Another New Beginning - 18.03.2018
I used to be a fat kid, most of my childhood and teenage-years revolved around food and being excluded from social activities. Either because I could not do the things my peers were planning to do, or because I isolated myself from activities I feared I would not be able to master or looked funny while doing.
Around the year 2011 I decided enough was enough and actually managed - through exercise and a somewhat good diet - to get from 90kg to around 65kg. Of course, everyone noticed and I felt very proud.
However, I could not continue holding this weight or getting to my goal which was around 60kg (at the upper border/middle for my normal BMI calculated for 1.65m) at this time. I blame this on school, puberty issues, but it was, to a huge amount, simply weakness and the laziness I thought I had gotten rid of.
I lost sight of my weight and by 2014 I was around 75-80kg again. After the break up with my first boyfriend (who on one occasion voiced his opinion on what he thought about my weight - one reason he is now my ex; You saw what I looked like - Take it or leave it!), I felt sad, and I found a great response to this sadness by taking up the running shoes again, planning my diet and, after some time, *finally* reaching the long desired 60kg. (Another, not so great, response was I started smoking, which had - and I am not going to lie here- a huge impact on losing weight).
I was happy and confident.
Until I fell back to being lazy and sad. (I do not know what happened. I cannot blame it on dating that one guy for 2 weeks, though he left me with some - awful- food for thought... Maybe I also got too obsessed with the whole journey and the calorie deficit got too high, leaving me exhausted and unmotivated) Someday, while I was already gaining back weight, I also decided to lay down the cigarettes (which lasted like 3 months) and I got back to higher numbers on the scale.
After another few desperate attempts to lose it again, to stop smoking again, just to experience setbacks in either part, I am currently a smoking fatty. (83 kg;1.65m)
I plan on losing 23kg in whatever amount of time, this time with baby steps and without getting into an obsessive mindset.
The goal is not necessarily to get healthy, though I do think this journey will have a positive impact on how I view life and might make me question some of my ways in the future.
The goal is to regain my confidence by showing myself ‘I can do things I told myself I could not’ (exercise, losing weight,*keeping it off*).
Changes I am currently working on:
- completing 30 day challenges for beginners
Planned changes for the near future:
- go for a walk 3 times a week
- eat at planned times only
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