middle men go extinct.

a night in rio rivaled only by a night in the king's throne. { ic vent blog for pastrois. ooc viewing/liking only unless something is reblogged from your muse's blog/they're given the url. } { warning for drugs, pregnancy mentions, NSFW, alcohol, suicidal themes, abusive themes, and violence. }

[foliealadeux]

an emotion: *happens*

me: Get Back Into The Feelings Box You Dirty Gremlin

[foliealadeux]

ha ha.

[foliealadeux]

I wish I could pretend like I was fine.

[foliealadeux]

hard to believe I won't be a monster.

[foliealadeux]

500 voices screaming how much I'm just like them and I'll be just like them and how I'm a joke and a flight risk and weak and unstable and unhealthy to be around.

[foliealadeux]

I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to go through what I go through on a day to day basis. just in my head.

[foliealadeux]

dysphoria is a stone cold bitch.

[foliealadeux]

I don't just "run out of motivation" and "not feel anything" it's not me.

[foliealadeux]

I'm not trying to worry anyone or anything. but.

[foliealadeux]

the main thing holding me back is that I can't muster the motivation to actually write a note and figure out a foolproof method.

[foliealadeux]

nothing means anything to me anymore.

[foliealadeux]

i got so close to trying again yesterday.

[foliealadeux]

I'm so suicidal.

[foliealadeux]

I'm an idiot.

[foliealadeux]

I'm definitely panicking but it'll be fine.

[foliealadeux]

I get scared over stupid stuff. if I feel like there's any reason I could get yelled at or hit about something I try to hide it. i hide all kinds of things. from my skulls to even eating sometimes. I know lying about it makes it worse because i can't keep up a lie for the life of me but I can't help it sometimes. it's just out of fear.

[foliealadeux]

I know what you think don't think it.