What a Joke

Now featuring in your local Muggle pub: Marcus Flint! Treating depression with comedy, Flint-style.

[everythingfox]

Guinea pig bridge song (🔊)

(Source)

[flintfamilytherapy]

Wow, someone let the Hufflepuffs out of the common rooms for once.

[everythingfox]

Food locating sensors triggered

(via)

[flintfamilytherapy]

Oh, look! It's Ollie when I mention his favorite team.

[flintfamilytherapy]

2020, the year of suffering.

I'll be bloody 80 and remember 2020 as the worst year of my generation's collective lives, and one of the most frustrating years of my own, personal, life. Everything's terrible and I'm locked in my apartment with the most stubborn Scotsman I've ever met and he keeps trying to cuddle me.

I'm like a cat, mate, I cuddle on my own terms! Back off or I break a broom over your head!

[flintfamilytherapy]

Sometimes I hate being in a relationship.

Today, especially. I ordered a pizza from the place down the street and the bloke delivering just let himself in without a knock. Turns out Ollie had ordered pickup without telling me and offered to just take the delivery order himself.

What am I supposed to do with two pizzas and the idiot Scotsman that requested pineapple on both?!

[girlbosswanda-deactivated202102]

picrew chain anyone???

here’s the link 

@its-jessie-lu​ @smol-lightning-bug​ @vikinglumberjack​ @aesthetify​ @stubborn-gryffindor​ @resident-unsmart​

and anyone who wants to!!! 

[woosansang]

Not tagged, but I could never resist a new picrew

Tagging: @achillesmercury1996 @dearscone @alteritymonster @zine-e @steph-luvs-klaine @kenzie-ann27 if u guys want 💜

[zine-e]

Thank you for the tag Jazzy @bowtiescarves

Tagging: @thehufflepuffpixie @masterofpretending @scarletphantomprivateblog @microscopicfocus @wolfsnape @taelreblogs @padfoot-prongs-and-polaroids if u want 😊 and anyone who wants to do it

[padfoot-prongs-and-polaroids]

This was so cute, thank you for the tag!!

Tagging: @greek-freak101 @marlmckitten @nymphietonkslupin @starchildlazaro @hpnonsense and anyone else who wants to participate ❤❤

[skys-unused-main]

Thanks for the tag! I’ve never made one of these before but here it is. Sadly it won’t let you add color to the tips of your hair.

Tagging: @slytherpuff2468 @incorrect-hp-percy-jackson @rolufi-d-b @raviliuz @angel-ica @incorrecthpjo

[raviliuz]

Thank you @hpnonsense for the tag xoxo

Taggin: @flintwoods @who-stole-the-url-i-wanted @flintfamilytherapy

[flintfamilytherapy]

Thanks for the tag, @raviliuz ! Never been on one of these before :D

Shh, I didn't reblog at first as the wrong account, that'd be silly

Passing it on to @unicow-simply-azzyful and @incorrectqus , because why not :D

[looopylupin]

Scott, grabbing stomach: guys, I don’t feel so good—

Scott: *barfs up a deck of cards*

Wanda: that’s not real magic...

Dr Strange: *face palms*

Loki: [scoffing] pathetic mortals.

Wong:

Wong: [whispering] how did you do that?

[flintfamilytherapy]

"Another year older, another year wiser."

Someone quoted that at me once. I promptly informed them that I've never made a wise choice in my life, and I certainly don't plan to start now.

[flintfamilytherapy]

Family is weird.

They say that you can't choose them, but that certainly didn't seem to deter my dad when he saw my boyfriend and disowned me.

[flintfamilytherapy]

"How did you get so lucky?" you ask?

Hell if I know! I keep telling him to sod off, but the Scottish leech won't let go of me. I'll be married, at this rate, and then it's all downhill.

[flintfamilytherapy]

Sometimes miracles happen.

Sometimes, the arsehole you've been sneering at from across the room realizes that baring your teeth and hissing insults about his mother is just how you flirt. Even better, he occasionally tells you to shut the hell up and ask him out already.

[flintfamilytherapy]

I'm not saying they should change things.

Looking back at my schooldays, however, I wonder if the headmaster had any sense! Hiring teachers with no proper degrees, letting professors hit the students and drug them, even forcing us to all compete viciously just to feel worthy of attention...I could've just been home schooled if I wanted all that rubbish!

[flintfamilytherapy]

A hag, a zombie and an emo kid walk into a pub.

They get a table and order some pints. The hag complains that they don't have the wine that she likes and the beer tastes like something the zombie already drank once.

The zombie complains that the hag doesn't put out anymore.

I just bury my head in my hands and beg them to please let me have one birthday without calling the police on my own parents.

[everythingfox]

[flintfamilytherapy]

↑ When I'm drunk and spot Ollie.

[flintfamilytherapy]

So, I dunno if you're born gay or not.

But by fucking God, if it doesn't work like that then I know I went gay out of pure spite.

Dad wanted grandkids and I knew at that moment that there was no way he was getting them, no matter how many boys I had to kiss to get the point across.

[flintfamilytherapy]

I used to think I could make my parents love me.

Then I realized they didn't love anything more than making each other miserable. So, I learned an important lesson: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Now we're all miserable, but at least it's a lot less effort.

[flintfamilytherapy]

Dad thought Mom was having an affair.

She started smiling a lot more, would go out more often without telling him where she'd be, and eventually she came back in a different outfit than she'd left in. We never did find the outfit she wore out that night, either.

Dad's mistress turned up dead a week later. He decided it wasn't the best idea to pry after that.

[flintfamilytherapy]

My husband is a real piece of work.

I told him I was lonely at the house with just the servants. I expected him to catch on and get me a puppy, but instead the bastard knocked me up.

Now we're both 100% more disappointed with our lives and I still don't have a fucking poodle.