For My Next Wife

Things My Next Wife Should Know

[formynextwife]

Working Out

It's great that you want to stay in shape, or get yourself back into shape. I also want you to be in shape, or not, it's whatever, so long as you're happy. I'm happy to work out, and in fact have been fairly athletic through my life by way of organized team sports and other athletic endeavors. I do not, however, need your advice on how I should work out.

Unless my next wife happens to be a personal trainer, she needs to remember that our bodies are different, and that we need different exercises to get results, and that I do in fact know what I need to do to get in shape better than she does.

I appreciate that you want me to be healthy, but I don't need your constant input on how I should go about doing that...unless you're a personal trainer. Which would be hot.

[formynextwife]

I Don't Know Where You Put It

Have you ever gotten into those fights where you ask your significant other where she left something and she quickly replies with "I don't know, I wasn't the last one with it. You were."

Now, I'm not going to go so far as to say that I've never misplaced something, but it's amazing how I misplace everything, and my wife has never in her life misplaced a single thing in our house. My next wife will know where she put things, or at the very least, have the kindness to not blame every lost thing in our house on me.

[formynextwife]

So Here's the Thing

Before I delve too far down a rabbit hole that is sure to end in pain for me, I should lay a few things out on the table. First of all, I am in fact married, and pretty happily. I've been married for over 4 years to somebody I've been with for nearly a decade. We don't have any children, but we do have a dog, and we own a home. I love my wife.

That being said there are days when...if you've seen the movie Mr & Mrs Smith you know what I'm talking about. Those days when you think about how it'll be with your next wife. The things you'll have made clear to her before she is your wife so that things like this don't come up.

Yeah, that's what this site is for. For me to share those things with the world. I can't wait for the hate mail....or the movie deal the way Hollywood works now.