@forsighonly - Tumblr Blog

02/23/2021

Hola! Oh my. It has been months since I last updated this blog. My last post was me saying I will try to blog more and vent about my feelings. Guess that was a fucking lie. Lol.

Anywaaaay, I am super better now than how I was the last time I wrote something here. I guess life just really happened and time did its thing. Thank You, Lord. I’m doing so much better. My bestfriends and I put up this small online business that keeps me busy nowadays. I like what we are doing with it. It’s hard but of course there’s really no shortcut or nothing really good comes out as easy. As long as I am enjoying it, it’s worth it. :)

Aside from the business going on, I keep myself occupied with movies and shows. I’m currently obsessed with this K-drama that I’m watching on Netflix. It’s called Run On. It’s about this young Korean interpreter who met a National Athlete; I love how light the story is. It doesn’t make me think too much, the kind where it can give you comfort. I love how mature and healthy the 2 main lead’s relationship is.

Also, I’m currently browsing film cameras. I’ve been meaning to get one but the model that I like is soooooo expensive :( didn’t expect it to be THAT expensive. Lol. The pain.

Anyway. Guess that’s it for now. I’ll be back God-knows-when.

Byeeeeee.

Love,

Xyza

09/30/2020

Hello. Long time no long post here. Can’t really recall when was the last time I posted something long and something personal, but here we are again. I guess I just wanted an outlet to let my feelings free. A friend suggested I should try journaling to help me keep track of my emotions. But I thought, hmm, why not just go back to my blog?

So okay. I’m single now. Obviously. It’s been around 8 months. I think I can safely say that the breakup I experienced was a pain I cannot really forget. Even after months later, I still feel a random pang of pain in my chest like I can still feel it physically hurting. That’s too cheesy but yeah.

I think I’m getting better now. Compared to the state I was in months ago. I am in such a better place. Thankfully. There were days when I would just cry and cry and not talk to anyone. Plus the quarantine wasn’t a big help at all. I wanted to be around my friends and around people to be able to get by. But now, I think I have learned how to control my emotions. I don’t cry that much anymore. Whenever my thoughts would take me to a time where I would miss my ex, I allow myself to feel it. You can miss someone and not want it back, anyway. I’d like to think I have gotten stronger because of this but I am in no way romanticizing what my mental health have gone through. These days, there are a lot of questions bugging me since I just recently found out my ex is already dating someone new. Someone new from work and someone he met just this year also. Their dating timeline, I’m not really sure of, mostly because he won’t decently talk to me and give me answers. There are a lot of questions. Questions that I know he can easily answer for me but chooses not to. Answers that would honestly help me ease my mind. Answers that would set me free. Answers he won’t give me. Sometimes I would think, is this really the same person I fell in love and trusted with more than 2 years ago? The past few months, I feel like he’s not the same person anymore. I still can’t believe he did what he had done to me. I keep asking myself if I have already forgiven him. I still don’t know the answer to that.

Anyway. This blog is all over the place. So random.

Be back for more.

Bye.

-Xyza :)

#personal