J'ai essayé

I'm in control of only one thing, my death.

[forgedparadise]

hey are you okay? i hope your day is better today than the last

I have a feeling as to who you are lmao.

Thank you for checking on me. 🥹 I feel cared for huhu.

I've been coming out of my low and doing better. I'm slowly trying to get out of my self isolation. Although, I broke down in public yesterday lmao how embarassing huhu. But I'm still trying. I guess that's what matters.

But I'm still unsure as to how to make amends with the people I made my terrible decisions on the past few days. If you are who I think you are, I'm sorry for my abrupt decision. I wasn't in the right headspace that time. This was the worst depressive episode I've ever had and it caught me off guard bc I didn't see it coming.

I know, my illness isn't a free pass for anything and I'm super grateful to you guys for being understanding of me. 🫶

[forgedparadise]

I'm at my worst today. Ended my 6 year relationship. Cut off my friends. I know I need them but because of that, I cut them off. I didn't want to burden them or anyone. I don't know how long I can hold on. I don't want them to know. I don't want them to see.

[phases-and-frases]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[sa-dnesss]

did i actually relapse or did i just never recover

[forgedparadise]

Ah. Another thought to ponder on

[guitarplayermrs]

[forgedparadise]

The hypocrisy of my own mind

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[forgedparadise]

I don't think no one will ever be ready for it.

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[forgedparadise]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[the-suicide-effect]

[forgedparadise]

I have bottled this up for so long that I don't think anyone would actually be capable of being able to carry even the smallest bit of it other than me

[sadallthedamntime-blog]

[forgedparadise]

When I first started living with it, I was still hopeful. Hoping that one day I would actually be okay. That there would come a time that I would look back and say, "I'm better now." Who would've thought that I'm just gonna get worse as time passes

[perfectfeelings]

[forgedparadise]

Maybe in another life, I'd be free from the cages of my own mind

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[forgedparadise]

This fucking cycle

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[forgedparadise]

I have been feeling it lurking and I know I'm gonna have to acknowledge its presence sooner or later. It's just so fucking tiring to be dragged down to the bottom after trying to climb so high I made myself believe that I'm almost out of this hellhole.

[broken-depressed-hearts]

I don’t know where the fuck my life is going

[verpasstzuleben]

[forgedparadise]

I laugh. I smile. I go out. But why does it still feel empty

[sa-dnesss]

“My 20s have been the loneliest era in my life. I am surrounded by people but not connecting with anyone. Everyone is living their own lives while I am still waiting for mine to start. I feel lost between what I should be feeling and how I actually feel.”

—

[abnormall]

[forgedparadise]

I have been self-destructing since that last direct attempt 6 years ago