Outside of Reality

A completely lost soul trying to figure out her life and purpose. Artistic dreamer, musical Battling mental illness

[indie-bone]

[thefilmhoardersdiary]

[smoothens]

[freakkk666-blog]

Can I be in suits now?

[freakkk666-blog]

Damn things change but some just don't

So, I've got a job, my license, a car and my health is starting to get there, and still, my relationship is still shit. It's just crazy how all this shit is like seriously. I feel so ugly and fat yet so slim and pretty I just hate myself still no matter how hard I try not to. I just wanna be loved by a real man or for him to just realise what the fuck his doing Talk about respect and how badly you want it yet when I wake up i don't get anything nice, no good morning baby no nothing just I'm angry I didn't get enough sleep. Yet maybe if you spent a slither of your time maybe praising me or paying some sort of attention to me, instead of this fictitious love that is only ever known when you've written it, we could be together but have fun being with your hand if a perfectly good vagina isn't good enough for you. Just fucked. How does that not fuck with a girls self esteem like really and how is that at all respectful. Normal people get tired from having sex with their partner and then like go to sleep Wtf do u mean cunt if you refuse to give me affection I'm not just gonna let you use me as a hole. Not only that, il be sick as fuck and you won't even like get up to make sure I'm alright whereas if your sick I'm up when ur up I'm there when your chuckin your guts up, running around doing shit whilst your screaming at me and I'm still sick? It's just not fucking fair But I don't listen And I don't care And I'm not there for him And I don't understand And all I do is abuse him? Sorry what? Fucking fuck this.

[13thwitness]

[arquerio]

[indieteen]

[i3cnya]

crepe love

[freakkk666-blog]

Today was a good day

Today was a great day, woke up and the sun was shining! And it wasn't just an illusion like most Melbourne days, spring is coming and it feels so good! Got dressed, had a coffee and got outside. We've had this pile of bricks in the backyard and it was about 200+ bricks just thrown in a pile so today I moved all those bricks and stacked them against the fence. It was about a two hour job and it felt so good to do some hard work! It's been so long since I've been able to just get out of bed. The first day I haven't cried in a long time. Then I took the pupper for a walk, and we went on a really long walk which he usually isn't used to! But he's been super duper good. And now I have a job opportunity at the restaurant nearby, things are definitely looking up! I'm making a really good friendship with our neighbours girlfriend, my partner grew up with the neighbour so they're good mates and it just so happens his girlfriend and I get along splendidly! It's so awesome to have a friend. I haven't had anyone to talk in so long!

[freakkk666-blog]

Missing

There's only ever been one person in my life I've ever truly connected with, ever been able to fully trust, ever been able to be so happy with and laughing so much my tummy hurts. Only one person and she's not here anymore, she's living her own life, with no room for me anymore. I lost my adventure and my fun side when I lost my best friend. My god it's one of the worst heartbreaks a human being can feel.

[missingyouonly]

[missingyouonly]

[missingyouonly]

[hxppy-dxeams]

I can’t get these voices to s t o p.

[freakkk666-blog]

it doesn't get any easier

Today is just like every fucking day honestly, waking up to someone who just doesn’t want to wake up next to you. Every activity I do is for that person, still, nothing. I can’t say a word without it being shot down. I feel like I’ve lost my voice, I’ve lost my mind. I’ve lost my true opinion, the ability to be resilient, I’ve lost my dignity. Completely. How many times have I said I’m leaving and I’m still stuck on the floor. Not being able to move. Debilitated and trapped. Because where do I have to go? I have no one. And it is just getting harder.

I have so much pain, and so much anger that I can’t express. If I do, I get abused for it. I just I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.

This isn’t what love is meant to be. You don’t know what love is. You’ve got no fucking heart. I haven’t felt the warmth of my partner in I don’t know how long, the butterflies died not even a month in, the sex has turned into just sex, and there’s no intimacy anymore. It’s completely dead yet I’m completely trapped.

Tash B

[sarcastic-sadness]