do i dare disturb the universe?

poetry blog title creds to @nopesjsgwhqgsx

[for-better-or-verse]

hello! i’m aster.

you might know me from my main blog @fairyycoffin or perhaps you stumbled onto here, in which case, welcome. 

on here, you’ll find poetry and short stories. please be kind.

i’m always open (and excited) to meet new people and interact with fellow writers. i love to chat! so feel free to drop by and say hi!

[for-better-or-verse]

something short and sweet

a quiet house

is it a home if i’m the one in it?

can’t sit still

a secondhand space

no hiss of the coffee pot

no voices

no sex through the walls

no “i love you”

“i hate you”

“goodbye” 

“i’m so sorry”

“i saved you a seat”

no music 

no forgiveness 

no breaking glass

when you’re alone

excruciatingly alone

we belong to no one

this house and me 

a quiet house

quiet depravity

quiet heartbreak 

quiet 

and alone 

[for-better-or-verse]

Evolution

It’s strange to me

Even now

How a lungful of evergreen sends me spiraling 

Imprecise grief

This isn’t poetry, so much as keen observation,

I’m too caught up

In my own world

Too drawn in by the herring 

It’s wondrous how molten rock formed mountains

Cataclysmic, 

They say,

The natural order of things.

Give and give up.

[for-better-or-verse]

Temporary

My body is temporary. Like most things, I think. Peel back the layers of skin and you’ll find deteriorating muscle, From days spent doing nothing, Wasting time. I hold my skin to the light that creeps in. Scars and lumps I can’t explain, Life itself embedded in each bruise, each imperfection. I return my attention to my muscle. My body is molding from the inside out. Words fail me so I choose to state the facts. I do not believe that under rivers of flesh, There is something more than carefully arranged organs. I am a human Without a soul. Does that make me a monster?

[for-better-or-verse]

Home

We do not have to be good. 

None of us are good, not really, not in the same way a calf is good, pure. 

We walk through life, aware of how dismally short it is, 

But, regardless, we could make this place beautiful, right? 

I’ve made my heart into a home. 

The rooms are bathed in idle sunlight and my friends crowd around the table. 

We watch joy arrive,

Unexpected but always welcome. 

We surrender our desire to be good. Today is good enough for all of us.

@i-eat-so-much-grass, this one's for you.

[for-better-or-verse]

poem for a girl named summer

smog. then blinding sun. rain. sun again. 

look, the flesh of ripened blackberries. we flaunt our stained teeth, you and me, swathed in linen and a hint of narcissus. 

film of sweat gathering at the nape of your neck. you explain the science behind humidity, but all i hear is the delirious cries of a barn owl. 

light sneaks in through the spaces between our fingers as we laugh and laugh and laugh. 

the eddy’s movements are languid, syrupy like the lazy shapes you draw in the sand. there. a flower for me and saturn for you.

later, you tuck your book under your arm and climb onto the greyhound. 

you weren’t made for northern air and cicadas in the dead of night. nor for stars so visible we get drunk on their milky glare. 

i draw the freckle on your knee again, darker now that the days stretch into each other, limbs tangled and damp. you have been kissed by the sun. 

how strange it is to know you so well. 

[for-better-or-verse]

how to break a heart

I can’t lie here and feel you on my shoulders, on my ribcage

On my tongue like an empty promise

You tasted of salt and sea

I can’t wake up from the nightmares where we’re running backwards away from those same demons that knock on our closet doors

Desperation leaking through the cracks

It’s sticky as the summer heat

Let us out

I can’t go back to the town I loved you in 

Afraid to turn every corner in a gas station, lest I run into the stranger you’ve become

I’d notice you in broken wine bottles

In the crescent moon, in the shape of your birthmark 

In a bloody nose 

In a butterfly kiss 

Your silence said so much because I never asked for a goddamn thing. Not once. 

Your silence was deafening because it meant a thousand things to me 

And nothing to you. Do you have anything to say now?

Open that pretty little mouth of yours and speak to me. 

Go ahead and tell me you’re sorry

Or that you’re not, or you wish you could be

Or that it all meant something to you

Or, or, or

I wish I was sorry. Sorry that I met you. Sorry that I’d burn the world down if it meant I could touch you one last time.

Sorry that I snuck out my back door to see you and ended up a stranger in my own mirror. 

You are hurt

You are hurt and you give hurt

You gave me so much hurt that I cut my hair so as not to feel your ghost fingers tangled in it, 

So much hurt that my body won’t let it out.

So here we are. 

Your paper heart

Stained by time. 

But know this: I kissed you like forgiveness. I loved you when you were a mere sliver of night. 

And by the time you fall in love again, all they will taste is my name.

[for-better-or-verse]

poem for a girl named summer

smog. then blinding sun. rain. sun again. 

look, the flesh of ripened blackberries. we flaunt our stained teeth, you and me, swathed in linen and a hint of narcissus. 

film of sweat gathering at the nape of your neck. you explain the science behind humidity, but all i hear is the delirious cries of a barn owl. 

light sneaks in through the spaces between our fingers as we laugh and laugh and laugh. 

the eddy’s movements are languid, syrupy like the lazy shapes you draw in the sand. there. a flower for me and saturn for you.

later, you tuck your book under your arm and climb onto the greyhound. 

you weren’t made for northern air and cicadas in the dead of night. nor for stars so visible we get drunk on their milky glare. 

i draw the freckle on your knee again, darker now that the days stretch into each other, limbs tangled and damp. you have been kissed by the sun. 

how strange it is to know you so well. 

[for-better-or-verse]

poem for a girl named summer

smog. then blinding sun. rain. sun again. 

look, the flesh of ripened blackberries. we flaunt our stained teeth, you and me, swathed in linen and a hint of narcissus. 

film of sweat gathering at the nape of your neck. you explain the science behind humidity, but all i hear is the delirious cries of a barn owl. 

light sneaks in through the spaces between our fingers as we laugh and laugh and laugh. 

the eddy’s movements are languid, syrupy like the lazy shapes you draw in the sand. there. a flower for me and saturn for you.

later, you tuck your book under your arm and climb onto the greyhound. 

you weren’t made for northern air and cicadas in the dead of night. nor for stars so visible we get drunk on their milky glare. 

i draw the freckle on your knee again, darker now that the days stretch into each other, limbs tangled and damp. you have been kissed by the sun. 

how strange it is to know you so well. 

[for-better-or-verse]

how to break a heart

I can’t lie here and feel you on my shoulders, on my ribcage

On my tongue like an empty promise

You tasted of salt and sea

I can’t wake up from the nightmares where we’re running backwards away from those same demons that knock on our closet doors

Desperation leaking through the cracks

It’s sticky as the summer heat

Let us out

I can’t go back to the town I loved you in 

Afraid to turn every corner in a gas station, lest I run into the stranger you’ve become

I’d notice you in broken wine bottles

In the crescent moon, in the shape of your birthmark 

In a bloody nose 

In a butterfly kiss 

Your silence said so much because I never asked for a goddamn thing. Not once. 

Your silence was deafening because it meant a thousand things to me 

And nothing to you. Do you have anything to say now?

Open that pretty little mouth of yours and speak to me. 

Go ahead and tell me you’re sorry

Or that you’re not, or you wish you could be

Or that it all meant something to you

Or, or, or

I wish I was sorry. Sorry that I met you. Sorry that I’d burn the world down if it meant I could touch you one last time.

Sorry that I snuck out my back door to see you and ended up a stranger in my own mirror. 

You are hurt

You are hurt and you give hurt

You gave me so much hurt that I cut my hair so as not to feel your ghost fingers tangled in it, 

So much hurt that my body won’t let it out.

So here we are. 

Your paper heart

Stained by time. 

But know this: I kissed you like forgiveness. I loved you when you were a mere sliver of night. 

And by the time you fall in love again, all they will taste is my name.

[for-better-or-verse]

postcard

june seeps into july

like the blood that percolates from the wound in your back 

forgive me

i don’t know how to be loved gently 

i want to get better 

i want to wash this filth from my soul 

but your shirt is a virginal white and i can’t, i won’t be the one to stain it

so i’m leaving

you

behind

and i’m not looking back

hunger is sawing my body in half

all i care about is how i wish i could write you into a fairytale instead of a nightmare.

[rainydaywithcats-deactivated202]

u fuckin goddess this is a perfect creation! here’s a cookie 🍪

[for-better-or-verse]

LOML 🫵

[for-better-or-verse]

postcard

june seeps into july

like the blood that percolates from the wound in your back 

forgive me

i don’t know how to be loved gently 

i want to get better 

i want to wash this filth from my soul 

but your shirt is a virginal white and i can’t, i won’t be the one to stain it

so i’m leaving

you

behind

and i’m not looking back

hunger is sawing my body in half

all i care about is how i wish i could write you into a fairytale instead of a nightmare.

[for-better-or-verse]

epitaph

Revelation 14:9

We are still, in reverent silence

We are waiting for a miracle

Our compliance writes itself into our bodies

Heads bowed

Fingers tangled

This is how we were created.

Judges 19:24

We do not move a muscle

For even the involuntary quirk of a mouth

Will condemn us to Hell

No more Sunday best

No more identical sermons

No more flesh and blood and Christ.

Romans 6:23

The incense suffocates us in this oppressive space

That should cleanse us

Should be holy

But instead, feels ugly

A dirty secret

We are the Body, we are Yours.

Jeremiah 19:9

We pretend not to hear the scream of the girl

We choke on our prayers

Keep going, the pastor urges

She is evil she is evil she is evil

Are we evil?

Exodus 21:20

We cling to the Word, tradition, unsatisfied hunger

The way our dresses cling to our sweaty backs

When the sermon begins

Again.

[i-eat-so-much-grass-deactivated]

ajifklajfjeohfahgiahijkdfjalnkvkdznvzjfznsfha i don't really have much experience with religion lol but this is still SO GOOD

the VIBES

*dies*

[for-better-or-verse]

thank you!! i mean this with all that i am, your reactions always give me so. much. confidence.

[for-better-or-verse]

epitaph

Revelation 14:9

We are still, in reverent silence

We are waiting for a miracle

Our compliance writes itself into our bodies

Heads bowed

Fingers tangled

This is how we were created.

Judges 19:24

We do not move a muscle

For even the involuntary quirk of a mouth

Will condemn us to Hell

No more Sunday best

No more identical sermons

No more flesh and blood and Christ.

Romans 6:23

The incense suffocates us in this oppressive space

That should cleanse us

Should be holy

But instead, feels ugly

A dirty secret

We are the Body, we are Yours.

Jeremiah 19:9

We pretend not to hear the scream of the girl

We choke on our prayers

Keep going, the pastor urges

She is evil she is evil she is evil

Are we evil?

Exodus 21:20

We cling to the Word, tradition, unsatisfied hunger

The way our dresses cling to our sweaty backs

When the sermon begins

Again.

[for-better-or-verse]

this is to say

i wear your spite like a motherfucking veil

[for-better-or-verse]

how to break a heart

I can’t lie here and feel you on my shoulders, on my ribcage

On my tongue like an empty promise

You tasted of salt and sea

I can’t wake up from the nightmares where we’re running backwards away from those same demons that know on our closet doors

Desperation leaking through the cracks

It’s stick as the summer heat

Let us out

I can’t go back to the town I loved you in 

Afraid to turn every corning in a gas station, lest I run into the stranger you’ve become

I’d notice you in broken wine bottles

In the crescent moon, in the shape of your birthmark 

In a bloody nose 

In a butterfly kiss 

Your silence said so much because I never asked for a goddamn thing. Not once. 

Your silence was deafening because it meant a thousand things to me 

And nothing to you. Do you have anything to say now?

Open that pretty little mouth of yours and speak to me. 

Go ahead and tell me you’re sorry

Or that you’re not, or you wish you could be

Or that it all meant something to you

Or, or, or

I wish I was sorry. Sorry that I met you. Sorry that I’d burn the world down if it meant I could touch you one last time.

Sorry that I snuck out my back door to see you and ended up a stranger in my own mirror. 

You are hurt

You are hurt and you give hurt

You gave me so much hurt that I cut my hair so as not to feel your ghost fingers tangled in it, 

So much hurt that my body won’t let it out.

So here we are. 

Your paper heart

Stained by time. 

But know this: I kissed you like forgiveness. I loved you when you were a mere sliver of night. 

And by the time you fall in love again, all they will taste is my name.

[rainydaywithcats-deactivated202]

i want to drink the beauty out of this poem and create a beautiful being so that i may love it forever…in a non dramatic way

[for-better-or-verse]

i actually teared up

[rainydaywithcats-deactivated202]

are u being sarcastic? or like genuinely….

bc i for the life of me can’t tell ever with anyone

[for-better-or-verse]

genuinely

[for-better-or-verse]

how to break a heart

I can’t lie here and feel you on my shoulders, on my ribcage

On my tongue like an empty promise

You tasted of salt and sea

I can’t wake up from the nightmares where we’re running backwards away from those same demons that know on our closet doors

Desperation leaking through the cracks

It’s stick as the summer heat

Let us out

I can’t go back to the town I loved you in 

Afraid to turn every corning in a gas station, lest I run into the stranger you’ve become

I’d notice you in broken wine bottles

In the crescent moon, in the shape of your birthmark 

In a bloody nose 

In a butterfly kiss 

Your silence said so much because I never asked for a goddamn thing. Not once. 

Your silence was deafening because it meant a thousand things to me 

And nothing to you. Do you have anything to say now?

Open that pretty little mouth of yours and speak to me. 

Go ahead and tell me you’re sorry

Or that you’re not, or you wish you could be

Or that it all meant something to you

Or, or, or

I wish I was sorry. Sorry that I met you. Sorry that I’d burn the world down if it meant I could touch you one last time.

Sorry that I snuck out my back door to see you and ended up a stranger in my own mirror. 

You are hurt

You are hurt and you give hurt

You gave me so much hurt that I cut my hair so as not to feel your ghost fingers tangled in it, 

So much hurt that my body won’t let it out.

So here we are. 

Your paper heart

Stained by time. 

But know this: I kissed you like forgiveness. I loved you when you were a mere sliver of night. 

And by the time you fall in love again, all they will taste is my name.

[rainydaywithcats-deactivated202]

i want to drink the beauty out of this poem and create a beautiful being so that i may love it forever…in a non dramatic way

[for-better-or-verse]

i actually teared up