bernie

22 american autistic & adhd (dx) diary blog (minors dni)

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┊͙✧˖*°࿐ about

bernie ! they/she, aroallo lesbian

autistic, adhd, chronically ill (gastroparesis)

diary blog, will vent without tw

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likes : idols, weather, birdwatching, reading, fashion, music, animals & nature, cosplay

series/interests: love live, pokemon, d4dj, gravity falls, umamusume, vocaloid, bandori, im@s, prsk, fe, jjk, other various anime

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i need a butch so fucking bad i wish i wasnt having all these health issues and i could just date around and be hot and have fun and also not be stuck in the state of michigan

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the doctors still dont know whats wrong with me but im getting my hair done so whatever

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so much new merch waiting for me at my parents house.. only a few more days

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fuck my stupid baka life

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sooo i have gastroparesis. incurable stomach disease. baller

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if i have an incurable stomach condition (pretty much guaranteed by this point) what do i even do. drop out?? accept death???? i feel so useless and drained already. how will i be able to work like this?? how will i be able to even function?????

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maybe i'll become a social pariah that sounds kinda fun. or become a storm chaser and live out of my car. just livin the rocky mountain way.

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if i have an incurable stomach condition (pretty much guaranteed by this point) what do i even do. drop out?? accept death???? i feel so useless and drained already. how will i be able to work like this?? how will i be able to even function?????

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i have done nothing but loose weight. i'm nauseous every day. i get so bloated when i eat i look pregnant. my stomach hurts every time i eat. if i have too much fat, i vomit for hours. i feel like im dying and they keep saying nothings wrong. im so worried this will kill me and they wont know what it is til im dead.

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current running theories with my doctors:

gastroparesis (caused by my anorexia and makes arfid worse isnt that just grand)

sphincter of oddi dysfunction

dying idk

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i have done nothing but loose weight. i'm nauseous every day. i get so bloated when i eat i look pregnant. my stomach hurts every time i eat. if i have too much fat, i vomit for hours. i feel like im dying and they keep saying nothings wrong. im so worried this will kill me and they wont know what it is til im dead.

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if they keep saying nothings wrong with me i guess have no choice but to get so bad they have no choice but to find out whats wrong

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stuffy nose

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i feel like i'm dying. not saying this like a joke. my body feels like it's wasting away. like something's wrong

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something about knowing my mom will always put impressing her father and working over me and my dad will always put alcohol over me. nice thanks guys

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one month away from being 22 and all i have to show for it is an order for another MRI cholangiogram

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i love Lists

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my dad comes downstairs and just starts yelling at me because i left one piece of pasta in the strainer. dude