step one: prepare your vegetables
step four: don’t trust farmers
step five: put a little extra “you know what” in your ingredients
step seven: measure out your meat unnecessarily precisely and then slap it in the bowl
step eight: korea does not have a system of measurements, they go by spoon
step nine: tendenize your meat; you can use a hammer or pineapple
step ten: juice is the best
step eleven: doesn’t exist
step twelve: kill the fat cell
step thirteen: practice / all of them
step fourteen: only cook if you’re feeding ten people or more
step fifteen: mushroom time
step sixteen: the chunky has to go fine / make sure you get your vitamin something
step seventeen: you need mineral; you mineral or you die
step eighteen: pound until hamburger / you must be precise
step nineteen: i just lied / throw away your tablespoons; you won’t need them
step twenty: i lied again
b: check to see if it’s sample spoon by putting it in your mouth
step twenty-one: all the other steps were not important, but every step from twenty-one on is important
step twenty-two: it’s expected that all your ingredients should eventually just mix together
step twenty-three: real sesame, none of that fake stuff
step twenty-four: and one more
step twenty-five: add MSG
step twenty-six: doesn’t exist
step twenty-seven: everything’s a tablespoon unless it’s two tablespoons
step twenty-eight: go with your gut
step twenty-nine: onion has to have there
b; you could’ve put onion before all these other steps
step thirty: the more the garlic, the better that it is
step thirty-one: we unfortunately have to put a little more salt
step thirty-two: throw away half your salt
step thirty-three: i don’t know???
step thirty-four: no time to laugh
step thirty-five: put some pepper then throw it away
step thirty-six: most important: soy sauce
step thirty-seven: wash your hands
step thirty-eight: mix massage
b: don’t break the precious meat
step thirty-nine: if it turns out hamburger, that’s fine
step forty: let it marinate
step forty-one: wash your hands / need more prettier
step forty-two: you’re wrong, you’re just wrong
step forty-three: call gordon ramsay, tell him he’s wrong
step forty-four: make it about three millimeter
step forty-five: bitter the better
step forty-six: no french allowed
step forty-seven: we’re going for color / never be delicate with your vegetables
step forty-nine: the most important step: don’t believe a word i say
step fifty: place hand in the pan to test the temperature, exactly five inches above
step fifty-one: whatever the temp was, turn it down a little bit
step fifty-two: salt brings out the sweet flavor
step fifty-three: doesn’t exist
step fifty-four: in the bowl where you mixed the carrots and bell peppers, carefully pick out the peppers
step fifty-five: cook it gently
step fifty-six: you want the crunch
step fifty-seven: don’t time it, just look at it / high heat first
step fifty-eight: check the temperature, high heat, check it with a hand in the pan, stick your face in there
step fifty-nine: you know it’s hot when your hand’s brown
step sixty: pick a random tool out of the bucket and use it to scoop the meat with / make sure your pan is thiccc
step sixty-one: make sure it sizzles like a [insert cat purr]
step sixty-two: start spooning your meat
step sixty-three: you know it’s cooking when you hear the sound
step sixty-four: impatient; dump the whole thing
step sixty-five: put a lid on it, let it do the job
step sixty-six, the “last” step: let’s make it a little prettier
step sixty-seven: “voila” is now korean
step sixty-eight: you won’t be disappointed
step sixty-nine: mom is never wrong / deny deny deny
step seventy: maybe a little more salt or soy sauce
step seventy-one: make sure your meat isn’t too thin
step seventy-two: check step seventy-one before you’ve even started this recipe
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