Sometimes I Don't Mind

I get up and I put on pants.

[flyoverjoel]

Hi Guys

Long time, no Tumbl.

[juicymorsel-blog]

TIME TO BOAR THE WORLD

When FlyoverJoel first suggested we do something to help others during the season of over-indulgence, I suspected it was to distract us from the nacho cheese stains on his shirt.

Instead the melding of great deeds and warped minds produced #Tweet4Meat — an annual event so worthy that even the smartest, funniest people on Twitter will use a hashtag without shame or remorse for the benefit of people who can’t star, retweet or trophy.

In the first two years, #Tweet4Meat raised $7,784 to buy chickens, bees, hoes and seeds and other elements of sustainable farming and community development for people who have little food, less liquor and no Wi-Fi.

These are the people who benefit from your donations to Heifer International.

So beginning Dec. 4, we’ll write and post dumb jokes relentlessly across all time zones — on every continent — until we meet our goal of $7,000, an apocalyptic prophesy is fulfilled or Dec. 11, whichever comes first.

How can you help?

First: Donate between Dec. 4-11. Put down that catalog from Patagonia or Brookstone and browse through Heifer’s fine-feathered offerings.  I mean, where else can you buy a llama and provide food and reliable income for the nations? Then make a donation at firstgiving.com.

Second: Put your mouth where your money is.  From Dec. 4-11, tell some #Tweet4Meat jokes and share the donation link with the same fervor as a #FF for your favorite tweeter.

If you have an idea you’d like to share, email [email protected] or let me or @Flyover know — or someone on this list of folks who keep supporting Tweet4Meat. They’re some of the finest people you’d never make eye contact with:

gneicco • alisonforns • AmberTozer •AngelaHelga • anythingatonce • blobert • CabbageNews • Cheeseboy22 • CoatCzech • Cosell • cpinck • drivewaydranker • FilthyRichmond • Greeblemonkey • HeyitsLori • Home_Halfway • Hormonella • IGotsSmarts • JennyPentland • jerryrenek • JoeSchmitt • John_M15 • JPHaddadio • juskewitch • karentozzi • LaetPO • Lafix • LifeCoachers • Meetingboy • MrBigFists • Nickadoo • OhNoSheTwitnt • Paxochka • ProfessorSnack • PuddingBoobs • ReelQuinn • RexHuppke • RockabillyJay • ScottLinnen • shanethevein • shariv67 • Smethanie • SortaBad • Squirreljustice • StellaRtwot • SteveHuff • susie_meister • TeaPartyCat • TheBosha • theguydf • theleanover • TheNardvark • TinyNietzsche • tnylgn • ToneLoaf • UncleDynamite • VerifiedDrunk • VocabuLarry • WarrenHolstein • yoyoha • JosephScrimshaw • Pauly_Miller • EricMarten • Untresor • Peter-john Byrnes • JaySuch • TheBlessMess • Kyle_Lippert • robfee •

[amuirin-blog-blog]

Bees!

You heard me. You probably don’t want to think about it right now, because you’re paying down a mortgage or raising kids, or having love troubles, or juggling so much stress that you’re pretty sure your hairline is receding by the hour-

So let’s change *your* context a little bit, and...

[flyoverjoel]

Read!

[mrbigfists]

Join these cool kids and donate something to the Generous City Auction site today. Not only will you get a warm and fuzzy feeling for participating in worthy cause but you get the honor of joining this cast of characters on The Wall of Heroes. All proceeds to benefit the rehabilitation of @sucittam’s wife Danielle. For all the details, visit http://tiny.cc/e2b5sw.

And stay tuned. We have custom shirts coming your way as well.

[flyoverjoel]

"Hello Mannequin Supply, why yes we would like a couple of them with the extra firm nipples. No, we don't need any leg below the knee."

[flyoverjoel]

Answers

Gilesmarie asked: Why is Chad such an asshole?

The biggest asshole I've ever met in my life went to my high school and his name was Chad. Other than a coworker's husband, most Chad's I've met are terrible.

serenebabe asked: are those gnomes back there?

Yes, In the background there's a Cleveland Browns 7-Up Bottle, a long legged flamingo, and Indians, Cubs and Ohio State Buckeyes gnomes.

almostfancy said: I can’t stop looking at your teeth. They are really white. No…in a good way.

I wish they were as white in real life as they look in the video - I think it's a color correction offset from the muted yellow walls that look insanely bright in the video.

[flyoverjoel]

I made a new video - this one about Social Media.

[flyoverjoel]

A video I made about haircuts.

[9to5lifetweet4meat-blog]

You’ve probably already seen the hashtag #Tweet4Meat on the intertweets, well, it’s a good cause and it’s great to see so many people trying to further it.

My (easily debatable) brilliant idea to encourage donations is that I will be giving away a...

[thebosha]

It is widely known that many, perhaps even most of us have no fucks to give. This sad truth, especially with it being holiday time and all, has inspired me to create Adopt-a-Fuck®. With Adopt-a-Fuck® you can have a fuck handy when you need one most. Like at the office Christmas party when some big wig asks “And how about you, Delmore? Are you involved in any charities?” or on a date, when your giving a fuck may well decide whether you’re getting one or not.

“But Debbie,” I can hear you asking, “how can a regular schlub like me get a fuck to give?” Relax, common person, because I’m here to tell you it’s easy. For instance, my Adopt-a-Fuck® this year, like last year now that I think about it, is https://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/tweet4meat/201.

By adopting that particular fuck, I can daydream about the terrified eyes of children watching from behind their mother’s skirts as massive animals called “cows” are delivered to their starving and otherwise rustic village for the very first time; I can fantasize about aboriginal medicine men/medicine gals (in Tennessee) investigating the town’s new flock of chickens and announcing to the gathered citizenry “Holy fuck! These things shit breakfast!”

And best of all, I can blather on and on about “sustainable agriculture” to babes at the bar like I had even the slightest idea what I was talking about. And you can too.

It’s fast. It’s easy. And if you give your fuck today it’ll be tax deductible for 2011. 

So act now. Just talk to a couple friends, the fleshy kind or the online kind, and Adopt-a-Fuck® together or, these being modern times, adopt a fuck without any fucking partners, fuck them!

I wish you many fucks to have and many, many fucks to give but remember, there’s always Adopt-a-Fuck®… just in case.

[flyoverjoel]

#Tweet4Meat 2012

Welcome randomly to this Tumblr post. We hope your travel was pleasant and we hope you are warm, dry and well fed, because some people in this world aren't. This week we are going to tell some stupid jokes to help with that last part just a little bit.

Let’s cut to the chase before we even go to the informational plea.  If you are looking for the #Tweet4Meat donation site, it’s here: https://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/tweet4meat/2012

Heifer International, if you’re unfamiliar, provides the world’s poor with livestock and tools for sustainable farming to feed themselves. Sort of like teaching a man to fish — but with chickens and goats.

We have a wonderful group of people signed up to tell jokes this week, much like they all do the other 51 weeks of the year, but with something a little different. This week, we are going to tell some jokes and ask you to donate to Heifer International under the hashtag #Tweet4Meat.  It won’t be a ton of jokes (maybe collectively it will be) and we won’t be badgering you to donate all day long, but we will ask you.  A $5, $10, $25, or $50 donation is well worth the free content you get all year long—especially when you can put a bee beard on a family in need.

Our goal is modest, $4200 in seven days. In real terms, that buys 8 heifers or 145 flocks of chicks (some of which will cross the road) or 200 rabbits (and counting).  We really hope to exceed our goals just like we did last year and we need YOU to help us accomplish that. 

Help us make hordes of honeybees and camel toes someone else’s problem. Please visit our donation site and provide help to a community in need.  At least with your donation, you get to make a snarky comment in the comments section!

Here’s a HOT (sexy) hotlink to Heifer International. 

Follow #Tweet4Meat Dec. 12-19, and RT as your conscience permits.

Thank you,

FlyoverJoel • gneicco • juicymorsel • RexHuppke • UncleDynamite • Shariv67 • Smethanie • TheThomason • TheBosha • HeyitsLori • DrivewayDranker • Paxochka • AngelaHelga • yoyoha • Greeblemonkey • BeingTheo • grumpassgrumpaw • MrWordsWorth • joeschmitt • Hormonella • TheLeanover • TeaPartyCat • Karentozzi • My_Horoscopes • 9to5Life • Untresor • SteveHuff • Toneloaf • MeetingBoy • LifeCoachers • FilthyRichmond • IGotsSmarts • LaytesAgain • LaetPO • JennyPentland • OhNoSheTwitnt  • rationalists • llvvzz • ProfessorSnack • MadAxes • sucittaM • anythingatonce • CoatCzech • breadfoster • As well as a number of other people who will get added here when time (and tweets) permit

[flyoverjoel]

#Tweet4Meat Returns December 12

Howdy Folks,

It's time to dust off those bee beard jokes and participate in #Tweet4Meat where we to tell stupid jokes to raise money for sustainable agriculture. Last year, we raised nearly $3,500 for Heifer International under the hashtag #Tweet4Meat and it would be absolutely amazing if we could top that this year.

Tweet4Meat is a simple, really. All year long, we tell jokes, stories and generally try to entertain folks with the strange and odd things that go through our heads each day. For one week out of the year, we try to focus a little bit of that energy to both make people laugh and get them to open their wallets to make a donation to a wonderful international organization that helps people to who never get complain that the vending machine is out of their favorite potato chips. I’d encourage everyone to check our Heifer International’s website to learn more information about this organization.

So what the hell do you want, Joel? 

That’s easy. Between December 12 and 19, we want you to tell jokes.  Not even a lot of them. Just a few. Here’s the rub, as part of that, use the hashtag #Tweet4Meat and encourage people to donate to Heifer International. The wonderful JuicyMorsel and I will be setting up a donation site this weekend to manage our efforts. Of course, you could go hog-wild and sell a Snuggy photo like gneicco or offer to follow people in return like Smethanie and Shariv67 or any myriad of wacky things. Your choice, but we would all appreciate your help—not as much as the people who will benefit from the money we raise.

More information will be coming throughout the weekend and leading up to next Wednesday. For now, shoot me a message on some social media platform to let me know you want to help raise money. If that’s too hard, let JuicyMorsel know. We’ll add you to the list of participants.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write some jokes like “you can lead a horse to water but can't make him glue.”  Also, I need to furiously check this post for missed typos.

Current Participants

FlyoverJoel           JuicyMorsel          UncleDynamite

TheLeanover         Smethanie            joeschmitt 

Gneicco                MeetingBoy          TheBosha

Shariv67               MrWordsworth      Grumpassgrumpaw

HeyItsLori             TeaPartyCat         Karentozzi

My_Horoscopes    SteveHuff             LifeCoachers

RexHuppke           TheThomason       9to5Life

untresor                Hormonella           Toneloaf

Paxochka              LaetPO                DrivewayDranker

FilthyRichmond      IGotsSmarts         LaytesAgain

AngelaHelga          Yoyoha                jennypentland

OhNoSheTwitnt     ProfessorSnack    Greeblemonkey

anythingatonce      llvvzz                    BeingTheo

rationalists

[flyoverjoel]

An Open Letter to Tank Carder and the Cleveland Browns

I've been a Cleveland Browns fan for 38 years.  I live and die by the Browns and their weekly wins and losses.  For the last five years, I've been the president of the Twin Cities Browns Backers.  It eases the pain for me to joke about all the disappointment I've suffered as a Browns fan over nearly four decades. It’s part of what defines me as being a Clevelander. However, nothing in XXXVIII years (to use NFL time) has brought me more disappointment in the Browns than Tank Carder’s homophobic comments on Twitter this week.  

Outsports has a summary of Tank’s now deleted tweets: 

To summarize, Tank called someone a homophobic slur, then describes them as being butt hurt, and then suggests using that slur doesn't make him homophobic. LOGIC!

I think my favorite part has to be when he writes, “your a faggot” because it both illustrates his ignorance and his IGNORANCE (even MS Word got the you’re/your right). If he wasn't so casual about using that word as an insult, he sure would have proofread his tweet before hitting send.  Either he really meant what he said, or maybe he really is that dumb.

I’m from Cleveland, and I don’t want a thoughtless bigot like this wearing the Orange and Brown.  I really don’t want him representing me. Cleveland is the home of the first black mayor of a major city and we broke the color barrier in baseball’s American League, and I bet you Tank wouldn't consider dropping an N bomb on Twitter—so I don’t understand why he thinks other discriminatory words are okay.  I don’t know what they taught you at TCU, but publicly calling someone that slur doesn't fly in Cleveland.  It also puts you on the wrong side of history. A decade from now, you’ll be up in a museum as an example of humanity’s ridiculous small-minded past and I can’t wait to sign that guest book.

Tank wrote, “I was not bashing the gay community in any way...if you knew me you would know I wouldn't do that. Again I'm sorry if you were offended” I call bullshit.  You know what Tank, I’m sorry that you get to collect a paycheck in the NFL and some people look up to you as a hero, because I think you are a waste of humanity – and I’m really sorry if you were offended by that.  Pretty sincere apology, huh? 

And your three tweet apology is bullshit. No straight, college educated man one uses that word without spitting vinegar and bigotry from their lips.  There’s meanness and violence in that word that can’t be erased by a simple, “I’m sorry if you were offended.” You mean it to belittle and to tell someone they are less of a man, subhuman even.  And don’t give me this crap about people not “knowing you.”  That’s garbage.  Do you know how I know you?  As a marginal football player who decided to insult someone by calling them gay.  I’d make the same judgment about someone at a bar, at a library or at work that I’m currently making about you. All we have to judge you by are your words, and those aren't particularly impressive.  My opinion of you has been made in the same snap judgment manner you showed in using a homophobic slur to degrade someone. As a human being, you are embarrassment to the rest of us. That’s what I get out of this exchange Tank, you've got a public face and you chose to show it in a way that embarrasses me as a Cleveland Browns fan—and that is unacceptable.

Tank, I hope you have the ability to change and see the errors of your narrow-mindedness, and I hope the Cleveland Browns decide to let you learn that lesson in another uniform. I want you to lose your job. I’m a married man and people might not think I have skin in the sexual equality game, but the reality is I care about my fellow humans—all of them. I don’t pick and choose. Insulting someone by calling them a “faggot” is being homophobic no matter how you spin it, and to me, that’s unacceptable. 

[flyoverjoel]

We look like adults! (Taken with Instagram)

[flyoverjoel]

When it's cold in the basement, Fiona does an amazing Cobra Commander impression. (Taken with Instagram)

[flyoverjoel]

Reflection of the Wells Fargo Building on the IDS Building. Downtown Minneapolis. (Taken with Instagram)

[flyoverjoel]

Giant Beer Sign. Downtown Minneapolis. (Taken with Instagram)