Hello there! It’s been a while since I posted a fanfic (and by that I mean it’s been a year since I last wrote fanfiction, so please bear with me if this sucks). I just wanted to write Nodrian since they’re all I think about lately.
Nova had been told her entire life that she was tough. That she was brave, that she was strong. The thing was, she often thought, that she was never given the chance to be anything else. At age seven, now that she looked back at it, she shouldn’t have made to be strong, she needed to feel safe, she needed to be loved. She couldn’t have come to this conclusion on her own years ago, she thought. Many therapy sessions had helped her accept how twisted her upbringing with Ace had been, and that years of emotional abuse had left damage on her. Therapy had helped her handle her anxiety and PTSD, but there were still moments when she felt like a terrified six-year-old who had just witnessed her family get murdered and who kept repeating to herself to just pull the trigger Nova, pull the trigger Nova, pull the trigger-
Nova swiveled on her chair, startled. Adrian was standing by the doorframe, holding a cup of a steaming beverage. Nova’s gaze shifted to the clock by the door. 7:03 AM. Shit. She hadn’t gotten up from that chair, hadn’t stopped working for the past, what? Twelve hours?
“Hey. Sorry I didn’t come to bed last night; I guess I lost track of time.” It was the second time this happened that week alone, but she didn’t want to think about what was keeping her from going to sleep.
Adrian put the cup next to her computer, tea, because he knew Nova despised coffee, and kissed the top of her head. “It’s okay. I know you have a lot of work to do.”
Two years ago, Nova had made the decision to enroll herself in college to study mechanical engineering, in hopes of pursuing a life where she could have a say on what to do for a living. So far, everything was going pretty good. As a couple, Nova and Adrian made the decision to move in together a year ago, and, on the days she managed to go to sleep, she loved waking up in Adrian’s arms.
“Yeah, it’s mostly work that won’t let me sleep,” she muttered.
“Everything okay?” Adrian was looking at her worriedly, and Nova instantly regretted saying anything at all.
She sighed. “It’s… do you remember those dreams I used to have? About that night with my family?”
“I don’t hear the gunshots as much anymore, but I mostly dream of the silence afterwards. I can only feel the emptiness, the loneliness, the numbness.” She quickly wiped a tear that had fallen to her cheek. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like the grief is catching up to me. I never got to really grieve my family. I just turned all those feelings to anger. And for what? I sided with my family’s murderer. I’m just as bad as him.” She realized that more tears were streaming down her face now, and that she had voiced her darkest thoughts to Adrian.
Adrian’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. He grabbed her arm to pull her up from the chair, and wrapped his arms around Nova. She buried her face in his chest, more tears falling down her cheeks.
“You are good, Nova. I know you are good.”
She kept shaking her head, and Adrian started to run his fingers through her hair. Repeating the same three words quietly: you are good, you are good, you are good.
“How long have you held this in, Nova?”
Nova just shrugged limply.
“Great skies, Nova, you should have told me you’ve been hurting.”
“I know. It’s just… I’d been doing pretty good, and I didn’t want to feel like I was going steps backwards.”
He looked down at her, and looked certain when he said, “you’re not going backwards. If anything, putting all those feelings into words is a huge step in the right direction.”
Nova smiled slightly at that. “Okay. I think I might schedule an appointment with my therapist, to help me figure out how to cope with all of that. I miss not working for twelve hours straight.”
“Okay.” Adrian smiled at her. She stood on her tippy toes to reach his lips, and kissed him slowly. He wrapped his arms around her waist a little tighter, and picked her up, so that her feet were a few inches from the floor. Nova smiled against his lips. He eventually put her down and took her hand, leading her out of the room and into the kitchen.
dededos
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