forty5sixty

45 to 60-second articles, reviews, thoughts, opinions, and alternative takes on sports and pop culture. Always 300 words or less. forty5sixty are Ade Bankole, Omar Jacobs, Maya Olatunji, and Sam Lloyd.

[forty5sixty]

Running it Back // Is the Juice Worth the Squeeze?

Why do they do it and why do we? Why do they reboot old film and television franchises again and again and why do we watch them? You can count them off: Coming to America, Indiana Jones, Miami Vice, etc etc. Some genuinely good, and some not so. Most have the usual formula of the once young and spritely hero, now the old and jaded anti-hero and trying to relate to modern times, including smartphones and social media. See John McClane in 2013's A Good Day to Die Hard.

Sequels and remakes are like that one last job in a classic bank heist movie. Get the band back together and let's run it back. They exist because the powers that be believe the franchise still has more juice to squeeze out of it. Alternatively, as Tom Sizemore's character says to Al Pacino in Heat, maybe "…. the action is the juice". Yes, let's make a bucket of money, but let's reignite the entire franchise.

How the new edition of the brand name relates to those that preceded it doesn't matter. That's because, usually, a film's distributor will stay the same, whereas the directors, producers, editors, and actors can often be swapped out much to the fanbase's chagrin. Still, many fans are just happy to have these characters back in our lives again, even if somewhat diminished. As one last "job" goes, someone or something is bound to die or get left behind.

Which brings me on to Beverley Hills Cop: Axel F. The fourth installment of the much-loved franchise and back with some familiar faces and some new ones. If the third is anything to go by, then this won't end well. But what's for sure is that I can't bring myself to not watch it.

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article: Omar Jacobs video: ONE Media

(292 words)

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The Great Disappearing Act // Nikola Jokic's No-Look Exit

"When I finish my career, I wish nobody knows me. I wish my kids remember me as a Dad, not as a basketball player".

There's a common sentiment within professional basketball. It goes that the taller the player, the less they love the game. For those lucky enough to scale heights of 6'6" and above, it seems that basketball chooses them, and not vice versa. I believe basketball, and the NBA, chose Nikola Jokic.

It won't be this year, next year, or a couple of years from now but the Denver Nuggets forward will leave the NBA, prematurely. In a league obsessed with numbers, historical rankings, and let's face it, individualism, the man nicknamed the Joker will shuffle up the pack and leave basketball's premier league for the confines of the Euro League. If you've paid any attention, he's said it to anyone who will listen. It's almost as if while shooting for the stars, he landed on the moon.

Overqualified for Europe's elite basketball tournament, Jokic's rise has taken him to America where his unique brand of chess-like basketball has seen him ascend to the very top of the game as the world's best player. But accolades don't seem to motivate the Serbian.

Already a two-time Most Valuable Player and an NBA Champion, Jokic has fame and fortune beyond his very dreams, but ironically, he was never after either to begin with. All these "benefits" have come with an overdose of scrutiny by way of questions about his physique, lack of physicality, style of leadership, or his love for the game. Jokic has a Matt Le Tissier or even a Jan Molby quality about him. It's effortless, languid genius, and everyone's wowed except them. So enjoy Jokic while you can, because like every great magician, no one will see his exit coming.

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article: Sam Lloyd video: Raw Film Basketball

(298 words)

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Spreading the Global Game // If it Makes Dollars

Champions League in the U.S.? 🇺🇸

UEFA President on Aleksander Čeferin if the Champions League final could be played in the United States on day.Watch the full interviewhttps

"… then it makes sense". When UEFA president Aleksander Ceferin said earlier this year that he was open to a discussion about playing significant Champions League games in the United States, the football world cried foul. Disgrace. Travesty. Unforgivable. Just a few choice words that did the rounds. Inevitable was my choice as that's the way the world is trending. Everyone and their mother knows it's about the financial rewards, and not some noble crusade to spread the good word of football.

After all, we already have meaningful NBA, NFL, and MLB games hosted in Paris, London, Mexico City, etc. Lest we forget the Dakar Rally that seems to happen everywhere but in its spiritual home. And how about the mythical Tour de France whose recent Grand Depart locations have included Copenhagen, Bilbao, and Leeds?

Having intercontinental UCL games will happen sooner or later and I'm not that mad about it. Next year, another Copa America, a primarily South American football tournament, will take place in North America. Given the South American, Latin, and Portuguese-speaking diaspora that make up the USA population, I think it's an awesome idea every quarter century and on special occasions. Why not put the "tour" in "tournament"?

If there's a line to be drawn then it should stop at participation. Having the US team be part of a Copa America hosted on US soil is, just-about-okay-ish but that should be it. What I don't want to see is an AFCON hosted by, featuring, and won by England, by invitation. That would be truly weird. "ALL HAIL ENGLAND - CHAMPIONS OF ... AFRICA!?!?"

Other than that, what's the final frontier, a World Cup on the moon? Why the hell not?

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article: Ade Bankole video: Men In Blazers

(295 words)

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Going Dutch // Mastering a New Tradition

Dutch art is synonymous with its masters. From Rembrandt, to Johannes Vermeer, and from Jan Steen to Rachel Ruysch. In football terms, Dutch history is littered with some of the game's best technicians. Cruyff, Van Basten, Van Persie, Robben, Seedorf, Sneijder, van der Vaart, Bergkamp etc.

Flashback to the 2022 World Cup and Argentina is playing The Netherlands in the quarter-final. Something stood out to me, and I still haven't shaken it off since. No, not the war during the game, and the melee afterwards. Not the brilliant Dutch free kick that sent the game to overtime. No, not that free kick but another one that the Dutch had earlier in the game, in decent wide position in the Argentina half.

As Cody Gakpo stood over the ball at 6 foot 4, I wondered why he was taking it instead of Frenkie de Jong or Memphis Depay. In the Argentina box was a 5 foot 9 Lisandro Martinez, a tenacious defender but an instant mismatch for Gakpo. Surely having someone else act the creator would be a better option. Fast forward to October 2023, and the Dutch have a last-gasp penalty in European Championship qualifying versus Greece in Athens with the score at 0-0. With the already substituted Wout Weghorst having missed an earlier penalty, up stepped Virgil van Dijk to settle the contest.

Perhaps today's Dutch Masters now patrol the initial third of the pitch rather than the final third? The answer is no one knows. But with the emergence of the likes of Xavi Simons, help and hope may be on the way. If the Dutch are to win their first trophy since 1988, they might have to do so with a different type of mastery than generations past.

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words: Maya Olatunji video: Edmunds HD

(296 words)

[forty5sixty]

A Raised Cup for the NBA // Adam Silver's Vegas Bet Pays Off

If it ain't broke, then maybe an upgrade? The NBA's In-Season Tournament (or from here now onwards, the NBA Cup) is a hit and one that deserves its cheers and plaudits. It's a great idea for the players, fans, TV companies, and teams. As a fan, one of my annoyances with the NBA is the 82-game regular season, i.e. way too many games to separate the wheat from the chaff. The second is round one of the Playoffs which notably needs the best of 7 games to separate the really good wheat from the really bad.

Where the NBA Cup is concerned, I love the wacky jerseys, like the funky courts, but not the prize on offer. That's because I'm not sure what it does for the average NBA player star. Yes, I know there a guys on rosters who earn around a few million dollars per year, but for winning a tournament, half a million should be just part of the spoils. That's because (deep breath) I think the winners of the NBA Cup should get the number one overall pick in the NBA draft (exhales).

Okay, hear me out. Traditionally, the "best" picks go to the league's "worst" teams. I think that system is fine but it can incentivise teams and organisations to bottom out. But on any given NBA night, any NBA chaff can beat any NBA wheat. What a way to cure load management and tanking. And if the NBA really wants to go European, then how about a penalty for being the worst team? While relegation isn't an option, maybe you lose a pick if you're the worst chaff on record. For now, it's over to the Lakers and Pacers to get that money on Saturday's showpiece in Sin City.

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words: Ade Bankole video: NBA

(298 words)

[forty5sixty]

This One's A Keeper // The Artist Currently Known as Mikel

I'm not a fan of Mikel Arteta. There, I said it. I think he was a brilliant player with a brilliant football mind which has translated into his managerial career. Regardless of choking the title accusations, I think he overachieved last year in a season where most Arsenal fans would have taken 4th place and run to the bank. Simply put, Arsenal are ahead of schedule.

I'm just not a fan of Arteta the showman and actor. The same Arteta who performs as the public micro-manager/theatre director comically acting out his protagonists' every word and action behind the lens.

So with the ongoing saga of the rotating goalkeepers Aaron Ramsdale and David Raya, surely this is my chance to take a cheap shot. It is, but I won't. I think it's time to let Arteta the manager manage. How about we see this experiment through before we create the headlines, stand-firsts, and paragraphs? Guardiola had his inverted full-back (which others have tried to imitate), this is simply Arteta's rendition.

This is the same manager who had the foresight to snag the talented Martin Ødegaard when most of Europe either fell asleep at the wheel or forgot he existed. Again, he had the gumption to phase Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang out of the club for the benefit of the locker room and team harmony. A decision no one in hindsight calls the wrong move. Yes, some decisions haven't turned out the right way but just because this one is different, doesn't make it wrong.

In a game of fine margins, what if the comical Arteta mucks around and wins something big with his rotating cast of shot-stoppers? How long will it then be before we demand the same from our team's managers?

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article: Ade Bankole video: CBS Sports Golazo

(297 words)

[forty5sixty]

The Tick-Tock Era // Something Old, Borrowed, and New

Rival sports leagues often borrow from each other. Famously, the upright and proper NFL borrowed features from the gimmicky XFL. Similarly, the NBA adopted the rulebook of the wild and lawless American Basketball Association (the ABA). I bring those two sports up because soccer (or proper football in the UK) would do well to borrow from basketball and American football.

If you're imagining a three-point line outside the 12-yard box or punt returns by the goalkeepers, imagine on. I'm talking about an open-clock policy. Not the clock that all stadiums have sponsored by one of the Swiss watch manufacturers but the one the referees use when "reffing" the game. I'm talking about total transparency for the new brand of Total Football. That way, every time the ball is dead or out of play, the referee stops the clock, and we the crowd and those at home, can see that it has. The same goes for substitutions, injuries, and excessively long goal celebrations to trigger time "standing still".

Contrary to the Secret Base video above, an open clock would help provide more clarity to those who need it. Football managers and referees have a lot of factors to deal with during a regular game. Calculating how much time will be left nearer the end of the 45 shouldn't have to be one of them. With stoppage time of sometimes up to 15 minutes (that's a third of a football half on my calculator) something has to give. I say give everyone real-time access to the clock and take the guesswork and confusion out of the officiating.

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article: Ade Bankole video: Secret Base

(286 words)

[forty5sixty]

Neal Brennan // Brand New Setup

As comedy goes, jokes follow a similar pattern. One or more setups, then a punchline. Simple, right? Wrong.

As entertainment goes, stand-up comedy is one of the easiest forms to set up. A stage, amplification, chairs, and a mic, most of which you can expect to find in-house. That’s easy work. Except if you’re Neal Brennan, who seems intent on shuffling the genre's natural order. His most recent works, the 3 Mics comedy special, the How Neal Feel podcast, and Blocks (both a comedy special and podcast series) are all variations on popular themes, which dare to redefine stand-up comedy's traditional form and present it as brand new.

Notably, Brennan is the co-creator of Chappelle's Show, appearing fleetingly on-screen but more so behind the scenes, including being the unseen interviewer to Charlie Murphy’s interviewee on those Prince and Rick James E True Hollywood “stories”.

Tonight’s variation sees Brennan venture to lands unknown, i.e. London, England, and specifically the Leicester Square Theatre to showcase his new comedy vehicle Brand New Neal. While the setup doesn't involve multiple microphones or other onstage objects, Brennan comes equipped with excellent observations on subjects ranging from clap-happy influencers to porn film titles that really flex his status as a technical comedian. A comedian who really gets under the bonnet (or hood if you're Neal) of life, if life itself was a beaten up pick-up truck, and emerges with his unique diagnosis, one set up at a time.

Adhering to the unwritten spirit of stand-up specials, they'll be no reveals here. If you can't catch Brennan on tour, Brand New Neal is sure to be snapped up by a streaming service at your convenience. All I will say is that if you're of a fairer complexion, you'll never look at the sun the same way again.

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article: Omar Jacobs video: Comedy Central Stand-Up

(294 words)

[forty5sixty]

Brute-Force Ballet // The Ballad of Zlatan Ibrahimović

When the likes of Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, and Lionel Messi are best remembered, these multi-club players will only ever be associated with the one where they built their legacies. As the news broke that the well-travelled Zlatan Ibrahimović was hanging up his boots, it got me thinking about the 6'5" Swede's career.

But first, a short and one-question quiz? Which club did Zlatan make the most appearances and score the most goals for? That the answer is Paris Saint-Germain is a classic case of the truth sounding made up. In a way, Zlatan club career mirrors Ronaldo's (R9). They both played left their homelands for stints in the Netherlands and then played for Europe's best teams but couldn't ultimately capture a Champions League title.

There are great goalscorers and scorers of great goals. Zlatan was both. Exhibit A, that goal against England. Exhibit B, his games-to-goals ratio. At 0.62 goals per game, he's sandwiched on the all-time list between Edison Cavani (0.61) and Harry Kane (0.63).

On the pitch, he was a combination of Erling Haaland and Ruud Van Nistelrooy, with a dash of R9, best demonstrated by the goal in the above video. For each act of aggression, there was a deft flick. For every acrobatic manoeuvre, there was a feint to match. Zlatan was brute-force ballet.

Like the best ballads, Zlatan's career is accurately narrated in short stanzas, with each one a different club, country, or continent. And with every chapter, a new audience. So while it's hard to pin his career to one location, in the end, a player like Zlatan belongs to everyone. That's because the man claiming to be God was actually one of God's gifts to football.

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article: Ade Bankole video: Eredivisie Archief

(297 words)

[forty5sixty]

Dear Vini Jr // Life’s a Bag of ISMs

For Vinicius Jr, there's good news and bad news. The good news is that what you're subjected to now has an even wider, more global viewing gallery. Whether it's the individual football clubs or sets of fans that will get hit with bans and/or fines, alerting the world of your plight will shine a negative light on those involved. But will this exposure do more than heap pressure on La Liga/Spain/Javier Tebas (insert alternatives here/here/and here) to act?

Now for the bad news. The abuse will never stop. If you can silence the baying mob in the stands, they will retreat online. Once there, the depths of the dark web will only muddy the water. From there, they'll be no trace of the vocal mob. Either way, they'll get to you. But you're not alone. All the -isms and -phobias that exist in the world won't ever go away.

Does that mean you shouldn't raise the alarm? No, not at all. It means that you might be closer to coming to terms with human nature. If discrimination was a weapon, it'd be the one nearest to those who use it. Where race is concerned, what makes one different, at least visually, will be the first weapon flung in one's direction. It is nearby after all. No stranger in the street ever attacked me for my politics. Why? Because that's not immediately evident. But when it's something as obvious as race, sexuality, disability, religion, etc, that usually feels like fair game. It's not but it is convenient and that's human nature.

I recently heard a sports analyst say that despite Vini’s talent, he’s still not free from being targeted. Respectfully, respect and basic decency should never be talent-dependant. So Vini Jr, you might not want to hear this but, this particular -ism isn't personal, it's just convenient, and always will be.

article: Maya Olatunji video: DW News

(300 words)

[forty5sixty]

More Skinny Pelembe // A Flying Medley

The city of Doncaster is famous for the Doncaster Railway Works, commonly known as the "Doncaster Plant". It's from here that world-famous locomotives like the Flying Scotsman were built. Musically, those in the know will know that Doncaster has also spawned the likes of Louis Tomlinson, Yungblud, and Doya Beardmore a.k.a Skinny Pelembe.

Promoting his new project Hardly the Same Snake and summoning the spirit of twenty-teens Jamie T, Pelembe arrives on Rough Trade's well-trodden stage looking and sounding refreshed. Indeed, Doncaster is in the house by way of Johannesburg (his place of birth), the Midlands (his father), and Mozambique (his mother).

Effortlessly switching between hushed spoken word, trip-hop style rap, folk-rock, and singer-songwriter mode, Pelembe's musical train of thought somehow keeps all heads bobbing.

That's everything from the title track 'Hardly The Same Snake' to 'Oh, Silly George' and 'Same Eye Colour'. While this newer output might take a minute to digest, it's a track from his debut album Dreaming Is Dead Now that's the standout moment of the night.

Although built on an energetic and uplifting drum progression, this live version of 'No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish' eventually delivers what its title suggests. A heartfelt rallying call set against a backdrop of xenophobia and racism, based on the common slogan of 1960s Britain.

Nowadays that motif can often be seen flipped on its head on t-shirts demanding 'More Blacks, More Dogs, More Irish'. While tonight's set felt like a supersonic medley of new and old sounds, those all bobbing their heads were in agreement on one thing, more Skinny Pelembe.

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article and video: Ade Bankole

(292 words)

Hardly the Same Snake is out now on Partisan Records

[forty5sixty]

Mais si, mais non // The Questions Surrounding the Second Coming

In one corner, there's the part where Leo's story at FC Barcelona is already written. In the other, there's a final chapter that didn't get written. Team sports is littered with a host of stars who returned home to retire. From Dwayne Wade to Gigi Buffon, there's a romanticism to going back to where it all started. But what's left to do for Leo Messi at FC Barcelona? For the diminutive Argentine, it might be more than just tying a bow on his decorated career. His return will unlikely see Barca return to the days of European supremacy. Maybe they can squeeze another La Liga title? Maybe two. As for European Cups? Even with a stacked roster, nothing is guaranteed. Although invested in youth, Barca's current squad seems held together with spit and chewing gum. And like other stars in the latter stages of their career, will he be happy being carried along for a ride? But maybe everyone's reading it all wrong.

Perhaps Leo Messi's potential return isn't entirely about football. What if it's about having a final signature moment? A moment like passing the torch to his successor like Ronaldinho Gaucho did to him in the video above? Such a moment seems unlikely and even contrived should it happen during his mariage de complaisance with Paris Saint Germain.

Alternatively, could a run at the FC Barcelona presidency be on the cards? While not as transparent as Gerard Pique's ambitions, could Messi's future lie upstairs? While moves to Miami and back to Argentina have been touted, a move back to his adopted and spiritual home could likely be a move for both his business, family, and what's left of his stellar career.

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article: Sam Lloyd video: Danirai Jorang

(297 words)

[forty5sixty]

À La Carte // Chelsea FC's Embarrassment of Riches

A doesn't always take a Master Chef, just the right one. Legendary NFL Coach Bill Parcells once said: "If they want you to cook the dinner, at least they ought to let you shop for some of the groceries. Of course, Parcells was referencing his time in charge of the Dallas Cowboys and the little influence he had on player recruitment. "Some" to some might turn out to be a luxury. Take Chelsea FC for instance.

Regardless of the sport, most coaches will inherit a whole bunch of ingredients and will be expected to make the most of them. Whoever becomes Chelsea's coach might have to ditch the à la carte approach and offer up well-thought-out dishes with items already in the kitchen. After all, new owner Todd Boehly's expenditure already exceeds over half a billion pounds and is unlikely to continue at this rate.

There are many so-called European Master Chefs on the market, from Julian Nagelsmann to Luis Enrique, but the right one might be closer to home. Not Frank Lampard, but Frank Lampard's uncle. See Harry Redknapp.

If dishes were judged on taste alone rather than their presentation and where the ingredients were sourced, Redknapp would stroll into the Chelsea job. He's a master at nurturing the right pieces and playing bold football. See a youthful Luka Modric to an uncut gem in Andrés D'Alessandro via a veteran like Kwankwo Kanu. And as handling big egos come, do they get any more colossal than Paolo Di Canio?

Redknapp, now 76 and just a year older than currently-employed Roy Hodgson, would work wonders with this Chelsea squad blessed with rich resources such as Kai Havertz and Joao Felix who just need the right seasoning. After trimming the fat and repurposing what remained, the right chef could make this work. Another Master Chef may just overcomplicate matters, again.

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article: Maya Olatunji video: Football Daily

(299 words)

[forty5sixty]

Modern Outfitters // The Demise of the Honest Football Kit

Another day, another forty5sixty sports rant. Tonight it’s AC Milan versus Empoli playing out a 0-0 draw in Serie A. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Not Milan the team. No, not them as they are technically still, at the time of writing, the defending Serie A champions and alive and well in the UCL. No, I'm talking about what was on display. As in, the Milanese outfit’s outfit.

In football lore, mention some of the best kits of all time, and the 1980s to 1990s rossoneri kits are sure to come up. Those legendary rossoneri outfits that were once worn by the regal Ruud Gullit, the statuesque Marcel Desailly, the elegant Paolo Maldini, etc all adorned in those wonderful black and red, and all-white kits. Regardless of colour, classic football kits had the blue-collar factor. Tough, simple, and well, honest.

Even better, when Milan was sponsored by Italian companies Mediolanum, and later Motta, the kit told you a story about the city, its people, and sometimes, the industries that fuelled both. Nowadays Emirates airline sponsors AC Milan, along with a whole host of other global clubs, in a case of wide reach but zero identity.

This isn't a referendum on AC Milan, rather it's an indictment of modern kit design. Pick a team not named Venezia F.C. and I'll bet the older kits were better. Ajax, Sampdoria, Barcelona, etc, the national strips of Germany, the Netherlands, Argentina, and beyond, the older designs still hold weight and the imagination of generations. Unfortunately, the majority of modern football kits are a bit like yesterday's newspaper.

In the game in question, that same mighty rossoneri were sporting what can only be described as the same colour as army fatigues. Sports are full of war metaphors but if anything should step on a landmine, it's those kits. If Milan’s aim was to camouflage into the green of the well-coiffured Giuseppe Meazza turf, they just about pulled it off.

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article: Ade Bankole video: Serie A

(287 words)

[forty5sixty]

Ba Da Ba Ba Ba // Drake's Golden Arc

Drake is a bit omnipresent. I don't follow him on social media but there he is on my timeline. I don't buy his music (to be fair, I'm more of a streamer) but I know the songs. Then it occurred to me the other day, it's not really fashionable to like Drake. He's a bit like McDonald's in that regard, everywhere with a famous logo that everyone recognises. All singing, dancing, acting, award show hosting, impersonating Manny Pacquiao (yes, really, and quite well too), and then some. "Many styles… many styles". If you can't stand the man, earth is no country for a non-Drake Stan.

There's a mystery behind the Aubrey Graham production vehicle. Does he write his own material? What's the secret formula recipe that keeps making catchy hits? It's the same with the company with the golden arches. Where do they source their products? Does the M stand for mystery?

Like Drake, it's not really hip to like McDonald's. But secretly, if we're honest, we all can't resist a touch of either from time to time. I'm not saying we're scoffing down the whole Mickey D's menu (or the Drake discography), but I think there are at least a few items (or songs) that take our fancy. Right now, 'In My Feelings' represents a large portion of French fries, 'Hotline Bling' is a quarter pounder with cheese (good at all times of the day), 'Sacrifices' is a banana milkshake, and finally, 'Pound cake' is a naturally a hot apple. That's some meal by the way, just not every day.

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article: Omar Jacobs video: Jorge Hernandez

(283 words)

[forty5sixty]

Femi Temowo // From Akure to Soweto

The band on stage has barely played together but it's hard to tell. That's because the groove emanating from their instruments sounds too in sync and in time. In fact, had it not been for the confession of tonight's bandleader, Femi Temowo, not many in attendance would be privy to that anecdote. For today's multi-band musicians, spur-of-the-moment sets must be the standard. For the audience, it's a fascinating musical roulette wheel.

It's another episode of jazz re:freshed, one of London's longest-running live jazz and funk outlets and it's the first time forty5sixty has ventured to the platform's new home at Ninety One Living Room on Brick Lane.

It's a band featuring the likes of Sam Crowe (of Giants Are Real) on keys, the youthful LOX in the drummer's seat, and Moses Olukayode on talking and sakara drum duties, adding to Temowo's superb guitar work. Tonight's set reads like an ode to his place of birth, Akure in the southwest of Nigeria. Intertwining lyrics in English and Yoruba, Femi takes the audience back to his West African upbringing with songs like 'Abeg Jare', 'Ore' (Friend), and 'Bola'.

Having moved to London aged, Temowo was late to pick up the guitar at 17, and remarkably, his dedication to the craft saw him start playing professionally just four years later. Stints with saxophonist Soweto Kinch's quartet and as a session guitarist for an array of global artists whetted the appetite for Temowo's own compositions which arrived in due course. Mixing slick and melodic guitar chords, Temowo slides effortlessly between afrobeat, Nigerian highlife folk music, and fújì - a popular Yoruba musical genre.

Tonight represents new horizons for Femi Temowo and jazz re:freshed. New locations and new directions but always landing in the right pocket.

<end>

article and video: Ade Bankole

(297 words)

[forty5sixty]

Don't Stat Me // Football is X-rated Viewing

Is football becoming a "don't tell me about the game, just tell me the score" kind of sport? Maybe, just maybe. They say "remember when…" is the lowest form of conversation, but they don't watch football these days. So I harken back to a time when watching the beautiful game consisted of the score in the top left-hand corner and the occasional flash of who scored for which team. Simple and plain.

Now along with the joy-sucking invention of VAR, I have to deal with being stat bombed. From individual players' distance covered, to line breaks, escape rates, and win probability, I'm sure I don't want to work that hard by reading stats while I'm watching a game.

It's information I don't need as, as a fan, I'm in no position to offer or negotiate Luka Modric's new contract. He was either everywhere on the pitch or not. The eye test is the hill that most fans are ready to die on.

But my favourite stat to hate has to be expected goals, otherwise known as XG. It's one thing for a punter to parlay Erling Haaland's hot streak into a bet on how many goals he'll net on Saturday. It's another thing altogether to package a team of 11 players and make predictions on how many goals they'll score. Surely this is a betting shop invention to take money from smart people? Sure, XG sounds convincing but isn't it just a convenient hand luggage-sized way of funneling even more money to the bookies.

And speaking of air travel, XG, along with all these other stats for stat's sake are the equivalent of your pilot (loudly) announcing that the airplane is now cruising at 35,000 feet. Spare me the details and just land the bloody plane.

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article: Ade Bankole video: Tifo Football

(299 words)