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Mask

One thing I’ve been told in therapy is that I wear a mask. That mask protects, prevents, and it lets the world think that everything is perfectly okay all of the time. I think fewer people feel guilty if they can safely assume that you’re fine. Am I a bother? Have I burned too many pieces of toast to the point that no one wants to eat what I can offer them? To feel defeated and distanced is like…

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Bloom by Kevin Panetta & Savanna Ganucheau

Title: Bloom Author: Kevin Panetta & Savanna Ganucheau Genre: Young Adult Romance Length: 368 pages Publisher: First Second Year: 2019 “Don’t try to be what you think you should be. Be what you love.” Though he loved working there as a kid, Ari cannot fathom a life wasting away over rising dough and hot ovens. But while Interviewing candidates for his replacement, Ari meets Hector, an easy-going…

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#Kevin Panetta

The Lies That Bind by Emily Giffin

Title: The Lies That Bind Author: Emily Giffin Genre: Romance/Psychological Thriller Length: 335 pages Publisher: Ballantine Books Year: 2021 “We may not get do-overs in life, but we can always have fresh starts and new beginnings.” I went to Target with my friend Shana and we agreed to read this book together. Giffin brings us back to 2001 when the Twin Towers fell while delving deeper into a…

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#Emily Giffin

He Made Me Stay by K. Webster

Title: He Made Me Stay Author: K. Webster Genre: Romance/LGBT Length: 161 pages Publisher: Independent Year: 2020 “I have an expiration date, and the final hour is here.” Jasper Darrow suffers a significant loss and wants to no longer exist. That thought process is challenged when he meets Kit Strong. I believe that Webster’s novel is a realistic high school and first love experience. Our first…

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I Put Cheerios Under My Eyes

I meet a guy, he’s into me, I don’t feel anything. I meet a guy, and I’m into him; he can’t be bothered. I meet a guy, we’re both into each other, and we trudge through passion and turmoil to the point that we’re questioning our own sanity. I just don’t know anymore. I thought I only had one vision of how I wanted my life to look, but there can be many different possibilities, and I don’t know…

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What Do I Do?

What do I do? Do I chase after thoughts that, for some reason, my brain is torturing me with? Or do I get out of bed, open my closet, put my jacket on, walk out the door, and explore the darkness? Nighttime—I breathe in the quiet. The cold wakes up goosebumps on my arms, but that’s what I get for not wearing a long-sleeve shirt under a poorly insulated jacket. There’s a shadow walking a dog—is it…

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My Candle

I feel my hair and patience thinning. A thousand naps can’t restore how much energy I’ve lost. Is it worth holding onto one of the most vivacious flames if it continues to burn you? Filling in continuous cracks starts to feel pointless when you feel like you’re eventually running out of cement. The gift is thrown out like insufficient evidence when you craft some of your rarest emotions. I want…

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Letters to Myself #1

Dear Frankie, Why are you holding yourself back? Sure, money and connections can play a role, but nothing feels more like a prison sentence than the one you hold above your own head. You possess the talent, the drive, and the passion, yet, not much comes to fruition. I don’t want to see you circling the drain in regret. Lose your mind without having your words on bookshelves or in the hands of a…

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Him #10

No matter how much I try to stay busy, I can’t help but look at the clock. I witnessed how much time had dissolved since the last time we spoke. It would hurt less banging my head against the wall than going another minute without your texts flooding my phone. What do I do with my racing mind? Tasks don’t comfort me like you do. The last time I felt safe was when we held each other; your…

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Him #9

I never thought I could shed as many tears or cough up blood as I have for him. Feelings formed in the shape of a best friend. A recipe that I keep leaving too long in the oven, still trying to figure out what I am doing wrong. What if it’s not that simple? What if we’re all running around with our heads cut off? I’m reprimanded for loving. For letting too many walls down, for falling in love…

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Him/Me/Him/Me

I see him breaking in front of my eyes. He’s desperate to feel a sense of freedom, yet, this paralyzing cage entraps him. Staring down the barrel never felt so safe. He is the quintessential man of avoidance—a stranger to the comfort of deep-rooted, emotional conversation. I hypothesize that my words of affirmation and an empathetic touch trickled into the cracks of toxic masculinity. I feel him…

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In My Feelings

Why does my heart like to skip, A few too many steps, Without grabbing the railing, And come crashing down, The rug burn hurts less, Than not being able to kiss those lips, That respect me, Ears that love what I have to say, Legs that stay cemented by my side, I’m a statue of patience, Starting to shake at my core, I want to move forward, Into a recurring past, Spending minutes, When I’m begging…

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You'll Never Be Content

You’ll Never Be Content

You’ll Never Be Content “You’ll never be content.” Macy’s words swam through my thought stream. Macy was beautifully blunt—she would rather me not waste time watering hope than feel a devasting stab from life. “We’re not going to break up, Macy,” I reassured her. Or was I trying to convince myself? I had a lot to think about. My boyfriend sat me down a few nights ago to propose a potential change…

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Him #8

How could he still be beautiful in the dark? The outline of his body traced; his eyes fixated on me. I was the dancer, ready to perform. Undressing him with my eyes as I escaped the fabric that superficially defined me. Recalculate me if it means he’s part of my equation. Goosebumps swarmed my arms merely from being in his presence. My passion fueled after each kiss. I’m speechless when it’s my…

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Him #7

Development can be challenging to deal with, including with him. With development comes growth, but change follows closely behind, like its younger, annoying sibling. While some changes are okay or even good, some changes can be tricky. I don’t want him to be the leaves in autumn, where eventually they fall off, and you can’t attach them back onto the tree. To lose a familiar warmth will force me…

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Harold

Red and black. Red and black shirt. Red and black shorts. Red and black phone case. Match.com couldn’t match as well as this man. His name is Harold, and he’s trying to get ahold of his wife. Since Harold told her he wanted to quit his daunting nine-to-five office job to become a professional bodybuilder, she screens calls more often. She views his dreams as merely frivolous. “Was this a midlife…

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Him #6

The hug—more of an embrace. My favorite part of a new day after a week of curveballs and unavoidable obstacles. His hug is my reset button. When our bodies are close, arms around one another, his fingers tease each of my back muscles. I never want to let go, and he knows it. My attempts to disconnect falter. I need his scent to imprint—take my olfactory senses hostage and reward me with him as my…

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