NO DONT KYS UR SO SEXY AHAHAHA

vents + poetry + anything with darker themes that i’d feel weird putting on the silly fandom blog!

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

lowkey hated this blog for the longest time so i rebranded —><—

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

ykw i actually don't think i like you that much and there's a probable chance that i shall either be moving schools next year or put in classes with somebody i actually fucking like so ykw no im not fucking doing this any more, have a great life :)

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

i feel so terribly sad and i don't know what to do

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

i don't think i can be like this any longer, it's so fucking horrible. i fucking hate being autistic i fucking hate it, it's so hard to do anything i'm so fucking useless i don't even know why i'm alive at this point

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

im so beyond tired and lately i have been forgetting about hope and kindness and i hate it all i just want to love and feel okay

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

i have so much love in me and really not much to do with it, and i'm pretty sure it's slowly eating me up inside

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

i think the worst part of Bad Things Happening and Being Kinda Depressed is that it is so hard to stay silly. it might sound stupid but like my favourite thing in life is being silly, and laughing, and making jokes, and while obviously i am still able to do those things, it's so hard to maintain. so i keep on getting whiplash by being really joyful and giggly like i used to be, to suddenly remembering Everything and starting to cry. i mean, i am currently in the process of consuming what is literally some of my favourite media ever made, and i still cannot maintain happiness. my mother made me go and sit outside for five minutes to listen to the birds and i had to zone out because as soon as i stopped, and focused, and brought myself back into my body, i started crying. and i knew i wouldn't be able to stop if i didn't hide in my mind again. everything is so terrible at the moment and the world is completely fucked and i have lost all but two of my friends in the span of a couple of weeks and i am so so worried and stressed all of the time, but the thing i grieve the most is my ability to be silly.

[pangur-and-grim]

I think some of the loneliness of autism is that you feel like you hurt people just by Interacting Wrong, but you don’t know how to Interact Right, and the more effort you put into it, the more exhausted you are and the more artificial it comes across (with the end result of people still being upset with you). and it’s not anyone’s fault for not liking Being Interacted With Wrong, and it’s not your fault for doing it so wrong, but it is very, very lonely.

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

i have legitimately two real, actual friends at the moment, one of whom is touch and go at the best of times, and i genuinely don't know what to do

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

bitches hate me cus of my autism (true and proven)

[kosmogrl]

I have mastered the art of being hard on myself for things I would tell anyone else are not that deep

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

feeling much better tonight. unfortunately with the return of a clear mind comes the Regret(tm). the trout population will suffer.

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

broke a streak of over a fucking year just for some pretty red lines that will heal in a week. what the fuck is wrong with me.

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

ow

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

cat-scratches

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

i want to cry i want to cry holy moly i'm not even sad or upset right now but i'm bored and i want to cry

[foreverdealingwiththehorrors]

i would like to forget about it all and just feel Intense Pain/Mania please