The Real Fake Jeff Wooten

I'm back.

[marsapartment]

I’m, I’m at my capacity, 

[buzzfeed]

The 18 Absolute Dumbest Things Anti-Vaxxers Actually Said In 2018

[yakotta]

[hope-lives-in-the-galaxy]

Sick of these ppl

[paperandpencilsandskips]

@SCP

source

[kylos]

The Game of Thrones cast at the last script reading

[lavenderyellowmellow]

this belongs to a museum

[justanotherlatinfander]

@thatsthat24​ I really wanted to do a Sanders Sides cosplay but I didn’t have the necessary clothing…sooo my dog had to help me. (She hates me now :D)

Bonus:

“This was fun. This was reaaaally fun. I’m so glad I did this“

[sirianhewig]

[bitch-a-la-mode]

OP you left out the best part

[werewolf-cuddles]

Always reblog wholesome batdad

[somecutething]

A cat sensing a presence outside his cave.

[mugwomps]

The dragon is a lot cuter than expected

[becauseanna]

Kill Mode deactivated.

[lavidaextraordinaria]

What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us?

[frenchshower]

My science teacher said he thinks that’s true actually

[thepioden]

Yeah this is actually pretty much exactly what is going on. It’s why anti-oxidants are such a big deal. Bonus fact: oxygen oxidizes stuff in your cells or, in other words, it’s not toxic, just setting you on fire very very slowly.

[sarah-mcelroy-deactivated202601]

[femonologue]

What if there are aliens out there but they subsist on entirely different substances and they’re just scared as shit of us and our crazy ass hell planet? Once in a while some alien anthropologist type suggests checking out the people on this inhabited planet out towards the galaxy’s edge. The other aliens just look at the naive academic with horror. No!! We do not go to that world. That is where the DEATH BREATHERS live. They recreationally consume poisons and are more or less composed of biological fire. Their atmosphere is made of rocket fuel. We must leave the DEATH BREATHERS in peace. Do not go there. Do not.

[optimysticals]

I tend to always reblog posts about humans being terrifying weirdos to aliens.

[alessariel]

@brainsforbabyjesus

[brainsforbabyjesus]

okay but…that is actually what went down on earth about 2.5 billion years ago.

Earth was doing just fine with a mostly nitrogen/carbon dioxide atmosphere and everyone was happy to go on living in anaerobic bliss and then cyanobacteria suddenly hit the scene, altered the atmosphere composition so that there was a ton of oxygen gas and killed practically everything (97% or more of all species on earth).

We are literally descendants of the DEATH BREATHERS and cyanobacteria is our deadly mother.

[digitaldiscipline]

The cyanobacteria holocaust is so big, it doesn’t even have a cool name; it’s just called “The Great Oxygenation Event”; the *second* most apocalyptic extinction event in our planet’s history is the one that’s called THE GREAT DYING (the Permian-Triassic event, about 252 million years ago).

This shit makes like the rock-throwing that wiped out the dinosaurs look like kindergarten.

[violent-darts]

OH HOW I LOVE THIS POST. It makes me so much happier about being alive. I AM BURNING VERY SLOWLY. *hugs it*

[catchymemes]

This dog was depressed for 2 years after his best friend died, but then this duck showed up

[galahadwilder]

“Hey friend sorry I’m late, I reincarnated in a part of the world I’m not familiar with so it took me a while to find you again”

[shadowkat678]

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought that.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *rolls up to a merchant in ancient Athens on Heelys and sipping a Starbucks*

Me: Yo where’s your horribly dense wine I’ve got coin

Merchant: What on earth are you wearing

Me: It’s called pants.

Merchant: I hate that.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *struts up to an Inca temple in bright green sunglasses*

Me: Hey guy of knowing stuff what do you know can I see your dead kings

Ancient Inca man: Are you sent from the gods to annoy me

Me: Nope, I’m doing this for free.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *banging pots and pans in the street in the middle of the Mali empire*

Me: WHERE’S THE SALT???

Random passerby: What is a European doing this far south

Other rando: Yelling about salt apparently.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *walks into the Song Dynasty with a backpack and a hydro flask*

Me: Hey have you guys invented paper money yet?

Woman washing clothes: What are you talking about? Who are you?

Me: *takes a sip of my Ancient Greek wine I’m keeping in my hydro flask* Do you have paper money?

Woman: I suppose?

Me: Sweet. *walks off*

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *struts onto a Polynesian canoe in a Star Wars t-shirt*

Me: What do you guys eat on these things? Fish?

Sailor: What the f*ck are you and where did you come from we’re in the middle of the ocean

Me: Can I have that fruit

Sailor: No. Absolutely not.

Me: Fair. *jumps overboard with my hydro flask*

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *sitting on top of a building during the beheading of Marie Antoinette*

Me: *pulls a bag of popcorn and some peasant bread out of my backpack*

Roof climbing child: Who are you?

Me: Someone on a roof. *hands them some bread*

Child: Why are you dressed like that?

Me: Because I can.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *arrives home totally plastered*

Friend: You know you’re supposed to water down that kind of wine right

Me: *throws bread at them* It was the Song Dynasty. I was right. Frick you.

[what-even-is-thiss]

[peoples-poet]

[hawks-and-spiders]

Marvel Cinematic Universe + Last Words

[billy-crudup]

I’m the one they should be scared of. Not you!  Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020) dir. Cathy Yan

[ultrafacts]

Sources+more info: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts

[granniekid]

Omg the two playing just cracks me up!

[ultrafacts]

Video: [x]

[dream-mode]

🐬

[nevercure]

(w)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[punkartwantstew]

HEY EVERYBODY!

I THINK DOLPHINS SHOULD VOTE!

[gaynehollander]

today i discovered the john mulaney bot twitter and it surpassed expectations

[candlesnclockwork]

[shitsuren-chama]

u could have told me thede were real John Mulaney tweets and i would have believed every word

[kibibarel]

Humans in the Pokemon world likely lay eggs

please don’t revive this debate, i already spent a frankly inordinate amount of time discussing it that one time…

[supreme-leader-stoat]

You ever see a kind of discourse you were previously unaware of barrelling past you at 120 MPH in the opposite direction on the interstate?

[pukicho]

Paul Rudd wasn't his best in antman, underwhelming movie to be fair. Ironically, he was his best in the antman promotional material where he and his co-star Michael Douglas slap their bodies and and menacingly shout "Ants"

[pukicho]

This is the best thing Marvel has made