FLR Reading

Here I will repost FLR related articles i've found on the web. Copyright still belongs to the owner / creator of each work. In the event that there is still a problem or error with copyrighted material, the break of the said copyright is neither intentional and not for profit in any way. The material in question will be removed at once with any presented proof.

[chastitywifeguide]

Chasity is a game of tease AND denial. If you are not teasing regularly with the denial, then you are just denying. And just the act of denial is neglect.

denial does not mean the absence of sexual activity. denial is specifically the denial of release and or orgasm. In fact, you should be participating in intimate activity regularly in order to keep Chastity game interesting for both of you.

If you’re having a hard time of thinking of things to do, here are some ideas:

Whenever you want in public or in private, make him pull out his cage so you can inspect it. Don’t just look at it. inspect it. grab it. take a picture of it. Kiss it. fondle it. put it away. This could be done at home while he’s driving or out in public.

When you’re apart, make him send you a picture of his cage.

If you’re out at dinner, play Footsy with it.

If you’re out dancing, grab it and play with it while you’re dancing

Give him a caged blowjob . In the bedroom, but other places too like while he’s driving. Or maybe crawl underneath his desk while he’s working and give him a cage BJ there.

Make him wear a butt plug for a certain period of time during the day. Tell him it’s to get ready for later when you plan to peg him or just tell him to wear it for fun even if you’re not gonna take him later it’s just fun to watch him walk around with it.

get a remote controlled but plug and use it at dinner, or use it like a service bell to let him know you need something.

Make him wear lingerie underneath his clothes when he goes out! There is nothing cuter than a pink cage, surrounded by a garter belt in stockings. Take a picture or a video to keep in your phone. This is especially fun if he’s going somewhere with his friends. Imagine his embarrassment while he has to wear his cute pink cage with a garter belt and stockings while he’s golfing! 🫢🤣 ⛳️

Put on your strap on and walk around the house displaying it. Then you can either use it or not either way it’s going to drive him crazy with anticipation. Maybe you just make him give it a blow job and then put it away. You could even watch TV while he does it. No need to interrupt your day.

Next time you’re going somewhere tell him that you’re going to drive. Surprise him when you pull out your strap on dildo and make him give you road head. (Maybe just drive around the neighborhood so it is safe). Take a video!

have him clean the house, naked and nothing but his Chasity cage. Or for extra bonus fun, making him dress up like a slutty maid and wait on you hand and foot. Have him get you a beer while he cleans waits on you while you catch up on your shows. Make him your little house wife. Use the remote controlled plug to beckon him for a refill. At some point bend him over the counter and give him a reward. make him wear a strapon over his cage. Jerk off his strapon or even give it a blow job.

ask him if he wants to be allowed to jerk off. When he says yes, have him put his strapon on and he can jerk off his strapon for as long as he wants.

Have him lay naked on the bed. Sit on him reverse cowgirl style and bounce back and forth on his cage like you were having sex and just make him watch. This will drive him crazy!

Bend over the bed in front of him and let him try to fuck you with the cage. Make a collection of photos of him in compromising situations (caged, dress in outfits, give you a bj, getting pegged, etc) and randomly text these photos to him just to remind him of his position as your slutty chastity slave.

does he use his phone too much? Make him put one of these pbotos as his background when he unlicks his phone. It will remind and humiliate him ever time he opens his phone but i guarantee it will also keep him from using his phone a lot more. Which is good because he should be focusing on you and his chores!

Tell him that you told one of your friends about his cage (or actually do!) but dont tell him who. He’ll constantly be wondering who it is and be so embarrassed around all of them. Schedule a text message with a picture of him sucking your strapon that will send to one of your friends in 1 hour (or whatever time) if he doesn’t get one of these chores done by that timeframe. You’ll never see a man move faster!

make him shave his whole body and keep it shaved (except during summer where others will see his shaved legs).

Paint his toe nails with gel nail polish (he wont be able to get if off even if he tries) or make him keep his own nails painted. get temporary tattoos and make him wear ones that say bitch, sissy, slut, princess, caged, a queen of spades symbol, or some other embarrassing thing. Make him give you naked massages every night.

wear the key to his cage around a necklace. Let people see it. If they know, the know 🤷‍♀️

hook the key to his cage around your garter belt or panties when you are having sex. Let him see it but not touch!

Make him watch you masturbate. make him show you his porn collection.

make him wear a strapon and jerk off to his porn collection.

anything you want! Just throw something into it that makes it fun!

[themodernmarriage]

Training!

I've been losing track of time recently - been very busy at work, traveling and we've doing some renovations to our home... One person who never loses track of time, however... a locked male.

For the first time in a while I asked him how long since he was last unlocked. I had genuinely forgotten, assuming it was in our usual 2-3 week window. "9 weeks," he said. I nodded.

I am impressed. One of my major rules about this whole thing is that he can't talk about it - especially when it comes to timelines, release dates etc. This is on my terms. He's become very disciplined about that, as hard (pun) as that must be for him. I have not been neglecting him, of course - nearly nightly there is some form of touch or sexual play. I often hold his nub and balls in my hand and marvel how full / tights / smooth / neat they are. But this time I had simply forgotten the 'release' part.

I few weeks back he gave me one of the best oral orgasms of my life, and I told him that I might keep him locked longer as "the training is clearly working". I think this sent his sexual energy into overdrive. I often know this is the case when he spends extra time at the gym or goes on longer runs / cycles.

Well, last night he was unlocked for a surprise release. I did some nipple teasing and told him to hold the headboard until I told him otherwise. While unlocking the cage, his breathing increased intensely, and before I even removed it fully, he had a ruined release right there in the cage. No skin contact, no erection, no 'orgasm'. He didn't ask, and I hadn't given him permission, so I literally just pushed the cage back on and re-locked his nub.

He sighed, and I smiled. "The training is definitely working," I told him.

It is!

[themodernmarriage]

Why Do Locktober?

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about Locktober, particularly from men seeking motivation or tips. While there’s plenty of that information available online, I want to focus on the more intriguing question: Why participate in Locktober?

Why would someone choose to lock their partner in a chastity device for “a whole, glorious 31 days of no being poked in the back at night, no erections, and complete chastity play”? Here’s a brief list based on my personal perspective:

Fun

Like anything related to chastity or sex, Locktober is about having fun. Many couples’ sex lives can become routine over time, and Locktober serves as a shakeup. For an entire month, the male won’t experience any orgasms or erections, which is a significant change for someone used to regular self-gratification.

For the keyholder, the fun comes from becoming the focal point of all sexual attention. You set the pace, deciding how much or little intimacy you want. You can even indulge in guilt-free teasing, knowing it’s all part of the game. It’s a month of sexual selfishness—on your terms.

Redirected Focus

During Locktober, the male is prevented from touching, and often even seeing, his penis. This forces a redirection of focus, as men typically spend waaay more time touching it and thinking about it than you could ever imagine.

Many women who lock their partners notice improvements in productivity, mood, and focus. Whether it’s because they’re eager to please you or because their pent-up sexual energy gets channeled elsewhere, you’ll likely notice a positive shift. This can be directed toward your pleasure, without any obligation to reciprocate.

Need a back tickle? A massage? Want him to go down on you or play with a toy? You get to choose. You will probably find that your locked male becomes much more touchy and cuddly even as early as Day 3 or Day 4 locked - at least in part because he can't touch himself! Enjoy it, direct it, or shut it down as you please. Remember, even if you want nothing at all, the power is entirely yours.

New Skills

Locktober shakes things up for 31 days, giving both partners an opportunity to develop new skills. The male may work on becoming better at oral sex, massage, or using toys. Some men also find a surge in motivation for fitness and healthy living during this time.

For the keyholder, it’s a chance to practice holding all the sexual power in the relationship. Women often struggle with saying “no” or feel guilty about prioritizing their own needs. In Locktober, it’s expected—you’re supposed to say no. It’s part of the fun, and part of the dynamic.

These skills, once learned, can continue to benefit your relationship long after October ends.

[themodernmarriage]

Low Key(holding)

Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders

There are many different kinds of orgasm control. The chastity/denial/control dynamic exists on a spectrum and - as you will see from the countless resources online - there is no one 'right answer'. I've had a large number of DMs requesting variations of the blog posts that I have put out there so far - many of which ask for a 'watered down' version that they can take to their significant other as a way to start the chastity / orgasm control conversation. The most interesting questions are from more typically 'vanilla' wives and girlfriends who have clearly been sent my blog by their husbands / boyfriends and are at a loss to find ways to make this dynamic work. So this article will be a very basic guide to a 'gentle' start in this space to see if you and your partner can make it work.

Starting Out

In most cases in this dynamic, the man has initiated this conversation. First off - well done to him for plucking up the courage to tell you about his desires and fantasies. He's probably been thinking about it for ages and it's healthy to have this openness and vulnerability in a relationship.

Secondly, the most important thing to remember, is that he is proposing that you take the reins in terms of your sexual play. This is crucial, because if you truly take the reins, it means that you don't have to do exactly what he is proposing. You can, and should, put your own spin on things.

Teasing, denial and chastity are all essentially about orgasm control. This means that you man is saying to you that he would like you to take charge of when and how he orgasms. It's as simple as that. If you choose to participate and make this part of your play, this should be the starting point of all of your decisions. So, I'll say it again: "This is about you taking charge of when and how he orgasms."

Again, Why Does He Want This?

I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:

"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.

Giving you control may be a turn on for him.

It spices things up in long term relationships.

Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.

It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.

It's sexy and fun to have you in control.

etc.

There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:

No pressure on you for sex

However, you get sex when and how you want it.

Cages look sexy

You set the rules

You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.

etc

The Spectrum of Orgasm Control

Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.

All orgasm control dynamics operate under the premise that your man is simply not allowed to orgasm without your permission. Should it be during sex, play or even him masturbating, he must wait for your express permission before he goes over the edge.

Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.

1. Not Locked

Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.

This is the simplest form of orgasm control for you as there's no cage component, but, interestingly, it's extremely difficult for him, as it relies purely on his evolution-proven, questionable sexual self control. It requires Buddha-level quantities of zen for most males to not sneak an orgasm while unlocked after 2-3 weeks of denial.

In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.

2. Self-locked

Here, you say to your man that you encourage, or are happy, for him to wear a chastity cage during his denial periods, but the locking and management thereof is purely up to him. There is no need to communicate about the lock ups, and the male is using this on his own accord to help control his desires.

This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.

3. Sometimes Locked

Here, you as the female will be more active in the lock up process - primarily by instructing your male to lock up for a specific period of time. You will decide the parameters for when it will be locked on, and when it will be removed, and the male is not allowed to unlock without your permission. In most cases here, you will actually physically keep the key, aka become the 'keyholder'.

This is probably the most 'standard' version of chastity that is practiced by couples, as it is more collaborative in nature. The male may be locked for portions of each month, 'every now and then', for trips, for events like 'Locktober' or 'No Nut November' or for randomly timed durations decided upon by the keyholder.

This is most 'active' version of keyholding as you will be steering the decision-making here. It's also potentially the most fun as there is an uncertainty and anticipation on the part of the male which is hugely exciting for them.

4. Default Locked

In this situation, the expectation is that the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked - like doctor's appointments, cleaning, certain sports, or airport security. Or, of course, if you want him to be unlocked for sexual reasons. There no need to define a lockup period, because there is no a 'period', per se. He's locked and can only unlock for pre-defined reasons or emergencies.

This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.

When Default mode is on, you will allow your man to unlock for his doctor's appointment, and then he will relock when it's over. You may unlock him for sex, but as soon as it's over, he will refit the cage immediately. No need for discussions or negotiations, and no questions asked.

Locking Pragmatics

Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.

Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.

Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.

Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.

I'm Super 'Vanilla' - Where Should I Start?

Short answer - wherever you like.

But my recommendation? I would start in the 'Sometimes Locked' space. Let your man do the locking up part. Try it for a couple of weeks per month - maybe something like the first two weeks of the month are 'locked' weeks. Get a sense of how things go, what you like and what you don't like.

If your man tries to talk you out of your suggested lock up period, or tries to 'top from the bottom', then remind him that you will do this by your rules or not at all. Trust is everything here, and remember that it's ultimately about having a good time.

Expand your Knowledge

Read some other articles or blogs about some of the ins, outs and practicalities.

Communicate, tease, be selfish, have fun!

[themodernmarriage]

Default Locked

I've had a lot of questions about a previous blog post - Low Key(holding). It seems many couples out there are working to figure out the best, most practical way of working male orgasm control into their relationships.

Most of the questions related to the 'Default Locked' system, where the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked. As mentioned in that post, this is the easiest, most practical system for the female as there is very limited involvement in the practicalities of the lockup. Her effort is limited towards granting permission (or not) should the male ask to be unlocked for a particular occasion or reason.

As time has gone on, this Default system is the one that my husband and I employ. While I haven't gone so far as to list a set of rules and regulations, this is typically how I go about things:

LOCKING

He is expected to be locked, unless I am explicitly aware of it.

There is no 'time frame' or schedule.

Unlocking does not mean 'orgasm'.

COMMUNICATION

He is not allowed to talk about it, unless I ask him or in case of emergency.

He can message me in advance should he wish to request an unlock.

PERMISSIONS

YES: This is quite fluid, but the main reason why I would grant permission to unlock is if there is a doctor's visit, TSA security at airports or something similar. The expectation is that he will unlock just prior to this, and relock immediately after.

SOMETIMES: Showering and maintenance once every few weeks will permit an unlock as I like him to be completely shaved. If he is unlocking for a shower, I do insist that he wears a tight speedo at all times. This minimizes / prevents erections and touching. Sometimes he requests to unlock for a shower and I will say 'no'. He can use a brush / get creative.

NO: He has in the past asked to be unlocked for exercise, swim training / cycling. initially I used to agree to this, but as the device has become more comfortable and a perfect fit over time, I don't see this as necessary. I love it when he wears running tights or his swim speedo in public - his cage is very discreet, but he gets all shy and bashful which I find adorable.

If I feel like having sex with him, I unlock him. Afterwards, there is an immediate relock.

Once these types of permissions have been established, there is very little work to do. After all, how often does he have a doctor visit, for example ? He knows the answer to most of them, and it's a short message checking in when he wants to request an unlock.

I think long-term that this system works wonders, especially when chastity becomes 'the way things work around here', rather than the fantasy games that many play in short term situations.

[themodernmarriage]

Orgasm Control Cheat Sheet

[justanobedientboy]

[flr-reading]

🥳

[themodernmarriage]

How to allow Release

Now that you have a few ideas when to let your husband ejaculate, I will briefly discuss how you let him ejaculate. Like always this is totally up to you as the keyholder, but don’t be afraid to be creative!                                           

During Penis-in-Vagina Sex                                          

 I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated  to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation  is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do  enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course  go ahead and allow him. From there, I put the chastity device  back on and then we either fall asleep together or roll over and watch  TV together.                                           

Blowjobs                                           

Again, whether you want to give him blowjobs is up to you.  Even if you do, you don’t have to keep going until he ejaculates. I  personally don’t really enjoy giving blowjobs. I gave him a lot of them  before we got married, and even swallowed, but after we got married, I  gradually reduced their frequency and limited them to foreplay only.  Since we started chastity, I haven’t given him any nor do I plan to do  so – and I even like to tease him about the fact that he can only blame  himself because he was the one who approached me with the idea of  chastity. On the other hand, I know a woman who will only let her  boyfriend cum when she gives him a blowjob. Her logic is that blowjobs  are his favourite and hence, on the rare occasion that he is allowed  release, she wants to give him maximum pleasure.                                           

Handjobs                                           

This is the main method I use to make my husband cum. You want to  make it about you and not him. It’s no longer his orgasm, it’s your game  – you’ve got control of the joystick and he’s here for your fun. Here are some ideas to spice things up:                                           

Timer                                           

You can allow your husband a certain amount of time, for example, if  his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes  to cum. If he doesn’t make it in time, he will be re-locked and you can  tell him with a big grin that he was obviously not horny enough and  should be locked up a bit longer next time. Some women challenge  themselves to make their man cum as quickly as possible, which with a  sufficiently horny man may just take a few seconds! Alternatively, you  could give him a handjob but tell him to last at least a certain amount  of time. If he doesn’t manage to last long enough, he will be “punished”  (you can decide how). You can also combine this with post-orgasm  stimulation, for example you tell him you will stimulate him for ten  minutes, and even if he comes after five you will keep stroking for the  remaining five minutes.                                           

Playful submission                                           

This can be a lot of fun and you can be really creative here. Some ideas:            

Give him a handjob while you are acting extremely bored and reading something on your phone                                           

Do it while he is completely naked and you are not                                    

Tell him to put a condom on before you give him a handjob or blowjob. This also avoids a big mess, so strongly recommended!                           

Tie his hands and blindfold him                                           

Make him please you orally                                           

Make him eat it after he cums                                           

Include the balls                                           

This is something you should probably discuss with your husband  first, but it’s a lot of fun. For example, you could frequently  interrupt your stroking to give his balls a few slaps, or you could  stroke him with one hand while you squeeze his balls with the other one.                                           

Post-orgasm stimulation                                           

This is when you don’t stop stroking after he cums. When a man  orgasms, his glans soon begins feeling extra sensitive and wants to be  left alone. If you keep stroking and rubbing his glans he will be  overwhelmed by the intense feeling. You may need to restrain his hands  before! But don’t worry, what you’re doing is completely harmless. I  love the irony that he has been looking forward to a handjob for such a  long time, and now that I’m doing it it’s suddenly “too much”. Too  funny!                                           

Edging                                           

Stimulate your husband until he reaches the edge of orgasm – then  pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing.  You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for  him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much  stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to  let him pop – although, of course, you can always change your mind and  lock him back up before that happens.                                                                                       

Touchless orgasm / release                                           

This is when you stimulate him until just before the “point of no  return” and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time  it right, instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows  effortlessly down the penis – hence they are also misleadingly called  “ruined” orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards  and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just  ejaculated. Touchless orgasms are great when you want to give him an  orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you  plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he  will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless  orgasm. I found this great article explaining why a touchless orgasm means prolonged pleasure for both of you and how to do it (contains explicit pictures!) – some quotes below:                                           

“The so-called “ruined” orgasm is one of the most intensely  pleasurable, toe-curling, sweat-inducing, back-arching, fist-clenching,  teeth-gnashing, brain-bending tricks you can use in the bedroom to drive  your man into an animal sexual frenzy.  It is also perhaps the least  understood and most underused method of extending and delivering  pleasure to both partners. If you can master this you will feel more  empowered and satisfied than ever. I promise!!! (…) The Name Is  Misleading: It’s Still an Orgasm! (…) A properly ruined orgasm is STILL  potentially more intense than a normal orgasm!   It’s not “ruined” at  all!  It feels profoundly different to him, but it still feels great –  especially if you use it as a tool to extend your lovemaking! (…) Don’t  feel bad about ruining your man’s orgasm!!! I simply cannot say it  enough.”   

 “Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to go limp and enter what  doctors call the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated to have  sex. (…) But that’s not all. (…)  Simply put… a man who’s been ruined  once or twice (or more!) in a single night can fuck you harder and  longer than you ever thought possible. (…) Basically, a ruined orgasm  (or three) multiplies his sexual endurance for the rest of the night,  without reducing his desire. In fact, it amplifies his desire, because  he gets to experience a higher pleasure plateau than he would normally  be capable of experiencing!”                                           

“To bend your man’s brain and give him truly epic ruined orgasms,  you need to know his body very, very well.  You need to study his  specific sequence of escalating physical pleasure signals, to identify  the first possible moment in the sequence where you can let go and cause  him to still cascade through climax.  Arched back, tensed muscles,  grunts, whimpers, pulsing cock, retracted balls – every man has his  signals. (…) Instead of letting go “at the last second” you actually  want to let go as early as possible. You want him to hang, untouched, on  the verge of climax, for as long as physically possible, before his  body reflexively sends him over.  Do it correctly, and his cum should  just dribble out, under weak contractions. (…) With good communication,  you can find the perfect timing together, by working your way  “backwards” from the moment of his orgasm.  Start by having him tell  you, out loud, when he hits what he believes to be his point-of-no-return.” 

“Back off at exactly that moment. (…) However, men always misjudge their own point-of-no-return. (…) In order to find his true point-of-no-return, you need to study the cascade of physical reactions happening in his body in the precious seconds before he calls  “stop.”  Then, night after night, progressively work your way backward  through that cascade, stopping sooner and sooner, on your own (without  him telling you when to “stop”), until you find the point where he doesn’t climax at all.  Then, night after night, slowly and very carefully work your way forward again, until you find the point where he  lingers for 5 to 15 seconds, untouched, before leaking uncontrollably.  (…) Basically the power of his “cumshot” is a clue to help you know if  you’re doing it right (weaker is better) (…) Another huge clue that  you’re “doing it right” will be in his refractory period – or lack of  one.  After a typical good ruined orgasm, his cock should not “wilt” at  all.  He should stay aroused, erect, and eager for more action.”                                           

“Please don’t let your hard work go to waste by feeling like you  have to give him a normal orgasm eventually, don’t give in to a sense of  guilt!!!. That will just cut your night short. (…) I allow him to have  orgasms, but he can only have them on my terms.  That means… when I want  him to have a “normal” orgasm, I give him a “normal” orgasm.  The rest  of the time?  I either tease and deny him, or I ruin him.  He never  knows what I plan to do until I do it. (…) I can choose to “finish” him.   Or I can choose to “ruin” him.  He gives that choice to me, willingly,  lovingly, every time.  It is his love letter to me – the single  greatest gift he is physically capable of offering – and I cherish it.  I  respect it.  I handle it with utmost love and care.  And it makes me a  fuller, more confident, more satisfied, happier woman.  It makes our  marriage stronger, and I adore him for it. I would also like to point  out that once I mastered the ruined orgasm my husband is actually more  disappointed with a normal orgasm because of his refractory period. It  may sound counter-intuitive but a normal orgasm is actually the outcome  he likes the least, despite it being the thing he craves most  desperately when his “primitive horny brain” is in charge.”                                           

Keep him guessing.

Every single time you touch his penis, he should never know if you intend to edge him, ruin him, or give  him a full orgasm.  Lie to him.  Tell him you’re going to stop, then  don’t.  Or tell him you’re going to ruin him, then give him a full  orgasm. Or congratulate him on the orgasm you’re about to give him, then  “change your mind” and stop for the night.  This only works if you also  sometimes tell the truth.                                           

Masturbation                                           

Some women don’t like their man touching himself down there, either  because they find his masturbation unattractive or because they want him  to “forget” how to do it. But other women like letting him masturbate  as they like to watch or because they are feeling a bit lazy and don’t  want to lift a finger themselves. In any case I would discourage you  from allowing him to masturbate when he is alone (for example, sending  him to the bathroom for a quick wank); instead, he should always do it  in your presence. Also, if you allow him to masturbate, there should be a time limit (never more than a few minutes) so you can make sure he only cums when is very horny.                                           

https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/

[themodernmarriage]

Reader Chastity Statistics: How did YOU do?

I have asked some of the women who have read my website and used my tracker to share the results with me. Below are some of the results of my Chastity Survey (as of February 2022), with so far 148 participating couples.

71% of couples have started their chastity journey with a long initial lock-up period as recommended. The most commonly chosen inital lock-up periods were

three months (48%)

six months (31%), and one year (15%). 25% of the women extended the initial lock-up period because he misbehaved.

Longest ever periods without male orgasm:

on average 6.5 months, ranging from one month to 18 months (wow!).

94% of men at some point had to go at least two months without release.

Male orgasm frequency: on average 18 times per year (that’s about once every three weeks), ranging from less than once to 50 times per year

Female orgasm frequency: on average 110 times per year (that’s about once every three days), ranging from 42 to 315 times per year)

Most popular ways to bring him to orgasm:

Handjobs (48%)

Blowjob (22%)

Ruined Orgasm / edging (19%)

PIV sex (6%)

Pegging (2%)

Most common teasing methods (in order):

Edging

Ballbusting

Nipple play

Joint showers

Spanking

Most popular ways to bring her to orgasm:

Cunnilingus (48%)

“Normal” PIV sex (29%)

Vibrator (13%)

Sex with him using a strap-on while locked (7%)

Masturbation

90% of women have experimented with giving him “ruined” orgasms, but only 29% ruin more than half of his orgasms.

Most popular places to keep the key:

On a necklace (63%)

On a bracelet or anklet (13%)

In her phone case (10%)

Hidden somewhere at home (8%)

At her place of work (6%)

Type of cage used:

52% are using a steel cage

83% are using or are planning to get a custom-sized cage

29% of keyholders have got their male a chastity piercing, and another 50% are considering it

Here is an example of a chastity tracker shared by a young couple in their early 30s, this being their 2nd year of chastity play:

Link here

[themodernmarriage]

Pinned Post: Chastity Cheat Sheet!

I am aware that there is a lot of information on this blog - plenty of detail and explanation into the mindset and procedure of Male Chastity play. Perhaps too much detail!?

I get a large amount of emails and messages asking for a simple place to start, and while I usually point them to the very first post in this blog, I think the time has come to provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' for those of you who need to recap or want to get started quickly and dig into the details later. As a starting point, here are some hotlinks to the main sections of the blog:

Introducing Male Chastity Play

The Science of Male Chastity

When to allow Release

How to allow Release

Teasing in T&D / Chastity Play

In addition to these articles, I will also provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' based on a summary of the information above, blending in my 10+ years of experience as well as hints and tips I've picked up along the way. Here we go!

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

WHY MALE CHASTITY?

Chastity play is the best example of 'power exchange play' where the (usually) female keyholder takes control of the couple's sexual dynamic.

Handing over control of their sexual release is a highly arousing experience for males. The tease and denial that comes with it heightens sexual excitement, increases the male's energy levels and (most importantly) makes YOU the focus of the sexual experience.

Male chastity play is not about having less sex - in fact, most couples in chastity play have a significantly more active sexual dynamic than the 'vanilla sex twice a month' crowd.

WHAT DO KEYHOLDERS DO?

Hold the keys and control when and how release takes place (see links) .

Set, communicate and enforce the keyholding rules at the start of the lockup.     

Tease - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.

Make the most of (literally!) holding him by the balls ;).

BASIC KEYHOLDER RULES:

The wife can choose the chastity device. If you don’t feel like buying them then he should present you with a few options, colors and sizes.

It is no longer his penis - it is your 'nub'. Take ownership.

Hold the keys, keep them safe, do not let him access them - take it seriously.

The wife decides when the male will be unlocked, allowed an erection, or allowed release. SEPARATE the concept of 'unlock= orgasm'. In most cases it’s unlocked purely for teasing or training, for example.

TEASE AND DENIAL

The way to maximize benefits and (again, counterintuitively) maximize his chastity experience is teasing / arousal. This does not have to take a lot of time or effort. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up.

Is teasing cruel for the locked male? Absolutely not. Denial after 2-3 weeks of lockup is often described by locked males as "feeling like being half way to orgasm 100% of time". Quite heady stuff.

Some basic ideas:

Talk about his predicament: Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage check’ at random times.

Make fun of it! “Ah sweet such a cute little nub.” A little-known side-effect: locked boys leak precum like crazy. Tease him about his constant ‘dribbling’ or ‘wet spot’ - you are sure to fire up even more production 😂.

Tell him to sleep naked now and again. Join him in the shower. When at home, make him wear tight clothing where the cage is clearly visible.

Play with his balls. With the nub locked, his exposed balls are infinitely more sensitive. Tickling / stroking will be irritating - what he will need is squeezing, slapping, hitting. Start slowly and build up intensity - he will tell you when to stop. Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.

Play with the cage - stroke any exposed bits, blow on it, whatever!

Kiss - the fastest way to turn him on, and it will make him strain in his cage. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.

Make him worship your body: make him go down on you, massage you, stroke you... use your imagination! Denying him an orgasm DEFINITELY does not mean reducing your orgasm count.

Nipple Play: With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity dramatically. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

Edging: Stimulate your male until he reaches the edge of orgasm – then  pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing.  You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to  let him pop – although, of course, you can always change your mind and lock him back up before that happens.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?

This is up to you! If you are new to chastity play, I recommend a minimum 3 week initial lock up - no unlocking, no release whatsoever. 3 weeks is a full week beyond the typical 14 day prolactin/oxytocin cycle that follows a full orgasm in males. We want to maximize oxytocin (caring, devotion, sexual energy) buildup (14+ days) and minimize prolactin (grumpy, tired, loss of libido), which usually starts to stabilise at the 14 day mark.

Beyond that?

Feel  free to go with a fixed schedule, such as one ejaculation allowed per 3 weeks, if that makes things easier for you – but don’t make it too  predictable, so also consider delaying or skipping a release date.

For more experienced lovers, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice chastity for their male that initial enforcement of chastity should be at least  three months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the  break in period of getting a device that fits.

HOW SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?

So many options!

Penis-in-vagina (PIV) orgasm: I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated  to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation  is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do  enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course  go ahead and allow him. Sex with a dildo or with him wearing a cock sheath means you get all the benefits of hot PIV sex without him having to orgasm.

Handjobs: The easiest and quickest for you! To spice it up, use a Timer - for example, if  his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes  to cum. If he doesn’t make it in time, he will be re-locked. If you don't feel like unlocking him, simply use a vibrator / electric massager on his cage - the vibrations will eventually lead to a strange, unsatisfying orgasm (perfect!).

Masturbation: Tell him to masturbate in front of you. Again, use a timer here to increase the pressure!

Prostate stimulation: If you are into this sort of thing, did you know you can actually 'milk' a male. It's true. Stimulating the prostate in the right way will lead to semen release without any orgasm and without even the need to unlock the nub.

Finally, and my favorite: The 'Touchless (aka Ruined) Orgasm': stimulate him until just before the “point of no  return” and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time  it right, instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows  effortlessly down the penis – hence they are also misleadingly called  “ruined” orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards  and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more. Perfect!

THAT'S IT!

Above all, enjoy it! I guarantee you, it will be a different, fun, unique and highly arousing experience.

[themodernmarriage]

Orgasm Control: A List of Benefits

I get a lot of questions about the benefits for me and for my husband about the benefits of structured orgasm control as part of addressing the issue of “mismatched libidos” in heterosexual relationships. For many people, as soon as they make a start on this journey, a range of benefits become clear pretty quickly. So, in this case, I believe the requests for providing a list benefits are for people who are still in the process of deciding if this approach is for them.

The short answer is - yes, your life (and sex life) will change for the better. Give it a try.

The second short answer - yes, use a chastity cage. While it is possible to practise orgasm control without one, the benefits for you, but especially for him, of using a chastity cage are exponential. Perhaps the list of benefits below will elucidate why:

Control vs Neglect

In most heterosexual, long-term relationships, women have a significantly lower sex drive than their male partners. Men have less sex than they would ideally like. In this sense, marriage means that females control the allocation of sex. Already. However, without a deliberate structure and communication around the element of this control, the mismatched libido is interpreted by the male as ‘neglect’ or the feeling of not being desired. This can drive the male to pornography, masturbation or ‘nagging for sex’, which puts unwanted pressure on you, and is a serious turn-off.

When orgasm control is discussed and structured as part of the couple’s sexual dynamic, the male’s perception moves from being ‘neglected’ to ‘controlled’. The latter is highly arousing, and the sexual dynamics flips on its head. By controlling his sexual release, you as a couple are indicating that it has a ‘value’ far greater than when he is simply free to masturbate at will. His greatest physical reward, and the oxytocin, bonding, dopamine rush that follows becomes linked to you, not to Pornhub.

More Sex, More Orgasms (For YOU)

Orgasm control is about controlling the MALE orgasm, not yours. The worst thing you can do is be sexually inactive between release windows. Rather just call the whole thing off now - it will not work.

Rather, you can and should have frequent orgasms - and he will love giving them to you. My partner and I have sex frequently outside of his release window. I unlock him and we have standard sex - the only difference is that he is not allowed to cum. He goes slower, uses toys, users his hands and tongue - whatever he needs to do to follow the rules - and I can deliciously and *selfishly* enjoy it. Once we're done, he is locked back up until next time.

This is what he expects and desires - don't feel bad for one second. Stop thinking in the old school "Sex is about the male being satisfied" mindset. It is mindblowing for him in every way - both mentally and physically.

Reigniting the Desire

As has been said on this blog before, males are programmed to ‘move on’ emotionally after ejaculating. Orgasm leads to a spike in prolactin which is a ‘shut off valve’ for intimacy and sexual desire. Frequent masturbation is therefore a total intimacy killer. Controlling the male orgasm leads to increases in oxytocin focused on you as his key objects of desire. He is heavily sexually aroused and his desire for you will skyrocket. Now, he is fully aware that he can’t do anything about it until his scheduled release, so it translates as increased intimacy, and increased energy for other things.

No Pressure for Sex

Modern marriages are defined by women ‘feeling bad’ every time they are not up for sex. The perception of old-world society is that it is the women’s duty to provide sex whenever the male desires. With chastity and orgasm control, this is completely reversed. Sex is not the goal, and the ongoing sexual rush of the denial is what the male will savor the most.

We have PIV (penis in vagina) sex frequently. Most often this is outside of his release window, so he knows that he is not allowed to orgasm, and after I am finished, he is re-locked. It's a mind-screw and a challenge for him, but he absolutely LOVES it!

Chastity is Effortless

With him in chastity, I can do all of this without really having to do much. A bit of attention here and there, a bit of teasing and he is at a constant, positive simmer. It is about communication, structure and commitment.

Release Days are Effortless

When I do allow him an orgasm, this too can be as effortless as you could possibly imagine. On release days, his excitement is so high that bringing him to climax can take as little as a few seconds. This is about “release” - after weeks locked up he will not be able to last very long. Sometimes he will cum just by taking the cage off... In which case, job done 😂.

I usually start by having him bring me to orgasm as usual - with his tongue, hands or a toy. Now it's his turn (for once!).

First decision - do you want him to have his release while in the cage or unlocked?

Caged: it's about balls and nipples. I recommend one hand plays with his nips while the other pulls, squeezes and strokes his balls. Then begin tapping his balls at a regular rhythm, building intensity slowly. Tell him he has permission to cum... Keep tapping and in a few minutes he will come to the edge. He is to ask permission one more time before he about to cum. As he is coming, tap / slap harder until he is finished.

Unlocked: Take off the cage, grip his balls tightly and pull them away from his body, back and forth. Try to touch his nub as little as possible. At most, use a slow, infrequent stroke with a single finger from the base of his nub up the shaft to the tip. He must ask permission just as he is about to cum. At this point, tighten your grip and pull his balls away from his body and hold them there until he is finished.

Tip 1: If you do unlock him for release, always relock directly after he orgasms. This significantly reduces the "drop" he will experience after orgasm and will push him through the 2-3 grouchiness period much smoother. He loves it if I put the cage on him, but if you prefer he locks himself, straight after his release, firmly tell him that it's time to go back in the cage.

Tip 2: Feed it to him! Tell him to clean up with his tongue or at least lick it off your hand. Recycling is important 😂.

Cages Look Sexy

I think of chastity cages as jewellery which is very aesthetically pleasing. Unlocked penises flop about, lean to one side, grow and shrink unpredictably and are often pretty badly manicured. When locked in a cage, everything is so neat. Males will need to do a bit of gardening down there to make it as comfortable as possible. Everything is held in place. His nub is encased and immobilized. His balls are held tight and presented forward. He will want to wear tight underwear or swimwear for comfort purposes, which presents such a neat little package. Every time I see the cage I am reminded that he is doing this for me, and I get a little shiver down my spine. It just looks better, and I love it!

Arousal on Demand

Males think about sex all the time. The vast majority of sexual thoughts and corresponding erections go completely ignored. When locked in chastity, these sexual thoughts (and erections) are contained, and are linked to you as the keyholder. This is highly arousing for the male, and will feel like direct attention from you - even though you may not even be in the same postcode. The cage works for you full-time, and is there whenever the male is aroused. Extremely powerful!

Discipline

The chastity cage helps males to stick to the rules. Most males masturbate significantly more than you will ever imagine. For the vast majority, they will NEVER have gone 21 days or more without masturbating since they first discovered it in their teens. With a cage, masturbation is simply off the table. They must direct this energy elsewhere. Which leads to :

Weight Loss and Conditioning

All of this extra energy must go somewhere, and in most cases, this is directed to physical exercise and conditioning. Many women report that time in chastity has lead to significant weight loss and body sculpting in their males. Motivation and drive are seriously tangible chastity benefits that you will notice as little as 7 days in.

Service

Oxytocin is the courting hormone. Increases in this wonder drug caused by orgasm control will often lead to a far more focused, attentive and service-oriented mentality. Whether conscious on his part or not, I notice a happier, more helpful male, with a higher attention-to-detail and eagerness to please. Use this as you see fit!

A Better Sex Life

Most importantly, chastity and orgasm denial will improve your sex life. Sex does not equate to penetration anymore, although it certainly can if you wish. Unlock him at any point in the schedule for sex of you're keen for it - it's just that outside of the release window, he will have to find a way not to orgasm. You are the focus until his release date!

Most importantly, "sex" in long-term marriages is about sexual interaction - intimacy, honesty, communication and care. This is why you are doing this in the first place. Rewire your thinking as a couple, and become a highly engaged, balanced and aligned sexual partnership.

Conclusions

These are just some of the many benefits that are associated with the exciting journey of male orgasm control. Drop some more in the comments and I can add to this ever-growing list.

[themodernmarriage]

Chastity Rules and Tips - Cheat Sheet

[themodernmarriage]

Ruined Orgasms

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

I guess the biggest misunderstanding about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined”. It has a negative connotation. It suggests something unpleasant or unfinished. It's also often called a "touchless orgasm", which is more accurate I believe.

"Ruined" is simply inaccurate. A perfectly “ruined” orgasm is still an orgasm! It will feel profoundly different, but it will always be WONDERFUL – especially if you use it as a way to prolong your lovemaking! Males have been giving themselves orgasms for many years, but one thing that it is basically impossible for them to do is give themselves a "ruined orgasm". This, among other things, is what makes it so mind-blowing.

The basic concept is very simple, in theory at least. Let’s say that his point of no return (the precise moment, no matter what happens, once reached, the body gives the “kick-off” and inevitably triggers the orgasm) is very precisely seven minutes, then you must stimulate him for just under seven minutes (and not a second more). At that moment, release his nub and absolutely stop all your stimulation. As long as he doesn’t receive physical stimulation, his orgasmic reflexes will lead him straight to a ruined orgasm. Mission accomplished!

The key to a ruined orgasm is to find the right moment to interrupt the stimulation. Instead of “letting go at the last second”, you can stop much sooner. The goal is to leave him on the verge of orgasm, as if time were suspended, for as long as possible before his body triggers the ejaculatory reflexes. If you do it correctly his semen should just flow effortlessly drip down along his straining nub.

Do you see that “floating” moment, the time it takes for the semen to flow without caressing it? If so, congratulations, you’ve done it!

Benefits of a Ruined Orgasm

If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just ejaculated. Ruined orgasms are great when you want to give him an orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless orgasm.

He will experience no 'refractory period' after a ruined orgasm. Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to lose his erection and enter what  is called the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated.

His recover period will be MUCH quicker, and if you have sex after a ruined orgasm, he will last must longer too!

Most of the benefits of a long period in chastity (for you - i.e. motivation, energy, increased oxytocin etc) will not be lost after a ruined orgasm.

How to give a Ruined Orgasm

I'll start by saying that there is no 'one right way'. But this is what I like to do...

SETUP:

Tell him to lie down on his back.

Ideally, restrain his hands behind his back, or tell him to lie on his hands. Most males can't be trusted to not touch their nub at the crux of the ruined orgasm! Tell him he is at no point allowed to touch his (your!) nub. Throw in a blindfold for fun, if you feel like it.

Tell him you are going to give him a ruined orgasm, and that he should not cum until you tell him he can.

TIP: If you don't feel like direct skin contact or don't want any 'mess', tell him to wear tight lycra shorts or swim briefs, and then stroke him through the fabric, rather than have him completely naked.

PROCESS:

With your male on his back, take one hand (i.e. my left hand), and grip his balls and pull them away from his body until his penis is pointing up at almost 90 degrees.

With your right hand's index finger, stroke upwards (from the balls to the tip of the nub) slowly and deliberately. his most sensitive part is the area on the underside of his nub just before the tip. Stop just short of this area. It's much harder for a male to orgasm with an upward stroke as opposed to a downward one.

Keep this motion up for a while. Don't speed up - slow and steady is what you want, so that you don't drive him over the edge too quickly.

Every 10-15 strokes, slowly rub the sensitive area a few times, or gave a few circles along the head of his nub, and then to go back to the slow upward stroking motion.

If you feel his balls contract, or his nub twitches, let go with both hands immediately. Tell him to not cum - "no cumming... don't cum yet". Or you can ask him to announce when he is getting close. When he says "I'm close", let go with both hands. Count to 20, and then pull his balls away again and start with the slow upward motion.

Eventually (or soon, depending on the lockup period!), even letting go completely will cause him to go over the edge. Don't stimulate him at all at this point. The cum should ooze gently from the tip of his nub and down the shaft - no spurting, no major twitching... a perfectly ruined orgasm.

ADDED EXTRA: The second you see any cum being released, tap / slap his balls with the flat of your hand for 20-30 seconds or until all of the cum has been released. Be careful not to touch the penis at this point, only the balls.

Tell him to clean up and re-lock his nub immediately.

Bravo - you've done it!

As mentioned, everyone does it differently, but this is a basic 101! Trust me, he will be begging you for more in no time!!

Pro Tip: If your male is caged and you don't wish to unlock him for a ruined orgasm, use a vibrator or vibrating massager and simply place it on the base ring of his cage, underneath his balls. The vibrations will eventually bring him to the point of orgasm. Ensure he tells you when he is close to climax. At this point, stop the vibrations and cease all contact. If you time it right, his cum with leak out of the front of the cage in a perfectly ruined orgasm.

[cuckoldhusbandobediencetraining]

Great article on the benefits of pegging your husband.

Pegging, definition according to Wikipedia: “Pegging” is a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo, which is held with a harness or with her own vagina.

Doctor Jenn Gunsaullus says that pegging “unites men, women, dildo, lube, pleasure and power”

The most important to me is POWER.

From my experience as a Mistress, I know that pegging is the most effective way to get the transfer of the standard dominant role from men.

Through pegging, the dominant role of the relationship passes radically from the man to the woman.

The couple relationship dynamics will completely change once he will be underneath you and you will fuck his ass with a strap-on. From that moment, you will stop seeing him as the “leader” of the relationship and you will be stating a precedent for having things done your own way, not his. And the best thing about it is that he is going to love it too.

You will discover yourself soon making decisions he used to make before, or for which you needed his approval. You will feel much more self-confident, Dominant, and at the same time, he will start feeling and showing himself more submissive, more sensitive to your needs, wishes and whims.

Determined but cautious

If you have decided to incorporate the pegging to your relationship, don’t rush. Choose the best moment to tell him; a moment when he is very excited and receptive. Tell him you want to fuck his ass in the next months. Be very sexy when exposing your idea and take profit of that excitement to negotiate with him. Deal and establish clearly the limits, changes and punishments, also the physical ones, which you will apply if he decides not to obey at some stage.

He will not know how far you intend to go, and accept all your conditions. He will be too excited and worried planning to get to fuck you for his own pleasure, to stop thinking in the future. This will be his first great lesson.

Before starting with the strap-on training, you have to realize at all moments that you have to look confident and pushing. It is a training, that may seem too slow to you sometimes, but it is clearly pleasant for both of you, so, enjoy the process as well. The results will come, but it must be something positive from the first moment to you.

Another way to pleasure

What you will do, as a matter of fact, will be changing is pleasure area. He will have to learn to transfer all the pleasure he thinks he has only in his dick, from the top of his penis, to his anus… After a while, you will get to make the anal pleasure his only way to get sexual satisfaction. And you, will get this way all the power and the control you wish on him and much, much more pleasure. Because, in exchange of the pleasure he will get from your strap-on, he will feel the impetuous need to give you all the pleasure you may want, and will do anything to make you happy. He will be “programmed” to satisfy you.

His penis stops being a pleasure tool, also for you, and you rediscover the pleasure of oral sex, a pleasure that you will need and ask constantly. The more pleasure you will get like this, the more he will need to satisfy you.

Humiliation

Very important: you can add some humiliation to the training. Take profit of any occasion to show him you really have all the control and all the power. You may need other dicks for your pleasure, not his, and you may use them or not; anyway, you decide. If you use other dicks, don’t feel guilty; on the other hand, tell him your intention to do it and your experiences. He must learn, and understand, that your pleasure is the most important thing, NOT the source where it comes from. He will have to make an effort then to be the only source of pleasure. You know, they always love to be the Alpha “Macho Man”.

Chastity

Rise your control on him: cage his penis in a Chastity Belt. Even if it seems unbelievable, the fact of not touching himself, nor seeing his useless dick, will turn him on a lot. This is because he can’t disconnect his mind from you while wearing the Chastity Belt. The CB, or cage, as I call it, will keep him in a state of perpetual excitement and obsession for his sexual needs and pleasure.

Remember, once you start fucking his ass with the strap-on, you won’t see him the same way. You will not see him as a man, he will be your whore, a slut you take by his ass, each time you wish to.

Rejection

It won’t be so easy to induce him. He will try to convince you that pegging is an absurd practice, unnatural, strange and shameful to him.

He will think that the idea of being penetrated will seem to him an atrocious act, and he will describe the scene of you fucking him as something horrible. Those are just excuses. Ignore them!

Sometimes the “Macho” hides away the strap-on not to be fucked. Other men stay at work until later, when they feel “it is time”. Others allege, finally their rejection from their fear to be identified and catalogued as “gays”… He will always find excuses to take your attention away from his ass. Don’t hesitate, use discipline and corporal punishment, if needed, to prevail.

Fuck him again and again

In a FemDom relationship, it is important that you fuck him regularly during the first months of the strap-on training. In my opinion, several times a week.

Do it in a way that he will never know when you will do it: before he falls asleep, or early in the morning, before he gets to work, after work, even in the middle of the night, and most of all, each time you will feel like fucking his ass.

With the pegging practice you fuck his ass, but also his mind and you reinforce your authority. Ignore his complaints. Reward will come soon.

Little by little, his resistance to be fucked will start to decay, as it will happen with his sphincter in the same way.

The combination of forced chastity, corporal punishment and pegging will make your man a new creature, unselfish and submissive. The power dynamics of the relationship will change. Remember always that your authority will grow more the more you apply it.

He will soon understand that he does not control anything _not even his penis_ he will not be able to have something as private as an erection without your consent. He will realize he can’t have what he wants, when he wants it, without your approval.

Masturbation

It is very important to control the masturbatory customs of men. A man should not be allowed to masturbate in a FemDom relationship.

Always full

Your authority will grow, while he gets used to have something inside his ass: make him use a butt-plug, of a good size, when you are not fucking him.

You can also enjoy making him feel always full. During a meal, surprise him ordering him to go to the bathroom to introduce himself a butt-plug you have prepared for him.

He must get used to other physical things. But mental and psychological changes in him will be very deep and definitive.

Knickers for him

The moment has come to ask him to wear knickers, instead of a male slip. Hide all his slips, and take him to buy his own girlie underwear. Make him wash every night the knickers of both of you. Hand wash.

It is normal to wear a whore’s clothes if he is being fucked as one. This way you show him it is not just a game; he will feel your control on him while being dressed as a whore all day, he will not have relief, even when he is far away from you.

Milking

His body must get used to the new situation. Receiving the strap-on will change from being painful, to being uncomfortable, and finally just a strange sensation.

Take your time in order to stimulate his prostate when you are fucking him, it will be very pleasant for him, even if also humiliating, and he will not recognize it easily. He is enjoying a strange new pleasure, humiliating, but for sure milking will help.

What you will really do is milking his prostate and, remember, keep his penis caged. During the milking process, he must feel relief, but something really different from his usual pleasure with his precious penis. Milking is necessary to drain his prostate, that will be extra full of his seminal liquid almost for sure, because of the level of continuous excitementyou provoke in him.

More humiliation

Verbal humiliation can be useful during this process to break his ego, you will see soon how necessary it is to break him, humiliate him.

The first time you will call his ass “hole to be fucked” or “male cunt”, he will be shocked and ashamed. Ignore him. You will see he is dripping, excited, only because of your words.

Make him shave. Either all his public hair or leave enough for a landing strip. Like a true whore does.

Cruelty

You can be even more cruel. If you say to him, in a calmed but self-confident tone, that his little penis is useless, that he fucks like a girl, hat you need a big man, with a big cock, who will know how to use it to fuck you… for sure you will get his attention immediately.

Explain to him that you are going to tell to two or three of your best girlfriends some private aspects of your sexual life… Things like that he has a small dick, that you put him in chastity, that he has controlled orgasms, that he is a cunt-licker, that you love fucking him with the strap-on, that you make him wear knickers, that he has to share your cunt with other men and that he must clean after… all that will be very humiliating to him, but will reinforce your authority, he must realize that you are serious about it.

After three or four months of chastity treatment, pegging, discipline and humiliation… Being self-confident, firm, strict… he will stop resisting and fighting.

He will bend over for you, will hug and hold you after you have fucked him with love, and will desperately need to lick your cunt to give you pleasure and thank you for what you do for him.

No pleasure for his dick

He mustn’t have “conventional sex,” during this period. I recommend you not to offer him “vanilla sex”, at least during the first months, until he understands his dick is not necessary anymore to give or get pleasure. Sex for him, must be limited to serving you orally. You can masturbate him some time in a humiliating way, or with lack of interest. Better if you do it with your feet. May be I don’t need to say it, but your mouth will never touch his penis again.

Having his dick caged, has no real effect on him giving you pleasure with his mouth, but while being frustrated by the fact of not coming for weeks,, his sexual tension will arise dramatically and, of course, his desire towards you. This produces his wish to see you get pleasure and sexual satisfaction many more times.

Finally, your man’s brain will end by associating the anal penetration with your pleasure and orgasms, he will want his strap-on treatment, and will beg for it. He will be your whore, always in disposal to please you. He will need to be fucked by you, and he will do anything to get it.

A one way trip

If the man receives the strap-on regularly, his body and mind adjust to the new situation, and he experiences some physical and psychological changes.

Fucking him turns into a “normal” experience, and he will even need it. This happens because you succeeded to change is erogenous zone, by ignoring and caging his penis and by constantly stimulating his prostate through his anus.

His own pleasure becomes secondary, and he prefers to make you enjoy, gets excitement and joy when you ignore his penis, but you use more his mouth and tongue… he discovers a richer and more exciting world in which he is not the centre anymore, he does not even decide.

Source:

cuckoldressfiancee

[chastitywifeguide]

troubleshooting your chastity lifestyle - part 1/2

i will often get messages from followers about problems that they are having in their chastity relationship. lets start the new year by trying to fix some of these problems. instead of responding to everyone individually ill be spending the next few posts answering some of the common problems people are having.

many keyholders have expressed frustration that they aren’t quite getting the submission and/or the loving attentive and affection husband that is promised by chastity. or they are getting it for a little while and then it goes away. i’ve noticed some common mistakes that people are making…

1, avoid the “lock it and leave it” mistake. chastity is NOT something that can be passive! keyholders must play an active part in the game being played. the surest way to fail to achieve all the benefits of chastity is to just lock your partner up and ignore him. in fact, this will likely have the opposite effect causing frustration (the bad kind) and resentment.

you should be doing something every single day that engages him with reguard to his chastity. this can be fun exciting things that take time and effort or this can be as simple as a comment about his cage, a joke or a tease about it, grabbing his cage in the kitchen, or demanding a picture of his cage when he is out of the house. for the love of god though, you need to do at something!

2, avoid what i’ve heard people describe as “traffic jam chastity”. this is when you don’t keep him locked, teased, and denied long enough. understand that in order to get to the sweet spot of chastity you need to have a minimum amount of lock up time (plus constant teasing). this will vary by each couple but it is certain that only having him locked for a few days at a time will result in failure. i suggest at least 4 weeks at a time. ideally more! it takes time for him to build up sexual tension and frustration and to convert that into constructive emotions and actions. if you’re unlocking him too often then you will never reach the promised land and every time you unlock him, you’ll have to start over.

some keyholders are worried about being “too strict” and keeping him locked for too long but you should remember that if you’re already in a chastity relationship then he wants to be locked up! unlocking him is likely the opposite of what he wants. still, if you are worried about how long you keep him looked and denied then play this fun game: chose a number of weeks that you think is reasonable to keep him locked for. maybe like 6 weeks to start. write it down. tell him that you’ve chosen a period of time for his next chastity sentence. tell him that he has to also choose a period of time and write it down but if he chooses a time period less than what you chose then you will double the your number! (ie if you chose 6 weeks and he chose 3 weeks then he will be locked for 12 weeks! oof…) but if he chooses more than what you’ve chosen, then that will be his new sentence (ie if you chose 6 weeks and he chose 7 weeks then he will be locked for 7 weeks). this is a fun game that also let’s you know exactly how long he thinks is appropriate.

3, As the keyholder, you must set clear rules and expectation. you have to make and enforce your will. do you want nightly back rubs? make it a rule. want him to clean the house? make it a rule. want him to give you and orgasm. demand one. i’ve been giving many examples of things you could do to keep chastity spicy. pick a few and do them on your terms. he is probably starved for this kind of attention and if youre not giving it then no wonder he is acting out! chastity is a give and take and the more effort and energy you put into it, the more benefits you will receive from it.

more FAQs and trouble shooting to come.

[chastitywifeguide]

FAQ 2

My husband still seems to dominate the bedroom. How can I take control in a way I want to?

Answer: what you are describing is “topping from the bottom”. Your husband is supposed to be the submissive one in this relationship (“the bottom”) Often times, dominant men in other areas of their life like to take this role. It’s very common, but because they are used to taking control in every other aspect of their life, it makes it hard for them to let go. even if that is what they want.

To stop this there are many ways. I suggest doing all of them immediately.

1: make a list of rules. These rules should be playful, but strict and ultimately benefit you as the keyholder but also benefit him too by satisfying his desires and needs. ie a rule should help the keyholder and secually frustrate him. Actually adhere to the rules and tell him that any breach will result in a punishment. Examples include:

he is not allowed to ask for release, or even mention release.

he will clean the house every day in nothing but his cage or attire of your choosing.

he will make you dinner every day and nothing but his chastity cage or attire of your choosing.

He will give you an orgasm any time and anywhere you tell him to. (Make a secret word or a hand gesture like snapping your fingers)

Every night before bed, he will stand at the end of the bed and wait for additional orders whatever they may be (time for bed, rub my feet, Get ready for pegging, give me an orgasm, tell me to not release you, anything really)

I would literally write these things down and put them somewhere. Tell him that it is his job to make sure that he adheres to all the rules, if he breaks any of the rules, there will be punishment. they can range from additional time locked up, additional teasing, pegging, spanking, time in a smaller cage, get creative.

2: I’ve said it before, but he will continue to do this until you have broken his masculinity/male ego. In his mind he is still in charge. he is the man and you are the woman. You have to leave no question in his mind that you are in charge. This can be done several ways as well. I suggest all of them!

When he is at work, send him text messages with commands. Such as spot checks (have him take a picture of his cage to ensure compliance and text it back to you).

when together, make him strip naked, so you can inspect your cage.

Buy him a pink cage and make him wear it. This is very emasculating.

A really important one will be to peg him often. Weekly? Making him adopt the “feminine roll” in the bedroom will naturally cause him to be submissive.

Leave no mistake who is the “bitch” the bedroom by making him dress in your lingerie (if it fits) when you have sex, Peg him, or just make him dress in it for the night while he does his chores or sleeps in them. Either way it will be hard for him to top from the bottom in such a vulnerable position.

call him your bitch. make him call you master or mistress.

Go even further by taking whatever he does for work or recreation and emasculating it. If he is a lawyer, make him dress up as a secretary, if he is a doctor, make him dress as a nurse, if he loves sports, dress him as a cheerleader, if he is a cop, dress him as a sexy cop, teacher/principal then dress him as a slutty school girl, etc.

Paint his toenails.

Make him wear a butt plug.

make him curl his eyelashes everyday.

Find anything that could humiliate him and do it. Anything that is especially emasculating works really well. if you need other ideas just think about feminine things and apply it to him.

3: whatever he is trying to do while he is topping from the bottom, reverse it every time. nip it in the bud. I assume he is wanting you to do sexual things, so whatever it is that he tries to get you to do, if possible, make him do it.

4: Remember that Chastity is a daily thing. As I said in my last post, you should do something every day with regards to his Chasity situation. if you do not, he will start to regain confidence and become more dominant even if he is locked in a cage. it requires maintenance. use the things we just discussed above to keep him your bitch.