Misguided Life

I’m attempting to fumble along my way in life. Everyone has a story to share, adventures to make & dreams to create.

[forevers-young]

Valentine’s Day can go eat a dick

I’ll start by saying I’m married to an amazing guy. I love him dearly. I know he loves me wholeheartedly.

I don’t need a day to express my love. We show it each day.

This year we had a quick peck on the lips as he left for work at some ungodly hour.

I finally managed to get out of bed and get the kids off to school and daycare, got myself ready for work. We both spent the day working our butts off to feed the family etc

The night ended with us sleeping in seperate beds. Did we fight last night? No, we have kids. One needed him last night. More than I did. This morning started with a complete mental case of a kid kicking off. We took our frustration out on each other.

It all came out. Nether of us could believe what the other was saying.

I had to get out of the house and be on my own. It shocked us both enough to step back and see the big picture.

We’ve both been under so much pressure and have both made huge sacrifices.

We had been putting the family first and had lost our nurturing love.

We both said sorry. Not for a reason but for it all. No explanations.

We then continues the day and did all the chores.

We were present in the day.

We are far from perfect. We frustrate the hell out of each other but at the end of the day, we know our love.

I’m not complacent. We both know we have so many flaws and always have to give our relationship work, but’s it’s not a chore. We do it because it’s so damn worth it.

Being in love when you are a parent is so challenging. It’s helping each other, more than anything. You’re both tired and worn out, just wanting to be a bum on the lounge but getting off your butts to keep the household moving.

It’s seeing the love in all the small things. Not the grand gestures- as much as they are loved.

It’s seeing the love in when one chooses to sleep in the bed with the 4yr old, when they clean the kitchen, or hang out the washing. As mundane as chores are, they must be done.

It’s when they say you’re my everything. I choose this life with you, with all its madness and mayhem.

I don’t want roses on Valentine’s Day. I want you present each and every day. I want the good and the bad no matter what. I’ll put up with anything, knowing that each day our love means more to you than anything.

[forevers-young]

Taking the time to say I love you to all my loves today. It’s been a day of reflection. I was prompted to ponder what legacy do I want to leave behind? At my funeral what will my loved ones say of me.

Will they always know just how much I love them, how much I am proud of them all!

Will they know I fist pumped the air whenever they reached a goal, that I’m their biggest cheerleader.

Will they know that I understand when they’ve made mistakes, that I may be disappointed but still proud of them at the same time, that I know we all have to make mistakes to grow.

Will they know that I may have given tough love, but it was always to help them be independent, that I wanted them to be comfortable stand on their own & yet still be able to stand next to their partner, that I wanted them to be happy & confident within themselves foremost.

Will they know that they are my world, that my love bursts for them

[forevers-young]

Oh to be a child again and have the imagination to dream big

[forevers-young]

Day 5. Honeymoon Roadtrippers

Rain finally cleared, out came the sunshine as well as the mozzies 🤬

Late start again! Sleeping in is just too easy.

Decided a walk along the beach was in order, ankle pending. We made it most of the way.

Dealt with work emails, including quick FaceTime to sort out some work issues.

Mind blowing how beautiful the beach was, magical. Ruins from WWII, very photogenic. Managed a swim. Water was perfect temperature! Fresh, but not icey. Attempted to go inland before we were almost eaten alive by mozzies (have I mentioned how much we both detest them, but they seem to love us). Stuck to beach.

Not many people driving along, no one else walking! Ute full of young guys doing donuts on the sand- good luck to them 🤣 they did attempt to pull along boogie board from the, after many attempts think the realised it just wasn’t going to work.

3hr return to campsite. Late lunch, nap. Phone calls to the kids and in laws on the beach- the best place for reception... go figure. And again early night.

[forevers-young]

Day 4. Honeymoon Roadtrippers

Up late, late check out. We didn’t want to leave! Such a beautiful tranquil place to stay.

We were going to go to crystal castle, looked pretty good. Entry was $28 and considering the state of my foot, decided to move on.

Stopped off in Tweed Heads for supplies (mainly coffee), friendly people- the kind you just chat easily with.

Once again, an easy drive with stunning views, rolling hills. Amazing scenery. Picked many properties along the way.

On to Bribie Island, what a surprise for both of us. We didn’t have high expectations of what was on the island- it is huge!

Everything we needed, plus more we didn’t realise we did.

Information centre staff weren’t the greatest of help re:camping, permits, etc

Stop off at newsagent where they sell the passes, extremely helpful.

Then... onto the beach for 22km drive on sand. Yes I was a nervous nelly, this anxiety shit tends to do that. Ernie had a blast! It was pretty fun, practise for Fraser. Such a specular place on earth! Quite a few wallabies cruising along the beach.

Campsite was amazing, 1 min walk to beach. No other campers near our site! We arrived and it started raining not long after, slight drizzle that got heavier overnight. Not the best birthday for the Birthday Boy, but he was pretty happy.

Mosquitos- they are just the worst form of species.

Early night as it was just too wet to care.

Hubby’s 31st Birthday- managed a cake & celebratory song at least!

[forevers-young]

Day 3. 1st Year Anniversary

Got off to a wobbly start, sprained ankle put a bit of a dampener on our plans for walk in Minyon National Park. Explored the property on a golf cart- Ernie had an absolute ball. Even managed to get it bogged! Heman to the rescue while I watched on. Still went for the drive to Minyon Falls lookout. Absolutely spectacular! Really wished we could have done the walk down to the base- only 6.5kms, it would have been spectacular. We then went on an exploration, driving down random ‘roads’, came across Middleton Way, a ‘shortcut’ definitely 4wd drive only. Found Rocky Creek Dam. My god that place is breathtaking. Once again, so annoyed that I couldn’t walk down. The off to explore Byron Bay. It was a bit of a fail. We saw the beach, the light house, the lookout. Stunning. Once again, because of my bungfoot we couldn’t park close enough to get out of car. Discovered eclectic pub ‘Railway Friendly’ pub. Amazing food, cold beer, easy music & friendly staff. Definitely worth the mission. From here I was too wrecked to do anything more. time to have an afternoon nap!

Diner 55 yum yum yum not a huge menu, but boy they created magic! So delicious

Gift to hubby was going to see latest Avengers movie. Yes we both loved it! Cinema was great, large cushions on the floor!

We attempted to go see lighthouse in Byron bay, but they had closed the road near the top. Did see local wildlife wandering around the streets of Byron.

[forevers-young]

Day2. Honeymoon Roadtrippers

Open up bedroom annex to this amazing view! We had no idea this view would be so spectacular! The night was hard, rained most of the night. Not so good for the light sleeper 🙋🏼‍♀️ mattress was too thin for this fragile body, will have to pull out blow up mattress for next stop! Only had one night trip to the loo- winning! Amenities btw were pretty good. Nice warm showers, clean & tidy too.

Nice clear morning to start our day. Had a walk around to the ruins, pretty stunning views along the way. So amazing looking out to the east, ocean was striking- a bit rough, massive waves. Nice easy walking tracks around the campground, this place is definitely one we want to come back to with the kids.

Ernie made friends with a few people. I’m trying out me less of an introvert, small steps but I’m getting there. I say hi to randoms (with what I think is a smile).

Amazing coffee & scones at the onsite kiosk/restaurant! Lead me to think why don’t they have onsite pubs at caravan parks?

The drive out led us to dreaming of a sea change, we planned our little farm, spotted a few properties we have. Even named our potential goose Jaiden, so fitting for the eldest.

A quick text to check in on the kids, found out the youngest had a high temp all night and at the drs. Both our hearts broke, I’d give anything to cuddle him right now. I know he’s being looked after by Nan & pop and his siblings, but Mum guilt is kicking in. I should be home with him.

Drive up to Mullumbimby was beautiful, a little rain, oh so scenic. Can understand why people fall in love with this area. So many stunningly majestic homes.

Lunch stop was Grafton. We guessed most people aren’t around town on the weekend, BIG difference to home, it was so quiet.

Found a local pub and had a delicious feed to send us on our way. Drove through to Broadwater for an alcohol stop. Local pub. Bar staff delightful. It was the type of place you walk in & everyone turns around. Felt so out of place. Didn’t stay long.

Mullumbimby. WOW... so beautiful quaint houses. Feels like home.

Found our Airbnb and while it wasn’t much to look at from the entry, it is absolutely spectacular. Everything we wanted. PLUS bath on the verandah looking over the rolling hills. So relaxing, we are considering whether we move in. Only slight hiccup was when I decided to sprain my ankle. In a way only us ‘Young’ girls can master, I was walking downstairs and just went down. Only remedy- hot epsom salt bath whilst a delectable drink is dipped away. Ernie’s pretending to be sad that the walks I had planned won’t go ahead over the next few days.

Nothing sexy like tiger balm & a compression sock to set the scene 😂

[forevers-young]

1st Honeymoon Roadtrip

Day 1.

Got off to a late start. Ernie had to drop into work, I wanted to drop middle child to school (lessen the chance of diva antics).

Stop off in Newcastle. That was an experience. I try to deny my inner snob but places like Newcastle bring out the worst in me.

Had amazing sushi at sushi revolution. So fresh, so delicious! Most amazing was the tune, avocado, strawberry, wasabi sauce & cheese roll?! Who knew that would taste so good. Unfortunate side, raw strawberries & I don’t play nicely.

We had to detour to bigW, as we realised halfway that we had forgotten saucepan & fryingpan. We saw the worst in local wildlife- some guy had spent all his money on a good hit only to have ambos take him to hospital- I’m sure when he wakes up he wouldn’t be too happy. BigW is just like Kmart, you find so much crap you didn’t realise you needed! Once we loaded up we were on the road again.

Light started fading about 5pm, had an amazing singing challenge in the car- thank goodness there were no cameras/mics! Our aim was to get to the campsite 4-5? Try 6pm, pitch black. It was a little surreal driving in seeing nothing of the landscape! We had no idea what the outside world looked like. We did spot the light from the lighthouse so figured we were close to the water. Could hear the surf so new we were even closer.

Set up roof top tent for the first time, I don’t think we’ve ever laughed so hard at each other. A few little errors like putting up the awning before the tent, but we know for next time. Rain started drizzling just after we had set up, still warmish though. Failed dinner- the plan was for burgers, the homemade meat patties were a fail on the bbq.That was Ernie’s prep- not mine! Next time I’m in charge of prepping them.

Rain started getting heavier so decided early night was best.

[forevers-young]

Is it considered inappropriate to help ‘educate’ my 15yr old son by letting him watch Monty Pythons Meaning of life? 🙄🤣😱🤔

[forevers-young]

Grated food never tasted so good! After 4 years of not being able to tolerate raw food, finally I can handle this delicious mix of carrot, beetroot & apple!

[forevers-young]

Anxiety.

It sucks life.

I never really noticed/acknowledged that I suffered anxiety until about 6 months ago.

I had been going through a hard time with work, family and health (had a major operation that took longer than expected to recover from).

I always put it down to stress. Then it started taking over my body.

Little things would set me off. Anything out of the ordinary I couldn’t cope with.

Last minute change of plans would send me into meltdown mode.

Social gatherings out of the ordinary made me physically sick.

Holidays with my family. Wow that’s just a whole bundle of next level anxiety. Take me out of my comfort zone why don’t you

These pictures are what happened to my skin the first week back from holidays. I knew January was going to be so stressful, that my workload was going to be overwhelming. This is 10mins after looking at emails on my phone.

I’ve never experienced anything like an anxiety attack. It sent me mental.

Talking to my husband, and close friends (as well as random acquaintances) has helped me accept that it’s ok. The first step is saying this isn’t normal. I’m human, I need help. Saying I’m not ok.

My poor husband and kids, they’ve all been so patient with me.

I don’t have any quick help answers.

It’s a slow process. I’ve stopped trying to be strong, I’ve stopped trying to do it all.

I allow myself those moments when I need to sit in a quiet place and just breathe.

I get overwhelmed a lot. I make lists. I TRY to delegate. Being mum doesn’t always mean you have to be in control of everything.

I’m trying to let go of the small stuff.

I’ve stopped looking at emails at home.

I try to minimise my social media usage.

I allow myself to be the introvert I want to be.

I try and step out of my comfort zone (when I’m having a good day).

I allow myself to have bad days, and I tell ppl it’s a bad day!

This tumblr thing is my anonymous outlet. I’m a newbie.

Please be kind