☼ ❁ loving, living, learning ☼ ❁

the only way you could ever have the slightest peak of the thoughts that live inside of me

[freecdp]

It’s so hard to be the one who knows better, the one who’s come on this Earth, during this time, born to break the generational curse her parents never could.

Sometimes I wish I could be as blind and as asleep as them. Not understanding that there is more. Maybe it would hurt less. Maybe I wouldn’t carry the pain with me knowing she will never see the world the way I do. In a world where ego doesn’t always have to take the wheel. In a world where we can respect each others emotions instead of running away from them.

Instead, as the one who knows better, who knows this is who people are, I have to be the responsible one. I have to be the one who mentally has to prepare herself every time I’m around her. I have to be the one that has to remember to control my emotions and overcome my thoughts. I have to be the one who actually tries.

[freecdp]

Being a daughter has taught me to keep my feelings in because I have to be the bigger person, because if I dare speak how I feel, I’m just hurting you. But what about my hurt?

So I just have to sit quiet, accept this is who my parent is and that they’ll never change. They’ll always run away when I share the hurt they cause and they’ll never actually try to fix it.

Please God, may I never ever run away from my future children’s cries for help. May I always listen when they share the way they feel. May i always acknowledge their emotions even if I don’t understand them. May i always show them I will always try for them, first and foremost, in every way possible, to show them my efforts, to show them I truly care.

Because that is where the real love lies. In walking through hell for those you love. In having the courage to listen when it hurts and in having the strength to do the inner work and change parts of yourself you didn’t even know were wrong when necessary.

That is where real love lies. In the trying. Trying as hard as humanly possible to prove my love not just say it.

[freecdp]

With some people, there is no working through their demons

With some people, the only way to have a relationship with them is by accepting them as they are instead of changing them

Because with some people, asking them to change the parts of themselves that are hurting you is like asking to take a star from the sky

It’s not fair but it’s the truth

With some people, you can either deal with them or don’t, because they won’t ever change

No matter how much you hurt, no matter how much you try, it’ll never be enough to inspire a change

[freecdp]

Pushing yourself to

Get up

Wash your face to wake up your senses

Breathe to calm your nerves

Move your body and go to the gym to release stagnant energy

Scratch one thing off your to do list

Is better than lying in bed and imprisoning yourself in your thoughts to do nothing at all

[freecdp]

What have I learned from this situation?

Nobody deserves to have the power to affect me so deeply.

Nobody is going to love the way you love. Recognize and respect everyone is unique, just because they don’t react the way you do doesn’t mean anything. You are you and they are they. Don’t take things personal.

Control myself. Don’t let this happen again.

I don’t need to be sad and most importantly I don’t need anyone who doesn’t need me. Who is meant to be in my life will be there. I am deserving of love.

Dig deeper. What trauma is this bringing up?

Im not good enough. I’m easily disposable.

What is the truth?

I need to be stronger. I need to love myself more and never let anyone or anything doubt myself. We live and we learn. Learn from your mistakes and grow from your lessons. This too shall pass and this is just another lesson to pass that allows you to step into your highest good and utmost strength.

I am stronger than this moment. I am stronger than the traumas weighing me down, haunting me and weighing me down with heavy negative thoughts in my mind.

[freecdp]

This is the year

This is the year you realize just how special and important you are

The year you realize it was you who was meant to be happy all along

It was you who you were meant to be fighting for

It was you who has the power, it is you who is free to feel, experience, and live this life as you wish and create the reality that you have craved so much for so long.

The time has passed where we allow people to weigh us down with their negative energy, expecting us to carry their world on our shoulders so we forget we have our own to care for.

The people who see our light from a mile away, attracting to us like light to a fly, feeding off of our willingness to give more & love more, so much, our energy wears thin & there is nothing left for ourselves that we simply survive our life because they’ve taken every ounce of energy we had to truly ever live it

Isn’t it nice? To give and love and help without limits? You’re making a difference in someone’s life, you’re helping them be better, you’re the light you wish someone could have been for you all your life so must be doing something right.

And yet… you can feel it inside of you, in your gut, something feels off, something is missing. Like a part of yourself you can’t seem to find because you’re too busy giving it away. So you convince yourself it’s only for good without ever realizing you were meant to save yourself. Above all, you were meant to be there for you.

So you realize this rope that they’ve been tugging you from is built from chains, pulling harder and wanting more, needing more, needing YOU, no matter how much you do.

But the time has come, to give ourselves all the energy we’ve given out to the world, the same energy we’ve forgotten to give ourselves. And in that moment you choose to be free. To say “that’s enough.”

I am in control and my happiness comes first. I’m sorry but for once I’m truly not. I matter and it’s time I deserve to feel so. To break free of these shackles and to be the lifeline of someone else’s story and to shine the light inside of me on my world for once.

I hope you can save yourself like I’m trying to, and believe me, it’s not easy, but it’s the only way.

[freecdp]

Why don’t I feel thankful in these moments of free time?

Why do I feel so unaligned with myself and so frustrated with the one I love most?

The one who continues to try for me even when I seem to be drifting away in my own mind..

Where’s my positivity, my love, and my mind gone lately? They’re running in the opposite direction and I can’t seem to get a grasp

[freecdp]

It really is true that nothing teaches you how to appreciate the best like going through the worst

Like life draining friendships make you appreciate the most genuine

Like half ass people make you appreciate the truest

Like those who makes life difficult make you love & keep close those who make life worth living & most beautiful

[freecdp]

Hats off to all the children who’ve been raised by parents who never gave a listening ear, who were never truly interested in getting to know their child, and who never wished to change all the aspects of themselves that were hurting their child the most

It’s up to us to make sure our children never feel unheard, unloved, or unappreciated

It’s up to us to break the generational curses

[kamala-laxman]

God writes spiritual Mysteries on our hearts, where they wait silently for discovery.

Rumi

[talonabraxas]

Invocation in the Forest by Gilbert Williams

[thoughtkick]

“Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully. It is someone who comes to make you question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionize your world in a second.”

— Unknown

[freecdp]

If something makes you react, it means there’s something within you you haven’t healed that’s causing that reaction

And the more I think about it, the more I believe it to be true.

I still haven’t let go of the feeling of a friend not loving you after showing you love for so long.. it always comes as such a surprise and I never seem to be prepared.

Like everything I’ve learned is forgotten and I turn into that lost little girl, forgetting the worth that I’ve reminded myself I am all these years..

[freecdp]

learning to listen to my inner voice

[freecdp]

Money attracts to us in large quantities

The universe has our back

Our guardian angels have our back

Life is meant to be enjoyed

We are abundant!!!! We are powerful!!! We are deserving of all of our wildest dreams!!!

WHY NOT!!!!

[freecdp]

Other people’s vibe towards me is none of my business

[freecdp]

Are the stars playing tricks on me this week or am I really this sad