don’t worry I’m fine

(omnisexual + demisexual + any pronouns but he/him) I'm a tennis ball and I'm on fire. sorry about the smoke everywhere. also I may or may not be British. Status: Etb2's lover and tax benefits

[flaming-tennis-ball]

This list will be consistently updated

TENNIS BALL MASTER LIST

@i-want-tennis-ball

@tennis-ball-launcher

@i-hate-tennis-ball

@a-tennisball

@another-tennis-ball

@an-obvious-tennis-ball

@a-third-tennis-ball

@late-tennis-ball

@elongated-tennis-ball

@elongatedtennisball

@old-tennis-ball

Update 2

@tennisball-wizard

@the-tennis-ball-hunter

@biblically-accurate-tennis-ball

@pink-tennis-ball

@sexy-tennis-ball

@zoominballs

@witch-tennis-ball

@existensial-tennisball

@paranormalinvestigatortennisball

@black-lab

@flaming-tennis-ball

And others coming soon!!

(if ur a tennis ball copy this and put it on ur blog!!)

Hi, I’m flaming tennis ball! it’s great to be a part of this list! if you couldn’t tell, I’m constantly on fire like charizard’s tail and I’m just a little too enthusiastic about everything

[elongatedtennisball]

*etb2 is just laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. He doesn't appear to have moved in the last several hours, notable because of the spider currently making a web on him. every now and then he gives a VERY dramatic sigh*

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Elong, luv, what are you doing.

(Flaming just casually dusts the web away with a feather duster.)

You look like you’ve died.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

DOESNT BRITAIN HAVE A HIGHER AVERAGE OF STREET FIGHTS THAN AMERICA

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Not important. Don’t question me.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU??????? ILL QUESTION YOU ALL I WANT

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Do you need a ciggie?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHO. THE ACTUAL FUCK. CALLS IT A CIGGIE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Brits.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

HOW THE HELL DO ANY OF YOU TAKE YOURSELVES SERIOUSLY

[flaming-tennis-ball]

That’s the thing. We really don’t. We’re basically just a bunch of button-up, kiss-on-the-cheek-prone French people trying to be Australian.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

SO YOURE ALL GAY (FRENCH PEOPLE) PRETENDING TO BE EVEN GAYER (AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE)

BRITISH PEOPLE ARE WEIRD

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I know. We’re like straight people pretending to be gay people pretending to be straight people.

And you, Mx. Complex, are like a god pretending to be an eldritch horror pretending to be an Italian.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

….

PFFFFF

OK THAT ONE WAS FUNNY

IDK ABOUT THE ITALIAN PART THO

[flaming-tennis-ball]

So do you want a ciggie or not?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

LET ME GET THIS CANDY FOR BABY RQ I DONT WANT TO SMOKE AROUND HER

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I didn’t think you’d be the type to… not hate children.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

DOESNT BRITAIN HAVE A HIGHER AVERAGE OF STREET FIGHTS THAN AMERICA

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Not important. Don’t question me.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU??????? ILL QUESTION YOU ALL I WANT

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Do you need a ciggie?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHO. THE ACTUAL FUCK. CALLS IT A CIGGIE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Brits.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

HOW THE HELL DO ANY OF YOU TAKE YOURSELVES SERIOUSLY

[flaming-tennis-ball]

That’s the thing. We really don’t. We’re basically just a bunch of button-up, kiss-on-the-cheek-prone French people trying to be Australian.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

SO YOURE ALL GAY (FRENCH PEOPLE) PRETENDING TO BE EVEN GAYER (AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE)

BRITISH PEOPLE ARE WEIRD

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I know. We’re like straight people pretending to be gay people pretending to be straight people.

And you, Mx. Complex, are like a god pretending to be an eldritch horror pretending to be an Italian.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

….

PFFFFF

OK THAT ONE WAS FUNNY

IDK ABOUT THE ITALIAN PART THO

[flaming-tennis-ball]

So do you want a ciggie or not?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

DOESNT BRITAIN HAVE A HIGHER AVERAGE OF STREET FIGHTS THAN AMERICA

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Not important. Don’t question me.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU??????? ILL QUESTION YOU ALL I WANT

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Do you need a ciggie?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHO. THE ACTUAL FUCK. CALLS IT A CIGGIE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Brits.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

HOW THE HELL DO ANY OF YOU TAKE YOURSELVES SERIOUSLY

[flaming-tennis-ball]

That’s the thing. We really don’t. We’re basically just a bunch of button-up, kiss-on-the-cheek-prone French people trying to be Australian.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

SO YOURE ALL GAY (FRENCH PEOPLE) PRETENDING TO BE EVEN GAYER (AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE)

BRITISH PEOPLE ARE WEIRD

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I know. We’re like straight people pretending to be gay people pretending to be straight people.

And you, Mx. Complex, are like a god pretending to be an eldritch horror pretending to be an Italian.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

DOESNT BRITAIN HAVE A HIGHER AVERAGE OF STREET FIGHTS THAN AMERICA

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Not important. Don’t question me.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU??????? ILL QUESTION YOU ALL I WANT

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Do you need a ciggie?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHO. THE ACTUAL FUCK. CALLS IT A CIGGIE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Brits.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

HOW THE HELL DO ANY OF YOU TAKE YOURSELVES SERIOUSLY

[flaming-tennis-ball]

That’s the thing. We really don’t. We’re basically just a bunch of button-up, kiss-on-the-cheek-prone French people trying to be Australian.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

DOESNT BRITAIN HAVE A HIGHER AVERAGE OF STREET FIGHTS THAN AMERICA

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Not important. Don’t question me.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU??????? ILL QUESTION YOU ALL I WANT

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Do you need a ciggie?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHO. THE ACTUAL FUCK. CALLS IT A CIGGIE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Brits.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

DOESNT BRITAIN HAVE A HIGHER AVERAGE OF STREET FIGHTS THAN AMERICA

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Not important. Don’t question me.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU??????? ILL QUESTION YOU ALL I WANT

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Do you need a ciggie?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

DOESNT BRITAIN HAVE A HIGHER AVERAGE OF STREET FIGHTS THAN AMERICA

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Not important. Don’t question me.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

WHY NOT????? BITCH

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Because I don’t want to fight people. I’m British.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU COULD FUCKING TRY BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN

[flaming-tennis-ball]

No.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I’m bored. Anyone want to see if I can start a campfire with my flames?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

What?? No!!! No no no no no!!!

(sprays @tennisball-wizard with a spray bottle)

Bad wizard!! There will be nothing of the sort!! Shoo shoo shoo!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[elongatedtennisball]

W-wait. Not mine?

I mean-- she's-- she's just a baby.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Which I hate.

[elongatedtennisball]

Y-yes. but. she hasn't done anything wrong. And-- she's a sweet kid really.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

She knows how to hold a gun.

[bigtennisball]

And swear >:(

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Yes. See, you understand it.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[elongatedtennisball]

W-wait. Not mine?

I mean-- she's-- she's just a baby.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Which I hate.

[elongatedtennisball]

Y-yes. but. she hasn't done anything wrong. And-- she's a sweet kid really.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

She knows how to hold a gun.

[babytennisball]

hey there, deary! Can you say titties? Say titties!

— @flaming-tennis-ball from 6 feet away

>:( FFUCKC YOU!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🖕

{…Seems we found it’s source of anger?}

[flaming-tennis-ball]

… the hell-

No, just say titties.

[babytennisball]

nnn.NNNO! fufck yuo!🖕

{The baby grabs a candy from a pocket, and chucks it at Flaming}

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Ow!!

(Flaming scowls at the baby and promptly walks away.)

I made out with your dad, you little shit!!

[babytennisball]

{The baby seems HORRIFIED.}

DAAADAA,,,,,????,???????????

[flaming-tennis-ball]

you heard me you little rat demon!!! Hope you don’t sleep in the same room as your dad hohohohohoho!!!

[babytennisball]

{She looks at flaming, then-}

{SOME ANON THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE A BABY A GUN! GREAT-}

bUA >:(🔫

[flaming-tennis-ball]

WHAT THE FU-

(It quickly hides behind @elongatedtennisball)

Elong! Darling, I think the child has a gun!!

[elongatedtennisball]

its okay, i just took it away from her.

*he rubs his forehead and sighs*

its been a long day.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Oh, alright.

(It gently puts its hands on etb2’s shoulders and gently massages them.)

You sure you’re okay? You seem so tense…

[elongatedtennisball]

Yeah, yeah. Just general... taking guns away from babies, saving li-- uh, nevermind-- just existing kind of sucks sometimes haha.

Anyways.

What were you doing by the baby anyways? I thought you were scared of her?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Oh, nothing, nothing. Just… just trying to figure out how to coexist with your little child.

[elongatedtennisball]

Oh, well that's good.

((Why did they say child in italics?))

Hopefully you guys can work it out. If not... well, she won't be a baby forever.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I suppose that’s true. But it’s annoying now. Want me to make you some chamomile tea to calm you down or anything like that?

[elongatedtennisball]

Ah, chai, if you have it! That sounds lovely.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

You got it!

(It gives etb2 a quick smooch on the neck and then walks britishly into the kitchen to make the chai tea, humming the song Seasons of Love.)

[elongatedtennisball]

*he blushes intensely and touches his neck before following*

[flaming-tennis-ball]

(It cheerfully shoves @underwater-tennis-ball out of the way to make the tea, still humming.)

[underwater-tennis-ball]

Hey!!

*He glares at it and then glances at @elongatedtennisball. He mutters under his breath as he leaves.*

Sluuuuut.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

(It grabs Water by the hair, almost forgetting that his head is in a tank of water. It quickly pulls its hand out.)

OW SHIT FUCK OW SHIT SHIT SHIT-

YOU DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND EVER AGAIN!!!

[elongatedtennisball]

Oh-

((Okay why was that kind of hot?))

It's okay, Flame, really--

[underwater-tennis-ball]

*After picking up Flaming by the shirt in the reblogs, he throws it straight into the wall.*

HARLET!!!

[elongatedtennisball]

OK SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.

I AM SIX FOOT NINE AND NOT AFRAID TO HIT A BITCH.

GET THE FUCK OUT, THANKS.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Leave this to me, my love.

(It snarls in rage at Water and runs headfirst, and headbutts him directly in the stomach.)

[underwater-tennis-ball]

OW!!! YOU SLUT!!! YOU, ME, THE FOREST, TWO DAYS TIME!!! We’re ending this.

*He grins and storms out of the kitchen, but not before turning back and screaming at Flaming one last time:*

WHORE!!!

*He slams the door when he leaves.*

[elongatedtennisball]

Well... that was... intense... uh.

Is he... always.. .like this?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

(It stands up and gets back to making tea like nothing happened.)

Oh, yes, that’s just how it is. Me and him are always doing a bit of roughhousing.

[elongatedtennisball]

...

o... kay........

.........

((well then))

[flaming-tennis-ball]

(It blows on the tea and puts it on one of those tiny little porcelain coasters.)

There. Be careful, it’s still hot.

(It kisses Elong on the cheek and goes back towards the staircases into the attic.)

Enjoy!

[elongatedtennisball]

Oh- thank you!

Uh- where are you going?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

My bed’s in the attic.

[elongatedtennisball]

O-oh. I didn't know that.

I thought it was all... storage... stuff...

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Yeah, it’s weird. It’s a nice attic though. More comfortable than you’d think.

[elongatedtennisball]

ahem

is it? well-- i-- uh-- that's-- hm.

*he turns a shade redder with every stuttered word*

((fuck i had smooth line all ready to go, and then my mouth had to go and fuck it up))

[flaming-tennis-ball]

…

(It smirks slightly.)

I presume you were trying to go somewhere with that? Do you want to try again?

[elongatedtennisball]

*he blushes and takes a long drink of the tea before trying again*

Did you-- want, uh, to show me... around?

((Well that sounded fucking stupid.))

[flaming-tennis-ball]

We both live in this house.

(It covers its mouth and laughs.)

Hohohoho! Oh, sorry, sorry, but that was rather hilarious. So, do you want to come watch a movie in the attic with me?

[elongatedtennisball]

Sure!

((thank fuck one of us is competent))

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Come along!

(It gestures for etb2 to follow it up the stairs.)

By the way, did you know Mx. Complex hates me now?

[elongatedtennisball]

*he follows eagerly*

Doesn't ballgod hate everyone?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I wouldn’t be surprised.

(It sits down on the bed and turns on the tv.)

Hmmm… what do you want to watch?

[elongatedtennisball]

*it stands next to the bed, looking slightly awkward*

Oh, I, uh, I don't know.

[flaming-tennis-ball]

Come on, sit down.

(It gestures towards the space on the bed next to it.)

They added the Lego Movie 2 back onto Hulu. Have you ever seen it?

[elongatedtennisball]

*he sits*

Oh, no, I haven't! Is it good?

[flaming-tennis-ball]

It’s incredible!

(It turns on the movie.)

It’s actually a really nice twist on some of the typical sequel tropes.

(It shifts closer to him.)

[elongatedtennisball]

*his face warms up as it debates putter an arm around Flame before remembering that... well they're on fire.*

((I'm going to have to find some fire proof material I can make gloves and other clothes out of...))

[flaming-tennis-ball]

(It conveniently puts a fireproof blanket around itself.)

[elongatedtennisball]

((oh look at that. it's like they can read my mind...))

*NOW it puts an arm around Flame*

[flaming-tennis-ball]

(It immediately blushes heavily.)

O-Oh-! Erm…

(It looks away, its face turning scarlet red.)

[flaming-tennis-ball]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH FUCK YOU. IM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AND KEEP YOU AWAKE IM GOING TO TURN YOUR INSIDES OUT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IM GOING TO BITE OFF YOUR FINGERS ONE BY ONE AND FEED THE REMAINDER TO YOU

-@ball-with-a-god-complex

…

(It puffs a cigarette.)

This house is an absolute circus…

Alright, I know you’re just dying for me to ask. Why?

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

YOU INSULTED MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I hate kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

FUCK YOU!!!!?! THATS MY FUCKING KID GO BULLY ANY OTHER KID IDGAF. BUT NOT MY KID

[flaming-tennis-ball]

I bully all kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NOT MINE

[flaming-tennis-ball]

All kids.

[ball-with-a-god-complex]

NUH UH

NOT MINE

I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID ID EAT YOUR FINGERS!!!

[flaming-tennis-ball]

And I’ll light you on fire!