Don't adjust your screens, this is my real life

A few nights ago I said screw it, I’m sick of reading everyone else’s blogs filled with witty banter and pictures of food I drool over at work, I’m getting in on this shit. So, here I am.

[foodwithattitude]

Sometimes I feel like throwing a party for my mouth, today was one of those days.

I spent my day in an Air Force base hanger schlepping out hot spoonfuls of science to unsuspecting middle schoolers. Yep, I'm a science pusher. Anyway, while I was pimping out my robotic arm and getting kids talking about hydroponic on the International Space Station, I was forced to endure the smells of hot Frito Pie. If I was a superhero my weakness would probs be Frito Pie and funnel cake but that's getting serious.

Anywho, because I was forced to endure the mouthwatering scent of hot Frito pie for hours on end I felt the need to throw my mouth a little fiesta as a reward for not succumbing to the siren call of hot beef, beans, and cheese over twirly corn chips so here it is. Roasted salsa verde, homemade guacamole, and fajitas. All 100% paleo and 150% delicioso.

  Roasted Salsa Verde (Green Salsa as in no tomatoes)

Ingredients: 

·         1 lb. tomatillos

·         1 jalapeño pepper

·         2-3 garlic cloves, chopped

·         1/2 cup onion, chopped

·         1 handful of cilantro leaves

·         Juice of 1 lime

·         1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions:

1.       Place the whole tomatillos and whole jalapeño pepper on a grill or in a pan on the stove on high for 5-10 minutes until the veggies start to char a bit. Flip over and grill another 5-10 minutes on the other side. Allow them to cool a bit.

2.       Slice the jalapeño in half and remove some or all of the seeds (if you want a mild salsa verde).

3.       Put the tomatillos, jalapeño, garlic cloves, onion, cilantro, lime juice and salt in a blender or food processor.

4.       Pulse until the salsa is the desired consistency.

  Homemade Guacamole

Ingredients:

·         ·        2 ripe avocados

·         ·        1 medium Roma tomato, diced

·         ·        2 tbs cilantro, chopped

·         ·        3 garlic cloves either pressed or minced into nothingness

·         ·        Juice of ½ lime

·         ·        1 tsp sea salt

Directions:

1.       Split avocados in half and scoop out the guts into a medium-sized mixing bowl. Make sure to get rid of the pits. If you’re feeling particularly earthy you may try putting them in water and growing your own avocado plants. I’ve been trying this for literally years and this has NEVER worked for me. EVER. And I’m a Taurus, I’m supposed to be earthy and crap but hey, why don’t you give it a try?

2.       Mash avocados until creamy with small chunks. Some people use forks but I’m more of a whisky bitch myself.

3.       Add in tomatoes, garlic, and cilantro. Don’t over mix or your tomatoes will fall apart so just kinda fold them into your guac mixture.

4.       Stir in lime juice

5.       Add salt to taste.

  Ain't no Mis-Steak Fajitas

Ingredients:

                Fajitas

·         ·        1 lb. skirt steak

·         ·        1 tbs extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO)

·         ·        1 yellow onion, sliced

·         ·        3 bell peppers, sliced

·         ·        1/2 cup baby bella mushrooms, sliced

·         ·        1 tsp salt

·         ·        1 tsp black pepper

·         ·        1 tsp cumin

        Marinade

·         ·        2 tbs EVOO

·         ·        Juice of 2 limes

·         ·        1 tsp salt

·         ·        1 tsp black pepper

·         ·        1 tsp cumin

·         ·        4 cloves garlic, minced

Directions:

1.       Place steak in a 1-gallon ziplock baggie

2.       Whisk together all the ingredients of the marinade and pour over the steak, seal the bag and toss that shit around to coat. I like to throw in a few slices of lime for extra flavor.

3.       Place in refrigerator and let it marinate for about 24 hours.

4.       Preheat grill before cooking.

5.       Remove steak from the fridge and bring it up to room temperature.

6.       Grill steak 3-4 minutes per side. Let it rest for about 5 minutes so all of the juices can seep back in, then cut it into thin strips.

7.       Heat EVOO on medium heat in a skillet.

8.       Add veggies and seasoning and sauté until the onions are ghostly and the peppers are no longer crunchy.

9.       Serve the steak over your hot veg.

[foodwithattitude]

"Sometimes you've just gotta pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

~Dr. Sidney Freedman

[foodwithattitude]

So last night I said screw it, I'm sick of reading everyone else's blogs filled with witty banter and pictures of food I drool over at work, I'm getting in on this shit so, here I am.

Should I be working right now?

Yeah probably but lets be honest, I've fallen down the rabbit hole of tumblr and there is no way I'm going to accomplish anything even remotely productive today. Well not anything my bosses would consider productive, I think, my job is weird so who knows for sure.

Currently I work for a retired race car driver and his wife as a pretend astronaut. I'm not even lying. THAT IS MY JOB. I actually get paid to dress up as an astronaut and lead imaginary space missions. My parents are so proud. Not really.

It was pointed out to me this morning by my best friend Derek that my mom posts on her Facebook about everyone in my family, except me. In fact she has mentioned her CrossFit trainer more often than she has me. *Hangs head in shame.*

He actually suggested I name my blog "Maybe My Mom Will Finally Approve Of Me". Yeah, I am completely aware that he's a dick. That is one of the reasons why he is my best friend. Also he pretty much shares my brain, he'd be damn useful in a zombie apocalypse, and I'm pretty sure we're soul twins.

Anyway, this blog is partially for him so I can stop trying to text him recipes. Derek is currently in the process of "growing up" and has decided to change his diet for the better so I've recently become his recipe dealer. He has barely started his new diet and he already begs for recipes like some kind of food whore. I would say it's weird but I honestly like the feeling of power it gives me over him.

Anyway, enough bullshit. Here is a fuck awesome recipe I stole and tweaked to make an amazing stuffed summer squash. Enjoy!

Sunburst Squash Stuffed With Awesome

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 30 minutes

Ingredients:

- 2 large Sunburst squash - 1/2 cup ground turkey sausage. Personally I used the spicy kind because I choose to live dangerously. - 1/2 onion, finely chopped. I prefer Vidalia onions, they don't burn the crap out of my eyeballs and they make my mouth happy. - 2 cloves garlic, minced - 1/2 cup celery, finely chopped 'cause seriously, no one likes that crunchy celery texture. - 2 sweet peppers, chopped - 1/2 cup mushrooms, chopped - 1 cup fresh spinach, chopped - Sea salt - Ground black pepper Directions:

1. Fill a large saucepan with a inch or two of water and place on the stove over medium high heat. Wait for the water to begin boiling and then add the sunburst squash. Cover and allow to steam for about 7-10 minutes or just until tender.

2. Carefully remove the squash from the pot and place the squash on a cutting board. Allow to cool slightly while you prep the filling. 

3. Preheat the oven to 375F. Place a large skillet over medium-high heat and cook your meat in the pan. 

4. Once the meat is done, add the onion, garlic, celery and bell pepper to the pan and saute for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the mushroom and spinach and cook for another 1-2 minutes or until the spinach is wilted. Take the mixture off the heat. Season with sea salt and ground black pepper to taste and set aside. Seriously, taste that shit, there is nothing worse than finishing a recipe and realizing that it tastes like crap. If your stuffing sucks now it's not going to get any better later on so before you really commit to this thing, taste yo shit!

5. Slice the top 1/3 off of the squash and set the tops aside. Using a small spoon, scoop out your squash's guts. Pull the seeds out from the inside of the squash so that you have a "bowl" in which to place your filling. Be careful not to cut into the sides or bottom of the squash. Sprinkle the squash lightly with sea salt and ground black pepper. Note: You can add the squash filling to your vegetable mixture, but I hate seeds so I tossed that shit out. 

6. Scoop a large spoonful of the vegetable mixture into the center of each of the squash. Place the stuffed squash on a baking dish lined with aluminum foil and place in the oven (you do not need to bake the tops of the squash). 

7. Allow to bake for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and serve with the tops as decoration if you're a pretentious bitch like me. Otherwise wait for the squash to cool slightly and enjoy the shit outta your little bowl of sunshine.