forea

[forea]

May 5th, 2019

You and I have had a long on and off relationship. I know we both want to be with one another, but we know we’re not a good match. Our chemistry is just insane and we can both make each other feel so good. Other than that, we can’t really agree. 

We started off my 2nd year of grad school pretty hot and heavy. Heavier than it ever was. Some reason we keep ending up back together. We have short bursts of passion but it always ends with you pulling back. I mean I understand you have to protect your heart, and I need to learn to do the right thing. It’s just so rare to find someone I could stay up late talking to for hours and not get bored of. 

We stayed up till 5am talking on the phone last night after not having spoken in a while. I don’t know why I called you and you don’t know why you picked up, and deep down I know it’s because we missed each other. Why is it so hard to stay apart? 

You tell me the reason why you always ghost me is because he feel like you’re powerless around me. That you feel weak and that you need me. He’s just afraid of the pain that he’ll feel if I never end up leaving billy for him. I know deep down, I’ll never leave billy even if I did love alpit. I know my future is better with billy, and alpit isn’t mature enough for me yet. 

[forea]

March 16, 2018 2:11pm

I’m thinking about breaking up with you. Our sex is dead, our spark is dead.

[forea]

November 2nd, 2016

For some reason I’ve been thinking about you nonstop even though it’s been three weeks since we last said a word to each other. Why did I catch feelings for you. I don’t think I even have feelings for you. I’m just so attracted to you. I also think I want you because I know I can’t have you. You are better off with ivanna, but what does she have that I don’t. I’m so much better than any girl you’ll ever meet. I need to just focus on billy. I love him so much, but I can’t deny how my mind is always 24/7 thinking about you. I’m obsessed with you right now. God I hate this. 

[forea]

Oct 10, 2016

Ever since I cheated on billy, I’ve been drinking nonstop. This is how I stay guilt free. I’m suppressing all the bad that I’ve done, but it doesn’t help that I keep doing bad. I almost had sex with alpit yesterday, and by almost I mean, his dick was inches away from penetration. i didn’t do it, bc i know alpit doesn’t like me like that. he only likes me sexually. he likes this new girl named ivanna now, which is funny bc he would’ve never started liking her if we did it right in the first place. he only started talking to her to get over me. what kind of fucked up situation is this. i don’t want to like alpit, and honestly, i don’t think i have any feelings for him in the first place. i just feel empty. i just need something to fill the void inside me. i need to stop fucking everything up.

[forea]

Sept 10, 2016

This whole thing was a mistake but for some reason I barely feel any guilt (or I’m really good at suppressing it). How come you spent the whole weekend kissing me, and telling my how beautiful I am, and once you got what you wanted you completely cut me off? I want to say something to you, but I don’t want you to laugh at me for catching feelings. jesus christ. I keep replaying the way you dominated me in the shower. God that was so hot. I loved how you just pushed me up against the shower, and make me succumb to you. But I need to promise myself never to see you again. God. fuck I think I caught feelings. 

[forea]

it’s weird, i can’t stop thinking about you. i almost felt sad again thinking about our breakup. it’s sad how things ended. we loved each other. i’m sure I still have some feelings leftover for you. ever since your birthday, i can’t get you out of my head. i keep having dreams of you wanting me back. maybe subconsciously I do want you to want me. what is wrong with me. i love billy. actually, i’m not sure if I love billy, but i’m sure i love spending time with you. i was thinking that maybe, i’m just dating billy until you’re ready to ..... god i sound stupid. I don’t want Josh. he’s a piece of shit. i don’t want billy either.... i just want to be alone.

[forea]

maybe i should stay away from you

you always confuse me, you make me panic 

[forea]

for some reason, i feel like i can trust you... i feel like i can open up to you in ways that scare me to death.... josh has been the only one i've opened up to like that in a while. josh is my love, but something about you attracts me greatly. i don't know... maybe if i get to know you better, this will go away. 

[forea]

I feel like reading my messages from last night over and over and over. I think I've read them at least four times today and then showed it to my friend. I never knew something like this would ever happen to me. I feel like I'm finally experiencing how it feels to have someone love me like I love them. Im never going to get tired of this feeling. I feel kinda shy if you knew about this hehe in my head I made "what is love" by EXO our song. Hehe I think it just fits us perfectly and it was released the same day you told me that you loved me. (yesterday) I'm never going to forget this. I'm going to save these messages and read them over and over until I'm fifty and reading them to my kids about it. I've been daydreaming all day imagining a future with you. I know that's kinda of stupid and we are no where close to something like that but it's just fun to think about it. In my head I imagined me and you living in an apartment together and us going to college together or somewhat close. We shared a room in this small apartment and as soon as you would come home you would lock your lips immediately upon mine. We'd then fall into a euphoria of feelings and never let go. Our hands around each other and lips touching as we stand in the middle of the apartment without a soul to interrupt this orgastic moment.