[flwrpdf]

may 25th

today something shifted inside me. more like bloomed. i was waiting for this feeling for so many weeks. i read some chapters from the book i am reading, i visited the sea, i saw many many trees, i made a page on notion about the things i want to do. i want to create a routine, my routine to help me feel better.

[matineaux-deactivated20260222]

today’s breakfast (leftover princess cake & cappuccino)

[crimesagainstflesh]

[flwrpdf]

[miffski]

[theinternetarchive]

I like my blog I made it for myself

[heartpdf]

[flwrpdf]

i try to write. how weird that feels. i know i want to write but i can not put my feelings into words. solitude hurts so much. solitude feels like a punishment to me. i distanced myself from people and i felt so nice in the company of myself and my interests. but now i feel so lonely. i feel like i have desires for the first time. i want to do things, i want to be happy. i am so hungry for fun, for companionship. i try to be friends with myself but it feels boring and my ocd is hurting me too. idk what i am saying or why i am writing right now or how i will feel in a while. i work tomorrow. then i have a day off. it is so poetic to me that i have only him in my close friends on ig. everything i upload i do it for him to see. i will try to read, maybe it will help.

[flwrpdf]

[dk-thrive]

At other times I hear the wind blow; and I feel that just to hear the wind blow is enough to make it worth being born.

— Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet. Translated by Richard Zenith. (Penguin Classics, 2001)

[red-lamb]

[flwrpdf]

[flwrpdf]

i think about the sea, walking next to her

[90377]

Giardino Viatori, Gorizia by Erin Johnson

[flwrpdf]

προσπαθώ να καταλάβω τι ακριβώς νιώθω και πάλι τρέχω να γράψω. όλα μπαίνουν σε μία σειρά όπως τα γράμματα και οι λέξεις. δεν ξέρω γιατί νιώθω τόσο μπερδεμένη τόσο συχνά. δεν ξέρω τι ακριβώς προσπαθώ να κάνω.. να καταλάβω ή να δημιουργήσω; να δω καθαρά τι κάνω ή να μου πω τι να κάνω; ξέρω πως αγαπώ την τέχνη μου, αυτό κρατάω. όταν ξεκίνησα να διαβάζω και να γράφω ποίηση ένιωσα αυτή την αγάπη για το "σπουδαίο", έτσι το λέω εδώ και καιρό. το ενδιαφέρον να καταγράφω πράγματα που έγινε ανάγκη. τώρα νιώθω ένα μπέρδεμα αλλά ακόμη βλέπω καθαρά το σπουδαίο. πηγαίνω στην δουλειά μου, πήρα το πτυχίο μου, ακούω μουσική, πίνω καφέ και καπνίζω στην κουζίνα, σκέφτομαι, διαβάζω, δεν γράφω τόσο συχνά και μου λείπει, χορεύω περισσότερο, μένω ξανά στο εφηβικό μου δωμάτιο, το διακοσμώ και προσπαθώ να διακοσμήσω και το εγώ μου. σε ένα μήνα περίπου θα γίνω 26. είμαι ήρεμη.

[flwrpdf]

what a beautiful day!! i did my make up, i wore my favourite cardigan, i went to the grocery store, i bought vanilla tea, i painted my nails olive green, i visited the sea, i stared at all her glorious wintery beauty and i saw a deer. now i am in my room journaling. today is good.

[visfeeling]