C R L N E

A twenty five year old girl trying to heal from all the things that made her broken whilst enjoying life.

[flaneur-caroline]

A note to self: always, always never believe on the “next times” guys tell you.

So far, no next times have actually happened yet.

[poeticallytrash-deactivated2026]

What if after some years, we don't worry over the things about we cry for today? We laugh about being so silly to chase them to dead end only to realise that it made no sense instead we open a small cafe in a small village where we have built our home away from home. I wish us to be full of ecstasy and love for us as much as we are trying to have right now.

[flaneur-caroline]

Hi, I’m back with another guy story. I just really feel a sense of relief everytime I talk my emotions here when it comes to guys I’ve dated.

So the most recent/last guy I met is from a bar in Boracay last March 12 (went there Sat night). I really like him to the point I kept on praying/wishing for a second chance of meet up with him, one where we’re not drunk. Why do I ask? It’s because he seems a great guy. I have this list of things I want a guy to have and he’s a check on all of the things you would know on a first meet/date. God I really hope for a second date with him. Also, kinda sad that I think I messed up this second chance by initiating a chat with him in IG. He just seen my last chat.

I hope I get to move on from this soon if we’re not meant to be.

[taylorswift]

In my Eras era. 💅

[flaneur-caroline]

I finally saw his profile in LinkedIn but there’s no surname 😭 my stalking skill is not stalking right now ughhhh

[flaneur-caroline]

12/06/22

Elyu’s guy birthday today.

I can’t greet him kasi he’d wonder why I know. I’d have greeted him if he posted sa IG but he didn’t. Kinda feeling sad because of this but oh well, we’re actually like strangers who have met once and casually seldom chatting because I initiate.

[vanityunfair]

(via The Architect Remaking Santa Barbara, One Outrageously Fun House At a Time - Sight Unseen)

[flaneur-caroline]

10/16/22 6:33PM

I’m in elyu right now (solo), and I kept on looking at my IG stories to check if he have seen my stories. Now I thought I should forget it/him by the end of this trip.

[flaneur-caroline]

Now closing the chapter of the elyu guy… Tried to make landi but it didn’t work. No more guys naaaaa muna! 🤗

[flaneur-caroline]

elyu fün

I badly wanted to post this photo on my soc med but I can’t since 1) the guy is just someone I met from bumble 2) we’re ff each other in IG and it might bother him why I post the pic and 3) I don’t want others to think I’m dating someone just bec there’s a guy in the photo. But since I really want, I’ll just post it here.

Background story: it was my first time going to La Union for its beach and to party. I’ve been planning yearly to go here since 2018 but for some reasons it always doesn’t happen — even a day before this trip I was kinda expecting Niella to say she can’t go and I’m not ready to go here solo so more likely this won’t happen if that’ll be the case. We only stayed here over the weekend. Hopped on a bus at 4:30am Saturday then rode a bus to home at 10pm Sunday, extended our stay bec we originally just booked 1 night.

On our stay we just ate, tambay sa beach, take lots of photos, swim, drink, and eat. On our first day, while Niella was playing vball with others, I opened bumble and swiped guys. Then while we’re in Fatwave drinking, I saw a bumble notif that I got a match but didn’t open it yet cos I want to enjoy the drinking and the place. But after we drank, we layed in the sand while looking at the stars and I opened the app to see who I matched. Then we invited him to us, and the rest is history.

Okay so about the guy… he’s a police, taller than me, has a car, sporty, and is family-oriented. Yup, he also checks most of the things I listed that I want on a guy (two consec guys na ha!). He treated us beer while we were talking and sitting on the beach (another thing that I’ve been imagining happened). And also, days before this trip I told myself I will smoke because I was so stressed with work but I forgot about it and just remembered it when he asked us if we want to. I smoked 3 sticks if I remember it correctly. Then he stayed the night with us and the morning after he treated us breakfast. We drove to McDo while Niella is still asleep then kwentuhan continues over breakfast. I find him sweet too, btw. So I don’t know if we ever get to see each other again, but he said in our chat “see you when i see you guys” and “till next time 🙏” which maybe is a bluff but I hope it’s true.

So yeah, overall it was a memorable first time in elyu and it was a great weekend! So here’s my fave photo from that weekend.

[flaneur-caroline]

Davao guy

07202022

I met a guy during my first solo travel. He almost ticked off everything that’s on my ideal guy list (a finally moment too!!), some of which are: he’s taller than me, nice job, family oriented, does hiking, plays sports, and likes pets. And since I know his soc meds, I learned that we have the same likes in some things, one is that he likes the stars bec he’s been sharing NASA posts. He also uses expressions that I use a lot too.

But since I know his soc meds, I’ve found things to make me think twice. He has lots of girl friends in FB — albeit some of which are from dating sites and every time I look at his friends/followers list I always see a girl with big boobs, he’s anti-Leni, he posted a video during his Cebu trip that for me felt like nabastos yung girl kahit di kita face nya, and his tiktok posts.

I’m so confused tbh. I really like him a lot because we have so much similarities but I feel he’s bastos or medyo fuckboy. But ughhhhh we kinda did my ideal perfect date (sit or lay down while watching city lights or stars then kwentuhan about anything) on our first meetup (we sat and watched the city lights while having kwentuhan) and also his height!! He’s the first guy I’ve dated who’s taller than me. Tapos yun nga check na check kasi halos lahat ng nasa list ko. Then we’re supposed to climb Mt. Pulag on September, I don’t know yet if it’ll really happen. But right now iniisip ko na what will happen next if matuloy nga yun? Or pano na pag di matuloy? Like do I unfollow him na sa IG and forget him? Like he’s just a memory na lang… (well medyo sanay na ko kasi ilang guys na rin ang naging ganto na but it’ll still hurt).

If the end of all of these will be just memories, I couldn’t help but to ask lots of questions. Why would you let me just have a taste of someone I’m dreaming and praying to meet, instead of keeping it? Do I not deserve what I want? Because at the end of the day, even if it’s a perfect and joyful one, I would still wish for someone whom I could tell about my day.

[taylorswift]

This Love (My version!) is out & I’m currently reliving the 1989 tour in my head and spiraling, it’s fine http://taylor.lnk.to/thislovetv

[flaneur-caroline]

04/30/2022

Feeling ko alam ko na bakit di ko pa namemeet magiging first boyfriend ko or my forever. I think it’s because I want that someone to be intelligent and wise, so far wala pa ko namemeet na ganun. This came up as I was watching Manifest in Netflix. Ang talino/galing sa math ni Ben Stone. Na shookt ako like I was “wow ganyan gusto ko katalino” tapos ang sweet pa nya sa wife nya.

[flaneur-caroline]

04/10/22

Why are there nights na ganto, naiiyak na naman ako that me and Mio ended things. Sabi na kasi wag ko na icheck acct ni girl pero chineck ko pa rin and found out that they ate outside today. Nakakainis lang that before today, everytime i looked sa acct nya I wish na sana may story sya na lumabas sila so I’d know na okay sila and when it happened, bakit may lungkot sakin?

When I saw her story na kasama nya pala si Mio sa Bataan, I wasn’t hurt and that it looked like he didn’t like he was on the trip. Pero ngayon I just felt sad pero napapangitan pa rin ako kay girl (hahahaha), how she sama him sa stories nya pero behind her back he’s dating others pa naman 🙄, and how his standards became so low (comparing her to Pearl and me 💁🏻‍♀️).

Anyways, I’ll make this situation to be my motivation to never lower my standards again, and to always strive for a better me.

[flaneur-caroline]

03/28/22 12:00mn

Gusto ko na mapunta sa tamang tao

[flaneur-caroline]

03/24/22

He posted a story with time stamp – 03:43am. It was a photo of the moon and it looks like it was taken at BGC. I am sure that few mins before or after that time (bec I logged out at 3:37am and I remember my manager’s phone screen indicating it was 3:46am while we’re waiting for the grab car of our other officemate), me and my officemates were out of the building and I remember noticing the moon. Could it be that we’re both looking at the moon at the same time? God knows that there are times when I look at the moon and wonder if the man destined for me is doing the same.

[flaneur-caroline]

03/20/2022

Exactly a week after we ended things, I saw Mio today having a drink with a girl. It was so unexpected. Me and Terence went to BGC to go to Rue but it was full already so we went to Burgos to find another place to drink. Then I saw him. Nagkatinginan kami. Terence saw him too kasi he saw him looking at him (may eye contact something ang gays kaya napansin nya na minata sya).

I’m just sad and disappointed to see him dating another woman because I thought after us, he’ll focus na on the baby by not making Aize be stressful. And this just proves that I won’t wasn’t enough for him, even after all the things I’ve done for him, that I’ve accepted the fact that he’s going to have a child soon. Wala lang yun lahat cos he could easily replace me.

Yes, I’ve been talking to guys and met a guy from Bumble this week but I did it to try to move on, but it was unsuccessful. Maybe meeting girls is his way of moving on too. Pero ang sakit lang to actually saw him do it. Maybe this just really proves that we aren’t for each other…