赤い糸

I still dream about the people lost in my memory, fabricated by my nostalgia and romanticised by my broken heart.

[guulabii]

being home with my mother always feels like living on the edge where i never can tell if she’ll push me off it or hold onto me tighter but either ways, i am in pain 

[witchyykitten-deactivated202501]

[silentplantt]

Heal before having children so your children don't have to heal from having you as a parent

[fuckingwhateverdude]

cannibalism

[rozcdust]

growing up with an angry father is terrifying but growing up a daughter with an angry mother is gut wrenching because you get it, you understand that she’s been worn down by the world and being treated as less and she’s been carrying the rage and traumas of her mother and her mother before her and her mother before her and when you see her you recognise that same rage in you

but her rage is not pointed at the world, it’s pointed at you because you’re 14 and not used to the harshness of it yet but she will make sure you get there and you don’t know what to do but cry and she hates seeing your tears because they make her nauseous

growing up with an angry mother feels like being ripped apart because you know she loves you, she’s your worst enemy, she makes you feel safe, she terrifies you, she’s your best friend, she’s the reason you can’t let people get close, you love her, you never cried over a boy or a girl as much as you cried over her words, she made you, you’re her puppet, you’re desperate to leave, you’ll never escape her blood or her judging gaze and even when you leave you can hear her voice in your head and it will haunt you until you’re dead

you understand her rage but you see it in yourself and that scares you more than anything else

[flame-and-steel]

...

[fuckingwhateverdude]

written by a bad daughter, fall 2022

[witchyykitten-deactivated202501]

[bambibells]

[flame-and-steel]

I don't want to become my mother

I don't want to become my mother. Actually, she is everything I don't want to be. Isn't it weird how the person that birthed you, raised you and loved you can be so different from you? How did I come to be so far off from you? How is it I am afraid of the similarities we share? Why am I trying so hard to get rid of all your habits?

I don't want to become my mother. I don't think she's a monster. I don't hate her. Most of the times. No, I love her. So much so that I am afraid of letting her down. In fact, I reject the thought of disappointing her, of being something entirely different fram what she envisioned. How could I dare? What kind of daughter would I be?

I don't want to become my mother. Believe me, she has a great deal of good qualities. She's generous, funny, kind, a hard worker, she takes care of everyone. She is everything you could want from a mother. She never lets you out of her sight, she worries so much for your own good, she won't leave you. That is good, is it not?

I don't want to become my mother. It's like I don't know where a thought ends and another begins. I see her demons all around her. Her anxiety, her rage, her loneliness, her sadness. She is all of that, too. It's not her fault, you know. She grew up with a difficult mother. She became her mother.

I don't want to become my mother. The thing is, as much as I don't want to be her, I will never escape her. Some things, they just stay with you. And a small part of you wants that, too. As a way of always keeping her with you along the way. She promised herself she wouldn't become her mother. She still swears she's very different from her. But when you remind her of the similarities, a little grin appears on her face. It's something twisted, sick and venomous, being secretly glad that someone can find in you a glimpse of the person you swore you would never look like. "Oh god, no, please don't tell me I sound like her. Oh god, please do."

I don't want to become my mother. And maybe I won't. Maybe getting the chance of doing the work on yourself spares you from a future where you become your mother. Maybe it gives you the opportunity of just learning how to be... you. I hope that is the case. I also hope I can take some of the good stuff in the process. She is not a bad mother. She is good. I just don't want to become my mother.

[maddieisnotreal]

don’t know // candles - daughter // a little life by hanya yanagihara // obit by victoria chang // kyoto - phoebe bridgers // popular street by chen chen // the sun is also a star by nicola yoon // thumbs - lucy dacus

[oliviamobbs]

[love]

via weheartit

[happyheidi]

(via)

[hueydarcy]

went snorkelling recently

[shegos]

THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY 借りぐらしのアリエッティ 2010 | dir. Hiromasa Yonebayashi

[tamper]

[sickpage]