“stitching loose threads in my soul (in the morning, i’m bulletproof)”
i love noah kahan and long fic titles so here ya go <33 have fun !!
... okay look i know the majority of people are here for newsies and i do love newsies very much but oh my god this is so david frances coded. it really is. i can't help it i'm sorry-
in my head i'm thinking of this like a 5+1 - 5 times david had to force himself to be brave + 1 time he didn't need to be. the first time is right before 'confederate fag', when david arrives late and needs to hype himself up before going back to school after his suicide attempt. he's been outside school for way too long, he tries texting brody to no response, and he looks up to see that fucking flag waving above him like it's mocking him - so he tears it right down and spray-paints it, because it's his now, and his life is his now and everyone who has a problem with it can get fucked.
the second time takes place with the group at the creek before billie and brody find them all; peaches and david are talking about the plan to move to LA while mouse makes daisy crowns. david obviously wants to get the fuck out of winchester creek, but his whole life has been stuck in this fucking town for years, and i do think there'd be a piece of him beneath the idealism that's scared the whole world is just one big winchester creek with no place for him in it. but then billie and brody show up, tell him about their plan on how to keep brody from getting outed, and wow, it turns out the jock who spent his whole life in the closet and the cheerleader who's never taken a stand in her life are braver than he is. billie shows him how to shoot the gun - he's scared, of course he is, because he knows how dangerous this thing is, but he can't help but be enamoured by it. and he's anxious to shoot it, laughing awkwardly when he gets it wrong. but billie's guiding him around the trigger and showing him how to shoot straight, and he can do it. he can. and then all their phones start blowing up, especially brody's - and he's terrified, because everything that happened to him is happening all over again. but billie's handing him the gun and saying 'this keeps us safe', and he has to believe it's true.
the third time is after mouse gets attacked. brody's been outed, david's been thrown under the bus, the money's gone, billie's in jail and mouse is hurt. mouse, his friend, his brother, the little kid he watched grow up and swore would never be as scared as david was to exist. and it's all closing in - their escape plan is gone, they're all stuck here in danger forever with no way out, brody's information was given to a conversion camp, everyone is even more furious and hateful towards all of them and none of them can do anything as mouse gets attacked in broad daylight. and david wants so badly to be scared, to break down and cry, but he can't. because he's the dreamer, and he's always failed them once. so when mouse says their piece about it being 'a hard rite of passage for weird boys in small towns', david wants to be proud of them - but he's just furious with himself that he's let another weird boy get beaten. so he's going to do something about it. he has to.
the fourth time is his thought process before and after 'saint david', starting with him on his knees in front of ms banks as she asks him how can he expect anything else than what he got when he insists on rocking the boat. he has to have something wrong with him that makes him thrive on people hating him. he has to. and she's telling him it won't last, that someday he's going to look at himself in shame and hide himself all over again, and he can't let that be true. so he forces himself to be brave, to be a saint, to martyr himself if it means shielding every other queer kid in town from what he went through. so he takes billie's gun and he goes to find kelly, because what other choice does he have? he has to be brave now. for him and everyone else.
the fifth time is during the standoff, when he's holding the gun at kelly and feeling power for the first time. he could actually save someone here. kelly's the ringleader, she's the one who keeps them tormented. if she's gone, it's safer. people know they can't just push them around anymore. mouse won't get beaten up in the hallways. maybe billie will still be able to go to college. he can do this. but then billie's there, begging him not to do it, telling him there's no reason to, and all he can do is scream at her to shut up, just shut up, because he knows. he knows there's no reason to kill kelly. he knows it won't solve anything. but he is so tired. he's so fucking tired. he can't take this anymore. but billie's taking his hand, telling him that this won't end anything for him, that he deserves to live his life as beautiful or as ugly as he wants - and david's so scared of that, of never getting that life even when he tries for it, of the thought that there really, truly is something wrong with him that he can never get away from. but he listens. he puts the gun down. he has to keep trying. trying to be brave. trying to believe his life is worth living.
and then the time david doesn't have to be brave at all; this would be after the events of the show, including the final scene at the pride parade. the group is all back at the creek, breaking their 'once a year, anytime, anyplace, anywhere but winchester creek' rule for the first time. david's just walked through his shitty home town in a skirt and a t-shirt that reads 'gay-boy' and he's still kind of reeling over it. billie's passed the bar. peaches is sleeping on her girlfriend's shoulder, because she can actually sleep now. brody, the jock he used to fucking despise, is wearing a shirt that says 'himbo' on it. and mouse is twenty-two, four years into testosterone and still making little crowns out of daisies. and they tie that crown on david's head, and it's like they're kids again, except not, because mouse has a rat-stache that they absolutely refuse to shave and the scars on david's wrists are pale pink instead of angry red and there's nothing in his head except for the sound of frogs and a crown of daisies and he's fine. he's totally fine. he doesn't need to be brave anymore. because he's fine.
... i think the post you made said 'SHORT synopsis' jac but. i don't care this is my blog and i am god here. sorry it's not newsies, i just really love billie the kid with all my heart and i want to write something for it SO bad and when i saw the quote the ideas just started coming and wouldn't stop. but if you want to send in another or have me re-do this for newsies just let me know and i can!!!
