He Comforts you When you Struggle with your Body Image 🖤
Pairings: NamjoonxReader (est. relationship)
Word count: 1.3K
Themes: fluff, angst
TW⚠️: mentions of anxiety, negative thoughts about body image
You could hear your heart pound in your chest as you stared back at your reflection in the mirror. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes as they scanned your body travelling from your hair, to your face, down to your stomach, and then your thighs. You closed your eyes as you tried to control your breathing, not wanting your feelings of self hatred to cause you to spiral out of control.
Your anxiety had been slowly building all morning as you dreaded your afternoon plans. Your boyfriend had a very important event coming up and you had yet to find a dress. This meant you had to go shopping, your absolute least favorite thing to do in the world. To a normal person, you thought, this should have been no big deal. All you had to do was go, try on a few dresses, pick one, and be on your merry way. But of course this process was not so simple for someone like you. Someone who constantly struggles with crippling anxiety and low self esteem. A shopping trip for you meant spending hours upon hours going from store to store, trying on dresses that just don’t fit right on your body, breaking down crying in the fitting room, and then composing yourself just enough to avoid complete public embarrassment while handing the dresses to the fitting room attendant, telling them that the dresses “just didn't work out”. Just the thought of it was exhausting. The impending stress beating down on you before you even left your house.
So there you stood, staring yourself down in the mirror critiquing everything you didn’t like about yourself as you tried to gather enough courage to go. On a good day you could usually manage to pull yourself together, but for some reason this morning everything was wrong. Your hair looked a mess, your skin was breaking out, and your belly bloat was poking out more than usual. On top of everything, you felt disgusting in everything you wore, changing outfits at least 4 times. The tears that had been threatening to fall began to cascade down your cheeks as your breathing picked up. You shut your eyes tight in an attempt to calm yourself but you felt the familiar feeling of panic rising in your chest. Suddenly the sound of your boyfriend entering your apartment caught your attention as you quickly brought your sleeves up in an attempt to rid yourself of the tears that stained your face. You ran your fingers through your hair and forced yourself to take a few deep breaths as you stepped away from the mirror. You heard the heavy sound of footsteps approaching before your boyfriend's head popped in.
“Hey Baby! Rehearsal ended a little early this morning so I came home for a bit,” he informed you as he walked over and placed a soft kiss on your cheek. But, as he pulled away from you he frowned as he looked into your eyes, sensing the sadness that you were trying so badly to cover up.
“Baby what's wrong? You look like you’ve been crying,” He frowned as he brought a warm hand up to cup your cheek.
You melted into his touch as you took a deep, shaky breath,
“I’m okay Joon,” you lied, “I was a little stressed out earlier but i’m fine now,” you said as you turned from him and began to walk toward your closet. But Namjoon knew you, he could always so easily tell when you were sinking into your own mind. He came up behind you wrapping you into a warm embrace. You closed your eyes as you took a deep breath relishing the feeling of his warm body and the smell of his cologne that always seemed to bring you back down to earth when you felt you were spiraling.
“I wish you would talk to me,” he mumbled softly into your neck. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what's going on”
“I just-” you started “I don’t know,” you said defeatedly, “it’s stupid”.
How do you explain to him that you just sat there having a panic attack over the mere idea of shopping. You felt embarrassed as you turned to look up at him with glossy eyes.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he said as he held your face in both his hands, “don’t you do that.” he said as he placed a small kiss on the tip of your nose. “Whatever you’re feeling right now is not stupid. If it’s enough to make you upset it matters to me”.
You let out a sigh before you began, “I was really anxious about having to go dress shopping today.”
He nodded empathetically, waiting for you to continue. You took a pause searching for the words to say as emotions bubbled up inside of you before you broke
“I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror Joon” you said as your voice started to quiver. “I couldn't even pull myself together enough to leave the house, and the thought of having to go and try on a bunch of dresses that probably won’t even fit me just makes me feel like shit about myself and-”
your voice wavered off as a pathetic sob ripped through you. You hung your head in shame as you could no longer stop the hot tears from falling once more down your face. Namjoon didn’t say a word. He held you in his arms and soothingly rocked you back and forth as you let everything out that you had been trying so hard to hold in. Once your sobs eventually died down into little sniffles, Namjoon pulled back from the tight embrace so he could look into your eyes. There was a sad look on his face as he began to speak,
“Y/N, I want so badly for you to be able to see yourself the same way I see you. You are so incredibly beautiful you still give me butterflies” he said as he kissed your forehead, then your lips.
“I love your eyes that sparkle...”
He placed a kiss on each cheek
“I love your smile that lights up every room you walk into...”
He placed a tender kiss in the crook of your neck
“...and you know how much I love your body,” he lightly chuckled as he placed a kiss on your collar bone, “it drives me wild”
You gave him a soft smile
“I love that you look just as captivating when you’re wearing sweats and a t shirt as you do when you’re in a thousand dollar dress,”
He had a serious look on his face now,
“I love absolutely everything about you Y/N...and i'm making it my personal mission to remind you how beautiful you are every day until you start to see it too” he said as he gave you one more kiss on the top of your head.
You reached up to wrap your arms around him and squeezed tight
“Thank you Joonie, somehow you always know what to say”.
“That’s what i’m here for baby” he said as He then took your hand, led you out to the living room and over to the couch, pulling you into his arms as he sat. he turned the tv on and threw a blanket over the two of you as he cuddled you into his arms
You sighed as you looked at him
“Baby as much as I would love to stay here like this, I still have to go find a dress and you have to get back to work” you said sadly.
He looked down at you and gave you a squeeze
“You,” he said in between kisses, “don't need to do a single thing today. I’ll take you dress shopping tomorrow, and I’m positive we’ll find you a dress you love, and besides I don’t have to be back at work for a couple hours”.
You breathed out a sigh of relief as you nodded your head and settled into Namjoon, matching his breathing behind you. Thankful that you have him in your life.
