Actually, fuck it. You know what? This is my job and I gets to be stupid about it. You are stuck here with me.
Primarch, and their opinion about tax/tax season.
Horus: Tought that like. Tax happened to other people. He was his dad favorite lil guy! You wouldn't tax a lil guy like him, right?? Was eventually hit wih many years of late fees and unpaid taxes, and the fallout that ensued may have helped in the start of the heresy.
Sanguinius: His forms are always, always flawless. Not a mistake in sight. What people don't see is the absolute panicked meltdown that those forms create evey years. By the end he's a disshevelled mess and his room is covered in feathers, tears and blood, but the forms are done.
Vulkan: Give a good, honest try every year. Somehow always end up with a small return, wich makes him very happy. He actually has been making small mistakes about it, but it's within he margin of errors and the Tax Organisation gives it to him anyway.
Perturabo: Libertarian. Refuse to give taxes to the Imperium, insist he has a provincial local systhem that work beter and that HE can manage the expense for his legions through it. Forrix had almost a mental breakdown trying to fill it.
Fulgrim: Super torn. On one hand, he UNDERSTAND why tax are important. On the other hand... What's a little creative accounting? Some light embezzelling? Surely this won't blow up in his face, right?
Ferrus: Did not know that tax were a thing until Fulgrim told him. Asked him if he could do them for his legions, and his boyfriend accepted. He pays him back by spending a few days a year with him. In bed. He LOVE tax season.
Jaghatai: Does his taxes, but grumble every years that they are VERY frustrating for not accepting horses as a valid payment form! He even offered to give extra, if they just let him pay in damn horses! The conversion rate gives him headaches. Somehow always just shy of being late.
Alpharius & Omegon: win at taxes. Somehow get a returns that is bigger than their entire spending and earning combined for a year. They just hacked into the systhem and gave it to themself. They are not ready for the Horrors that will soon follow (a full audit).
Magnus: Insist that divination is a valid way to get to your tax statement. When it was refused, tried numerology. His forms spontanuously combusted when completed. He then makes Ahriman do it.
Mortarion: tried the first year to pay in a percentage of a grain harvest. It was refused, and he threw quite a big tantrum. Make the process as long and as painful as possible for whichever poor soul is sent to talk about his tax with him. Contest everything.
Rogal: Oh he fill them so, so good. Actually enjoy the process, it pleass his brain so fucking much. Fuck yeah, give him more tax papers baby! Sometime, if he's feeling spicy, he will intentionally put in a mistakes to see if the tax agents catch it. One time they even sent him extra forms to fill once it was spotted, and he was shaking in excitment.
Angron: All tax forms of the WE are redirected to Lotara. She send them back with a red scribles "FUCK OFF" and a pile of teeth. It's marked as paid.
Lorgar: Does his tax very well! On time and everything!! But his papers keep having the most unlucky bullshit happen to them. One time they were literally dropped in a lake. Constantly has to redo them, and its stressing him out!!! The chaos god are in full effect to garante that hr never has an easy tax return.
Leman: is "conveniently" unreachable every tax season. Constantly on the move in random corner of the galaxy for it, and laugh nervously when tax are mentioned. Actually does not know what tax are and at this point he's too afraid to ask.
Konrad: Insist that he made proper payment, and that his tax are ABSOLUTELY exact, without a single fault or flaw, because that would be a Crime. The fact that he paid in humans skins and organs, corresponding to their exact monetary value, is disturbing.
Lion: Stare at the paper. Stare at whoever gave him the paper. Make a simple grunting noise, and slides all the paper toward Luther. This was the start of the deterioration of their relationship.
Corvus: Tax are good. Tax are greats. She love and respect an equal tax burden, and will publically respect a good tax burden. In private tho, she bitch and moan about her tax funding things she hates. Daydream about witholding them, but never do so.
... And Roboute: The one that instaured the tax systhem in the first place. Know every single rules, regulation, and how exactly to break them. Unwilling to admit that the entire database is staying on a house of card that are 3 excel sheets. He has one machnicus guy keeping it alive.
Malcador: Has been doing the tax for Terra, some-fucking-how. He actually just imput bullshit numbers and people assume that he did the calculation correctly, because there is no way that they are doing the 3 millions page audit.
Emp: has not paid his taxes since the time he was a simple copper merchant who DEFFINITLY was selling quality goods and totally didn't burn down his house to hide the evidence. Rob is on the case tho, and the Emperor is starting to get nervous...
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