FLRevolution

Cataloging my experiences in a burgeoning FLR marriage. It'll probably be NSFW, I can't say. 

[lovethoughtfulcollectionpainter]

Chastity

Chastity is a curious fetish. It’s curious because it’s a fetish that morphs into a lifestyle with relative ease. It’s also a fetish that is just as addicting for the wearer, as it is for the key holder. The part that makes chastity the most curious however, is just how quickly it can change the mindset of the wearer and key holder. It doesn’t take very long at all to recognize just how powerful D/s can be. Chastity does however, have a few learning curves to it, but they can also be a part of the fun.

When starting out with chastity, it can take a bit of time to get the right fit. There’s a lot of components that need to fit together just right. Too tight can mean serious health consequences, where as too loose might mean the cage falls off without the key. Taking the time to figure out the right fit will beneficial for longer term wear, and putting an end to pinching, or chafing.

It’s important that the base ring fits snugly, just before it cuts off blood circulation. When you’re first starting out, you’ll find that over time, you’ll need to gradually move to smaller rings as the body adjusts.  When you’re just starting out with chastity, the male body is going to rebel against it for the first few weeks. In fact, the device will likely not be able to be worn overnight because in the middle of the night, nocturnal erections will prevent him from sleeping. Not because it’s painful, but because the penis is trying to push the cage away from the body. This causes the scrotum to pull against the ring causing it to stretch. This stretching makes him feel a burning sensation that doesn’t really hurt, but it’s a strong enough feeling to prevent sleep.

Don’t worry, with a few repeated attempts to wear the device overnight, the scrotum will stretch and the burning will cease until the cage can be worn all night long. All attempted erections can be slept through, and he will awake as a very horny locked submissive. Being able to stay locked for a full night is a milestone. The stretching/burning sensation will come back when attempting to do 2 - 3 or more nights in a row, because the body is still not used to it fully. Eventually all this will stop, and he’ll be able to stay chaste indefinitely, without losing any sleep.

Chafing is another concern, because it’s a device attached to a moving part of the body, the ring will tend or irritate the skin and cause it to go raw. One good way to combat this, is to use a clear diaper rash ointment which works like a lube, or remove the cage until it heals then try again. One good brand of ointment is Penaten daily clear protection cream, its on Amazon. This can also be used inside the cage, because it repels moisture. It prevents any kind of infections from sweat and daily use while also allowing the penis to slide around in the cage instead of sticking to the sides. It makes it much easier for him to go pee, without struggling to line his penis up with the hole.

Over time as the body get used to the cage, the skin will stretch, and jumping down a size in the base ring may be a good idea. The cage will often begin to pull forward after a few days of wear, making pullout very possible, if not tempting. Moving to a smaller ring at this point, is a good idea.

Attempted erections over time will lessen to a degree. Not because he’s losing the ability to get hard, quite the opposite in fact, when he’s allowed to be hard, he’ll be harder than he’s ever been! However, his body will have learned that it cannot win against the cage, and will accept defeat. It will not try to get erect as often, which means, his penis will be flaccid most of the time.  If you look at the cage, and see where his flaccid penis is resting, it will likely be a short distance away front the end of the cage. This means, upgrading to a smaller cage would be beneficial.

The cage should fit around the flaccid penis so that it rests touching the end of the cage. Not straining against it. The object is not to cram the penis into the cage, so that even when its resting its backing up into his body. The cage should match his flaccid size, so that when he attempts to get hard, he’s gently denied. Causing him to squirm in frustration and submission.

One other important part to remember when fitting a chastity cage, is the space between the base ring and the cage itself. The gap should not be very wide, it should be wide enough to enable circulation. It should compress the scrotum, so that the balls are snugly held in place. If the gap is too wide, when he gets cold, or is active, or even sleeping, his testicles might slip through that gap, and that can cause pain or injury. Especially if one testicle can slip through and the other cannot.

It is for reasons exactly like that, that the submissive should have access to a chastity key at all times. It doesn’t mean he gets to keep a key on his key chain. But perhaps in a sealed, stapled and signed envelope, that can’t be opened without being noticed. It’s also something that can cause him to be extra horny, knowing the key is within his reach, but he can’t use it without his key holder knowing. So safety first, can be beneficial in more ways than one.

It can be a lot of fun to figure out the right size, and experiment with chastity, it’s really the perfect way to figure out if chastity is for you or not. Once you get past the fitting stages, and getting the body used to it, the real fun begins. It’s the point where, she truly gets to decide if and when, he gets unlocked.

A whole new psychological level unlocks with chastity. One very interesting aspect of chastity is that it’s often a male driven fantasy, but the benefits of it hit the female harder. After a few days of keeping him under lock and key, she often thinks about it throughout the day, and really enjoys the extra attention he’s trying to pour onto her. His puppy dog eyes, his eagerness to please, the housework gets done, dinner gets made and she just gets to relax. A few days of this, and she begins to feel his frustration. She can feel it like he feels it, but in a different way. She feels the power of it, where as, he feels the helplessness of it.

This power that she feels, makes her feel desired, while at the same time, having her own desire. It’s an exquisite mix of emotion that helps her to discover just how much power she has, which gives her the confidence to become a little more dominant. It doesn’t take her very long to realize she loves the idea of chastity. This is a realization that even the submissive hasn’t had yet. She’s leap frogged his understanding of chastity, and it has now become her idea and her fantasy, and no longer his.

It can actually take the submissive a substantially longer period of time to realize how powerful chastity really is. At first he may have been the one pushing it, trying to move faster, wanting her to be more dominant. However, once she truly gets it, she’s going to be taking control in ways he’s not yet comfortable with. Especially when it comes to sex, and realizing that he doesn’t actually get to even touch himself while pleasuring her. The intensity of that alone, can make a submissive realize what he’s gotten himself into!

This might make him become resistant, to be rebellious at first. He may even want out of the cage, just as an excuse to masturbate. It’s okay, if he seriously wants out, and doesn’t want to submit any further, let him out. Within a short period of time, a couple days, or a couple weeks, he’ll miss it. Once a submissive has had a small taste of chastity, especially well fitting chastity, it’s nearly impossible for him to ignore it for long. It calls to him. The feeling of being locked is a feeling that is so addicting, so powerful, that he’ll be begging to be locked again.

This time around he’ll understand more of what he’s gotten himself into, and will be more cooperative. Non sexual activities will become sexual for him. Every chore, will be an act of service, which he will hope for a reward from her. Everything he does, will be in hopes to receive an unlock. Going out for dinner and a movie, might get him feeling hopeful, until she teases him by saying she feels like a bath and a full body massage when they get home. He knows he’ll be locked all night, in service to her.

Eventually he’ll have the same epiphany she had, he will feel his submission take over his whole body. He’ll realize he’s not in control, that he’s surrendered to her, and he has no idea what’s going to come next. He will stop trying to be unlocked through good behavior, and realize good behavior was never why he was unlocked. He gets unlocked, only through obedience to her. It’s a pivotal shift in a female led relationship, where he suddenly gets what it means to be a submissive. That’s when chastity really begins.

[flrknight]

Great article

[flrknight]

Over the last few months several people have asked my advice on topics like “starting the FLR conversation with your wife”. The truth is I’m not really the best person to ask because I kind of messed it up several times. I can certainly tell you what not to do, but any success I’ve had is almost entirely because I have a supportive wife who is inordinately patient. So as I say, I’m probably not the best at giving advice.

Never the less, I want to leave a little idea here and then I’m going to be off Tumblr for quite a while. The reason for that will become clear with the advice.

If you are starting an FLR get off Tumblr. Get off any porn sites. For the first six months don’t even read about it. Just let the nature of what your relationship is going to look like play out. Talk openly and honestly with your partner, but surrender any preconceived notions.

Look, I know I’m not the first to say this, and I won’t be the last, but if you truly want a successful relationship you need to have realistic expectations, and sites like Tumblr are going to thwart that. Even a blog like mine, which is deliberately non-erotic, will set up unrealistic expectations for you. The support of the community is unquestionably helpful, and nurturing even, which is why I don’t suggest you leave permanently. But in those first six months you need to let your relationship play out without comparing it to others on line.

As human beings we love to test ourselves. For me (and I’m certain hundreds if not thousands more) tempting myself with porn, while trying to remain chaste, is a thrilling exercise. “How close can I go?” But the problem with that is it’s an experience that’s entirely about you, and flies directly in the face of what you are trying to do in an FLR.

When we started, my wife said “no more porn”. Easy enough I thought, and got rid of all my bookmarked porn sites, but I’ll stay on Tumblr because I want to maintain the blog, and reading about others experiences is helpful. Right? No. It’s not right. It’s you selling yourself a lie to maintain the porn addiction. Now I’m not here to tell you porn is bad. That’s a topic on which we all have opinions, and it’s too hot a topic for right now. But, I will say that porn sets up unrealistic expectations.

Let me use this example. How many of you watch pegging videos? How many of you desperately want to be pegged? How many of you have actually been pegged? Remember the first time? It hurts. It’s awkward. It’s about as far from the videos as you can imagine. That’s not to say the experience is bad. But it’s awful if you compare it to what you see and imagine. It’s the same with an FLR. The reality is vastly different from what you see and imagine. If you constantly compare it, you’re going to be constantly dissatisfied. And you’re going to stifle it from being what it truly wants to be.

I know this because I’ve done it repeatedly over the course of this year.

I wish I’d said this more eloquently, but I write train of thought. When something needs to be written, I write it. And I hope it hasn’t offended anyone. Like I say, there’s a great community here. But if you truly want to be a part of it, I think you need to step away and “tend your own garden”.

So for me, it’s time to take a break. Step away from the temptation for a while and let my FLR blossom or die without the influence of anything other than my wife and myself.

I’m pretty excited.

[flrknight]

The Implication Is In Your Head

This post isn't about FLR. It's about something that I've noticed, and that I want to challenge, not in an aggressive manner but, rather, in a suggestive way. A hopeful guiding hand. I know this will offend some people, and that isn't my intent, so I apologize in advance. I recently read a post, one that I have seen before (not the exact post, but the essence of its content). The post was framed as a complaint, and the crux of the complaint was "I am sick of people addressing me as Ma'am/Mistress/Madam etc. as it implies a dynamic that has not been agreed upon". Several responses were from people saying "thank you for bringing this to my attention" and "I didn't realize that it was so presumptuous, but I see it now". I even had that reaction myself, but it has sat with me for a few days now and I have to say "that's bullshit". I'll start with the most obvious part. If you label yourself as a Dom, male or female, you have already established a dynamic. I'll write that again because it's important. If you label yourself as a Dom, male or female, you have established a dynamic. Same with a sub, or any other label you want to use to define yourself. You are telling people how to approach you. If you say you are a Dom, someone referring to you as Ma'am is simple manners. It is not them forcing a dynamic. I want to quickly distance this post from certain points. I am in no way advocating unsolicited dick pics. And for those of you that wish to engage in absurdist reductionism, let me stop you right here - this is in no way comparable to victim blaming. (I also want to take a moment to state that unsolicited dick picks and being called Mistress is not reserved solely for Doms. I've received my fair share of both when a ten second review of my posts would clearly show that those actions will curry no favor with me). Even if you don't identify yourself with any labels, it is important to remember that, for the most part, people who are messaging you don't know your name, or how you like to be addressed, so they are usually trying to be polite. I had someone address me as 'dude', which is pretty dismissive and insulting to my mind, but I can't judge them for that. That's my interpretation. (Again, for you reductio ad absurdum fans, this is not the same as saying "I just said that. You implied meaning") This issue is not reserved for Tumblr, or even the fetish community. We are reaching a point where we're all bending over backwards trying not to offend that nothing makes sense anymore. I was at the park with my son, and he was playing with another boy who had long curly hair. My son kept referring to his new friend as 'her' and 'she', and I corrected him once or twice (primarily because he's still learning the differences between the two). Now this boy's father referred to his son as 'sweetheart', which is what I will often call my son, so I didn't think anything of it. But then it occurred to me that, maybe, his son was actually a girl, and he was saying 'sweetheart' to make it clear that he was actually a she, and he was getting offended that I wasn't picking up on that. If you don't spend a lot of time around kids you may not know, but telling their gender is hard at the best of times, and I try to be as encouraging to the role they want to play. I met a kid with long hair and a dress at the park, and his mother was offended I thought he was a girl. But if I child is identifying as female, even in play, I think it's better to encourage that than to create gender identity issues. That digression was used to illustrate this point - the implication exists only in your head, and you are destined to waste so much time and effort being offended if you can't see that. There is plenty to be angry about, and you'll always find more if you want to look, but you will find so much more joy if you just relax.

[flrknight]

The Desire For The Cage

When viewed broadly it’s amazing how similar we all seem, but once you start looking closer it becomes abundantly clear how different we all are. Even people with an identical kink experience it in different ways, and we can have the same desires for different reasons. I mention this because the subject that I want to write about would seem to be pretty one dimensional, but experience has shown me that the motivations behind the desire are unique to the individual. So…if it wasn’t already clear, these are just my thoughts.

As I alluded to in an earlier post, I am currently chaste, but not locked. My Wife controls my orgasms, but the upholding of my chastity falls mainly to me. A large part of this is to prove my commitment to Her. It’s easy to not eat doughnuts if there’s none in the house, it’s a little bit harder when there’s a box of them open in front of you. It’s the same idea as ‘unbound’ bondage. You can struggle against a rope and still stay tied up, but when your hands are bound behind you by nothing more than a command there is added mental anguish.

It’s genius really. Having to ‘earn the cage’ requires a full commitment, and that can be challenging when you can’t sleep because you’re so horny. I’ve had several nights where I was certain a quick release would return me to blissful sleep, but the knowledge of what that would mean keeps me frustrated and hard. Of course, I have succumbed a few times. It’s like trying to work an underused muscle, only the muscle here is willpower, and I never had to have it before.

So you might think that my point here is that I desire to be locked to ease that burden - throw the doughnuts out, so to speak. But that’s actually not the case. The funny thing about writing this is that I know a lot of guys reading it are currently locked, and they’re probably reading it from the perspective of ‘be careful what you wish for’. Maybe someday I will look back on this post and think ‘idiot’, but like I said at the start, I can only speak from my experiences and desires.

My desire to be locked is entirely about that constant reminder. A little steel (or plastic or ‘biosourced resin™’) hug that says ‘you are loved’. You could substitute the word ‘owned’ for ‘loved’ there, but I’m starting to realise that the words don’t matter. The intent is always there.

When i was younger I experimented a lot with crossdressing, and my fondest memories of that time was going out with lingerie under my regular clothes. There was great joy in moving slightly and feeling the fabric rub and knowing what I was wearing. Looking back I realise that that joy wasn’t ‘feeling naughty’, or ‘getting away with something’, the joy was self love. Knowing that, even though other’s couldn’t see it, I was allowing myself a gift that I usually denied.

It’s the same with the desire to be locked. Others can’t see it, but that reminder is always there. A little something that says ‘I love you’. Now, sure I have a wedding ring that says that, but I guess this is closer to saying “I love all of you”. It’s someone holding you even when they aren’t there.

Does that make sense?

[flrknight]

The vicious nature of blue balls and a child who likes to run.

As i may have mentioned before, my Wife is incredibly compassionate. While i sometimes might want Her to be a little less so, it is one of the qualities that first drew me to Her, and i would never truly spurn it. She is, however, developing a profound enjoyment of watching me squirm. She revels in seeing just how crazy horny i get while being denied release, laughing as She rubs my aching cock while staring into my eyes and saying “no cuming tonight, maybe tomorrow”. It would be a lie to say that no small part of that enjoyment is derived from the fact that, despite my protests, She is saying the exact words that i want to hear.

Now, as anyone who has had any experience with tease and denial will attest, there is a very real, and lingering side effect of this practice, affectionately (by some) referred to as ‘blue balls’. You don’t need me to go in the science behind it since a). i’m not a scientist and b). it’s pretty straightforward - your body produces sperm, that sperm collects in the balls, that sperm is not released, water balloons fill up when you pour water in to them, right?

Ok. So there is something quite nice about having blue balls. The dull ache reminds you of the fact that you’re being denied, it keeps the memory of the previous night’s session fresh, and it carries the faint promise of release somewhere down the track. But, it also hurts. Sometimes a lot. Especially when you walk. Or run.

Now, as i said, my Queen is very compassionate. She constantly checks on my well being, especially when we’re out walking and i’m clearly struggling. But She also reaaaaally enjoys the benefits of my denial, so it’s not like She will grant me release simply because of a little pain. Nor would i want Her to.

But what are the logistics when you have a toddler who likes to run - sometimes directly at your crotch? This happens a lot. It’s like when you have flu shots and suddenly everyone is absentmindedly punching your arm, right where the needle went in. You will find that your child, who could previously barely hold a ball, can now throw it with the power and accuracy of an all star pitcher.

At this point I should point out that i don’t have a solution. I did consider wearing a protective cup (something i also considered while said child was in the baby carrier/rampant kicking stage of development) but, really, the only solution is the knowledge that it will, and does, pass. Even without proper ejaculation i’ve noticed that the body regulates itself enough to provide a mild release. Mind you, the longest i’ve been denied was a little over four weeks, so what do i know?

So what’s the point of this post? I guess i just thought i’d let you know that it happens. If you are heading in to a relationship where your release is being controlled by another, it’s going to happen, and in totally non-sexual ways.  So be prepared.

Edit - evidently I was way off base with what causes blue balls. It's blood flow not sperm. Ah well. Like I said, I'm no scientist.

[flrknight]

The power of a gracious mind.

The last few weeks have been a rather enjoyable ‘experiment’ for me due, in large part, to a practice that i have undertaken that i can’t recommend enough. It is something that I have done on and off in my regular (non-FLR) life, but its potency for a doting (submissive) partner is revolutionary. 

For the last few weeks i have undertaken a daily practice of writing down the things that i am grateful for. Now, i have two lists. The first is a general list of the things that i’m grateful for in my daily life. While this list almost always includes my Wife, i try to make sure that She is only one of the five daily points that i aim for. The second list, as you may have guessed, is entirely about Her. The aim is to find five new things about Her, each day, that i am thankful, grateful or just plain blessed by/for. 

You can read entire books devoted to this practice, but the general concept is that it is an active rewiring of your thought processes, to focus on the positive. It sounds trite, but the effects are undeniable. And for me, the daily practice of taking five minutes at the start of the day to remind myself how lucky i am, has taken the focus off of the ‘i want, i want’ and placed it right back in to the field of ‘i have, and i am blessed’.

As our FLR continues its more measured, tentative pace, i find joy in the smaller moments, rather than wishing there was more. i simply cannot recommend the practice enough, for everyone. And if You’re a Dom, make your sub do it. It makes it that little bit sexier.

[flrknight]

An update, of sorts

So, it’s been a while since I posted, and really that’s because of one main reason which I’ll get to in a moment. First I want to thank everyone that has followed this, and liked or reblogged my posts. They’re not the raciest, so I wasn’t sure they’d find an audience, but I’ve now ticked over 1,400 followers, and hopefully my words are helpful to at least some of you.

Anyway, an update of sorts. Not long after my last post (a few weeks later to be exact, my Wife and I had a heart to heart. We had decided to set a three month trial period for our FLR. I was worried that, at the end of the three months, She would call an end to it - I knew I certainly wouldn’t.

Except I did.

The problem was that my honest goal when we started was to make Her life easier, and to make Her happier, but what was actually happening was that She was faltering more and more under the pressure of living up to my expectations. I’d like to say I didn’t have any, but of course I did. The reality was that, even though I was trying to take it slow, it was very much a case of too much too soon. If you think about it, it makes sense. I’d had my whole life to prepare for it, but She was thrown in the deep end. So in the end, about a week shy of three months, we called a temporary end to our FLR.

What followed was pretty lousy, and is pretty much the reason I haven’t posted about it. Firstly dealing with the thoughts of failure, that go hand in hand with the unspoken fear of so many submissive people; “there’s something wrong with me, and I will never find anyone who can love this part of me”. I don’t need to go into those fears too much. If you haven’t felt them, you are lucky, and if you have, you don’t need me to tell you what they’re like. The thing was, my Wife and I remained in some pretty open conversation about the whole thing. I told Her those feelings were going to be stirred up, and She did Her best to reassure me that those fears were unfounded. But, nothing could stop them. What followed was a pretty intense period of anger and shame, and my libido all but disappeared.

I kept doing the chores, because I liked the way the house ran, but there was nothing involved in the process but work. Our sex life, even our intimate life, vanished. I was too hurt to initiate (I rarely did anyway), and She was too trepidatious. We would talk about making time just to be intimate, but I was fearful of it, knowing that I was too emotionally raw to happily engage. Pretty crap, right?

Yep.

But then, while I sat beside Her on the couch, my Wife sent me an sms; “I want to try again”. Now, I don’t know where this is going to go, it’s still fresh. I’m letting Her dictate every step. At the moment, it’s way too slow for me. I haven’t actually noticed a change at all. But there’s hope.

I hope this doesn’t dissuade those of you hoping to get in to the lifestyle. This is, of course, just my experiences along the journey. But I figure, if I’m going to be honest about the process, then I have to be open about the good and the bad. This has been the bad. Hopefully the good is on its way.

[flrknight]

Someone posted this story recently. I rolled my eyes and thought ‘that old chestnut. Yeah, it was really potent when I read it 10 years ago’. But it wouldn’t leave me over the next few days.

This morning I realised, particularly in relation to my last post, the two wolves are there in every situation. And in an FLR they are the difference between relishing the joy in your Wife or Partner or Dom, or feeling jaded at the lack you’re experiencing. If you focus on the joy the spark will always be there.

Sometimes old lessons come back because you need to learn them in a new way.

[flrknight]

Something I have wanted to write about for a while now is the struggle between truly submitting to the will of another, and having your own needs or desires met. It’s a very difficult tightrope to walk, and finding the proper balance has been an ongoing task up to this point.

I’ll try to elucidate my point further (which I’ve tried to do several times already before deleting the post in frustration.)

So…like a lot of people currently living in an FLR I get a lot of guidance and inspiration here on Tumblr. One of the major benefits of this is that you get a good view into the inner workings of all sides of the equation. The thoughts of slaves, submissives, sissys, or just your regular worshipping husbands, as well as Dominants, Master/Mistresses, Wives and everything in between. What this access has shown me (among many other things) is this notion of “if you want to submit as just another way to get your rocks off, then you’re not truly submitting. It’s all still about your cock and your orgasm.” Now from the perspective of a Dominant Female I can see how this makes sense, but i think that it carries an inherent danger.

Let’s use ‘going down’ on my Wife as an example. Like most males, particularly those in an FLR, i derive enormous sexual satisfaction from going down on my Wife. Obviously I don’t cum, or have any kind of orgasm, but I am never more turned on than when my head is buried between Her thighs. It would be an absolute lie, then, to say that that moment is all about Her pleasure, because i desire it, and crave it. Hell, the simple act of denying my orgasm is ultimately (at least in part) about me. It can’t help but be. Being denied prolongs your period of arousal. Is it frustrating? Yes. But it’s also electrifying.

So it may be that to truly submit, you have to forgo any type of sexual play and this is where you run in to the problem that i’m currently struggling with. Over the last month there have been periods (which have felt like weeks to me) where my Wife has simply been too distracted to feel/be sexual. Some work life questions have also made Her feel less confident in Her role, and less comfortable in Her power (at least, that’s how it has seemed to me). In these times, understandably, Her sexual potency diminishes, and She has no desire for any kind of sexual play.  I continue my chores, doing what i can because, a large part of my reason for entering into this FLR was because i wanted to make Her life easier. BUT, and here’s the conundrum, without any sexual element attached it just becomes work, and over time that carries a danger of diminished sexual desire.

Now here’s where many people will dismiss me as being someone who isn’t really submissive, whining because he’s not getting his way, and they’re entitled to do that, but i think that ignores the dynamics of a functional relationship. It also ignores the multi-faceted characteristics of male eroticism. Counter to what we’ve all been sold, male sexuality is not all about the cock. To some, the phrase “your opinion doesn’t matter” is erotically hyper-charged. In saying it You are catering to the desires of Your submissive, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s what the agreement is. In many respects it is a case of “I will do all of this for You and, in return, You will remind me that i am doing all of this for You”.

Or should we not need reminding? Does a submissive not deserve the right to sexual desire? This is the question that i’ve been ruminating on, and I’m not sure i’m any closer to working out an answer.

(NB. I don’t own the rights to the image above, and forgot where I got it, so can’t give credit. Apologies if it’s yours)

[bled]

[flrknight]

This resonates so strongly with me. In the past and I would have judgements about this image. I'd dismiss it as being 'only for single people' or a 'manifesto for loneliness'. But now I look it and see the potent advice for couples. You have to be happy in yourself to be happy in a marriage. As a man with strong submissive tendencies, I tried to keep that from my Wife. It made me less content, and that had an impact on our marriage. In pursuing a goal that fulfills me, I have discovered my Wife in a totally new light, and my love for Her has never been stronger. State your desires clearly and see what happens. Being submissive doesn't mean being passive.

[flrknight]

It's been almost two months...

With a subject heading like that the initial assumption is probably that it's been two months in chastity, or two months since I came. Neither of these is true. It has simply been two months since my Wife and I started on our journey towards FLR. I say journey towards it, even though you could argue that it really is a black and white scenario. You're either in one, or you aren't. That's probably the first misconception that these two months have dispelled. Our roles seem to be constantly changing and evolving, and the evolution is very much an "x steps forward, y steps back" type. While my Wife is very much the one in charge, sometimes the responsibility becomes too much of a burden and it leads to stresses that force Her to retreat from Her power. I'm so proud of Her strength though, and also Her willingness to appear fallible. I think there would be a great temptation to hide that, but Her showing it really does increase Her power in my eyes. It's strange that embracing our weaknesses usually makes us stronger. Well, perhaps not so much strange as obvious. My initial hope had been to catalogue every step of the journey in as straight a way as possible. While I love reading erotically charged posts, I wanted to provide a dry commentary on the realities of embarking on a true FLR for those interested in following this path. The problem is, since my Wife took control of my orgasms I am in something of a permanent state of heightened sexuality. Funnily enough that has led to a struggle with my own judgments of myself. I have never been the 'guy who only thinks about sex', (probably because I've been masturbating at least 5 times a week since before I could even cum. Sometimes 5 times in a night) and I took pride in that. Now I find that every moment of every day has an ever present hint of sex. Part of me is overjoyed to be 'normal', and the other part feels shamed at being 'just another man thinking with his dick'. It's confronting and I find myself apologising for making everything about sex. It also means that 'dry' attempts at journaling soon devolve into charged accounts of precum leaking onto the sheets while I go down on my Queen once again. Instead, I'll offer here some random thoughts from the last two months. • The time She said I have to 'earn' chastity, forcing me to acknowledge that it is my desire, and not something 'forced' upon me. • The moment when She said I could cum after a month of no release, and I felt conflicted - desperate for the orgasm, but sad that my heightened state of constant arousal would soon explode out of me, and I would go 'back to normal' until I could build it back up again. I did cum in the end. The orgasm was possibly my most intense, but I carried a palpable feeling of loss for the next two days • I've been surprised by the sexually charged joy of doing the laundry. Each time I hang Her clothes I feel a spark of excitement. I'm sure it will fade in time, but it's still there after two months. • Something else that I have noticed is that cum occasionally just 'spills' out of me. It's the oddest sensation and I've come to cherish it. It feels almost like I'm about to pee, but then a substantial 'load' (maybe a half teaspoons worth) will just leak out. It's different to precum, but thicker than urine. It's odd and fascinating. This is all a bit train of thought, I just wanted to fire off a quick post so I could actually get started doing it, rather than just planning it in my head. So far, here's what I will say after two months: If you are thinking about embarking on this journey don't wait. Do it. It is not easy. As submissive as you think you are, you going to be challenged, and your probably going to find out just how submissive you aren't. But stick with it. It will take work, but it is so worth it. And if you are like me and you thought your Wife/Girlfriend would never go for it, just take the plunge. Be honest and open. BUT, don't empty the whole toy chest on them. For me, it was as simple as saying that I wanted to learn to love Her better, and that I thought that tying my sexual release to Her, and only Her would help facilitate that. You don't need to go into detail of your fantasies (unless She asks) because they're just that; yours. You need to be willing to surrender them. If you really want it, then Her fantasies will become your fantasies. Even if they're a little too tame for you to begin with. Trust me, once She starts in this path, She can get plenty dirty. And it is so worth it.

[flrknight]

I've lost my taste for erotic fiction since I experienced its non-fiction counterpart.