old things have strange hungers

"when is a monster not a monster? oh when you love it..."

[fngsbared]

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# 𝙵𝙽𝙶𝚂𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙴𝙳 . is a  dependent ,  multi - muse blog for 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔𝒘,  written and ᴛᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ loved by daiz ( twenty5 | she/her | est ) . 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁 with any posts on this blog if you are not in @forksw.

𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒚 𝒊𝒏 ; the thin line between salvation and damnation , a heart hidden beneath bitterness , memories rising from the mud , the ache behind a smile , a deep longing that may never be quenched , hands reaching to mend what's broken , the ache of inadequacy , uncovered secrets and betrayals , emotions worn openly unashamed , sunbaked kindness , offerings of help even as caution begs to step back . ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ ᴀʜᴇᴀᴅ .

❥ 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐨-𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐬 — 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒎𝒂𝒘 𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒌 + heart tether, twenty5 , mechanic @ howell's body shop , michael cimino . { 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐. } ❥ 𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬-𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐫𝐨𝐞 — 𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒓𝒚 , thirty4 , doctor @ cedar creek clinic , jordan gonzalez . { 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐. }

[carriefisher]

FRIENDS — 1.01 “The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate”

[seaschimed]

“  language.  ”  pearl  chides,  but  there's  hardly  any  bite  to  it.  it's  a  teasing  lilt  more  than  anything,  her  smile  warm,  “  i'll  take  the  marshmallow  as  an  apology.  ”  another  joke  while  she  holds  her  plate  out,  motioning  to  the  graham  cracker  already  on  it.  pearl's  happy  to  see  him,  she  always  is,  but  she's  learned  to  meet  nicasio  where  he's  at,  which  means  not  prying  as  much  as  she  used  to.  still,  she  worries  –  how  can  she  not  ?  there's  too  much  she  understands  about  being  his  age,  the  pressure  he's  had  on  him.  so,  yes,  she  tries  to  lay  off,  but  that  being  said  –  ,  “  where've  you  been,  huh  ?  haven't  seen  you  around,  kid.  ”  as  if  it's  any  secret  that  maybe  she's  been  a  little  more  reclusive  than  normal.  she  can't  help  it  –  there's  a  feeling  in  the  air. 

[fngsbared]

“ah–  sorry  tia  pearl,”  he  places  the  marshmallow  on  the  cracker  and  smooshes  it  down  with  the  other.  “i’ll  make  sure  to  find  that  swear  jar  later,  and  not  say  that  fu–  word  again.”  this  time  he  smiles  mischievously,  laughing  at  his  own  joke.  pearl,  though  he  likely  would  never  admit  it  aloud,  was  someone  he  owed  a  lot  to;  she  offered  him  a  place  to  stay  when  he  needed  it  and  had  always  shown  him  some  concern  as  a  kid.  it  meant  something  to  him.

at  her  question  he  paused  briefly.  he  hadn’t  been  around  much,  and  that  had  been  purposeful,  between  running  from  town  like  a  cat  with  its  tail  on  fire,  to  his  finally  taking  responsibility  for  his  tether  bond,  to  dealing  with  being  back  in  town  and  all  that  that  meant…  it  was  easier  to  not  deal  with  people  who  actually  cared.  “Oh,  ya  know.  here  n’  there,  fixin’  cars,  campin’,  runnin’  wherever  the  wind  takes  me.  real  fun,  ‘specially  when  i  get  into  a  few  bar  fights— winning only of course,  you  should  try  it!”  he  laughs  for  real  this  time,  “where’ve  you  been?  stopped  by  the  shop  a  few  times  and  didn’t  see  you  any  of  them.”

[forslorn]

it  caught  her  off  guard  —  the  gentleness  of  his  approach,  a  calming  demeanor  almost  washing  over  the  night  in  some  momentary  turning  of  its  tragic  tide.  she  stilled,  then,  halting  her  approach  and  instead,  leaning  against  a  pillar,  attempting  to  garner  the  more  sane  aspects  of  her  brain,  hand  moving  to  pinch  at  the  bridge  of  her  nose.  "  my  apologies  —  i  didn't  see  you  there.  "  hardly  one  for  admitting  her  pitfalls,  taking  space  was  a  skill  that'd  only  come  after  years  of  fine  tuning,  but  with  augustos,  it  felt  necessary.  he  wasn't  deserving  of  the  pau  whose  conduct  was  nearly  as  cold  as  her  blood. "  yeah,  "  paulina  nodded,  allowing  herself  to  find  fortitude  in  his  faith.  the  levity  alone  was  enough  to  punch  out  a  laugh,  something  soft,  only  for  herself,  really.  these  caretakers  and  their  calming  words  continues  to  remain  a  mystery  to  her  —  she  thinks,  then,  of  her  aunt,  a  midwife  with  a  voice  smooth  as  butter,  a  similar  timbre  to  the  man  who  stood  before  her.  "  i'm  assuming  this  is  part  of  your  medical  school  training,  then  ?  talking  sense  into  people  ?  giving  them  hope  ?  "

[fngsbared]

“yup,”  he  chuckled,  coming  to  a  stop  near  her  place  on  the  pillar,  “there  were  a  few  lessons  on  those  kind  of  bedside  manners,  but,  i’m  not  talking  to  you  as  dr.  reyes  right  now.  this  is  me  talking  to  you  as  someone  who  wants  to  believe  as  much  as  everybody  else,  does  believe,  that  she’ll  come  home  safely.”  there  was  a  small  part  of  augustos  that  feared  he  was  wrong,  knowing  the  statistics  of  these  sorts,  but  he  had  always  been  someone  who  believed  the  that  the  kind  of  energy  you  put  out  into  the  world  was  the  type  you’d  receive  back.  positive  manifestation,  maybe  a  silly  notion  to  believe  in,  but  one  he  still  held.  things  will  work  out  for  the  best.  that’s  what  he  believed  in,  and  that  was  something  he  held  more  true  than  his  the  common  fears  and  doubts.  

“doesn’t  stop  me  from  worrying  though;  unfortunately,  you  can’t  escape worry…  but  i  guess,  it’s  not  so  unfortunate  to  worry  and  be  worried  about,  right?  It  means  you  have  people  you  care  about,  and  people  who  care  about  you…”  he  thought  of  his  dad  then,  wondering  if  he  worried  about  him  still.

[conceptualsolitude]

concept: me, laying in the sun on the softest grass imaginable. i have nowhere to go, no one to be

[pipoetry]

[celcstiall]

jin settled onto the log beside him, his movements smooth and quiet. he’d smelled the wolf from yards away, a familiar stench that brought a wave of amusement to his eyes. he watched the boy offer the burnt marshmallow and a disgusted expression formed on his face before he could stop it, the mask slipping away just for a second before he could course correct. a soft, dismissive chuckle escaped his lips. "no, thank you," he said, his tone deceptively pleasant despite having recognized the young, feral dog. "i've never had much of a sweet tooth. besides..." he added, his eyes drifting to the fire, "...some things are best left to burn." he turned his eyes back to nico. "you seemed a million miles away there," he watched him. "getting lost in all these old stories?" he paused, letting the question hang in the air for a moment before adding a gentle, subtle dig. "or just one in particular?"

[fngsbared]

vampires always had a certain STENCH about them. a stomach curdling smell that made nicasio’s pulse quicken and muscles tense. sometimes he would get a chill, break out into a cold sweat if he was caught off guard by them, like he was now; with jin this was especially true. something about his scent was unplaceably familiar and made nicasio’s skin crawl with the feeling of a thousand maggots burrowing into him like a deer carcass. luckily, he had been holding his breath pretending everything was normal, but had he not been doing that, he wouldn’t have been caught off guard in the first place.

“no, i reckon someone with your… diet, wouldn’t have much of a sweet tooth, now would they. my mistake.” nicasio caught the disgusted look on the other’s face for the mere moment it appeared before it slipped back into pleasantries. he was unimpressed, perhaps a tad uncomfortable. very uncomfortable. but he gave jin a smile all the same, even if it was a bit vicious and didn’t quite reach his eyes. he’d keep pretending as he always has.

“and, no, not any one in particular. I like 'em all the same.” if he had any say in it at least, he was trying to avoid thinking too much on stories that would make him feel like running again, “why? is there one you had in mind specifically? didn’t figure you would care for old stories.”

[kissmets]

relief washes over her, pushing the forming embarrassment aside before it can grow enough to eat up at her. she's normally averse to dragging strangers into her stupid stunts to avoid enabling her mommy issues, but just as the saying goes: desperate times call for desperate measures. the thought of it makes an uncontrollable laugh escape past her lips, curt yet genuine, adding to the illusion of two great friends reunited. the absurdity of it all is just so amusing, nicasio's timing impeccable. suddenly in good spirits, hiraya drapes an arm around his waist, subtly taking the lead in guiding him farther away, out of her mother's earshot. “ you can call me anything you want after saving my ass back there, ” she tells him, eventually stopping to take their new spot at the very end of the food table. she pauses from pretending to peruse through the selection of meals, looking up at him with a sheepish smile, “ i can't say i remember what to call you though. ”

[fngsbared]

“sure  you  ain’t  gonna  regret,  lettin’  me  call  you  whatever  i  want?  cause.  i  can  come  up  with  a  whole  slew  of  things.”  he  grabs  a  plate  and  starts  staking  his  high  with  anything  that  looks  good,  mostly  sweets,  intentionally  ignoring  her  question  about  his  name. 

“get  outta  jail  free  card.  stranger  danger.  girl  who  doesn’t  know  my  name,  but  at  least  knows  I'm  a  good  get  away.”  he  spears  a  strawberry  with  a  fork  and  holds  it  out  to  her,  “the  list  goes  on  and  on,  and  i’m  willin’  to  take  full  advantage  of  it—-  i’m  nicasio  by  the  way,  but  you  can  call  me  whatever  you  please...  as  long  as  you  tell  me  how  long  you’ve  been  in  forks?  i  don’t  recall  you  being  around  when  i  was  last  here  a  couple  years  back."

[brendanfraserss]

Judd Nelson As John Bender In THE BREAKFAST CLUB (1985)

[tvuniverse]

THE BEAR AYO EDEBIRI as Sydney Adamu -> 4x04 | Worms

[seaschimed]

la  push  beach,  10-ish  pm  /  for @fngsbared

winnie  wants  to  fight.  not  unusual,  almost  compulsory  when  she  feels  like  this  –  the  stress  of  the  night  is  eating  her  alive,  chewed  her  up  and  spat  her  back  out  several  times  over  already  (  can  this  be  considered  playing  with  your  food  ?  ).  it's  reminiscent  of  a  tiger  in  a  cage,  or  a  beast  threatening  to  claw  its  way  out  of  her  heart  ;  a  familiar  but  entirely  unwelcome  feeling.  it's  like  she  tries  to  grow,  to  break  out  of  it,  but  then  she  blinks  and  she's  right  back  where  she  started,  worried  and  alone  on  la  push  beach.  she  watches  the  search  parties  fade  into  the  trees,  shadows  blending  with  the  leaves  while  the  lights  illuminate  their  way.  winnie  won't  go  yet,  she  can't  –  there's  only  one  way  to  cover  as  much  forest  as  she'd  like,  and  unfortunately,  no  one's  going  to  let  her  wolf  out  in  the  middle  of  the  goddamn  bonfire.  she  bides  her  time,  flits  her  eyes  around,  and  –  ah,  yes.  perfect.  “  you're  awfully  out  of  the  way.  ”  not  kind,  but  observant.  the  way  she  talks  to  him  when  she's  poking  the  bear ; the  sicker  part  of  her  hopes  his  stress  will  push  him,  too.  “  and  you're  all  lookin'  real  ready  for  a  fight  –  i  don't  think  it'd  be  smart.  personally.  ” 

[fngsbared]

nicasio  was  counting  his  breaths.  one.  breath  in………  two.  breath  out.  three.  breath  in….  four.  breath  out…  five.  breath  in.  six.  breath  out.  he  was  trying  to  ease  the  buzzing  beneath  his  skin,  the  anxiety  and  stress  threatening  to  break  the  hold  he  had  on  his  facade. on his wolf.  a  missing  girl.  he  couldn’t  help  but  laugh  at  the  sick  irony  of  it  as  he  paced  back  and  forth;  prowled.  of  course.  of  course  a  girl  would  go  missing  at  the  first  bonfire  he’s  been  to  since  returning  to  forks.  hannah  thompson;  she  was  no  more  than  a  kid,  a  teen.  around  the  same  age  as  magdalena  when  he  failed  her.

he  could  feel  the  wolf  inside  him  rippling  just  beneath  his  skin,  begging  to  be  let  out,  gnashing at  its  flesh  cage.  he  wanted  to  let  it  out.  things  were  easier  in  that  form,  cleaner,  simpler;  instead  of  thinking  about  how  he’d  have  to  take  his  dad  home  tonight  and  hear  the  hot  vitriol  that  always  sounded  like  accusations  and  blame,  instead  of  fighting  off  bad  memories  that  he  was  always  burying  and  running  away  from,    he  could  find  the  girl.  scent  her  and  track  her  and  bring  her  back  to  her  family.  stop  them  from  experiencing  such  a  loss,  stop  her  from  becoming  lost…  breath  in…  breath  out…  he  was  at  his  seams.  holding  back.  eyes  darting  over  the  forest.  flashlights  blinking  in  and  out  of  existence.  insects  humming.  leaves  rustling.  Near  and  distant  shouts—  ‘hannah!’  ‘hannah  thompson!’  ‘han,  where  are  you!’    magdalena!  mag,  where  are  you!  mag,  please!  

SAND  CRUNCHING.

he  paused  in  his  pacing.  he  didn’t  have  to  look  to  know  who  it  was.  winnie.  the  last  person  he  wanted  to  see.  or  maybe  the  first…  he  closed  his  eyes;  it  was  a  relief  and  annoyance.  he  didn’t  have  to  keep  his  mask  up  around  her.  he  could  just  be,  even  if  being  meant  something  less than pleasant... she  was  pushing  his  buttons;  she  should’ve  known  better  than  to  do  so  tonight,  but  maybe  that’s  why  she  was  doing  it.  she  wanted  something  to  distract  her  from  their  inability  to  anything  real,  in  the  same  way  he  did. 

he  turned  around.

“if  ya  don’t  think  it’s  smart.  then  why’re  you  pickin’  one  with  me?”  a  quiet  part  of  him  wished  they  could  talk  like  they  used  to,  before  life  fucked  things  up,  but  this  was  who  they  were  now.  sometimes  a  shared  laugh  dancing  and  others  a  fight...  he  felt  he  probably  shouldn’t  say  what  he  was  going  to,  but,  “wonder  what  color  your  maw  would  be  if  you  let  that  wolf  out  right  now.”  it  was  a  challenge,  the  kind  that  always  said  he’d  meet  her  where  she  wanted  if  she  kept  poking. 

[bloodyfvngs]

7:30 PM La Push Beach Food Table

Overwhelmed. That was the best way to describe the way her not so human heart was feeling. The people in town had not been kidding — everyone showed up to this. To see the entire town in one place, veins pulsating and mouths full of food or laughter — it made her stomach ache. Sauce, barbecue or ketchup or something else she couldn't place, dripped down an older man's face an off shade of blood, and she stared for a moment too long, She imagined what the warmth of his blood might taste like, how the salt of the food might tangle delightfully in his bloodstream, his warm blood dripping down her chin and then her neck. When the man looked up at her and smiled, she felt her face flush and she turned back to the table of food.

Mercy eyed the table, searching for something small enough for her to stomach, to push past the nausea and desire for all of the human hearts she was surrounded by. She added another piece of fry bread to her plate, one of the only items on the table to not make her stomach turn. "I guess everyone likes their meat well done." She offered a chuckle as she used the tongs to sift through a stack of meat. "What's a girl gotta do to get some medium rare or rare around here?"

[fngsbared]

sometimes when people gathered and shared in celebration, an infectious joy could be felt, like a physical force seeping into you and easing away all the bad. that’s how augustos felt watching everyone talk, and laugh, and eat together; teens running around the beach launching sand balls at each other. even as his dad ignored his attempts to bond (an apron that read ‘a steak a day keeps the doctor away’ tied around augustos’s neck, one his dad wore when he was younger and wasn’t being pushed away), there was a joy inside him that was impossible to ignore.

walking over to the food table carrying a tray, augustos dumped the fresh-off-the-grill meat into the already sitting tray as quickly as he could, some getting in the way of mercy’s sifting tongs. “sorry! hot and heavy tray!” he does a star burst motion with his reddened hands for emphasis. “i’m not much of steak guy myself, but,” he grabs a plate and quickly stacks some random bites of food onto it, “if you could hold my plate, i can grill one up for you? if you want it rare it won’t take me that long.”

[fngsbared]

👤   who:  open to anyone. 📍  where:   by the firepit. ⌛   time:  8:15 pm.

there   was   something   about   the   old   stories   that   made   nicasio   feel settled;   a   sense   of   belonging   that   was   engraved   into   his   bones   like   a   crooning   love   song…   if   he   ignored   the   scent   of   the   vampires   nearby—   he held   his   breath   and   focused   on   the   warmth   of   the   fire,   the   hush   of   waves;   he   could   almost   pretend   he   still   felt   that   way.   almost.   but   almost   wasn’t   that   feeling,   almost   was   a   shadow,   pale   and   aching,   hungry   for   something   that   may   never   come   to   be.   but,   almost   was   more   than   nothing   and   he’d   take   what   he   could   get.

getting   lost   in   the   stories,   it   wasn’t   until   he   heard   someone   settling   beside   him   that   he   returned   to   himself   and   realized   the   marshmallows   he’d   been   roasting   had   turned   to   nearly   complete   char.   “fuck”   he   pulled   it   out,   thought   about   it   for   maybe   five   seconds   before   popping   one   of   them   into   his   mouth   anyways.   “thanks   for   the   warnin'.”   he   spoke   through   his   chews with a half-smile,   “you   want   one?   if   it’s   still   gooey,   it's   good.” he loves marshmallows.

[forslorn]

open to all forks residents. 1:30am local time.

perhaps  paulina  was  naive  to  think  forks  was  some  sort  of  utopia.  she'd  always  heard  that  small  towns  had  their  secrets,  but  nothing  about  this  place  signaled  anything  out  of  the  ordinary  —  at  least,  not  past  what's  already  conspired.  years  of  earth-dwelling  should've  thickened  her  skin,  and  did,  in  some  aspects,  but  this  was  something  pau  couldn't  shake,  not  right  now.  “  she's  probably  so  cold.  ”  she  muttered  to  herself,  eyes  fixed  towards  the  ground,  mindless  babbling  as  shoes  crunch  against  loose  gravel,  resonating  against  the  emptiness  of  the  town  center.  if  only  someone  could  see  the  way  paulina's  features  coarsened  the  moment  her  eyes  met  with  the  other's  obscured  silhouette.  “  i  haven't  done  anything  wrong,  ”  voice  shattering  the  silence,  always  on  self-defense.  “  i'm  just  out  for  a  walk  —  need'a  clear  my  head.  ”

[fngsbared]

there  was  a  sad  knowing  that  came  with  being  a  doctor.  a  clinically  sanitized  understanding  of  how  much  you  could  do  for  a  patient  based  on  past  experience  and  the  information  presented  to  you.  augustos  held  hope  that  hannah  would  be  okay,  that  the  thompson  family  wouldn’t  lose  their  child  long  before  anyone  ever  should…  but  that  clinical  side  of  him  knew  the  likelihood  of  her  being  okay  was  low,  especially  given  the  fact  she  went  missing  in  a  forest  at  night  and  temperatures  had  already  dropped.

‘she’s    probably  so  cold.’  a  quiet  mutter  barely  audible  to  his  human  ears,  another  person  unable  to  sleep  because  of  the  night’s  events.  he  was  about  to  speak  when  paulina  spoke  again,  defensiveness  coloring  her  voice  blue.  “you  don’t  have  to  defend  yourself;  tonight  was  a  lot.  i’m  surprised  more  people  aren’t  taking  walks  right  now.”  he  smiled  at  her  gently,  trying  to  reassure  her  that  she  didn’t  have  to  defend  her  coping  mechanism.  “you  know…  if  it’s  any  comfort,  it’d  be  a  good  thing  if  she  was  cold  right  now,  it  means  her  body  is  still  fighting  and  so  is  she.  and  i  think  she  is,  us  forks  folk  are  built  to  tough  it  out.”

[kissmets]

🪵🔥   EVENT ONE: THE BONFIRE.

6:30 pm. la push beach, somewhere within the warmth of the bonfire's range. open to anyone.

"no wonder you come here often," annabeth tells her, taking an appreciative glance across the beach. the waves crash gently against the shore not too far beyond them, as if celebrating its praise. hiraya pauses, almost startled, before acknowledging her own mother's approval tentatively, "yeah. it's nice here." the cold bit at her cheeks, yet the warmth from the nearby flames provided a comforting sensation. just before she can sink into the atmosphere, let the softness of it all envelope her, her mother speaks once more, "all the time spent here, do you ever stop and think of doing other productive things? like going back to school?" there it is. frustration simmers underneath her skin, but she doesn't want to ruin this night just because of her mother's polite mockery. her eyes dart to everywhere, anywhere, searching for a quick exit instead. then her gaze lands on a passing figure, and she makes a beeline towards them, yelling out an enthusiastic "hey!" as if greeting an old friend.

[fngsbared]

there  was  a  time  when  nicasio  used  to  love  la  push (maybe he still did);  countless  days  spent  on  the  beach  with  sand  clinging  to  him  like  a  second  skin  and  salt  filling  his  lungs.  nights  setting  up  tents  near  the  forest’s  edge  hoping  the  tide  wouldn’t  come  in  too  high  and  sweep  him  and  his  family  away  on  their  camping  nights….  if  he  closed  his  eyes  he  could  probably  imagine  his  mom’s  voice  in  the  ones  around  him,  his  sisters  laugh  floating  through  the  air,  his  dad  cracking  a  bad  joke  that  no  one  would  understand.  but  he  wouldn’t.  those  days  were  gone,  and  the  only  thing  his  dad  would  be  cracking  tonight  was  another  beer.  he’d  have  to  look  for  him  later,  get  him  home.  hopefully  he  won’t  stumble  into  th’  fire  before  then.  

he  needed  a  distraction,  too  many  good  memories  stirred  up  had  him  gripping  the  hair  at  the  back  of  his  head  like  a  stressball.  distraction,  distraction,  distraction,  distraction—  “too  many  damn  cold  ones.”  he  muttered  to  himself  walking  towards  the  fire,  wishing  it  was  beer  he  was  talking  about  and  not  the  blood  drinkin  kind.  

a  quick  ‘hey!’  has  his  head  turning  right  around  on  instinct  before  he  can  process  who’s  speaking  and  if  they’re  even  speaking  to  him.  hiraya,  someone  new  in  town,  at  least  to  him,  she’d  moved  here  while  he  was  gone.  the  way  she  ran  up  to  him,  and  greeted  all  familiar-like  had  him  figuring  she  was  either  avoiding  somethin  or  needing  a  distraction  as  well,  and  he  was  happy  to  oblige.

“hey,  raya!”  he  sees  a  woman  eyeing  them  from  behind  and  slings  an  arm  around  hiraya’s  shoulder  like  you  would  friends  and  walks  them  towards  one  of  the  food  tables.  “all  good  that    i  call  ya  that  right?  looked  like  you  could  use  some  help  gettin’  away  from…whatever  it  was?”  he  flashed  her  a  quick,  charming  smile.  truthfully  didn’t  care  what  it  was,  he  was  happy  to  have  something  to  do  that  wasn’t  thinkin  about  his  own  shit.

[bu-ko]

aokigahara

[feral-ballad]

Mary Jo Bang, from A Film in Which I Play Everyone: Poems; “Hotel Incognito”

[Text ID: “I didn’t belong, not then, not there, not anywhere.”]