Love, S

When the moon tells you something, believe it. Shiela. 21. Eccedentesiast

[shielaspeaks]

It feels like forever since I last vent my emotions on the web. I focused on things that are further more important than my feelings but I felt incomplete. I feel like there’s a missing part of me. There I realized that Tumblr has been an essential part of my life, a daily routine as what people say. It wasn’t easy for me to not open my account because I have a lot of powerpoint slides to read, tons of practice problems to solve and a bunch of topics to review first. I came to the point that I lost inspiration to blog but still, I felt not whole. So, I managed to gather all my ideas and thoughts in order for to come back to the life that I love, to the place where I am free to be me. A lot of things changed but I know this is still the place that I missed. So yep, hello Tumblr! 

[shielaspeaks]

Your heart can only take so much flame to accommodate a one-time love of fireworks. All the others love only the ashes it leaves behind. What’s sad is that, after a night of lights and explosions, the ones who start a fire in you only get burned in the process.

[relatable-memes]

[shielaspeaks]

They say that tough times make us stronger and I strongly believe in that. My life has gone through a roller coaster ride of emotions for the past few months. I experienced stressful and nerve-wracking situations that I never thought I can surpass. My life was focused on a specific goal and I failed. I came to the point that I’m just an inch away to giving up because things were too difficult for me to handle. It feels like my life became a complete blur; vague and ambiguous. I started to question myself, “what have I done wrong?”, “is my best still not enough?” and “why is this all happening to me?”. I used to cry almost every night because I feel that there’s no hope for me, that I am just a complete disappointment but I guess, as our problems become more difficult, we become closer to Him.

During those times, I started to trust on His plans, to let His will be done and lift everything up unto Him. My life changed completely. I begin to ask for His guidance in everything that I do, thank Him for the blessings that I receive no matter how big or small it is, and talk to Him about everything. Since then, I felt that my life became lighter. I work on things with strong faith on Him. Now, I am given the second chance to make everything better. I know that the journey ahead is no easy but I guess I have a powerful weapon. I am already equipped to face the challenges because I know that He will never leave me. I am stronger now and it’s all because of Him.

[shielaspeaks]

WARNING: TOO CHEESY FOR YOU

Happiest birthday to this amazing woman. First of all, I am so sorry for not being able to go to your birthday celebration. You don’t know how much I want to stop myself from walking out of our class just to attend your celebration. It sucks, really. Second, I am sorry (again..) because I wasn’t able to join you during your day swimming because I wasn’t informed earlier and I also have an appointment for my debut. I am really sorry.

Enough of the sorry message. I know you enjoyed last night and I’m happy for you. Happy 18th birthday!! Thank you for being such a real friend to me. You made me realize that not all “Clarissa” in the world should be hated haha you know what I mean. Thank you for accepting me and not judging me at all. You will always be my “best friend of all time” because seriously, I find our friendship a lot deeper than any friendship I have/had. We may not always be in touch with each other but I always feel the connection whenever we catch up about things and stuff.

I can still remember how we fight about my favorite color before (I love pink and you really don’t like girly colors haha) and ironically, we now have the same fave (yay for orange!!). I just find how our friendship evolved funny. Cla, I know I give the dullest unsolicited advice in the world but I promise that you can always have my ears whenever you need it. I will listen to all your rants and dramas anytime you want. I can be your crying buddy if you feel like crying. All I wish is for our friendship to be stronger and tighter. Cla, you are one of the most precious people in my life. I love you not just as my best friend but as my sister too. You can always count on me, promise!!! I know this is too cheesy and you’re not fond of cheesy stuff so I think I should end this post haha. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. Birthday date soon pls? Happy birthday again! I love you so much *hugs*

PS; I’m looking forward to watch a concert with you (The 1975 maybe?).

[shielaspeaks]

There’s always a perfect time for everything. Don’t rush things because as much as you rush things to happen, the more it will lose easily. Believe that good things will happen at the right moment and at the right time. You don’t have to look for that time, just wait for it because sometimes an unexpected moment is the perfect time. And then you’ll realize, everything is worth the wait.

[shielaspeaks]

Hi prend.

Hello, prend.

[shielaspeaks]

I am not perfect and I will never become one. However, please let me keep you. I know I have my own flaws that annoy you most of the time. I keep extra baggage which I can’t let go of. I am clingy and possessive and difficult to deal with. I can’t be those perfect girls on TV. I won’t always know when to keep my distance and when to be really close. I will piss you off because of my stubbornness and I will make you mad. However, I will love you like no other girl would. I will love you with all of me, because that’s all I can offer. I will love you even if you are on the verge of leaving me, I will love you even if you are close to giving up on me. I will love you even if you push me away and hurt me so much. I will still love you through all the pain and the tears and the smiles and the laughter. I will love you even if it gets hard on my part. I love you as I write this and I will continue to love you until I can speak no more of how precious you are to me, until all the words that I can dedicate to you run out. I will love you no matter what. And with all the faith I can muster, I hope this love’s enough to make you stay. 

[shielaspeaks]

Some people are too needy of attention. They seek attention not because they are selfish but because they are in need of it. They want people to see what they really feel, how badly they are hurt and sometimes, how broken they are. Feelings are not usually expressed through words. Some people can’t utter the right words to describe the pain but still needs to be given the love they needed. Others see this kind of people as the clingy ones but no, they are just fragile. Their hearts may be filled with pain and just searching for the love that can fix them.

[shielaspeaks]

People should stop looking for imperfections of others. When the weak points of a person are the only thing that we see, that’s the beginning of wrong judgments. What if we start looking for the good in them? What if we know them first before jumping into conclusions? Some people are really haughty that they keep on saying wrong things as if they know the person well. Try to look deeper. Sometimes, those people we judge are the ones with the good heart.

[shielaspeaks]

Every phase of depression and self-loathing always leads to a betterment within myself. In that sense, I truly appreciate my hardships.

[shielaspeaks]

“Some people are good at being in love. Some people are good at love. Two very different things, I think. Being in love is the romantic part—sex all the time, midday naps in the sheets, the jokes, the laughs, the fun, long conversations with no pauses, overwhelming separation anxiety … Just the best sides of both people, you know? But love begins when the excitement of being in love starts to fade: the stress of life sets in, the butterflies disappear, the sex becomes a chore, the tears, the sadness, the arguments, the cattiness … The worst parts of both people. But if you still want that person by your side through all of those things … that’s when you know—that’s when you know you’re good at love.”

— Matthew Healy

[shielaspeaks]

Belated happy anniversary, Escafeism!

Belated happy anniversary, Escafeism! I’m super late, I know, but it’s better late than never, right? Time flies so fast. I can still remember how we started. We were just a simple group of bloggers who wanted an escape from the world through writing and blogging and now, we already achieved more than what we picture our group will be. I will always be proud to be part of this family. Many are aspiring to be part of Escafeism and I’m one of the lucky ones who made it. We became the medium and instrument of other bloggers in expressing their feelings whether it is happiness, sadness, anger, guilt or whatever. We showed people that feelings can be transformed into words.

Being a member of this family is really a privilege. Before, I feel pressured whenever I blog or post because I thought I need to impress our readers but since I became part of Escafeism, I became aware that I just have to be myself, that I can create a masterpiece out of my weird thoughts and not think of how many notes will I be able to get. I realized that just expressing what you really feel can be a good entry for the blog because Escafeism is about how I can unveil the stories of my life in a lot more creative way. I know I became inactive lately but I’ll do my best to make it up to this group.

Again, belated happy anniversary, Escafeism!! Let us all continue to inspire others with our works. I wish to meet everyone in this family! I love you guys. *hugs*

Love,

Shiela ♥

[shielaspeaks]

Hello Tumblr!

It has been a month or two (I guess) that I’ve been away from Tumblr. It has been a long time since I last updated and reblogged a post and it feels like forever. My life has been such a roller coaster ride during the past months and I’m glad I survived it and my sacrifices were all paid off. Now, summer has officially started. I missed Tumblr though I don’t have a lot of friends, to be honest. I missed expressing my feelings and even just reading relatable posts. Gaaah. I missed everything haha. Also, I want to thank everyone who’s reading this in their dashboards because you guys still follows me even I’m inactive. I’m not after the number of followers, I’m into those people who can stick with me and never leave after things like this happened and you are one of them *hugs*. Now, I’m back Tumblr and I’m ready to be active again!

[misskhae]

I envy those people who writes good.

[shielaspeaks]

Like how they use words to make it a beautiful piece of art. I wonder how they have thought about it cos I could see how they do it effortlessly, like they just wake up early in the morning, sit in front of their computers or maybe use their phone and then they just simply write like they have never think about it. The words are coming out smoothly. Ugh. I just love how beautiful their mind is. And what I love the most though is when they are not aware that they are really good. It would come out naturally from them and we readers coukd feel how true those words are. You read and read until you realized that they’ve won your heart already. That’s how powerful the good writings are.

[shielaspeaks]

Too much hope can kill you. People often tell you that you should not lose hope, that you should keep on hoping for the best for if you do, it will definitely happen but then there are certain things that you just have to stop yourself from hoping just because false hopes could make everything worse. There are times when you should know when to stop hoping for something to happen, someone to come along or just anything to take place. You should know when to accept the fact that it is over and that what you wanted would never happen again. Sometimes, you have to forget of the possibilities that it could happen, you should stop holding on to that tiny voice inside your head that it would take place specially when you could see the impossibility of it. Sometimes, you have to stop hoping for something to happen because the images of what you think will happen can only hurt you when you finally see that they could never happen. Some things are just never meant to happen no matter how much you hoped they would.

[shielaspeaks]

Being attached to someone is never wrong. What made it wrong is when you depend your life into that someone. Your life shouldn’t revolve around one person. Always remember that you have a life that you need to focus. There is no law which says that it’s wrong to be overly attached to someone but too much of anything can be disastrous. You need to be independent. Don’t let your happiness be in the hands of others. It is your life so you should be responsible for your own bliss. No one can live your life enough more than you. You should decide for yourself and not for someone who can’t even see your worth.