i appreciate your answer to the question about labels
but i feel you didn’t answer the main question - how do you tell the difference between imposter syndrome about your gender vs feeling incongruent because that isn’t your gender
do you have any advice for this?
Thanks for letting us know that we didn’t answer the question. Here is the original question that I will aim to answer this time:
uh how can you tell the difference between imposter syndrome and “that’s not me”
how can i tell if i’m nb, or just a trans man with imposter syndrome about being a “real man”?
or if i’m trans at all? since apparently i’d have to be convincing myself of my gender either way
i’m so worried i’m gonna claim an identity that’s not mine
Imposter syndrome would be more of a “I’m not ___ enough to be ___,” if I am not mistaken. Officially, according to fairygodboss.com among other websites, signs of imposter syndrom include: “
- a lack of self-confidence
- doubts about your thoughts, abilities, achievements and accomplishments
- dwelling on past mistakes and not feeling good enough.
I can definitely see your worry about “claiming an identity that’s not” yours, which is perfectly valid. You don’t want to invalidate anyone else. But, chances are, you’re not actually invalidating them. If you experiment with they/them pronouns, you’re not discrediting non-binary people. Most NB people I know would in fact encourage you to try them out and to see if they fit.
Oftentimes when we feel alone or unappreciated, we can go looking for things like labels that describe how we may be feeling. So if you suddenly don’t feel “man enough” (more on that later), you may look for reasons for this.
Masculinity has many different explanations, it is something that is unique to every individual. As a trans man I honestly don’t know how to describe it, it’s just what I am. I went through many labels including different non-binary labels, but found he/him to bring me the most joy. Which pronouns bring you joy? They can even be more than one. You might try he/they pronouns for a little bit.
You have NO quota that you have to fill to “be a man.” You don’t have to like specific things, you don’t have to feel certain ways, you don’t have to contain years of toxic masculinity that you refuse to get rid of. If you are a man, you just are. I don’t make the rules. And that’s the same with being ANY OTHER GENDER. Non binary people don’t have to be androgynous, they are allowed to present in whatever bloody way they want. It doesn’t matter if you’re a seven-foot-tall muscled person with an untameable beard - if you’re NB, you’re NB, and your pronouns are to be respected without question.
Unfortunately, I cannot just tell you if you are trans or non-binary: that’s out of my powers. But I can help you uncover more specifically what (along with Imposter Syndrome) could be causing you to doubt your gender identity.
I am more than happy for you to privately message me @thatshortdudety and work through this with you (your identity is completely safe with me), or continue on anonymous on the blog. Or perhaps this is all the depth you wanted and will be happy to be on your own from here. Whatever your thoughts may be, I will support you.
