under someone else, still not over you
pairing: ashton irwin x reader
summary: when your roommate has had enough of having to listen to your casual hookups, buried feelings come to the surface and emotions get the best of you both.
warnings: smut, slight angst, brief slut shaming, no mentions of contraception
word count: 2.8k
authors note: this is my first attempt at writing smut and i kinda hate it but i hope you guys like it more than i do!
between the sounds of your moans, the squeaks of the bed, and the grunts leaving the mouth of the guy you were with, ashton thought he was going to lose his mind. you two had moved in together after you responded to a craigslist ad he had posted, stating that he was looking for a roommate after his former one had moved in with his girlfriend. you and him met up at a coffee shop to discuss the living arrangement, and two weeks later he was helping you carry boxes into his house.
you two quickly became very good friends, and would even have weekly movie nights every friday. the first red flag was when you began having to cancel your friday movie nights with ashton in favor of hooking up with strangers you met in random bars or on dating sites. the first couple of times, ashton figured it may have been a coincidence. after two months, ashton had reached his breaking point.
now, it was nearly 4:00 am, and ashton had barely slept on account of your late night endeavors. plagued with thousands of questions as to how he managed to let this happen to the two of you, combined with the orchestra of sex sounds coming from across the hall, ashton was certain that his brain was going to explode if he didn’t put a stop to it.
without thinking, ashton quickly rose from his bed and made his way to your door, aggressively knocking on it. “y/n! get out here right now!” he yelled. from the other side of the door, he could hear muffled whispers and the sounds of panicked footsteps approaching. before he had a chance to change his mind and retreat back to his room, his eyes were met with your rather disheveled appearance – messy hair, flushed cheeks, and your comforter wrapped around your naked body. you hurriedly stepped outside and closed the bedroom door behind you before turning to ashton. “what the fuck is your problem?” you whispered, frustration evident in your voice.
“you. you're my problem,” he responded bluntly. you furrowed your eyebrows, growing increasingly annoyed by the minute. “me? what did i do?” you asked.
he rolled his eyes, and scoffed. “don’t act like you don’t know.”
“i really don’t!” you reasoned. in response, he let out an exasperated sigh. “i want him out of here,” he demanded firmly.
your eyes widened in realization before shoving his left shoulder. “you couldn't have waited until after we were done to kick him out?!”
he let out a dry laugh, his eyes flashing with anger. “is that really your number one priority? getting off?”
“why else would you have sex if it weren't to get off?” you questioned.
he rubbed his forehead and shook his head. “you know what? have fun with your little boy toy. i'm done with this conversation,” he said as he turned to walk away.
almost immediately, you became overwhelmed with guilt and desperately reached out for ashton's wrist, pulling him back towards you. “look, give me five minutes and i'll get him out of here, okay? then we can talk about what's really bothering you,” you say, sighing in defeat.
he nods softly, and you two don’t exchange any words as you let go of his wrist and disappear into your room. ashton lingers for a moment, listening for signs of movement on the other side of the door. once he hears muttered complaints coming from the guy, and your repeated apologies, he goes back to his room and waits to hear the sound of the front door closing.
when that sound finally came, he took it as his cue to find you again. emerging from his room once more, he checks your room to discover that you aren't in there. the living room was his second best guess, and upon entering, he immediately locked eyes with your figure sitting on the couch. he noticed that you had cleaned up your appearance a bit. most notably, you had switched your comforter out for a gray oversized t-shirt and black shorts.
when you see ashton walk in, you move over on the couch, motioning for him to sit. he follows suit, and immediately, you notice how visibly tense he was. this wasn't like all of the other times you two had sat on this very couch together. normally, there was little distance between you, and the atmosphere was comfortable and serene. now, you’re positive that you could cut the tension with a knife if you really wanted to.
you decide to take initiative, and clear your throat. “so… what was that about?” you ask hesitantly.
he sighs and shakes his head, visibly beside himself. “i don’t even know.”
you examine his features – how his brows were furrowed, and how he anxiously fidgeted with his hands.
“i’m not gonna take that as an answer, ashton,” you say softly as you reach out to place a comforting hand on his thigh.
he flinches away from your touch and shoots up from the couch, putting an impossible distance between you two. in that moment, you could practically see all of his walls going up, shutting you out completely.
“don't touch me!” he demands, a bit too loud for your liking.
“jesus, ash! what the hell has gotten into you tonight?!” you question, your voice matching his.
“you really wanna know what’s gotten into me? i guess tonight was the night i realized how much of a slut my roommate is! tell me y/n, how many guys have you brought home in the last two months? i mean, it’s gotta be pushing ten at this point,” he spat, barely noticing how your body physically recoiled at his use of the word ‘slut.’
suddenly, his demeanor changed into something less angry, and more desperate. “do you- do you know what that fucking does to me? seeing you with all of those men, knowing that they aren't even remotely deserving of your time? it eats me up inside, y/n, knowing that none of them could love you the way i could.” he takes a shaky breath before continuing, “and what kills me is that you’ll never give me the chance to prove that to you.”
you sit on the couch frozen in shock, as ashton hangs his head low, counting how many stitches are in the carpet below his feet as an excuse to avoid looking you in the eyes.
after taking a couple of seconds to soak in his confession, you stand up and take a couple of steps to close the gap between you two, lifting his chin to look at you. immediately, you noticed the tears in his eyes that threatened to fall, making your heart ache. this was the most vulnerable you had ever seen him, his big sad eyes resembling that of a beaten puppy.
you quickly move your hands to cup his cheeks, rubbing your thumb against his three day old stubble. “ashton, the only reason i started bringing guys home in the first place was to help me get over you,” you confess.
his eyes widen in disbelief, his jaw agape yet no words seem to come out. you take his silence as a sign to continue.
“i’ve liked you for a while now, and when i realized this, my first instinct was to push it down and pray that it would go away. i soon realized that my feelings for you weren't going anywhere, so i figured the most effective way to get over you was to get under someone else.”
ashton swallows, before finally speaking up. “w-why didn’t you say something?”
“i didn’t think you felt the same,” you admitted shyly.
for a few minutes, neither of you dare to move, afraid that the other might break. you can feel your cheeks heating up under ashton’s intense stare, and take note of how his gaze begins to drift down to your lips.
before you knew it, his lips were on yours, giving you little time to react. as soon as your brain registers what's happening, you kiss him back hungrily, your hands flying to his hair. his hands roam your body, pulling you in as though you could slip away at any second.
once falling into the rhythm of it, he begins to run his tongue against your bottom lip, begging for entrance. you quickly oblige, opening your mouth a bit wider to grant him full access. he deepens the kiss, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth like a man starved. you subconsciously pull on his hair lightly, as he lets out a raw moan into your open mouth. you take this opportunity to fight his tongue for dominance, wanting to memorize every part of him just incase this is the last time you’ll get the chance to.
eventually, you both come up for air, chests heaving as you desperately try to catch your breath. he leans his forehead against yours, his hand coming up to rest on the back of your neck.
“i need you,” he says weakly, lazily kissing down your neck, stopping to suck on your pulse point. a moan escapes your lips as he gently nips at the sensitive spot, only encouraging him to continue his assault on your skin.
once he felt satisfied in his work, his mouth drifted down to your shoulder, leaving light kisses in its wake. when he reached the collar of your shirt, his large hands reached under the fabric and gently tugged on it, asking for permission to take it off. you don't hesitate to lift your arms above your head, allowing him to pull it off with ease. after dropping your shirt onto the floor beside him, his eyes nearly pop out of his skull at the sight of your black lace bra that held your tits up perfectly. with your nipples visibly protruding through the fabric, he could hardly restrain himself from diving into your chest head first, leaving angry purple marks across your cleavage.
between quiet moans, you manage to mutter the word, “bedroom.” ashton swiftly lifts you up, your legs wrapping around his torso and his hands resting on your ass to support your weight. while he navigates his way through the house, he somehow manages not to break contact with your chest.
laying you down on the bed, his left hand begins to palm your tit through the fabric as his other hand makes its way to the hook of your bra, skillfully unclasping it before tossing it somewhere in the room, your perky breasts now on full display. then, his hands venture down to the pretty bow you had tied to keep your shorts in place, having never suspected that ashton would be the one taking them off later. looking up at you, his experienced fingers effortlessly undo the drawstrings upon receiving your approval. once he gets your shorts off, he throws them to the side and pulls away momentarily to take in the sight before him.
as he salivates over how your matching thong leaves little to the imagination, you suddenly come to a troubling realization.
“ashton, how come you’re still fully clothed?”
snapping him out of his trance, he looks down at himself before smirking.
“someone’s impatient,” he teases as he rushes to rid himself of his rolling stones tank top and plaid pajama pants.
you snort and roll your eyes, sitting up to get a better view of his almost naked body. of course you had seen ashton without his shirt on before, but in this context, the effect his toned abs had on you was unlike anything you had experienced in your life. you were so transfixed on his muscles that you failed to even register the raging hard on bulging out of his boxers until he was actively approaching the edge of the bed. once your eyes had landed on it, it was impossible to look away. ashton flashed you a cocky grin, the way you were so captivated by his boner only making him ten times harder, considering how he hadn't even taken it out yet.
you hadn't even realized that your mouth was open until ashton took two of his fingers and gingerly inserted them between your parted lips, careful not to make you gag. you meet his gaze through heavy lids as you begin to suck on his large fingers, your eyes glossed over with lust.
eventually, the heartbeat between your thighs became too much, as you pressed them together and whined against his fingers. noticing this, he removed his fingers and leaned over so that you were face to face.
“what’s the matter, baby?” he asks, the hand that wasn’t previously in your mouth coming up to brush your hair out of your face.
“i need to feel you inside of me,” you plead, fighting the urge to touch yourself in front of him.
a dark grin takes over his mouth, as he reaches down to play with the waist band of your thong.
“well then, i guess i have no other choice than to give you what you want,” he replies, voice coated in arousal.
without warning, he begins to slowly pull off your underwear, revealing your dripping cunt. “fuck, baby. is this all for me?”
you nod, a slight blush covering the apples of your cheeks. “all for you, ash.”
after discarding the underwear, he quickly removes his own, his thick cock fully exposed. your jaw dropped, and the pulsating of your clit only intensified. he then crawled onto the bed so that his body was resting between your thighs, your faces inches apart. holding his hand out in front of your mouth, you spit into it, as he begins to coat his length with your saliva.
running his dick up and down your folds, he checks on you in case you want to stop, but is met with you biting your lip in an attempt to muffle the unholy noises threatening to leave your mouth. catching onto what he was asking for, you look him in the eyes and muster out in between moans, “please fuck me, ashton.”
once getting the green light, he lines himself up with your entrance before slowly inserting himself, his width stretching you out perfectly. you whimper and grab onto his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin. a loud moan escapes his lips in response, having to take a second to gather himself so as to not cum right then and there.
when he’s finally bottomed out, you relish in the feeling of being completely filled up with his cock.
“are you ready?” he asks, voice so quiet that it was almost a whisper.
you nod and give him an encouraging smile, as he begins to slowly pull out before thrusting back into you. you gasp as he hits your g-spot perfectly, nails scratching down his back. he groans at the contact before thrusting back into you again. “fuck ash, don’t stop!” you call out.
as he continues to pound into you, you begin to feel a knot forming in your lower abdomen. after a couple more thrusts, you finally announce, “ash, i’m close!”
he grunts in response, reaching down between the two of you to rub your swollen clit.
“c’mon, baby. cum for me,” he pants.
a few more rough thrusts, coupled with the pressure being applied to your clit, had you feeling a wave of pleasure rush over you. you can't even begin to process any of the words leaving your mouth, as you’re too lost in the intensity of your orgasm to focus on the world around you.
ashton’s release follows soon after, causing him to moan into your shoulder as he works through his climax.
once coming down from your high, you're able to register the heavy weight resting on your chest as you reach one hand up to run a hand through his sweaty hair, using the other to draw soothing circles on his back.
ashton’s breathing slowly evens out, and once he’s able to breathe normally again, he leaves a trail of kisses in the dip of your collarbone before getting up to grab a wet cloth from the bathroom.
when he returns, he immediately takes the warm rag and carefully swipes it between your sensitive folds, making sure that there were no bodily fluids left behind.
after throwing the rag into the hamper, he lays down next to you, completely disregarding the concept of personal space. you nestle yourself into his chest, wrapping a sore arm around his torso as he traces shapes on your lower hip. as your eyelids grow heavier, you feel him lean down and place a kiss on the top of your head, murmuring quick “goodnight” before succumbing to sleep.
