I'll bloom a pretty flower that resembles you @flower-like-you - Tumblr Blog

sometimes i dont want to wait for the show to get better. i just want to stop watching

when your eyes are closed, do you ever see random images behind your eyelids? like a screensaver

sometimes i get that with my eyes open, and everywhere i look is this constant overlay of images

it’s hard to remember what i’m doing and what i was just thinking because i keep thinking about the random images

and then i’ll have some caffeine or look at my phone or something and i’ll be back to normal for a little bit. no more screensaver mode

just remembered something i really hated about school/tutors. when someone's explaining something and it feels like we're taking way too long to get to the answer and i'm just bored and over it. it feels frustrating and suffocating and i want to be anywhere else but here.

#probably adhd

the familiar thought of dying young feels comforting

i have eaten too many chippies and now my stomach hurts.

and i have learned nothing.

i’d say i’m normally a somewhat driven and motivated person.

but before my period, all i want to do is eat pizza rolls and die.

#vitamins have not helped

why does driving at night with the windows down make the air taste different

#especially as a kid

02.26.2024

there's a myth that when you wear the friendship bracelet and make a wish, the bracelet will break once your wish is granted.

i had made a wish one year that i could be surrounded by beautiful people, because i had thought that would make me happier.

when the bracelet did fall off one summer, i realized that my wish in some way had come true. But while i was surrounded by beautiful people, i knew on the inside they were all very broken and some even despicable.

“wives like me are made by husbands like him”

“husband loves and treats her right, and she matches the energy. they match each others efforts and love for one another.”

i feel the same when i see the kindness and effort put in by him. he expects nothing in return, but it makes me want to put in an equal amount of kindness and effort. where my heart used to be doubtful and cold, there is now a precious flower he taught me how to treasure and grow.

#efforts

i feel like i have a small fire smoldering in my stomach

it burns and feels uncomfortable all night long

and i have no choice to stay alert and remain painfully aware of this fire all night long

so i think about it constantly

and when i successfully distract myself, my mind quickly flickers back to the fire

and i cannot relax because of the fire

and i cannot sleep because of the fire

#anxious

you sent your favorite photos of me

and it felt like i was looking at myself though your eyes.

and for a moment, i felt love for myself

in the way you love me.

#photo

i told myself i would not get too dependent on you

but the one weekend you’re hanging out with your friends

i can’t help but notice the hole shaped like you

and i guess it makes me feel insecure.

#like you

if it’s too difficult, i will come get you anytime

but i want you to try

#wish

i saw a comment online saying that working out requires discipline, not motivation. but i’m not sure if i’ve ever been a disciplined person in my life. maybe obsessive, but never disciplined and consistent in what i do. the only reason ive ever done something consistently is because of fear. when i think of discipline, i think of fear. i think, “you have to do this, or else.” when i’m working out semi-consistently, i think, “you have to work out or else you’ll become fat and ugly.” it isn’t coming from a place of “this is good for your health,” i just feel forced to do it or else something bad will happen. i wonder if this extends to a lot of areas of my life. i don’t understand fully why i do things, but i’m simply afraid of what would happen if i dont.

i dont want to be fit or sexy or attractive. i want to be happy, and i try to tell myself that being those things will make me happier. but i know from experience that they haven’t, so i don’t feel motivated to be those things anymore. but what will make me happier?

do i like who i’m becoming in this relationship:

pros: im eating better, trying to exercise more, dress better

cons: i wonder if i’m not spending as much time with my friends

#log

i don’t want to be someones girlfriend or wife.

i want to be the stranger in the aesthetic pinterest photo we always wanted to be.

#aroace

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I'll bloom a pretty flower that resembles you