i like to pretend that i’m fine but then i see this specific clip from s7 and think of all the scenes we could have had of ian yearning for mickey and struggling to keep him away for his lover sake
i mean, look how he tries not to give in and kiss him. how he stares at mickey when he’s not looking back. i still love s9 reunion, it broke my heart to see ian so vulnerable and joyful to have mickey with him but god if i loved when their moments were taken more seriously (but that’s shameless fault for changing to comedy)
i just picture this scene with s7’s themes/mood. ian talking to lip about loving mickey, how he never left his mind and that he wants him back (like he did in this scene) and get sad thinking about what we could have had.
i’m grateful for what we have cause younger me had such a emo phase after 6x01 aired and seeing them happily married is even more than what i would have asked for at the time, plus, fanfics rewrite of those seasons are so good and i couldn’t be more grateful but god the what ifs will always kill me
