im back bitch

the 1

something they did often was lying out in a field, gazing up at the stars, identifying as many constellations as they could see. it became her source of comfort, the place she would go when she was stressed or anxious about something. so much so that the two had gotten a matching tattoo of their favourite constellation, andromeda. hers was just above her collarbone, close to her heart and his favourite place to kiss her. she had never explained this tattoo to luke, brushed it off as just something stupid she got for fun. quinn’s wasn’t quite as easily visible as hers so luke hadn’t seen it the night they met.

despite everything that happened between them, stargazing was still her place to go and calm down and breathe and think. she had been doing a lot of that for the past month. she hadn’t heard from quinn and she didn’t know what to say to him. he kissed her. she kissed him back. what did it mean? she kept replaying that moment over and over in her head, desperately wishing he’d do it again.

there were so many times she almost messaged him and answered the question he asked her, asked him why he kissed her. she needed to know how he felt about it and what he wanted. she had thought so much about her relationship with luke and her relationship with quinn over the last few days. about what she wanted and what the consequences would be of whatever decision she made.

she still didn’t know what she was doing but the one thing she did know for sure? she needed to see him. so after work that day, she made her way to his bar. she took a deep breath before pushing her way through the door and taking a seat at the bar. she didn’t think he didn’t noticed her at first so she watched him for a moment as he ran around the bar, expertly pouring drinks for customers. it was crazy how just watching him work could have this effect on her. and as soon as their eyes met, she felt it. she loved him with her whole body and she knew. she knew the answer to the question that she had been searching for. when she caught his attention, all she said was, “hey, could we talk? in your office maybe?” the bar was too loud and crowded to have this conversation with him here.

#I FORGOT HOW TO MAKE LETTERS TINY

Quinn hadn’t slept for days following the night he had kissed her. When Amber asked him about it he made light of the situation and assured her it was nothing serious; that he was just working through some business things and it was seeping into his down time. Amber showed little to no interest in Quinn’s bar, which was understandable considering her…history, so this was a lie he’s often use when his mind was on something Quinn didn’t think he could share with her.

Despite the cold breeze and snowflakes that blew around him as he walked home that , Quinn had a warm feeling that permeated from his chest outward. There was a spark. One he completely forgot existed. The buzzing on his lips that still tasted faintly of her lingered and a kaleidoscope of butterflies had nested in his stomach. He felt elevated when his phone started ringing, hoping and almost expecting it to be Kaliee calling him back, but it quickly fell when he saw Amber’s dace on the screen.

“Where are you?” Her voice sounded drained, and irritated, and pulled him back to the reality of his life. He wasn’t unattached and making a move on the one that got away. He was a very much attached father with a woman at home who he had completely disregarded. “I’m on my way home now” He said, hoping his voice didn’t give him away,

His conscience went through a never ending cycle of guilt, frustration, longing, and shame since he came home that night. No matter how broken his relationship with Amber was he shouldn’t have crossed that line , he shouldn’t have betrayed her. At this point Quinn realized that he had done to her what Kailee had done to him, And he hated himself for it. He didn’t have the decency to think outside of his own desires to care about the mother of his child and he would have to carry this on his own.

Out of guilt he started being better toward Amber, and every time he opened up Kailee’s messages, debating on if he should text her. Everything he considered sending felt empty and convoluted and just….wrong. There was no way to reach out to her without opening a can of worms. So he didn’t. Quinn opted for cowardice and submersed himself in his work. It was hard, he missed her, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to go back to that night and hold on to her a little longer, no matter how wrong it was.

And then the bell of the bar door rang and he saw her enter the room out of the corner of his eye. At first he pretended he didn’t see her but his movements became stiff as he continued working It wasn’t until she caught his attention that he forced himself to ease and face what he was avoiding. It wasn’t until his eyes really met hers that he realized just how much trouble he was in. She was beautiful, and everything he was feeling the day he kissed her came rushing back. “Hey,,,,yeah” Quinn motioned for his alternate bartender to fill in for him and led her up the stairs and towards his office, closing the door behind them. “You wanted to ”

fckkailee:

after the two had explored so much of the city as kids, kailee knew some shortcuts too much she couldn’t help but be a little disappointed when she noticed quinn taking some of them. it was getting dark and she knew the night needed to end before anything else happened but that didn’t change the fact that she didn’t want it to.

she tried to make conversation with him on their way back but it was just stupid small talk, which normally was something she hated. she and quinn always had real things to talk about but now she didn’t feel like she cold ask him about his life or tell him more details about hers.

“i know, it almost always snows on my birthday and i kind of love it.” she nodded as they neared her apartment. it was almost as if on queue that shortly after they had that conversation, it started to snow. she looked up at the sky and started to smile.

Quinn let her do much of the talking as they reached the apartment. There wasn’t much he had to say and was worried he would pick another unfortunate conversation topic. It also helped that he liked hearing her talk.

And then it was as if they had jinxed themselves, a small breeze had picked up, and in it were small flakes of snow. It wasn’t cold enough for them to stick to anything for a long period of time, they melted the minute they touched the ground, but they looked pretty in the way that they softly danced in the wind. Quinn looked down from the sky and his heard caught in his throat when he looked down to see Kailee. She looked ethereal. The way the light from the lamp post warmly shone on her, and the way that the flakes caught onto her soft hair and eyelashes, along with the soft rose hue of her cheeks. How am I still this painfully in love with you. He thought to himself, mentally willing himself to show no signs of how she made him feel by just simply existing. He needed to leave. Each second that went by of him standing there with her was a second closer to the danger zone. He was reaching a point where he knew he was going to make a terrible decision and he couldn’t do it. Not to her, not to Luke, not to Skye. Quinn needed to be the wiser person. His body seemed to move without his permission. It was absolutely by habit. This entire night had been a night of habits, of slipping back to being the person that he was before the two had developed a history that was painful, and closed off. He felt like himself around her and he couldn’t bring himself to act in a different way even though he had tried so hard the entire walk home. The barely responding as she tried to make conversation, and him trying to be stoic and respectful felt cold and wrong. So Quinn let himself hug her. Friends still hugged, and as long as it was short and sweet and that was all they did it would still be ok...right? Only once his arms were around her, and he felt how perfectly she fit into his embrace, Quinn couldn’t bring himself to let go. She still smelled like cinnamon apples, it was his favorite scent when they were together and though Quinn had no I idea what it was, or how she managed it\ ,it was like a warm embrace when the sweet scent hit him as his cheek briefly rested by hers. This used to be his safe space, the way he would comfort her, and let her know she wasn’t alone. Quinn knew he needed to release her, but the longer they stood out in the snow with his arms around her the less he wanted to let go. When Quinn finally brought himself to start loosening the hug he did it slowly. He knew this would be the last time he would hug her. With the way he felt with just an embrace this would quickly become another rule added to their list of boundaries. Which was fine, Quinn didn’t care how many rules they added as long as they could still be friends. That's when Quinn made a mistake. He had gone too slow and lingered to long to a point that resulted in his face being only inches from hers. She looked so much more beautiful up close. The lighting was still perfect and he could see the stray snowflakes falling onto her lashes. Quinn was mesmerized by her. He held his breath, not wanting to make any move that would cut this moment short even though the voice of reason at the back of his mind was screaming at him to move away, the rest of him didn’t listen. Quinn saw a flake fall onto Kailee’s cheekbone, which must have already been chilled by the wind because it hadn’t melted right away like the previous ones. Quinn moved his hand from her waist and gently brushed away the flake with the pad of his thumb. He let it liger for a moment, gently caressing her before completely discarding any voice of reason and boundaries behind and leaning in to kiss her. He no longer cared about Luke, he owed him nothing, Amber and him were honestly not going to last much longer, and in that moment it felt worth it. It was soft, Quinn still did his best to maintain a sense of restraint as he kissed her. He wasn’t trying to light a fire neither of them would put out. But he missed the feeling of her lips, and wanted to let her know where he was at, even if he couldn’t verbalize it; deep down hoping this may prompt her to discovering she felt the same way. He wasn’t sure how long it was but he eventually pulled away, his eyes met hers momentarily as he caressed her cheek one last time before saying, “ Happy birthday Sunshine, “ and pulling away completely. Quinn didn’t stay to hear a response, or to deal with the confusion that may have occurred because of his bad decision. He wanted her to sit with what happened for a while, first reactions aren’t always the best. But also, he knew that if he stayed he would have lost all his courage and the night would turn sour. He didn’t look back as he tucked his coat tighter around himself and headed into the direction of the bar, instead of his home.

#gshiyb

fckkailee:

she wished she could have run into quinn again sooner, before she had promised her life to luke, before she loved him as deeply as she did. maybe then things would be different. maybe they could have fixed things. hell, maybe they could even fix things now if they tried but they were both in relationships and they needed to remember that. luke knew a lot about what had happened between her and quinn so she knew it hurt him that she wanted to see him again but he also understood how much of an important part of her life he was so he let it go.

kailee followed him out of the restaurant, wishing she could loop her arm with his again and walk as they had been earlier in the day but it didn’t feel that simple anymore. “it’s a nice night, we should walk back. i’m loving the fresh air today” she wasn’t sure if this was his way of trying to end the night or wanting to extend it as she had but she wasn’t going to pass up the chance to spend even a few more minutes with him, no matter what had just happened.

Quinn tried to not let himself get too deep into his own thoughts. He was relieved that she chose to walk home with him, instead of parting ways right then and there, but wanted to make sure he was on his best behavior. Its one thing to think about the man behind the curtain as a concept and another to be faced with his palpable existence.

Because thats who Luke had been to him since the last time Quinn had seen him at their disaster of a dinner party. He was the man Quinn knew existed but barely acknowledged until he saw that picture. The one that stabbed a knife so deep into his chest that it sent him back to the day he heard the worst words Kailee could have said to him. “I slept with someone else, I’m sorry,” But regardless of how Quinn felt about Kailee there was no way he would want to be the one inflicting that pain on someone else, especially someone who made Kailee this happy.....even if this was the same person who caused Kaille and Quinn to completely unravel to begin with.

Quinn started walking in the direction that led back to Kailee’s apartment. After living here for so many years he was fortunate enough to know a few short cuts. Which would be helpful considering he had no idea how much longer he could hold up with keeping up a collected appearance. He needed to get her home, so he could go back to his own and cry. “Yeah its really nice, I’m surprised we haven’t been caught up in the snow yet.”

fckkailee:

she knew the day had to end eventually but despite the awkward tension, she still didn’t want it to. kailee tried to think of something she could suggest to do after dinner to extend the night but they had done so many of her favourite things already today that there wasn’t much left to suggest.

the question was lingering there between them, daring her to bring it back up. she wasn’t sure what answer he had hoped for. whether the truth was the right answer to give, whether he wanted to hear that she would have gone back to him a thousand times or if it was better that he thought it was over. she didn’t want to hurt him any more than she already had but lying would just cause her to hurt herself.

sometimes she was tempted to bring up amber. she couldn’t understand why he had gotten back together with her. and judging from the party they were at, she hadn’t changed too much. but that was crossing a boundary. it seemed like an unspoken rule that they didn’t bring up each other’s partners. she waited as quinn paid the bill for their food and drinks before sliding out of the booth across from them. “ready.” she smiled back at him.

Quinn held back from offering her his arm again. He was fully aware of himself and their situation now. Despite their unspoken rule of not bringing up their respective partners, Quinn still had to face the music that their partners were still there. Amber was still at home, and Luke was still checking in on Kailee.

They were friends and quinn needed to start carrying himself as such . He held the door open for her and waited for her to step outside before following her out into the alley. “Did you want to take a cab back.....or would you like to walk back.” Truth be told his question was meant to be posed as an opening, a way for her to set the tone on if the tension was enough to end the night as it was or if she was open to walking it off and smoothing seems over so that by the time he left her at her doorstep they would hopefully be back to their comfortable selves.

fckkailee:

sometimes seeing that contact name would remind her of what quinn’s used to be. either ‘quinnybear 🐻 💕’ or ‘my heart ❤️ 🥰’. she flipped in between them often. if she was being honest, it was still ‘quinnybear 🐻’, just without the hearts. she wondered if quinn would be jealous, if he felt the same way seeing her with luke as she did seeing him with amber. or worse because she was happy with luke, or at least she thought she was.

she didn’t know how to do this, to choose between two men, two amazing men that she loved. luke, who she had come to love deeply over the past couple of years together, talking about their future and wanting a family. or quinn, who she had so much history with, who still held a huge piece of her heart, even if he didn’t know it. he had never given it back and for a while she had accepted that. she wasn’t sure if there was even a decision to make. quinn hadn’t said so. for all she knew the question he asked was purely out of curiosity. it had been years, he probably didn’t have feelings for her anymore. right? she was stressing about it for no reason. she needed to put it out of her head.

somehow every time she was near him, she fell back into their pattern, their fun, teasing dynamic. the tension, sexual and otherwise, the longing. all of it was suddenly there everytime she simply laid eyes on him. she didn’t understand how he could have this effect on her and she didn’t know how to stop it.

they did need to have this conversation, there were too many emotions at the time for them to properly explain the situation and their feelings and she never got that sense of closure. despite being engaged, she still felt that she needed that but this was her birthday, it wasn’t the time to bring up those emotions.

when kailee came back inside from her call, she could tell the tone had changed. it was tense and awkward again, just how it was anytime they were reminded of just how much history they had and just how much had changed between them. her heart sank when he mentioned getting the check. he mentioned this was the last place on the list, the finale, so to speak and she didn’t want the night to end, she didn’t want him to leave. “oh, uh, i guess so.” she shrugged, downing the last little bit of her drink. if this were a movie where the boy didn’t get the girl, then this is where the story would end. they would go their separate ways tonight, kailee back to her fiancé and quinn back to his girlfriend and daughter and the end credits would roll. ‘THE END’. she felt their story heading that way but she wouldn’t let it end like that. even if the boy didn’t get the girl, they wouldn’t disappear from each other’s lives like this.

Quinn was partially happy that the waitress had not rushed back to the table with the check when he had asked for it. The restaurant had a late night wave of customers and she was visibly busy going back and forth looking after them. He was torn between wanting the awkwardness of this night to end and wanting to hold on just a little longer to smooth things over before the two parted ways. The last thing he wanted was for Kailee’s whole birthday to be sullied by a final conversation that realistically neither of them were ready to have.

It was too soon in them rebuilding their connection for him to be throwing out hardballs like “ Do you still love me, Did I have a chance at saving us, “ and “ Leave your lame boyfriend.” And the truth was, Quinn knew that despite the betrayal that Luke helped cause... he couldn’t be that bad of a person. He probably was genuinely nice, and a decent guy. Kailee probably wouldn’t have gotten engaged to him if he wasn’t.

Quinn wasn’t about to invite him out for beers or another family cook out, but he would need to face the music and respect the fact that Luke was there. And Kailee chose him.... and that was something he would need to come to terms with. When the waitress came back and dropped the check on the table, Quinn placed the exact amount of cash to pay for their meal along with an extra $40 for tip then shuffled out of the booth. He opted out of dropping his card because the waitress seemed frazzled enough and he really wasn’t feeling like waiting much longer to leave. “Ready?” Quinn asked Kailee, his smile back on his face, this one a litte softer than the last..

fknquinnag:

“Can we “it was a genuine question. Quinn really needed to hear her reassure him. From the moment Kailee came back into his life, Quinn had tried to convince himself that this was ok, that they were ok, that they could try to become something they never were to begin with. if there was one thing that Quinn knew with absolute certainty it was that he needed Kailee in his life; in any capacity, no matter how hard it would be. ‘It was something he had realized shortly after he and Amber had decided to start patching things up.

Skye was just as heartbroken, if not more, than Quinn was over their separation. Kaillee had been the closest thing to a mother she ever had and for her to have left just like Amber had was clearly devastating. It didn’t help that Quinn had refrained from giving Skye a detailed explanation about why it was that he and her future mom had broken up, which left her even more hurt and confused than if he had. Which was a fact that Quinn had definitely kept in his mind one year later when she was finally starting to reach a point of healing from the loss and he was warming up to the idea of slipping back into the dating pool.

And then Amber came back. She was clean……at least thats what she had told him when she showed up at the bar one night looking for him. He still had her blocked on all modes of communication since the last time she had a bender so showing up to his work was the last resort. Amber had come in head high and sat right in front of him. “I’m sober. … And I want to see my daughter.” She had dropped a few AA chips on the bar along with a letter from her sponsor backing up her statement. Had it been any other day he would have sent her on her way and told her to take it up with the courts ; but he was in a low day, and parenting was hard, and by all accounts Amber looked healthier than he had ever seen her. So he gave in. And they had breakfats at a diner. Which turned into dinner. Which turned into shared parent teacher nights. Which turned into thinking that maybe just maybe it would be worth a shot to try again.

Amber was better. Quinn was lonely and wanting to find someone. Skye needed someone in her life and her mother in a healthy state seemed like the best chance for both of them than introducing a whole new person who could bring a whole new kind of pain that neither of them wanted to feel again. So they went were it was safe. But then Amber wasn’t healthy anymore. And Skye was back to being closed off and shut down. And Quinn was lonely and couldn’t let go, not after insisting on bringing them all back together to try again. So he was back to being lonely, and tired, and before he knew it he was reminiscing about his time with Kailee, going through the file of old pictures of him, Kailee and Skye that they had taken over the years. He missed her, so much his heat ached and he didn’t know what he could do about it. She should have been there, through every moment every milestone in his daughter’s life. And Quinn couldn’t help but stare at their smiling faces and wonder what their lives would have been like if she was still in his life.

The day she walked through his doors felt like a gift from the universe. Llike he would finally be able to answer the question that had been rolling through his mind for months now. Yet here they were, sitting in their favorite booth, at their favorite restaurant, ignoring the biggest elephant in the room. Quinn shifted in his seat, leaning forward so that his forearms were leaning on the table and his left hand was only a mere centimeters from her right hand. It was close enough to fill the part that longed to hold her hand without crossing the line of actually lacing his fingers with hers. Quinn finished off his drink and cleared his throat, as if it would help give him an added boost of courage. His eyes traveled to her face, he looked at her softly, she was so beautiful and he still loved her so much….even though he knew he shouldn’t. “Would you have tried to work things out with us….If I had asked you to?” He finally asked. If I had fought for you?

It was a question he had asked himself time and time again, wondering what she would have said and how life would have been had he made that choice, in stead of letting go so easily. He couldn’t keep thinking about it, he needed to hear her response. Then it was like the universe was once again trying to save him from an answer he was not ready to hear. Her phone went off. It was lying face up between them, the screen lighting up with a picture of Luke and Kailee’s smiling faces, her hand was on Luke’s showing off the extremely large diamond on her ring finger. And it was as if a glass of ice water was thrown on his face. “Oh….right” he said softly.

“i think so.” kailee tried to seem confident in her answer but the truth was, she had no clue. even when they were friends, it was never truly platonic between them. but this time, she needed it to be true. she had the chance to have him and skye back in her life and she would /not/ lose it. up until the time they broke up, she couldn’t imagine a life without him in it, she couldn’t remember a life without him in it. they met so young, had been basically attached at the hip their whole lives. moving away to school without him almost killed her. it was crazy how many times she almost backed out and applied to schools in the city, just to stay near him but she knew she couldn’t give up her dream school because of him. and she knew he wouldn’t have let her.

when things started to go downhill between them, kailee focussing too much on school and just being a kid in college, again she almost dropped out, moved back home, back to quinn and their little girl. her heart was tearing her in separate directions and instead of talking to him about it, she went to a party, broke down and ended up sleeping with the nearest person who gave her attention. she regretted it as soon as it happened but she couldn’t undo it. she tried to talk to quinn about it after but he was shutting her out. she couldn’t get him to understand or really listen to what she had to say. after a while, she had to stop trying, instead of shattering her heart all over again every day, she had to start picking up the pieces. she ended up running into luke again one day in the hall. they started talking, getting to know each other, he started taking her on dates, sometimes they would just study together in her dorm, not talking but just together. they stayed together for the next two years throughout college. she knew nothing could ever compare to the love she had with quinn but she did love luke and she knew she would be happy spending her life with him so when he proposed just after her graduation, she happily accepted.

in the whole breakup, kailee hadn’t just lost the love of her life, she had also lost a daughter. while skye wasn’t hers biologically, she had helped quinn raise her ever since she was left on his doorstep. at some point she even started calling kailee mom. after they broke up, she did her best to keep in contact with skye. she called her as often as she could the calls got shorter and less and less often until skye stopped answering all together. she didn’t know if it was because quinn had said something or if it was the answers kailee didn’t have to the questions she asked but no matter what it was, it hurt just as much as losing quinn.

she never thought she was going to see the two of them again. so the day she somehow stumbled into quinn’s bar and laid eyes on him, it was like a weight that she had been carrying for years was lifted off her chest. he was good, he had a good life. she had almost looked him up on social media a few times, just to see how him and skye were but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. she knew it would hurt too much no matter what the answer was. she was all too aware of how close his hand was to hers and how much she wanted to close the gap. the feelings, the love, she had been pushing back all day, since she had run into him again actually, were bubbling up again.

the question took her by surprise. while she knew deep down a conversation about their relationship would come up at some point, she had hoped she’d have a little more time before it happened. not because she didn’t know the answer, she had thought a lot over the last few years about what she would say to him. and this question? it was the easiest of them all. she just needed more time to prepare herself for it. if he had given her a chance, given /them/ a chance to work things out, unequivocally yes. she would have done almost anything to make it up to him, put in the work to resolve their long distance and communication issues. but before she had the chance to tell him any of this, her phone started ringing on the table. a photo of her and luke from their engagement flashed on the screen with the contact name ‘hubby 💍💕’ at the top. she picked up the phone as quickly as she could but she was sure quinn had seen it. she almost didn’t answer, wanting to stay in the moment with quinn, putting off the conversation wasn’t going to make it any easier. but ultimately she decided to answer the call. “sorry, i’ll just be a second.” she told quinn and took the call outside.

after a quick call with her fiancé, wishing her happy birthday and that he could be there with her and kailee assuring him she was having a good day, she returned to the table. “sorry about that… he just wanted to check in.” she was sure the moment had passed for her to answer the question. but a part of her still wanted to, even though that probably wouldn’t change anything between them.

‘hubby 💍💕’ Quinn’s stomach turned at the sight of the nickname she had given Luke. His mind momentarily drifted, he was still in a state of dwelling what could have been and couldn’t help but think about what his name used to be on her phone. He felt a pang of jealousy. It was strong, and he hadn’t felt it in this way in so long that it took him by surprise. He had fleeting moments where he had felt sadness and even longing when thinking about Kailee or their life that was lost. But the only other time he had felt pure unfiltered jealousy like this was the night he found out Kailee and Luke had slept together, and the days following it.

Quinn watched Kaille., waiting for her to pick up her phone and make a decision. He was tired of seeing their happy faces shining from his phone, as if they were taunting him. Considering the topic of their conversation and the weight of his question he was hoping, deep down, that she wouldn’t pick up. That she would send him to voicemail, and tell him what he needed to here. It was sick and foolish but he had this disillusion that if maybe she said yes, that she would have given him a chance his inner insecurity of never being enough for her would go away. And that if she didn’t pick up the phone it would mean she still valued him just as much as she used to .

But then she picked up the phone, much quicker than he expecter her to and all his hopes were thrown out the window. Her answering the phone was enough to bring him back to reality and mentally take a step back from the place he had let his mind delve into. Of course she was going to pick up....he was her fiance...they were going to get married, and one day going down memory lane wasn’t going to do anything to change that.

He quickly adjusted his posture and sent another text to his daughter. Hoping Skye would finally respond and stop giving him the cold shoulder he hated so much. Quinn couldn’t understand how Kaille could make him completely forget himself and fall into absolute recklessness for no reason, without even trying. He drank the last of his drink and looked up at her when she came back in. His mind was sober despite the alcohol runing through his body and he was more aware now of how he needed to start behaving.

This wasn’t a date. This was a birthday hang out for a friend....a friend who was soon to be a married woman. One he was not going to loose again because of his inability to control his emotions. “No worries” he said casually. “It was important.” Quinn cleared his throat which was suddenly feeling quite dry and pushed his glass out of the way. “You ready to get the check?” He asked with a very forced smile on his face.”

fknquinnag:

Quinn watched her intently, then his eyes fell to her fork as he started thinking on what she had said. There was so much he would have liked to have said in the moment, and suddenly all the feelings he was ignoring through this day started bubbling up to the surface. Quinn and Kailee had never been ‘just friends’. Even before they were dating there was always an expectant undertone of hoping for a future together, and now after all they had been through any chance of them being strictly friends had been thrown off the table. “Are you sure we know how to be just friends?” He asked, attempting to sound playful and hoping that his voice didn’t betray him.

platonic was never a word that someone would use to describe quinn and kailee. friends? maybe, just friends? absolutely not. deep down, she knew that, she knew she shouldn’t be here, couldn’t be around him without those feelings coming back up but it didn’t matter because after seeing him again, she knew she needed him. “we can figure it out.” she let out a small chuckle before taking another sip of her drink. he was right, they didn’t know how to be just friends, this whole day had proved that. she couldn’t count on both hands the number of times she wanted to hold his hand or kiss him, or the number of times she had to remind herself that she was engaged and he was in a relationship, that the life she used to imagine herself having with him and skye wasn’t reality anymore. each time she remembered that, her heart ached. someone who’s happily engaged should feel like a part of them is missing.

And then Amber came back. She was clean......at least thats what she had told him when she showed up at the bar one night looking for him. He still had her blocked on all modes of communication since the last time she had a bender so showing up to his work was the last resort. Amber had come in head high and sat right in front of him. “I’m sober. ... And I want to see my daughter.” She had dropped a few AA chips on the bar along with a letter from her sponsor backing up her statement. Had it been any other day he would have sent her on her way and told her to take it up with the courts ; but he was in a low day, and parenting was hard, and by all accounts Amber looked healthier than he had ever seen her. So he gave in. And they had breakfats at a diner. Which turned into dinner. Which turned into shared parent teacher nights. Which turned into thinking that maybe just maybe it would be worth a shot to try again.

Amber was better. Quinn was lonely and wanting to find someone. Skye needed someone in her life and her mother in a healthy state seemed like the best chance for both of them than introducing a whole new person who could bring a whole new kind of pain that neither of them wanted to feel again. So they went were it was safe. But then Amber wasn’t healthy anymore. And Skye was back to being closed off and shut down. And Quinn was lonely and couldn't let go, not after insisting on bringing them all back together to try again. So he was back to being lonely, and tired, and before he knew it he was reminiscing about his time with Kailee, going through the file of old pictures of him, Kailee and Skye that they had taken over the years. He missed her, so much his heat ached and he didn’t know what he could do about it. She should have been there, through every moment every milestone in his daughter's life. And Quinn couldn’t help but stare at their smiling faces and wonder what their lives would have been like if she was still in his life.

The day she walked through his doors felt like a gift from the universe. Llike he would finally be able to answer the question that had been rolling through his mind for months now. Yet here they were, sitting in their favorite booth, at their favorite restaurant, ignoring the biggest elephant in the room. Quinn shifted in his seat, leaning forward so that his forearms were leaning on the table and his left hand was only a mere centimeters from her right hand. It was close enough to fill the part that longed to hold her hand without crossing the line of actually lacing his fingers with hers. Quinn finished off his drink and cleared his throat, as if it would help give him an added boost of courage. His eyes traveled to her face, he looked at her softly, she was so beautiful and he still loved her so much....even though he knew he shouldn’t. “Would you have tried to work things out with us....If I had asked you to?” He finally asked. If I had fought for you?

fknquinnag:

fckkailee:

“trust me.” she nodded. the day had been amazing up until now when like a switch, there was an awkward tension in the air. it had been inevitable, she should be glad it took this long but still she had had hope that they could just have a good night.

kailee thanked the waitress as she set down their food before looking down at the plate. “yeah, i guess it kinda is.” she replied while absent-mindedly pushing the food around her plate with her fork. “it doesn’t need to be though, right? we’re just two friends celebrating a birthday, having fun, right?” that was all it needed to be, but she knew that was never all it was between them.

fckkailee:

kailee waited at the table, a million thoughts running through her head, pulling her different ways. when she saw the server walk by, she waived them down and ordered them another round of drinks, as well as a couple shots. she knew at this point, they were going to need them.

she looked up as quinn returned to the table and gave him a small, somewhat awkward smile. “she’ll forgive you. don’t worry too much about it.” she lifted her hand to rest it on his arm but immediately dropped it back down. half an hour ago, she would have followed through on that but after what had just happened. she didn’t feel it was right.

“I hope you’re right.” Quinn said, giving her an equally awkward smile. The energy at the table had definitely shifted and he wasn't sure what he should say, especially now that he was painfully aware of what they were doing.

Fortunately for him the waitress showed up with the food and placed the plates in front of them. He politely said thank you and drew his attention to his plate. “Is this weird?” he finally spoke up

fckkailee:

despite the events at the museum, kailee was having the most amazing night. it shouldn’t have been this easy for luke to leave her thoughts and for them to slip back into old patterns but she couldn’t help it. quinn still owned a bigger piece of her heart than she liked to admit and when you added skye into the mix, that was her whole heart. she missed her little family more than anything.

kailee felt the quick reaction of him feeling her ring and pulling away. the ring had become a permanent fixture on her finger, she forgot she was wearing it most of the time so she never even thought of how it could effect quinn. “yeah, of course.” she nodded. “let me know how she is.”

Quinn stepped away from the table hoping a moment away would help him clear his head and focus on the present not his wistful thinking. He pulled out his phone and tried calling his daughter to no avail. He shouldn’t be surprised, it took years for Skye to heal from the breakup between himself and Kailee and he could only imagine the pain that would have stirred up. Her contact picture flashed on the screen as the call dropped, and it brought a small smile to his face. It was a picture of Skye and Kailee at the last birthday party they had thrown her as a family. \

He knew he probably should have updated it but it was such a beautiful picture and had so many beautiful memories he couldnt bring himself to.

“Hey princess, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Kailee was back in our lives, I should have but didn’t want to in case it wasn’t permanent. I am so sorry you had to find out this way. I love you and I’ll see you later tonight”

“Read 8.15 pm”

Quinn was understanding of her silence and deccided not to press her. They would talk it out when he got home, it was something to be sorted out then. He put his phone away and took a few moments to himself before going inside, He needed to remember that he and Kailee were friends now. Only that, anything more would cause chaos and to even think about it was wrong. He valued her friendship and needed to maintain that mentality for the rest of the evening. He ran his fingers through his hair then went back inside. “Guess she’s busy.” He said with a shrug,

fknquinnag:

Quinn forgetting himself completely, and forgetting all the resolve he had throughout the entire day he had spent with her, solidified their closeness by covering her hand with his own and slightly laced the tips of his fingers with her own as he took a sip of his own drink. “I’m happy i was able to be a part of your happy memories. “

kailee’s heart fluttered as his fingers intertwined with hers. at that moment, any hesitation left her mind and her fingers fully laced with him. “me too.” it seemed like everything that had gone wrong with them was so far in the past. being on good terms with him again meant so much to her.

Quinn felt so comfortable in this place, in this booth, with the one person in world other than his daughter who his heart completely belonged to. After all these years despite everything he had done to lay his love for her to rest it was still there. Alive and thriving as they relived moments of the life they shared. He wanted nothing more than to hold her by the waist and pull her as close as her reasonably could with the space that was given to them in the booth. He opted instead for staying as he was, keeping his fingers entwined with hers and keeping his eyes on the live band that was playing across the room. His fingers thoughtlessly ran along hers until he felt the cool metal band that sat on her finger.

He didnt think about it much, until the pad of his thumb traced over the stone that was inlaid into the band and he was brought back to the reality of things. He was quickly snapped back from his wishful thoughts and blatant comfort of their position; remembering just how wrong this all was. Quinn instantly untangled himself from her and reached for his phone. “I should check in on Skye”