level 9000 wizard

elliott / he/him / 20 🎃just a silly guy ?

[meanbuddhist]

identifying a maladaptive coping mechanism is so bitter sweet like that’s great now i know what i need to stop doing. but that’s literally my something

[toskarinfr]

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

[flipchild]

[flipchild]

[vulcandroid]

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

[roachpatrol]

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”

[lilian-cho]

@sineala

[star-lord]

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

[moonsofavalon]

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

[evilminji]

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

[lierdumoa]

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:

[adreadfulidea-deactivated202402]

I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

[kaijuerotica]

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

[tanukiham]

actual footage of first contact makeouts

[saucefactory-deactivated2019103]

The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.

That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.

I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.

No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”

[explorerrowan]

And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.

[zinglebert-bembledack]

Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.

[gallifreyanwriter]

#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)

[hazeldomain]

Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture

Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job 

[loveridden1999]

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

[ozempicofficial]

[venndaai]

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

[venndaai]

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

[fluorescentbrains]

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

[muffinlance]

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Eye-opening research: Greenland sharks maintain vision for centuries through DNA repair mechanism

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

[poligon-sticker]

WITCH (2025)

[orbitpuddingsagan]

[guerrillatech]

[reluctantbroodingdads]

So as an Antarctic expert I need to add to this that we had not in fact been to Antarctica when it was named. The ancient Greeks decided that because there was an Arctic at the top of the world, with bears, there had to be an opposite at the other end, without bears. Which is kind of ridiculous except that the fuckers were dead on

[hbmmaster]

etymology fact check: I doubt the people saying this are like just making it up because it's close enough to the truth that it might just be misremembered but it also might as well just be completely made up

the name "Antarctica" means "against/opposite of the Arctic", because that's where it is (the opposite side of the world from the Arctic). the prefix anti- does not mean "not" or "no", and claiming "Antarctica" means "no bears" is a blatant mistranslation.

the Arctic in turn is named not after the polar bears that live there, but after The Bear, as in Ursa Major.

the idea that ancient peoples speculated that Antarctica existed before anyone had been there appears to be conflating some ideas about Terra Australis, the theoretical southern continent that appears on a lot of old maps.

the part about people conjecturing that this unknown southern continent wouldn't have bears seems to be completely made up, and also doesn't even make sense. any speculation about the fauna of an undiscovered continent in ancient times was in the form of imagining what fantastical creatures would live there. nobody cared enough to talk about the animals that wouldn't live there.

[meanbuddhist]

just identified a behavioral pattern within myself

[skweebs]

Made this guy from my favorite Gerard Donelan comic

[mlarayoukai-archive]

You show a cat something and they're like sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff ooooh I understand now. Don't care

[orteil42]

could an MMO be built with an explicit direction to shun metagaming. what if you sent a cease-and-desist to any attempt at a wiki or datamining resource. could we rely on the playerbase to be annoying enough to pressure each other not to peek at information online. looking up a loot table or a dungeon map should be regarded as an infraction on the level of wallhacking

[orteil42]

having a discord server for your group or any other sort of external community is for tryhards and possibly conspiring cheaters. you WILL meet up by hauling your ass to the ingame guild halls

[goodwounded]

i love you

erandur & an omen

sorry for spam i have a lot of art spanning some time to share

[iwilleatyourenglish]

pecan pie recipe??

okay, a couple things:

this pie, like most pecan pies, is very sweet. i prefer it kentucky derby style, with dark chocolate and bourbon cutting down the sweetness, but the one i made was regular by request.

i no longer have ready access to dark corn syrup, so i substituted with maple syrup. it's a 1:1 substitution, though, so do as you please.

You will need:

1 9-inch pie crust, raw

2 1/2 cups shelled pecans, halved or chopped up depending on preference

3 large eggs

1 cup maple syrup

1/2 cup dark brown sugar, tightly packed

1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted and cool

1 1/2 tsps vanilla extract

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 350F.

Evenly line bottom of pie crust with pecans.

Whisk maple syrup, eggs, brown sugar, melted butter, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt together until fully combined.

Pour mixture very slowly over pecans to prevent disrupting/moving them too much.

Tent the pie. This means covering the crust's edges in tinfoil to slow their bake and prevent burning.

Bake for 45-55 minutes depending on your oven. Pecans will have floated to the surface and the crust should be golden brown.

Cool for 2 hours. Filling will settle/even in this time.

Refrigerate for 3 more hours if you want it to firm up.

now, if you want a Kentucky derby pie:

Swap out 1 cup of the pecans with 1 cup of dark or semisweet chocolate chips.

Put the chocolate chips in the pie at the same time as the pecans, mixing them up a little.

Add 2 tbsp bourbon to your liquid mixture.

[velvetterabby]

Why dis 🤖 so mad???