these two posts. bc i am now i think irreversibly academia-brained, let me also say that while those two posts are rattling around in my brain currently, there is a whole ecosystem of mage-gender thought and more broadly, how misogyny/sexism functions in thedas as a setting that nominally venerates women due to the andraste of it all out there. and all of it makes me feel like a teakettle abt to explode.
jumping off that point, bc we're dealing w a type of misogyny that comes from the veneration of women (compelled to complain that that's actually p normal for misogyny as we know it), i gotta state that the type of womanhood/internalized misogyny bethany is dealing w has sooooooooooo much more to do suffering and impossible expectations than like. whew. okay. i thought this was going to be a normal answer, and i don't know why i thought that lmao.
1. andraste as non-mage but ideal woman; bethany as mage and aspiring woman
bethany is at least a little bit drawn to andrastianism. she enjoyed listening to leliana's stories in lothering. she goes to the chantry in kirkwall to light a candle for carver. maybe leliana was only ever telling secular stories. maybe she went to the kirkwall chantry out of guilt. i think it does a disservice to her whole deal to say she isn't religious, bc religiousity (read: andrastianism) is compulsory in thedas. v few things abt bethany's whole deal are abt agency in a positive way, at least initially. whether she likes it or not, she's suffused in andrastian patriarchy.
andraste is inescapable as the ideal of womanhood. andraste, as the daughter of an extremely influential alamarri leader, is of noble blood, and i have so much to say abt alamarri culture being superseded by andrastian interpretations of alamarri culture but this is going to be so long already a;sdljf;ldask
andraste also 'overcomes' infertility, and while that's a moral framing i personally find rly abhorrent, we all live in a society. she also 'overcomes' the chronic illness that causes her infertility: second verse, same as the first, etc. there's some shit there re: values surrounding procreation and being able-bodied that i think. are in the mix. even if again this is going to be so long already.
women are mothers, and if they're sick, it's bc you can suffer your way to goodness — sometimes as an ex-slave, and sometimes as a martyr. lol, lmao even.
i think it can be extrapolated that andraste demonstrates a fidelity and patience that are supposed to be venerated/emulated, esp in contrast to her husband, maferath. maferath has a concubine named gilivhan who bears him children long before andraste does, but nowhere in the mythology does there seem to be any cruelty or resentment on andraste's part — she raises gilivhan's three sons as her own after gilivhan's death. so part of womanhood is a sort of default maternal attitude.
i do not think the presence of concubines in this instance points to a thedas-wide acceptance of, say, polyamory or even communal child-rearing. isolde is pissed by the idea that alistair is the result of an extramarital affair and takes it out on alistair. i would argue that while andrastian mores would advise her to be more tolerant of and patience with her husband's other partners or children..........................clearly the chantry is more than capable of taking over the responsibilities of raising alistair while isolde and eamon get back to their marriage and connor.
so we've got andraste as wife and mother, and let's not skip over andraste being The Bride. the ur-bride. faithful to her mortal husband and yet also some other guy's wife. CLEARLY, at least to maferath and his contemporaries, wives being another man's concubine or participating in other relationships is sufficient cause to betray whole causes, much less the wife in question. wife, mother, bride. my take here boils down to the idea that andraste, despite being a mother and married to a mortal man, kind of gets to retain a spiritual virginity.
then you've got andraste as warrior and prophet. women who fight and women who are believed. LOADED!
intriguingly, tho it doesn't seem super emphasized, there is andraste as enslaved — and formerly-enslaved. I'm Every Woman. potential for some v conflicted and guilty feelings on bethany's part there as she ruminates on her lack of freedom and also relative freedom as compared to her brethren in the circles. is it blasphemy to hate her life? idk ask teenage bethany sitting in the lothering chantry listening to sermons abt how magic exists to serve man.
last but not least, there's andraste as sister. andraste as witness to whatever mysterious accident that claims the life of halliserre, the accident that causes her chronic illness that in turn causes infertility. much 2 think abt.
bethany's not a wife and a mother, and she's never been a bride. those are def things that i think she wants to be, bc those are things women are supposed to be. she knows she's of 'noble blood' and demonstrates a genuine interest in rediscovering and reclaiming leandra's history.
bethany is not a warrior, or at least her ability to protect herself and be violent to others is not integrated into her identity — or rather it's been forcibly integrated into her identity in such a way that viewing herself as inherently dangerous or as an unstable weapon in need of constant surveillance is like. idk if i'm articulating this well, but if you're constantly a threat, enacting violence on purpose might not register in the same way as it would for aveline, for example, who can more effectively categorize and maybe compartmentalize her own violence.
Aveline: You show admirable restraint, Bethany.
Bethany: For a mage, you mean.
Aveline: I could also say, "for a Hawke," but yes, for a mage.
Bethany: You have a sword. Why aren't you killing someone right now?
Aveline: Fair point, but I can put my sword down.
Bethany: Believe me, I have tried.
bethany would love to be able to put down her sword, but since she can't, she just does her best to pretend it's not there. kind of. that said, this battle cry: 'what are you, afraid? i'm not hiding anymore!' i think reveals a lot abt how she feels abt fear and when she's allowed to not be afraid.
bethany might feel like a prophet (and it wouldn't allay that feeling, i think, to be someone who does more observing than participating), but if she's a prophet, she's a cassandra, a cassandra who feels like smth is coming for her and once it does, if she gets taken by the templars, she's relieved it finally just happened.
in the circle, bethany becomes a teacher and at least one of her younger apprentices rly bonds w her. when immersed in an explicitly andrastian environment, she conforms, not unhappily, to the ideal of an andrastian woman as much as any mage can, by taking on a position that allows her to be maternal.
bethany and freedom is p fraught, kind of its own essay, but since this is going to be a monster already, let's focus on:
2. bethany as sister
that's like her whole identity to whole hawke family: baby sister. she has to be protected, she has to be curtailed, she has to be hidden. leandra says she never cried as a child — is this bc, as is true for many girls, she understood from an early age that her emotions created the need for attention and energy that she might have experienced as equal parts smothering and exposing? is it bc from a v early age, malcolm impressed upon her the importance of her keeping her emotions in check, bc they put both her and her family in danger of demons or templar attention? what abt the pressures that come from being raised in a family that seems to have struggled w money at least periodically?
like what's the difference between being a mage and being a girl for someone living in a body where they are one and the same? how do you separate your gender from your mage-gender? i think bethany shows signs of trying to a 'normal' woman in that she's demure, polite, pacifying, etc. those things are inevitably filtered thru her identity as an apostate mage, but if she performs them well enough, then maybe she can be mistaken for a well-behaved woman first, before she's a well-behaved mage, right?
babies who are 'easy' don't cry. children who are well-behaved are quiet. bethany is always the baby sister. like she just wants to be 'good,' whatever that means. a good woman is a good wife is a good mother is a good warrior (presumably a warrior who can put down their sword as well as wield it; read: discipline) is a good sister. i am being deliberately delicate abt the enslavement aspect bc yes, if you are enslaved, you are designated 'good' if you are quiet, obedient, competent — but not too competent. andraste did free herself. mages aren't supposed to do that. one must imagine sisyphus happy and dry heaving, etc.
she would have been praised consistently for her control, and she is, in the game, even by someone like fenris, praised in absentia for her self-control, phrased as a lack of weakness. do we think bethany was seen as mature for her age. do we think the neighbors told leandra and malcolm how lucky they were to have such a helpful and sweet little girl who stayed out of the way. even her childhood friend peaches chooses not to turn bethany into the templars bc she seemed, AND I FUCKING QUOTE, 'too nice to be magic.'
the big moment in her life when she stands her ground against a bully is the incident that precipitated the family's move to lothering. do we think she learned any unfortunate lessons abt what happens to mage girls who fight back. do we think we can infer that no amount of staying quiet and nice protected bethany from the kid who bullied her so badly she threw him across the field w her magic. do we think it's a coincidence that this bully was a boy.
when she fails! as a sister! her family suffers. it is never just abt bethany's wellbeing, tho clearly she's internalized that 'other ppl' are the ones 'taking the risks' on her behalf, as if she is not herself at risk. she doesn't get to feel her own feelings abt her life. she is the vessel for everyone else's anxiety and grief, and she doesn't even get to fucking cry.
she is, in this way, way closer to halliserre than andraste. does she think of herself as andraste-adjacent? does she have enough exposure, even, to andrastian texts on halliserre to identify w her? would she, too, love to die in a mysterious accident that unburdens her family from the burden of caring for her, one that leaves her unblemished and tragic but free from the obligation to be good? i think that's what she means when she says she tried to put her sword down, yeah.
3. how much of it is being a mage, and how much of it is being a woman
ig we can get into the weeds of suffering as worship and suffering as nonnegotiable here, but that feels too thorny to actually approach in a way that works. idk man. i do think 'mage' as a gender category positions 'mage' as a failed person in a way that feels analogous to a lot of misogyny/types of misogyny. what i'm going to skirt around here is that she mentions alrik, who is a rapist who (shoutout @recents) specifically targets mages w the threat of being made tranquil and also just straight up targets tranquil mages, period.
but while i agree that this can kind of be muddied by the gender dynamics between alrik and ella during dissent...................................i am also cognizant of the fact that a circle-route bethany mentions alrik by name in her letter and that ella is one of bethany's students, the one bethany mentions in that same letter as having gotten rly attached to bethany. that is a connection that has rly horrible implications. how much bethany can protect ella is directly contradicted by how much she can protect herself.
bethany is a failed woman bc she's a failed person as a result of being a mage. i think she still tries to 'good girl/woman' herself into being a person, or at least to cancel out her mageness. but as the dialogue w aveline shows, she rly resents it when other ppl compliment her on being a 'good' (read: unthreatening) mage.
but tbh i don't think bethany rly gets to decide for herself what's going on w all that until after the end of da2. the sheer amount of sexualization she experiences even from ppl who ostensibly respect and love her is like. she simply doesn't ask for any of it (except maybe w isabela and sebastian, and wrt latter don't piss me off). but i do think that varric rly takes the cake for me in terms of benevolent sexism.
Varric: So... Milady Sunshine, what's your first act as a noblewoman going to be?
Bethany: *giggles* A noblewoman with no fortune and no title? Looking for work, probably.
Varric: Practicality is for peasants, my lady. You need to do something frivolous to celebrate your birthright.
Bethany: Such as...?
Varric: Come up to the Hightown Market and complain bitterly that there's no Orlesian silk that matches your eyes.
Bethany: But what if something does match my eyes? What will I do, then?
Varric: Insist that they're blatantly copying you, and demand royalties. A good noble always has a complaint ready, Sunshine.
this is one of the most egregious examples of somebody interacting w bethany and completely failing to retain any knowledge of her personality or wants or needs or like. anything. i get that she's giggling. i get that it's all in good fun. i get that the joke is that bethany would never behave this way, and the comedy lies in the distance between the imagined noble lady and bethany. i get that.
however what varric is failing to acknowledge here is the elephant that's in every room ever: bethany is a mage. she doesn't get to complain. she doesn't get to be frivolous. she doesn't get to call attention to herself, period. varric is unintentionally underlining how much being a mage impacts bethany's womanhood, even a newly privileged womanhood.
and yeah, bethany enjoys this bc she enjoys imagining herself as normal. she enjoys the fantasy that she gets to be the type of woman who throws a fit over silk. but even varric's nickname for bethany — sunshine — implies a life of being visible that bethany has not lived and won't get to live until after da2 best case scenario, at least within the framework of freedom that varric has. being alive and visible as a mage means either her whole world becoming the circle or the wardens.
like she's barred from most womanhood. she wants pretty dresses, and she wants princes to call her beautiful, and she wants to be a daughter the way leandra was a daughter.
she wants to be uncomplicated! she wants to not be a problem! she doesn't want to need protection! but while all of those things are abt not being a mage, i think she'd be fine with being protected by a chivalrous prince — there is a fantasy there, for sure. a fantasy that requires her womanhood being prioritized over her being a mage.
milady sunshine. blech. nevertheless, while i think varric misunderstands her utterly, he does at least misunderstand her in the way she prefers to be misunderstood. varric can construct a fantasy-bit where bethany gets to just be a woman. but it is, ultimately, a fantasy.
andraste is wife-mother-bride-warrior-prophet-victim-saint. bethany doesn't have 'aspects' except in the realm of story; bethany fumbles personhood across the board thru absolutely no fault of her own.
i think that's why she gets squeezed into boxes that don't rly suit her. there's so much unwieldy stuff going on that it's easiest to slot her into a role that coincidentally!!!!!!! doesn't have agency. baby sister. crucially, she's not sexually agentive, she's vulnerable to corruption and in need of an older sibling or guardian to make sure the baby doesn't get into trouble, and this is an established enough dynamic that she will self-police. andraste as statue and icon, babyyyyy. emotionless, motionless, and emblematic of whatever you want to project onto her.
(but then da2 ends and actually she gets to spend her thirties being whatever type of woman she wants to be)
lets address my favourite topic: dev bias in writing. "i don't like sera because she's annoying" the guy who wrote sera also wrote jacob taylor. can we take the marginalised romances away from this guy. he hates black people and he hates lesbians. there's a certain impulse in some of these devs to take...i guess schadenfreude?? in writing romances that "punish" the player - from gaider's "alistair is a manchild and terrible partner" to whatever weekes says about solas - there is something in particular in these devs' loathing for women (or people playing women) that makes them willing to weaponise unimaginable bigotry in punishment.
kristjanson writes a lesbian, and gives you absolutely no opportunity to extend her kindness or empathy: sera is marginalised across several dimensions, both in- and out of-of-universe, as an elf, as neurodivergent, as a lesbian, and her romance is marked by scenes you are intended to read as hysterical, irrational, unreasonable. your reward for being interested in a neurodivergent lesbian is getting shouted at, having a bow pointed at you, don't you regret this? and again, in mass effect - you romanced Black man and he leaves you without a word, he takes up with another woman and starts a family behind your back, what did you expect?
kristjanson's writing is so full of racist, homophobic, bigoted tropes that are levelled against the player and the romance in a way that feels like punishment, like he wants to make sure no-one (no woman) can have a joyful, fulfilling relationship with a marginalised person, like you don't deserve to be successful in these relationships without conditions. and i love a difficult, unconventional, even tragic romance in games, but in contrast to the treatment the other romances get it is notable to me that kristjanson singles out the lesbian and the Black man for treatment that not only punishes the characters involved but leans heavily on stereotypes particular to those groups.
if you are a woman, or playing a woman, devs feel all too comfortable belittling and insulting you for pursuing the romances they choose to make available in their games, to the point of self-sabotage, and that is a significant factor that needs to be taken into account in any analysis of how these storylines play out.
The Dragon Age franchise has a women-loving-women problem. That problem being, history of their depiction of sapphic relationships as toxic, abusive and deadly. And I wouldn’t have as much of an issue with it, if it was a once or twice kind of thing… but this is a pattern.
Branka and Hespith
In the Dragon Age: Origins quest “A Paragon of her Kind”, we meet Hespith, who shares that she and Branka were in a relationship. World of Thedas vol. 2 reveals that their affair began not long after Branka’s arranged marriage to Oghren, and probably played a role in her leaving him behind on her expedition to find the Anvil of the Void, while taking the rest of the House—including Hespith—with her. But by the time we meet Hespith in game, things have gone horribly wrong between her and Branka.
Branka became so obsessed with finding the Anvil of the Void, that she purposely let female members of their crew be captured by darkspawn to become broodmothers and breed more darkspawn, as fodder for the traps along the way to the Anvil of the Void. She even let Hespith herself become corrupted and start to turn, something that Hespith kills herself over before letting happen; this is inferred in game and confirmed in the game file notes.
Branka herself also is either killed by the player in an ensuing fight, or potentially commits suicide as well, unable to live with what she’s done if the player pressures her about it.
Marjolaine and Leliana
Also in Dragon Age: Origins, once you gain enough approval with her, Leliana speaks of her past as a Bard, including her teacher and lover, Marjolaine, and how Marjolaine ultimately betrayed her. The DLC Leliana’s Song goes into greater detail of Leliana’s past: Marjolaine tricked Leliana into thinking they would return stolen treasonous documents, but instead stabbed Leliana and left her at the mercy of the guards, pinning the whole thing on her. Leliana spent time imprisoned, where she was tortured and would have been killed, but saved by Mother Dorothea, (later known as Divine Justinia,) who helped her escape.
But even before this horrible betrayal, Leliana and Marjolaine’s relationship is depicted as toxic, by virtue of their power imbalance. Marjolaine calls Leliana “pretty thing”, orders her never to question anything, and treats her like she is an object. Marjolaine tells Leliana what to do and when to do it, and the very first time Leliana objects to this, Marjolaine betrays her.
Marjolaine is potentially killed by the player, if she is encountered.
Celene and Briala
Briala grew up serving as Celene’s personal handmaid since she was a young child. Briala’s mother instructed her to obey Celene in everything, even despite Celene saying things like comparing Briala’s dark brown curls to “horse-dung”. As such, their power imbalance runs very deep, to the point where at the beginning of the novel Dragon Age: The Masked Empire, Briala has very little self-worth, and thinks only of how she can be of use to Celene. And Celene hardly sees Briala any differently. For example, when she upsets Briala and Briala has the gall to walk away without pouring Celene tea, all Celene thinks about is how she’ll have to do it herself, without showing a care for insulting the person she supposedly loves.
When Briala begs Celene to let her quietly assassinate a human who is responsible for hanging cut-up pieces of a murdered elf in Halamshiral, to try and appease the elves who are rightly uprising against this horrible act, Celene initially agrees. But then she changes her mind, and arranges Briala to get caught and captured, while Celene herself travels there to oversee the burning down of Halamshiral’s elven quarter and massacre of “a few thousand elves”. This is horrible enough on its own, but then Celene goes on to make Briala feel like it was her fault for not being there to convince Celene not to do it!
Celene actually manages to get Briala back on her side over the course of the novel, convincing Briala that she will free the elves if they work together to get control of the eluvians. And Briala almost believes this, up until she pieces together the final nail in the coffin of their relationship: Celene arranged the murder of all her servants, including Briala’s parents. Why? So that there would be no potential witnesses left to speak of her arrangements in The Game to become Empress.
Briala realizes there is nothing more important to Celene than her public image and her power, so she takes the eluvians for herself, declaring she will use them to empower the elves of Orlais. But not before Celene tries to kill her, further proving Briala’s revelation.
In Dragon Age: Inquisition, Celene is potentially assassinated and Briala is potentially executed, depending on the player’s choices.
Ritts and Eldredda
In the Dragon Age: Inquisition quest “Strange Bedfellows”, the player is tasked with finding a missing scout named Ritts. When the player finds her, it’s discovered that Ritts was spending intimate time with another woman, an apostate named Eldredda. This discovery though, is posthumously, as the player finds them in the middle of a battle with Templars, after Eldredda has already been killed.
There is nothing here suggesting Ritts and Eldredda were toxic in any way, but I wanted to include them on this list because of another killing of a sapphic woman; something all too common in media.
Hira and Miriam
In the Netflix show Dragon Age: Absolution, Miriam is an escaped slave from Tevinter, and Hira is a runaway noble of the same nation. In the first episode, it is established that the two have a romantic history, but Hira left Miriam to join the Inquisition. She comes back to recruit Miriam on a job to steal a powerful Tevinter artifact. The last episode reveals that Hira’s actual plan was to sell Miriam back into slavery, in exchange for the artifact that she planned to give to the Crimson Knight, who she secretly works for. Hira chose to use Miriam like an object to barter with. Despite this, Miriam actually offers Hira one last chance to try and repair their relationship… and Hira refuses, stealing the artifact and fleeing.
It All Adds Up
One or two examples of this wouldn’t be much to talk about, because I am not claiming that WLW are above toxicity; unfortunately abusive relationships do not distinguish gender. What makes it worth talking about is how repetitive it is. The pattern actually outweighs the number of healthy and living sapphic relationships in the Dragon Age franchise, excluding those that are player-controlled. And that creates a negative message on what BioWare is presenting as a norm.
What we need are more examples of positive sapphic relationships. Tessa and Charter from the Dragon Age: Magekiller comics are a nice example, as are Vadis and Irian from the Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights story “Half Up Front”. I would love to read more stories with them, or more stories with other WLW in it. Thedas as a fictional world is an open space to explore fantasy sapphism in a variety of ways! I hope BioWare learns to take better advantage of that.
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I couldn’t find the post I was looking for but it was about how sera gets called racist and bigoted and annoying for criticising the dalish (due to being a 20 year old dealing with internalised racism and struggling to find her identity in a world where she’s only acknowledged as an elf as a target of racism or when compared to the dalish as though she’s not being an elf properly) but when Solas criticises the dalish he’s called wise and knowledgeable and people think that yeah maybe the dalish are worth criticising (and he’s criticising them because he’s a genocidal maniac who doesn’t consider them people and is planning to kill them)
Think that’s a good example of the whole “you hate this character because she’s a woman, you would like the same traits in a male character” thing
trying to get across that dragon age has a problem with lesbophobia sucks so much because you'll say "it kinda makes me uncomfortable that the two canon relationships between queer women in dao are explicitly abusive and predatory. also the game was absolutely made with men in mind and despite leliana being bisexual, she has a lot more romantic interactions/reactivity with a male character, and overall it just makes a kind of uncomfortable effect where it feels like the intention was Saving this poor abused women from her evil bitch ex with the power of your manly heroic ways" and people will just respond with "yay toxic yuri i loveeeee toxic yuri!!! also leliana is bisexual just romance her as a woman lmao" and completely ignore that you were talking about. like. the intention of the writers. and then you'll say "It sucks that sera is so mistreated by the game and ends up getting paired off with a side character she has no interactions with if you don't romance her" and they'll respond "that's just because she's unlikeable" and completely ignore that part of the reason she's so "unlikeable" is because a lot of people just genuinely do not like lesbians
"It has everything: chemistry, contrast, disaster potential, and a surprising amount of softness. Merrill’s awkward sincerity bounces off Isabela’s confidence so well, and there’s something really compelling about a dynamic where one of them masks so much with bravado while the other wears her heart much more openly. They’re both outsiders in different ways, both judged, both underestimated, and I think there’s a lot there. Also, frankly, the idea of Isabela being charmed by Merrill’s oddness while Merrill is completely sincere about finding Isabela exciting and wonderful is just incredibly fun."
"Apart from the obvious, which is that they are very cute, I feel like Isabela is one of few characters that not only treats Merrill as a person, but also doesn't infantilise her. She seems to take her seriously, she always tries to help and protect her but she doesn't do it in a condescending or controlling way like most other characters do. Merrill also repeatedly states that she wants to be in on the dirty jokes and wants to know the context, which Isabela readily gives most of the time. On the other hand, while most characters constantly demean Isabela for how promiscuous she is, Merrill actually seems in awe of her confidence and knowledge of the world. They're a great combination of a character that's worldly but hurt and a character that's been sheltered and yearns to experience more."
"I love how Isabela calls Merrill kitten 🥺"
"bc Isabela calls Merrill Kitten 🥺 And Merrill seems so fascinated by Isabela, and Isabela is such a softy for Merrill. DA2 is full of friction which, don't get me wrong, is also great, but I just really love how sweet these two are with each other"
"Isabela calls her 'kitten' :3c"
"The constant 'kitten's are reason enough."
vs. Josephine/Leliana
"These two already canonically have a solid friendship and are both willing to navigate the Game. Leliana is already protective of Josie if the inquisitor romances her. I think there’s an interesting dynamic that could develop in Leliana thinking that she isn’t good enough for Josie with her hardened persona in inquisition but Josie helping to soften her again anyway. I also think scenes in both their romances with the warden/inky could work well with each other. Leliana having to be straightforward about her intentions to Josephine (much like the dialogue line the warden has about staying up to write in their diary instead of picking up on Leliana’s hints) and of course the duel scene with Josephine’s fiancée!"
"They were friends (or more?) when they were young in Val Royeux, and partying wildly. They're still friends (or more???) in the Inquisition, though older and different. There are so many different ways to think of it: did one have a crush when they were young? Are they exes who get back together? Josie brings the young hopeful woman back out in Leliana, and it's cute."
