âïž synopsis: A mysterious nomad enters your town in hopes of seeking shelter from the upcoming sandstorm.
âïž warnings: swearing, somewhat graphic violence, descriptions of a panic attack, mention of scars, forced proximity, multiple sex scenes, grinding, unprotected sex (don't), oral sex (m and f receiving), creampie, fingering, handjob, cum eating
âïž genre: dystopian AU, fluff, angst, smut
âïž wc: 11.5k
âïž a/n: giant has been on my mind a lot and... here we are! [partly also inspired by horizon zero dawn where the pic in the middle is from!] please let me know what you think, i'd really love to hear it as this is a bigger fic and i'd love some feedback so i can improve! <3 happy reading! đ§Ą
masterlist
divider by @firefly-graphics
Due to the harsh weather conditions there are only two ways of surviving nowadays: either you grow nomadic and are always on the move, desperate to try and get away from the regions where each year the conditions grow worse and risk running into monsters, or you settle down amongst other people and try your best to build a home that can withstand even the harshest sandstorms.
Hyunjin was of the former people, always travelling, always on the run from something. He learned how to deal with monsters, icy cold and burning hot temperatures ever since he was brought upon this unfortunate earth that seems to be fighting itself with everything it has.
The family he grew up in called themselves nomads, yet they werenât entirely focused on mere survival. Some of them were geniuses that could make sense of the remnants of the Old World they came across. So it became normal for him to travel from ruin to ruin, seeing if he could salvage anything that still had some use in his eyes.
As he grew older, they allowed him to dabble in experimenting with some of the gadgets as well, learning he too had an affinity for it.
Nomadic people usually didnât stick together for too long or stopped along the way when the group became too big.
This was the reason why, once he was old enough, his family passed him off into the wilds, confident that he could survive on his own and maybe create his own family in the future, continuing the cycle.
Predicting that the sandstorm would ravage these lands within the next few weeks, he had enough time to either make his way to the nearby settlement he had heard about or seek out a somewhat safe place out in the wilds that he could camp at.
He sighs, these sandstorms were a pain in the ass, sand would get everywhere and if youâre caught in the middle of it without proper preparation, it could tear you apart, the little sand particles suddenly as sharp as cut glass. Even worse when they lasted several days.
Seeing as he is already close enough to the next settlement, his goal was to hurry on over and hope that they were friendly towards nomads.
When he crosses the first gate of the town, heavy boots whirling up the settled sand, he gets largely ignored, everyone pretending to be busy with one thing or another. Thatâs the mildest reaction he could have hoped for.
Dealing with nomads was considered to be unpredictable, some extremely friendly, just travelling through and looking for some company and places to stock up on in exchange for odd jobs, some extremely aggressive and dangerous, seeing the people who settled in one place as âweaklingsâ and trying each and every way to take advantage of that.
Hyunjin was of the former, never wanting to hurt anyone, yet he didnât look the part. To protect from the wasteland, his attire was entirely heavy. A big jacket snug around his body, several ropes holding his clothing and everything he carried with him in place. His heavy boots over a thick pair of pants, again secured with ropes and chains. Not a sliver of skin to be seen, hands covered in gloves, neck covered in a scarf, face and head covered by a mask, a big pair of goggles and a hood, entirely obscuring him.
Hyunjin doesnât mind the lack of attention as heâs already more than used to the disdain nomads are faced with if they werenât accompanied with one of the townspeople, indicating that they were trusted. Instead, he busies himself in seeking out a person who might be kind enough to offer a place in their home for one or more nights.
The town is a simple one, the houses built out of solid stone to withstand the weather conditions, the windows made to be airtight and easily sealed shut. Most of the colors are found in the vibrant cloths and decorations scattered across the outer walls of the houses, making this place seem a lot more lively. If thereâs not a house or a shop, thereâs a dirt road or plenty of colorful plants to be found that Hyunjin appreciates a lot.
He's had enough of dead places for a while.
As he stands in what he assumes is the village center, he notices someone watching him out of his periphery. He slowly cocks his head in their direction, as if challenging them in case they want to start trouble, some people too eager to throw nomads out with force.
He has the weapons and skills to take the entire town out if need be.
Hyunjin hopes it doesnât come to that.
Youâve lived your entire life as one of the few people in this world who chose to stay in one place. The town you grew up in is just a speck of dust in the world, right in the desert wasteland surrounded by sandstorms in the summer and hail and snow storms in the winter. Not only do you have to endure these extreme conditions, but also the monsters borne from whatever took out the previous civilisation.
Giant sandworms, boars the sizes of a human, bats that can easily grip and carry two people at once.
There were certain people in your town that were raised to be warriors to protect everyone else valiantly. You werenât one of them.
No, you were simply someone who regularly cooked for whenever the people going on hunts needed energy beforehand, or someone who helped maintain the weaponry, fixing little gadgets and other craftsmanship.
Since there was always something that needed a little repair, be it a spear, a sword or simply clothes that needed mending, you were plenty busy in your life.
Today was no different. You were on your way to drop off some of the daggers you repaired last night when you saw a stranger standing in the townsquare. He was covered from head to toe in heavy cloths and fabrics, surely carrying his own fair share of weapons with him. It was immediately clear to you who this person was: a nomad, an outsider.
You stopped dead in your tracks and observed him, trying to gauge whether he was one of the good ones or one of the bad ones. Usually, you only got the good ones around these parts, they stop for a day, experience some hospitality and go on their way rather quickly. In your lifetime, there had been only a handful of⊠incidents with the bad kind. Some of these incidents ended with death.
You didnât like thinking about it.
When you noticed him looking at you, at least you think he did, it was kind of hard to tell with his entire face being covered, you smiled and waved at him. There was no immediate reaction from him, he simply continued staring at you.
You almost just continued going your way, when he slowly made his way over to you, the chains on his body audibly clinking together as he moves.
He towered above you when he stops just one or two steps away from you, menacingly staring you down. You could guess what he was in search of. Some nomads didnât really talk, some couldnât, some refused, so you were used to taking a guess.
âAre you looking for a place to stay to wait out the sandstorm?â â you smile up at him.
He nods and you nod right back at him wisely. Nomads usually take on a number of odd jobs to pay their hosts back for their hospitality, things that they couldnât do on their own or needed help with. Might as well start taking advantage of that now.
âI can ready a bed for you in my home. Help me carry these daggers to the weaponâs dealer!â â you uncerimoniously dump the cloth full of daggers into his arms, which he takes ahold of bewildered at your sudden enthusiasm.
You skip your way over to the forge, the nomad following you obediently. He still hasnât said anything, so you figure he must be one of the silent ones.
âYou can put them all on that table over there, Nomadâ â you tell him and approach Bahari, the local smithy, for your payment. Bahari is quite the delicate man, that you could easily mistake as a weaver if not for his weathered hands. Nobody really knows where all his strength to wield the hammer comes from but nobody has ever questioned it, glad to have someone as knowledgeable about weapon and armormaking as him in town.
Bahari already sits there with a gentle smile, holding out a small bag that you know is full of rare spices.
âThank you for your help, y/n. I really appreciate itâ â he doesnât acknowledge your silent follower with more than a simple glance.
âIf thereâs any more weapons that need quick repairs, you know where to find me! For the right price, of course!â â you grin at him and he shakes his head fondly.
âIâll let you know, little bird. Now, off you go, Iâm sure youâll be plenty busy for the rest of the dayâ â Bahari nods at the nomad before turning back to his plans, already sketching up a new weapon design that youâre sure will be of great help for the warriors and hunters.
As you exit the building, you stop dead in your tracks in the middle of the road, the nomad running into your back.
âI totally forgot to ask you! Are you hungry?â â you spin around to take him in, in case he wanted to give you a sign of affirmation. His hands come up to play with the fabric of his jacket, seemingly unsure of how to answer your inquiry.
âItâs okay if you are. Iâll be your host for as long as you want to stay, my food is your food, donât worry about taking too much!â
That seems to clear some of his worries and his hooded head tips forward in a nod.
You clap your hands together, happy that he was honest with you and drag him to the canteen. Usually, you would offer to cook for him but you only have enough ingredients left for dinner and breakfast tomorrow. The canteen was almost as good as your cooking, so it would be fine.
Since the nomad didnât seem to have any preference, you order the regular stew for the two of you.
You canât help but stare at him, curious to see if he was going to take at least his mask off to eat and if he did, what the lower part of his face looked like. Some nomads had very prominent scars all over their body or just very noticeable ones in certain spots. Then there are those men with impressive beards but you doubt he could contain one of those under the mask he chose to wear.
The nomad takes notice to your very badly conceiled staring. He keeps his head angled towards you when his hands come up to get rid of the protective mask, revealing a smug smile gracing a pair of plush lips that you didnât expect. A small but noticeable scar ran over the side of his lips horizontally. From what you could see of his face, he seemed handsome, the only thing left obscuring him was that big pair of goggles and the hood over his head.
Youâre sure his eyes are just as pretty as his nose and lips.
âWell, enjoy your food!â
After the first bite of the stew, the nomad let out a simple but adorable âmmh!â, that made you happier than it probably should have.
You were going to be sad when he inevitably left to continue his travels.
-
Now in your home, you showed him where he was allowed to stay and sleep and where he could put all of his gear and baggage. He unloaded quite a bit, several jackets coming off, revealing his toned arms, which continued to tell his lifeâs story in form of scars and blemishes, small and big, dancing across his flesh.
He survived a lot and for that, you admired him a little, as sheltered as you were.
The hood of his jacket now off, dark brown hair kept together in a small ponytail framed his face. He kept the goggles and mask on.
âI donât do a lot except cook and do maintenance on stuff that needs it, so I canât really offer you many jobs to do around here. You could help someone who really needs it instead of me and Iâll take that as my payment, hm?â â he doesnât even give you as much as a hum so you turn to look at him after stowing away your precious spices only to find him staring at an empty frame in your living room.
The frame was a beautifully crafted wooden one, with intricate designs on the exterior while holding two hooks in the middle of it, clearly meant to hold up some artefact that was missing. The nomad silently cocked his head in your direction.
âItâs nothing, please just leave it aloneâ â you sighed and he relented easily, making his way over to where he was going to live for the remainder of his stay and arranging his room the way he wanted to.
You left him to his own devices, rather spending your time getting dinner started and shooing away the lingering thoughts of the empty frame.
-
Dinnertime is equally as silent, the nomad still choosing to stay quiet, save for the occasional sound of approval towards your food. You were itching to put a name towards the man in front of you but it wasnât customary to get all buddy-buddy with a traveling nomad, for their safety and for your own, in case they were followed by less than savoury individuals.
He still hadnât forgone the goggles, them still sitting securely on his face. You began to think maybe something was wrong with his eyes, maybe he had bad scarring and didnât want to show it to any stranger. Or maybe he simply didnât want you to see his entire face. The latter makes you sadder than the former.
He politely helps you clean and put away the dishes before heading towards your bathroom to clean up.
As he showers you just kind of dumbly sit in your living room, unsure of what to do. It isnât the first time you invited a nomad to live alongside you but the last few times they either talked your ear off or were gone the next morning before you could even say goodbye. If he wanted to stay until the sandstorm was over, then there was a possibility youâd end up spending at least one or two weeks with him, if not longer.
He walks out in the same gear he was wearing previously, hair damp, goggles still on.
âUhm, tomorrow I have to help in the canteen but feel free to look around town and see if anyone can offer you somethingâ â you decide to speak up as he trudges past you.
He simply nods but stops in the doorframe to his designated room.
âIâll help youâ â he says and closes the door behind him.
A few simple words that make you feel like exploding on the spot of happiness. He talked to you! You have to hold yourself back from giggling like a child and disappear into your own room for the night, giddy that he seems to be warming up to you.
Sleep doesnât come as easily to you as it usually does. You toss and turn in your bed, heart still thumping excitedly against your ribcage at the simple interaction.
A few days go by with the nomad simply helping you in your normal chores, which you appreciate a lot. Extra hands are always nice. You are kind of disappointed that he kept conversation to a minimum and had yet to take off his goggles in front of you. At the same time, you donât really understand why this nomad felt so different to you than the previous ones, why you wanted him in particular to let down his guard and relax in your home fully.
The dynamic between the two of you shifted one evening.
You were sitting on your couch fiddling around with some gadget that the town elder brought to you to figure out, the nomad sitting on the other end of it fixing a hole in one of his clothes. No matter what you did, the little device wouldnât turn on, not even a flicker of light indicating that it even had the energy left to do so.
Frustrated you tossed the device on your coffee table, mad that the inanimate object would disobey you like that.
âItâs a device that gets energy from the sun.â
Your head snapped over to the nomad who had a soft smile on his lips as he looked at you from the side. Probably looking like a fish, your mouth opened and closed a few times, not entirely sure what you wanted to say to him first.
He saw you struggle for like twenty minutes and only chose to say something after you gave up? Did he know the entire time or did he figure it out alongside you?
And in a more dramatic manner, why was he being mean to you?
âYou⊠you knew?â â you couldnât help but squint your eyes at him in a playful manner.
His soft smile widened.
âIt was funnier to watch you almost throw the thing against the wall.â
âOh, you are so sleeping outside when the sandstorm comes. Consequences of being mean to meâ â you huffed and crossed your arms, refusing to look at him, although you couldnât stop the amused grin from spreading on your face.
For the first time ever since the nomad came into your little, insignificant town, he laughed. Cackled, even. And it was the most wonderful laugh you had ever heard. It was goofy and it didnât fit to the mysterious and threatening figure that always followed you through the streets with heavy boots thumping against the ground, chains swinging and clinking as if he was Death itself announcing his arrival.
Even if he was just that and it inevitably led to you being dragged to your own demise, you never wanted him to stop laughing like he did in this moment.
He got up from the sofa, still slightly giggling and took the device into his hands to put it on your windowsill angled towards the sun.
âCome watchâ â he said and urged you to stand beside him by waving his hand towards him.
You hurried on over, eager to see what the little gadget was capable of.
At first, nothing happened and you started to fear it really was broken. Or that the nomad simply wasnât as smart as he thought he was. But then the outer panels started peeling back, a little figurine emerging from its core. A melody started playing and the little figurine started its delicate mechanical dance along the upper panels.
âItâs a music box. The people of the past used this as partly an art form and partly to immortalise certain musical pieces in miniature form. Or they just found it cute, Iâm unsureâ â he explained as the two of you watched the small dancer go through their routine.
When the song came to its end and the dancer retreated back into their casing, your home was eerily silent. You gingerly took the gadget back into your hands and cradled it against your chest, unsure of how to proceed, suddenly too aware of the proximity between you and the nomad.
âHyunjinâ â he suddenly said and you jolted, your shoulder slightly making contact with his.
âHuh?â
âThatâs my name.â
You looked at him like he had just given you the secret to stopping all the catastrophes and monster attacks happening to your town and not just his name. Yet in that moment, it felt like it had the same weight.
ây/nâ â you answered, slightly choked up and quickly cleared your throat before it became all too obvious that him telling you his name almost made you cry.
âI know, âlittle birdââ â he tapped your nose with his index finger before retreating back to your living room couch as if he didnât just flip your entire world upside down with one simple gesture and one simple word.
You were in deep already.
âHey, bitch, watch where youâre going!â
Another nomad that seemingly wanted to weather out the sandstorm in your little town bumped quite violently into you as you took care of some delivery requests. He was towering over you, face contorted in anger as if you had personally insulted him.
You quickly tried to gather the delivery items you had dropped, not wanting to linger in the middle of the townsquare with all these people staring at your mess.
âAre you deaf? At least apologise to me! Because of my people, you can live here while sitting on your asses all day long, the least you can do is respect me!â â youâre unsure what exactly you did that ticked him off so much but his hand fisted itself into the fabric of your collar, yanking you up to stand upright in front of him.
âS-sorryâ â there was no use arguing against these people, the best thing you could do was obey their demands and hope they would leave you alone after hearing what they wanted to hear from you. The last time you tried to stand up against an arrogant nomad didnât go all too well for you and you werenât eager to experience a repeat of that.
His other hand that was just uselessly hanging off to the side came up to grab your arm so hard, you were sure it was going to leave a nasty bruise.
âLook me in the eye and say that shit again and actually mean it this time.â
Your eyes flickered towards his and the sheer hatred and arrogancy in them intimidated you more than you cared to admit. If you werenât careful, this could end in a bloodbath.
You opened your mouth to tell her what he wanted but the familiar clinking of chains in the distance made you hesitate. Did you really want him to see you in this pathetic state? The feelings that started to blossom in your chest ever since he lowered some of his walls around him made you want to impress him, even if it was the stupidest decision to make in that moment.
âFuck you, you bumped into meâ â you spat in his face while squirming to get out of his hold.
He did let you go, only to crack his fist across your face, causing you to stumble and fall back onto the dusty ground. The commotion around you grew in volume, the onlookers whispering amongst each other at the spectacle unfolding in front of them, nobody brave enough to step in.
When your head finally stopped ringing and your vision cleared, you understood however that they werenât whispering about your embarassing attempt to rise up to a bully, but about the two nomads going at each otherâs throats. And you knew one of them.
The reality started to settle in your chest, that that was what Hyunjin was, after all. A nomad. Partly known for their violence and aggressiveness that was needed to survive out in the wilderness. Maybe he had fooled you the past few days with his soft and silent demeanor and he just needed the perfect excuse to let the mask fall.
Whoever was continously beating on the person below them wasnât the Hyunjin you had gotten to know. His mouth was deformed to a snarl, loud grunts coming from him as he blocked the other nomadâs futile attempts at fighting back against him, his knuckles already bloodied. All you could do was watch in horror as his fist kept colliding with the nomadâs face, his arms scrambling to get Hyunjin off himself by yanking at his clothes, scratching at his arms.
He did get one or two punches in but Hyunjin decided to end it, drawing his dagger out of its sheath and holding it threateningly close to the nomadâs throat.
âYou lost. This is my territory for nowâ â he only knicked him with the top of his blade, drawing one last drop of blood as if emphasizing his claim, before getting off of him. He scrambled to gather his things, face swollen and with a limp he hurried to break through the crowd that was forming around you, trying to get away as fast as possible.
As Hyunjin cautiously took a few steps towards you, hands hanging limply by his side, you couldnât stop your instincts from kicking in. Your legs bracing themselves against the ground as you pushed yourself away from him, fear taking over your body.
He stopped his approach immediately, his mouth twitching fleetingly in a pained expression. All he wanted to do was protect you and now you were trying to flee from him, eyes big and scared. An expression that he never wanted to see on your face. Especially not caused by him.
Something in his chest constricted when you got back up on wobbly legs, weary eyes still fixated on him, watching him for any sudden movements that might indicate he would strike you down as well. The whispers from the onlookers grew louder, now that the danger had passed and the only threat to them was a lone nomad too busy processing the fact he might have destroyed the bond he was slowly building with a person who made him softer than the world allowed him to be.
The voices in his head were screaming at him. Telling him to leave, to run until his legs couldnât carry him anymore; stop the eyes roaming over his body; stop the hateful eyes roaming over his body; stop the fearful eyes roaming over his body; stop the whispers; stop the pounding in his chest; take the dagger and point it at her; take the dagger and point it at yourself; cut it away; protect her; protect yourself; get rid of everyone else-
The feeling of a gentle hand on his bicep and the soft whisper of âletâs leaveâ silenced the voices. His breathing had grown erratic, chest heaving with every shallow breath he took. His lungs burning and eyes watering.
Back at the place he started calling home, Hyunjin retreated into his room quietly but quickly, not daring himself to look his companion in the eyes.
That left you standing there alone.
Your jaw still hurt from where the nomad had hit you, so in an attempt to escape the reality of having to confront the possible danger living with you under one roof, you busied yourself with applying some soothing ointment to your face.
But was he a possible danger? If he wanted to hurt you or take your things, he could have already done that easily. You trusted him easily, let him into your home without much hassle, he could have taken advantage of your momentary kindness.
Yet he didnât.
Instead, he chose to spend his time by your side helping you with your daily chores, carried the heavy items despite your protests, listened to you yap about things nobody had ever willingly listened to. Taking the other day into consideration, too, where, despite him being a nomad, he teased you jokingly about your inability to figure out a simple device and stood beside you radiating nothing but calm and softness as you two gazed upon the dancer elegantly moving to a gentle tone.
The world outside of the fences is a horrible one, as everyone in the town would say. It deforms you and forces you to become a wild beast yourself in order to survive. Thatâs why nomads were the way that they were. Fighting not only against monsters but also amongst themselves.
The strongest survived and the weak were culled.
You should have known that Hyunjin wasnât going to be all sunshine and that he was capable of more. But seeing him hunched over that man, wild snarl on his face as his bloodied and bruised knuckles continuously hit him while he had little chance of fighting back, solidified that reality within your heart.
When he drew that dagger, a small part in your mind feared that he would actually kill her. Just like that. In the middle of the town with countless people around him.
Maybe he would have if they were out in the wilds.
Yet he stopped approaching you when you were clearly afraid of him. He began to tremble, his breath quickened and it seemed like he was on the verge of a panic attack. You didnât know from what, maybe the realisation of what he had done, maybe the adrenaline wearing off after the bloodrush.
Your hand seemed to soothe him and break him out of whatever he was facing. It was confusing you.
You sighed and shook your head. He hadnât hurt you yet.
Before you could overthink your actions, you stood in front of his door, rapping your knuckles against the wood.
The door opened just a little bit, far enough for one goggle to peek out. Suddenly, he reminded you far more of a scared and timid animal more than he did the big and scary nomad you were afraid of just a couple of minutes ago.
You cleared your throat.
âAre your knuckles okay?â
âWhat?â
âYour knuckles. I donât imagine theyâre fine afterâŠthat.â
He was silent after that, seemingly fighting with himself over how to proceed. The door creaked open after a while, inviting you in. You surprised him once more by firmly taking his wrist between your fingers and dragging him to your bathroom where you pushed him onto the toilet seat.
âDonât move.â
The light reflected off his goggles as he watched you kneel down and carefully take one of his bloodied and bruised hands into your soft and unsoiled ones. His eyes, unbeknownst to you, were trained on your face for the entire duration of you cleaning and disinfecting his wounds.
The bruise forming on your jaw made anger bubble up inside him again. If he had been faster, he could have gotten between the two of you quicker and avoided getting you hurt. He wasnât used to looking out for another person other than himself.
âYou were dumb for speaking up against himâ â Hyunjinâs voice came out rougher than he intended and he cursed himself internally as the words sharply cut into you. His hand twitched in yours, thoughts of fleeing your warmth to protect you from him in the forefront of his mind.
âOh yeah? Should I have bowed down and offered him the shirt off my back so he leaves me alone?â â you spit back just as harshly.
âHe could have killed you.â
âLike you almost did with him?â â you finally met his gaze, even more agitated that you couldnât even properly look him in the eyes, your fingers itching to just rip the glasses off of him in retaliation to his words cutting you deeper than you could handle.
âI wouldnât have. Not here, anywayâ â his voice grew quieter now that you were looking at him.
âWould you have if you werenât in this town?â
âYeah.â
You furrowed your brows, squeezing his hand a bit harder than you needed to, the pad of your thumb accidentally pressing directly into a sore spot, yet eliciting no reaction from Hyunjin.
âHim grabbing your arm like that⊠It made me angry. Iâve never wanted to protect someone else. Iâm sorry, Iâm bad at communicating, I donât know how many years itâs been since Iâve spent so many days with another personâ â he started to ramble as you resumed to desinfect his other hand.
âNomads sometimes fight over safe places to sleep, food. Sometimes you get attacked because someone deemed a path âtheirsâ and not yours to walk.â
Heâs silent for a few heartbeats, pondering over how best to phrase the next thing he wanted to tell you. You finished bandaging him but kept staring at his large hand in yours. A fleeting thought of kissing his bandaged knuckles passes by.
âI guess I felt possessive.â
That makes you look up at him. His lips were reddened and raw, he must have been biting them nervously, tongue gliding over them to soothe the pain. You wondered what they felt like. The constant back and forth between wanting to put as much distance as you could and wanting to get as close to him as you humanly could made your head ache.
âOver me?â â you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
He hummed.
âBut not in a⊠in a way I would feel possessive over food. No, not like that.â
âI know what you mean, Hyunjin.â
Hearing his name from your lips in such a gentle tone made him shut up again. He swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat unknowingly.
Your hands were still connected on his lap, neither of you moving to remove them. You could still feel him tremble slightly against you, despite his stoic demeanor and steady voice.
For a moment, the world outside of your small bathroom didnât matter anymore, as you sat cramped together with him, just holding eachotherâs hands in silence.
The temporary rift between you two would mend itself, you were sure of it.
Hyunjin couldnât help but wonder what used to be in the empty frame in your living room. It clearly was a sore point for you since you avoid any and all mention of it and whenever he alluded to it, you changed the subject as fast as you could. Although the sandstorm would be in a few days, he wanted to alleviate your pain before he left this town behind again.
Sometimes, when the two of you sit together to eat dinner, a layer of sadness seemed to be cast over you, the quiet allowing all the loud thoughts to rise up to the surface and plague your mind. Your usually long-winded answers cut short to the bare minimum, your smile contorted to a strained one. There seemed to be something hidden beneath that cheery exterior.
When youâre busy in your room tinkering with some gadgets that were loaded off at your house this morning, Hyunjin took the opportunity to further inspect the frame in its fullness. The little hooks look like theyâre specifically tailored to hold up a weapon and thereâs a small indent in the frame where said weapon could lean against to avoid falling out.
âA hunting knifeâŠâ â he whispered to himself as he put the puzzle pieces together. That knife must mean something to you if you went through all this trouble to have something handmade just to display it.
âIt belonged to my grandmother, she handcrafted it when she was younger and used it until she passed. Then it belonged to my mother, who took care of it until she decided to run away with a nomad. And then⊠it belonged to me, until I got fucked over by one of the nomads who think theyâre better than us. Tossed it to a sandworm and that was it.â
Your usual bubbly exterior was gone for the moment as you stood on the stairs behind him, a bitter expression finding its place to your face, a rage Hyunjin had never before seen coursing through your entire body, making your hands tremble. Hyunjin lowered his head in a silent apology at his prying yet you waved his apology away with a swift hand.
âItâs whatever. Iâm not getting it back, I should probably get rid of the frame anyways.â
âWhen did that happen?â â Hyunjin dared to ask cautiously. It was a wonder that you still let him live with you after what had transpired the other day and he didnât want to throw away the second chance you had so graciously given him. His desire to stay close to you growing steadily.
âA month or two ago, I donât really remember the exact dayâ â you sighed as you carefully took the frame off the wall.
Suddenly, Hyunjin clapped his hands together loudly before running off to his room, leaving you to stand there baffled by his sudden exit. Leaving him to do whatever he needed to do, you gave a last kiss to the frame before putting it away in your storage.
When you came back out, Hyunjin stood there, half clad in his gear while the rest of it lay scattered around him.
âHyunjin?â
âThe biggest sandworms, all those who would have survived swallowing a knife the size of yours, have extremely slow digestion.â â he excitedly explained as he pushed some of his desert gear into your arms before going back to securing all his ropes and jackets to his body.
âThat means, if we find the one that ate it, we can just⊠cut it out and itâll be as good as new! Sandworms are similar to your people, they donât really move away from their birthplaces, so it probably still lives around here.â
You shook your head erratically, your hand coming up to rest on his bicep.
âHyunjin, I⊠Iâve never left this town, I canât go and hunt a sandworm!?â
Both of his hands now came up to grip your shoulders tightly while he grinned that brilliant smile at you that you dearly missed.
âYouâre not gonna hunt a sandworm, birdie! I will! Youâre just gonna point it out to me! And I assure you weâll be back before the sandstorm hits.â
You gaped at him and even though you were still somewhat in refusal of this sudden quest, somehow he got you into all of that desert gear regardless.
He was insane. All nomads were insane. How could he suggest hunting a sandworm with a smile like that?
Maybe you were insane for letting him simply drag you outside of the village after stocking up on provisions and telling the most important people you were going to be out for a day or two, too.
âHyunjin, Iâm going to die.â
âYouâll be fine.â
âNo, I really think this is the end for me.â
Hyunjin sighed loudly at your whining, his boots coming to a stop in the scorching hot sand. He took a look around, finding nothing but the vast desert around the two of you, save for a few rock formations. He knows if you pull through, you could get to an oasis before the end of the day and camp there.
âAre you sure you canât continue?â
As he looked over to your slouched form, hands braced on your knees and gasping for air, he felt bad for pushing you so far. It was easy to forget that not everyone could match his pace, too long has it been since he traveled with someone by his side.
âPut on my backpackâ â he slung the bag off his back and offered it to you and you glared at him.
âI just said Iâm dying and now you want me to carry your shit?â
Maybe this really was a bad idea. You were going to die in the desert and Hyunjin was going to have to bury you out here. All because of that damn knife.
Yes, it may have been in family possession for many years but the attachment was never to your family, to the knife itself but rather an attachment toward everything staying the same around you. Change like a knife your mother had always told you to take extra care of disappearing from your life rattled you.
And it seemed so silly now.
You could have been spending this time mending the rift with Hyunjin in the safety of your own home. A home you had never left because of several reasons. Not dying to a sandworm being one of them.
And now he was mad at you for being so unathletic, slowing him down on this trek where it seemed like it was his lifeâs calling to be in the wilderness. He was going to hate you, think you were weak and not want to speak to you anymore after you were done here. With the frustration growing in your body, tears threatened to spill from your eyes.
âI canât carry you with my backpack on, so weâre going to have to find a temporary solution. Youâll carry my backpack, Iâll carry youâ â he softly said and one of his gloved hands came up to wipe away some of the tears that did spill over.
With you secured safely on his back, Hyunjin impressively kept his pace towards his destination without too much trouble despite the added weight on his back.
âSorry about all thisâ â you whispered beside his head and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.
âI wouldnât have suggested it, if I didnât want to do it. Now, be quiet.â
And he carries you the entire way without any complaint, as if you were always part of his travels.
-
The two of you arrive at a small oasis in the middle of nowhere where he sets both you and his camping equipment down. While you busy yourself with getting the tent set up, Hyunjin stretches and groans loudly as his back lets out a few cracks.
As soon as the tent stands, you hurry inside it, neither of you wanting to stay in the cold outside any longer. You sit there awkwardly, your thighs and shoulders touching due to the tent being meant for one person only. Hyunjin doesnât seem to mind, or at least he doesnât show it, rummaging around in his backpack for the food you brought.
Dinnertime again starts out as silently as always before you gather you courage to ask him a couple of question that were threatening to drive you insane.
âWhy are you doing all this for me?â â you ask, voice small and quiet in the silence of the tent.
Hyunjin hums around his food at first, seemingly thinking over how he could phrase his answer.
âBecause I want to.â
âThat canât be all of it. If you think I can pay you with riches and gold, I think you chose the wrong person to stay withâ â you say half as a joke but it still stings in your chest to voice that thought out loud. That all of this was purely for his gain.
âWhy do you help in the canteen? Or help Bahari with the weapon maintenance? Aside from the spices, we both know you donât really need thoseâ â Hyunjin puts his food away to turn his entire attention towards you, the glasses of his goggles softly reflecting the low light of your lamp.
âIâve found my food makes people happy⊠and Bahari always has so much work, I just want to help him out. What does that have to do with you?â
He smiles again and touches your cheek gently.
âWell, little bird, why do you think Iâm helping you?â â his voice is low, the small smile on his plush lips growing into something more playful, dangerous.
You want to answer him but find yourself at a loss for words. The distance between you two is practically zero. Heâs so close and you think you might die for real in a few seconds if he keeps this up.
âI told you, Iâve felt possessive over you. Iâve grown to like you quite a lot over the past weekâ â he begins and suddenly he seems to be even closer. Is he leaning closer?
âIf finding this knife brings some peace and happiness back to your life, then Iâll gladly find that stupid sandworm and get it back.â
The air between you two shifted. A hand of his laid gently atop your thigh just above your knee in fear that anything higher would scare you off. The skin he touched tingled like you were electrified.
He hummed, suddenly confident that something else had to come first if he wanted to close the gap between you two further, the sudden absence of his hand causing the skin he touched to be exposed to the cold again.
Yet your breath became stuck in your throat when you realised what he was doing when his hands came up to his face, taking ahold of the goggles that had been in your way since the very first day.
The seconds he took to glide the goggles off his head were the longest in your life but all the more worth it once you finally could take his entire face in. The goggles had left little imprints on his cheekbones and around his eyes. Meanwhile, his eyes were sharp but kinder than you expected, the final puzzle piece of his face clicking into place.
The corner of his right eye was blemished, a nasty scar eating away at the side of his face yet it didnât take away from his beauty. You donât think anything could make him less pretty.
âI donât think anyoneâs seen my face in⊠I donât know actuallyâ â he said a little breathless, a nervous chuckle escaping his throat.
âYouâre really pretty, Hyunjinâ â and he knows you mean it with the way your eyes sparkle in the dim light as you look at him in awe.
And here in the same dim light you see the exhaustion in his eyes that the nomad lifestyle in this age brings with it, constantly on the run, entirely alone for most of you life, yet as free as the birds that fly in the sky. You briefly wonder what sights these eyes have already seen in their life.
He smiles at your words and now that you can see his entire face light up, you find his smile even more stunning. His eyes crinkle up as he smiles and it might become your new favorite part of him.
With his heart thumping steadily against his chest, Hyunjin felt like taking another risk, now that he was already here, bearing his most vulnerable parts to you. Something he had never expected he would ever do again to anyone in this lifetime though he had always wished it would happen.
His hand finds its way onto your thigh again and this time he leans closer to you more noticeably.
âCan I kiss you, y/n?â
You donât think, you canât even think, your mind too jumbled to form a coherent sentence, so you dumbly nod at him.
In an eagerness you hadnât seen from him before, a man usually so calculated and precise in his movements, his lips crashed into yours, your teeth somewhat painfully clacking together but neither of you care.
Effortlessly, he began to crowd your space, coming ever so close to your body, almost seating himself in your lap. Feeling a little mean, your hands found the back of his thighs and you pulled him into your lap properly, his legs now on either side of you.
Hyunjin couldnât help but laugh at the situation, momentarily disconnecting your lips to chuckle into the quiet air of the tent. You had to giggle yourself.
Not everyone could say they had a scary nomad sitting on their lap like this. Yet here you were, your heart currently on cloud nine as his giggles filled your ears. And even though you could listen to him for hours, right now, you wanted his lips back on yours more than anything else.
So you tilted his head back towards you with your fingertips and your lips found eachother again.
His hands were everywhere, yet his touches were softly unsure. They glided up your arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake before settling against your neck and jaw.
Both of your touches grew more eager, your kiss deepening, tongues sliding against each other, hands slipping under clothes. Your fingertips bumped against the ridges of his scars, finding he had more of them on his torso.
Your mind was filled with him, him and him. His soft groans, his movements against you, his scent, his warmth. You couldnât get enough of him.
The chill of the desert night meant nothing when the air in the tent felt like it kept heating up as garments were shed. Hands roaming over stomachs and chests, fingers catching on nipples, noises muffled by eachotherâs lips.
Hyunjin eventually found himself pushed back into the haphazardly thrown together bed, his back supported by the few pillows that you allowed yourselves to bring. He was a sight to behold. A beauty you had never before assigned to another person before. Despite his body seeming all sharp lines, there was a softness to his edges. Moles scattered around his skin that seemed like they were placed deliberately and with care and so much love you felt the need to kiss and worship every single one of them.
The ragged lines of scars here and there, small and big, some faded to a dusty pink, others still dark and noticeable. Hyunjin felt shy under your gaze despite there not being a reason to, so he was glad when you seemed to be broken out of your stupor and continued to let your fingers wander under the waistband of his boxers, a prominent bulge already straining against the fabric.
His thighs twitched when his erection was finally freed from its confines, slapping lightly against his stomach. Hyunjin looked irresistible like this, laid back on his elbows, eyebrows furrowed in need. In the mood to tease and to indulge your own desires a bit, you leaned over him to leave open-mouthed kisses down his neck, giving special attention to every mole that you came across.
Meanwhile, Hyunjin started growing restless beneath you, hips bucking into nothing in a desperate attempt to gain some friction, yet he wouldnât even begin to think about begging, wanting just as much as you to prolong this night, not knowing what was going to happen the next day.
He was red and sensitive beneath you. A small, sticky pool of precum had already formed on his stomach. You placed your lips softly against his head, eliciting another debauched sound from him. He could cry from you finally paying attention to his painfully hard length. You chuckled at his reaction, granting him another soft kiss.
Hyunjinâs fingers tangled themselves into your hair as your lips finally wrapped around him. Your hands massaged his twitching inner thighs before settling at the base of his cock, squeezing it rhythmically and taking more of him into your mouth.
âYouâre being so good to me, little birdâ â Hyunjinâs voice was raspier than usual. His fingernails scratched against your scalp and the slight tension he held on your hair make you whimper against his length. It was a nice surprise that Hyunjin was so beautifully vocal. Pretty noises were escaping his throat at the feeling of your wet mouth around him.
Despite his hold on you, he made no moves to force you down or guide you, simply keeping his hand in your hair. His abs tensed and the coil building in stomach wound tighter and tighter with every time your tongue swirled around his head.
Before he could lose himself completely in the pleasure, he gently pried you off of him, a layer of sweat already covering his body. He lovingly guided you to lay you down in his place.
âNomads usually return their hostâs kindnessâ â he said, voice far unsteadier than he intended and it made you giggle. His lips connected to the junction of your neck to bite and suck his way down to the apex of your legs.
Your thighs were already coated in your own slick when Hyunjin delved between them, tongue greedily lapping up your juices. He couldnât get enough of you, your arching back seemingly laying you across his brain as his thoughts were reduced to you, you and you, your presence disallowing any other thoughts from invading his mind.
His lips wrapped around your clit and suckled, his eyes fluttering shut. He had to stop himself from grinding against the blankets below him, not wanting to risk falling apart before he had you fully.
âYou taste so goodâ â his voice sent vibrations right through you.
You were in total bliss, your lips raw and red from your teeth. A finger slipped inside you and it soon became two, preparing you to take him later.
âHyunjinâŠâ â you begged; you werenât sure what you were begging for but Hyunjin seemingly understood your incoherent babbling better than you did, his form coming up from between your thighs, slick still coating his lips and chin.
The temporary loss of contact made you both whine, Hyunjin crawling above you, the front of his thighs knocking against yours in his hurried movements to get closer to you again. Your fingertips brushed his ribs as he kissed you, spit mixing with your own essence.
Desperate, so desperate were your movements. Keep him close, closer screamed your brain at you, your arms circling around the back of his head to pull him into you as he grabbed the base of his cock, equally as desperate to be even closer to you.
Something between you had shifted and while you were teasing and playing with eachother a moment ago, there was a sense of urgency to close the gap between you now. He inserted himself slowly, making both of you moan at the breach, your fingernails digging little crescent moons into his shoulder blades.
Your bodies moved in sync against each other needily, grabbing flesh wherever you could, squeezing as if it would bring you two closer, merge him and you together so that you would never have to part. The sound of your gasps and skin slapping together filled the silence of the tent.
One particularly hard thrust to your sweet spot had you clenching around him, fast approaching your high.
âHyunjin! Fuckâ â you wanted to say something to him, anything that would convey just half of what was swirling around in your head at the moment.
âYou feel so good around me, y/n. Never want to leaveâ â he rasped as he hugs your body tighter to his.
âDonât have to. Stay with meâ â you almost sobbed against him, overwhelmed by the emotions in your chest and the pleasure youâre feeling. Your lips haphazardly kiss the side of his face.
âPlease. StayâŠâ â you repeat, hoping it doesnât fall on deaf ears as his hips begin to stutter against yours, one of his hands sliding down to rub at your bundle of nerves, hoping to tip you over the edge.
And he does, the tight coil in your stomach snapping as you let go and come around his cock with a loud moan against his sweaty skin. His release soon after coated your insides as he rides you through your highs, before his body collapsed on top of yours, face nuzzling into your neck, breathing you in.
You held onto eachother for a while, just basking in the warmth and closeness you shared for this moment.
Despite not saying a thing to each other, there was something looming in the air. The reality that Hyunjin would leave, soon after the sandstorm had passed. Your hearts now intertwined, how much would it hurt if you severed the connection by force? How much would your heart bleed as you watched him go on his way, leaving you behind?
Tears gathered in your eyes as you sighed shakily and pressed his comfortingly warm body further into you, inhaling his scent, hoping you would memorise his entire existence and how it felt to have him just for one night.
Hyunjin was equally lost in thought as his cheek rested against your collarbone, utterly spent. His chest constricted at the thought of having to leave. He had thought briefly about staying behind with you, adapting to a settled life but he had always enjoyed and craved the freedom that came with a nomadic lifestyle. Would he choose you over it regardless?
The loss of warmth on your chest broke you out of your stupor to see Hyunjin rummaging around to clean the two of you up, all of it so gentle it made you want to cry.
He helped you dress back up before settling in for the night, offering his arm up for you to sleep on which you gladly take, making yourself comfortable against his chest.
No words were spoken, both you and Hyunjin too afraid to break the illusion that this is permanent.
Sleep didnât come to you easily and when it did, itâs entirely dreamless.
The next day already looks much different. Neither of you mention the activities of last night and get to walking the last amount of distance as soon as youâre properly awake.
Hyunjin observes your surroundings and seemingly deems it the right place, stopping in his tracks in front of a cave.
âThis seems to be the nestâ â he starts, kicking up some sand.
âIâm gonna put out the bait then weâll hide. Shouldnât take too long to attract most of themâ â his voice was strangely monotone. This long quest of walking all the way here to get your knife back suddenly seemed hollow.
The nomad takes something wrapped in cloth out of his backpack and carefully places it on the ground in front of the cave before leading you to hide behind a rock formation.
âWhatever you do, donât show yourself until I say so, sandworms canât really see well above ground but once they notice you, theyâll give chaseâ â he explains but hands you one of his daggers as a safety precaution. The last thing he needs was you dying to one of these dumb worms.
You hide behind the rock formations, clutching the dagger like a lifeline as Hyunjin leaves when he hears the first few signs of movement in the ground. His initial is etched into the hilt and it seems like this dagger in particular was handcrafted.
Sounds of struggle and the roars of several sandworms reach your ears. How many did that sound like? Two? Five? It was hard to tell apart.
What if he was already hurt? What if there were too many? Your fingers clutch the dagger tighter in your hands, mentally rallying yourself to jump out of your hiding to support him. You could die. But what if your support saved him?
Letting out one last steadying breath, it takes all your courage to step out of your hiding, ready to face however many sandworms were circling around Hyunjin, his dagger pointed towards the direction of the cave.
Only to find Hyunjin already digging through monster guts nonchalantly.
He jolts momentarily and you assume itâs because he heard the sand crunching underneath your boots, yet he keeps digging in the innards without acknowledging you, suddenly so reminiscent of the first day you met.
âThey werenât even that big. Canât even bring them back to eat them. Shameâ â he murmurs, probably more to himself than to you.
He lets out a small âahâ before fishing out the dagger you came out here to retrieve, holding it against the light as unidentifiable juices drip from it.
âDagger found.â
Yet you donât feel like celebrating.
-
The way back wasnât nearly as exhausting and eventful. Hyunjin and you kept the conversation to a minimum, focusing on covering as much distance as you could.
Back in your home, you cleaned the dagger thoroughly. Very thoroughly, the mental image of where it used to be still flickering in your mind; the frame in your living room back in its place and the dagger atop the hooks designated for it.
The sandstorm was predicted to start this night and even though you were deadly tired from your wandering, Hyunjin and you stocked up before barricading yourselves into your home.
He was off doing whatever in his room while you tinkered with another seemingly broken gadget. You knew you could fix it, there was just one little thing you had to repair and it would work again, you were sure of it.
Yet the stupid piece of long lost technology didnât cooperate with you, refusing to work, to show any sign of life. And then your screwdriver slipped and you nicked yourself into the finger, blood quickly rising to the surface to seep out of the miniscule scratch.
That was enough to make you break down in tears finally. Frustrated that this stupid thing didnât obey you. Or was that it? In the back of your mind, the thoughts of Hyunjin leaving you behind without a second thought kept swirling around, never really leaving you alone.
You were frustrated with him. Angry, that he didnât just say âyes, Iâll stay with you foreverâ and settled down together with you. But that wouldnât be fair to him, would it?
He always called you birdie, picked it up from Bahari, yet you wanted to snatch him up and rip his wings off, forcing him to stay on the ground together with you. Would it be so hard for you to grow wings and join him in the air?
As the tears freely flowed from your eyes, device long abandoned in front of you at the table, Hyunjin watched you.
âDo you have games to play during the storm? I donât really want to sleep through it or sit around and do nothing.â
You hastily wiped away any stray tears on your cheeks and hoped you looked somewhat stable when you looked back at him. He had entirely forgone the mask and goggles in your home now, feeling comfortable with you seeing his entire face by now. It was comforting. That way you could see his softened gaze sweep over your form.
âYeah, but uh⊠itâs a dumb card game and itâs-⊠I find it fun but itâs too complicated and-â
âExplain it to me thenâ â he sat down across from you, smiling softly.
You sniffed and nodded silently, retrieving the small box in which you found the cards. And so you started explaining in great detail the rules and workings of a card game that someone in your village made up some twenty years ago that either clicks immediately with you or just thinking about its existence gives you a headache.
Hyunjin was an excellent learner, you found out. He had to ask every now and then for a repeat of a specific rule or what he should do in a certain situation but overall he learned the game rather quickly.
Too quickly. In your third game he came scarily close to beating you and it felt kind of embarassing. The worries that swirled in your mind temporarily dissipated as you two lovingly teased each other whenever someone made a dumb play.
The sandstorm was in full force, your windows and doors rattling beneath their barricades but since this wasnât your first one, it didnât scare you.
What scared you more was that by the end of the night, Hyunjin had you in his lap, as if nothing happened. Despite trying to ignore each other to make your parting less painful, you couldnât keep away, lips meeting sloppily as you licked into his mouth needily.
He grinded up into you, the fabric of his pants catching deliciously on your core, making you whimper into his mouth. He grabbed handfuls of your ass to guide your movements against him, aiming to give as much pleasure to you as he could.
âCome with meâ â he breathes against you, lips latching onto your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses in their wake.
âLeave with me, weâll travel togetherâ â his clothed cock strained against his pants painfully, desperate to be touched.
Your sanity was hanging on by a thread at this point, his needy moans right in your ear as he voiced his wish was driving you insane. Your hands found the zipper of his pants, clumsily freeing his cock from its confines and wasting no time to get your hands on him, pumping him in fast up-and-down motions.
ây/nâŠâ â his moans raised in pitch. He looked so pretty like this, you thought. All disheveled hair sticking to his forehead and lips red and puffy. His eyes are trained on where your hand is wrapped around his cock, watching the way you stroke him.
âFuck⊠Fuck, pleaseâŠâ â he keened and his hips met your movements, fucking up into your hand desperately.
Your hand glides a few more times over his length before he spills his release all over your fingers with a drawn out moan. You leaned up to pepper his face with a few kisses.
âYou did so good, Jinnieâ â you whispered with one last kiss to his pretty lips. You climb off him to lick your hand and his dick clean of his own release, eliciting another groan from the man above you.
In true nomad fashion, Hyunjin returned the favor, two of his fingers continously abusing your sweet spot a moment later, his voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear that you could barely process the meaning of.
You watched as his fingers disappeared into your heat, your wetness causing obscene squelching noises.
âEven taking my fingers so well, arenât you, little bird?â â he kissed the shell of your ear. His thumb started circling your clit for even more stimulation.
It didnât take long for you to clench down on him as you reached your high, juices spilling over his fingers that he licked clean just like you did.
Even after you had cleaned up and cuddled up to each other in your bed, the sandstorm raged on.
Your fingers traced idle patterns into his skin as you thought over the words he had so desperately whispered against you just a few moments ago.
There was nothing really holding you here except the knowledge that your family had spent their lives in this exact same spot. You wouldnât be missed in the canteen, easily replaced by one of the other people who were excellent at cooking. Maybe Bahari would have more work to do without you but nothing impossible.
Could a flightless bird really learn to fly?
Some birds had to learn that the hard way. Their mothers believing in their ability and tossing them out of the safe nest.
Maybe it was your time to leave the nest, too.
The sandstorm was over and so Hyunjin had packed his things and stocked up on food. He secured his goggles and mask onto his face, veiling himself back into obscurity.
He would miss this town, some of the strange characters living here had wormed themselves into his heart in the short while he had lived amongst them. One of the locals especially, who had accepted him into her home without much thought. Someone who had quickly become something he would liken to a feeling of âhomeâ that he never had a concept of before.
Hyunjin sighed and kicked up some dirt, slowly growing impatient. He wanted to be on his way already.
âSorry!â
There it was. Now they could maybe get at least close to the distance he wanted to cover.
âYouâre late.â
You huffed and pointed to your own backpack.
âI donât usually run with half my weight on my back, give me a break!â
Hyunjin tilted his head at your response, an amused smile finding its way onto his lips as you pouted up at him.
âGet used to it, I canât carry you all the time, birdie.â
He rummaged in his sidebag for a moment before producing a similar pair of mask and goggles for you, fitting to his. You immediately struggled to put it on, confused with how the mask is supposed to be clicked into place.
Hyunjin sighed again and helped you attach everything to your face, but not before giving you a quick peck to your lips.
âDo I look as cool as you?â â you twirled for him, striking a pose.
âEvery nomad is going to fear you and Iâll hide behind you, swooning over my cool girlfriend who can definitely protect meâ â he freed a lock of your hair from beneath one of the straps of your equipment.
âThatâs right!â
And so your nomadic lifestyle alongside Hyunjin began.
Maybe it wasnât so bad to get used to someone slowing your wanderings down if it meant that sights that Hyunjin had seen countless times before elicited the biggest, sparkliest eyes so filled with wonder in you.
For that he didnât mind stopping, resting his wings for a bit.
wondering how life would be as a nomad... it mentioned run into monsters đđđ
okay, settling down and praying for a miracle it is!
felt a little teary eyed seeing he was let alone in the wild, felt like when lions are grown and ready to go form their own pride đ (i just googled and learned this word wow, never thought)
imagine my struggle, being a yapper queen, and sharing a roof with a silent nomad? đđđ now, imagine my happiness when he spoke for the first time đ
was scared about that man, but damn, the way jinnie kicked his ass was so hot omg đ„”
he's so casual about hunting down those disgusting worms đ€ą very cute tho, just disgusting hahaha
the tent, omg i'm feeling weak... đ„” and the sandstorm, aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
awwn, i'd follow him around, yeah, would probably cry of fear every 10 minutes, but okay, as long as i'd be with him, i'd be okay đ„č
had to take so many breaks reading, because it was feeling real and i was getting anxious like watching a movie, look, i don't have any more nails to bite đđ»đđ»
ââ synopsis: after a nasty breakup thatâs left you completely shattered, youâre set on giving up on love forever. That is until, in a surprising turn of events, your respective best friends start dating and one of their main goals is to restore the peace in your broken relationship. Will their plan succeed? Will they manage to play cupid and get you and your high school sweetheart back together, or will it all backfire and result in the end of their own love story?
There is only one way to find out. If only your belovedâs heart wasnât already broken beyond repairâŠ
â°ââž â pairing: hyunjin x fem!reader
â°ââž â content: exes to lovers, angst, mutual pining, fluff, suggestive themes, drama and heartbreak, jock!hyunjin who is captain of the uni's football team + dance major!hyunjin, college au, lack of communication.
â°ââž â word count: 16k
â°ââž â warnings: a lot of cursing, sex jokes, mentions of a threesome, arguments, hyunjin's angry 80% of this chapter.
a/n: this chapter is super long but i swear it doesn't feel like much fhdhhfgh. we have flashbacks, kissing, drama and angst <3 y/n thinks of hyunjin for the majority of the chapter lmao. i've been waiting for soo long to reveal everything that's happening here, so pls enjoy and let me know your thoughts <3<3<3
One year ago.
âHwang! Out!â
Out of frustration, Hyunjin removes his helmet and throws it on the ground with such force that it almost ricochets back into his hand, grass debris flying up and staining his white uniform pants. He takes a moment to calm down amid the craziness of the game, running a hand through short, black hair as the coach continues yelling at him from afar.
Frozen on the spot, Hyunjin pauses a minute more, chest heaving from the effort while sweat clouds his vision, barely reacting as his teammate, the other quarterback passes by him and pats his back.
Concerned, you hurry down the steps, almost crashing into the short fence that separates the field from the audience, searching for his eyes. You want to call out, but he seems to snap out of it on his own, legs leading him back to the coach on autopilot.
âHyunâŠâ You lean over the fence, trying to understand what the older man is telling him, heart squeezing painfully in your chest as worry overwhelms you.
A little further away, Hyunjin has his head hung low as the coach scolds him, screaming in his face about what just transpired on the field. American football was an aggressive sport, one you never saw Hyunjin getting roped into. Your boyfriend was soft and gentle, all smiles and crinkled eyes â you never understood where this desire came from, seemingly sprouting out of nowhere.
He was an athletic guy, but artistic, dedicating most of his time to dancing and painting, with the casual swimming lesson here and then. So, when he suddenly told you, in your freshman year of university, that he was thinking of trying out for the football team, you were surprised.
Hyunjin has loved football for as long as you can remember. He was an excellent player, an asset for your high schoolâs football team for the two years he spent playing on it. But he never took it too seriously, looking at it as a means to destress and have fun with his friends, one of these sports he became fond of as a kid.
You never thought heâd go through with it, but he always loved surprising you. Not only did he do it, he even made it to captain in his first year, thanks to his great skills and leadership abilities.
Since then, Hyunjinâs plate has always been overflowing, barely juggling all his hobbies while remaining top of his class. One thing always had to suffer, get the short end of the stick and the least of his attention. Sometimes it was his grades, then his dancing, while other times heâd barely touch a pencil for months on end.
But never you. Your relationship never changed, no matter how busy or exhausted he was, Hyunjin put loving you on the pedestal he carried on his shoulders daily.
At last, the scolding ends, and with a forceful pat on his shoulder pads, the coach walks away and leaves your boyfriend stranded, benched for the time being.
âHyunjin!â
His head shoots up instantly and you swear, besides the sweat, thereâs now a hint of tears in his eyes. Frustrated and angry, they donât dare roll down his cheeks in fear of getting his wrath.
Making his way over, youâre relieved to see his sharp edges soften, palms unclenching.
âBaby.â You coo the moment heâs near, instantly reaching to wipe his face with the towel you brought along, wanting to make him feel more comfortable. Without a word, he lets you pamper him while his eyes flutter shut, exhaling softly through his nose, chest already moving at a calmer pace.
Pushing his hair out of beautiful face, you rest the towel around his neck, his eyes following your every move until you offer him your opened water bottle, which he takes gratefully.
âIt isnât your fault.â You whisper, moving to wrap your arms over broad shoulders, pulling him into an embrace he returns instantly, strong arms around your middle almost lifting your body over the fence. âYou did well. The coach saw you werenât the one that started it.â
Conflicts on the field were rare but never nonexistent and as the captain, your boyfriend has had his fair share of them. Only this time, it got too far, with a guy from the other team getting into Hyunjinâs face to start a real, physical fight. Hyunjin usually didnât engage, but this time he almost did, the guyâs nasty words getting under his skin.
Pulling back, you take his gloved hand into both of yours, gently massaging it. âAre you okay?â
His silence is concerning, out of character for the man who would usually talk your ear off about the most mundane things.
Eventually, Hyunjinâs lips part as he takes a deep breath, no longer able to meet your gaze. However, as he prepares to speak, someone beats him to it.
âYo, Hwang! Get it together!â A familiar voice gets both of your attention and as you turn to the culprit, you see Jisung, frowning in his seat a few rows above while Chris next to him throws encouraging thumbs-ups your way. âDid you stub your thumb and need your girlfriend to kiss it better? Should she also get you a pacifier while sheâs at it?â
He smirks, raising his chin defiantly, which certainly has the desired effect on your boyfriend. Without missing a beat, Hyunjin pries his hand out of yours, gently, and proudly raises his middle finger at the boy, making Jisung and everyone around him laugh.
You canât help but roll your eyes, trying to bite back the smile that quickly widens when Hyunjin leans down without warning to peck your lips sweetly, not once, but two times, lingering there and basking in all the love and support your mere presence provides him with.
A few people in the audience, who seemed to have stopped following the game in favour of watching you, wolf whistle and cheer, deeming you more interesting. But your boyfriend doesnât care, he never does when your arms are around him, grounding him and chasing all of his anger and negative emotions away.
When he pulls back, the smile on his lips is genuine as he rests his forehead on yours. âGod, Jisung is so fucking annoying.â
You giggle, stealing another kiss he returns eagerly, cupping your face to bring you closer and lick into your mouth, not being able to hold himself back any longer. Itâs hot and passionate, almost like he wants to eat you whole without caring about whoâs here to witness it, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. He tilts his head to deepen the kiss, insatiable, and you barely hold yourself back from moaning into his mouth, still too aware of your surroundings to lose your head like that.
Fortunately, he remembers where he is and cools it down before you, pulling back with a low groan at the barely visible string of saliva that keeps you connected for a few seconds more.
âThank you, baby.â He breathes out, relaxed, his previous frustration nowhere in sight. âMy little guarding angel that always knows what to do to make me feel better.â
And as fate has it, Hyunjin only continued to change after that, day by day, and slowly but surely, you stopped being his top priority. Now, all of the previously mentioned hobbies and passions became more important, and more time consuming, while you, his family, and sometimes even his friends, were benched for seasons at a time.
Hyunjin never noticed it, nor did he recognize it as an actual problem when you brought it up, brushing past your concerns like they were nothing at all. He became snappy, more stressed, walking towards the edge of the abyss that represented burnout at an alarming pace he did nothing to slow down, almost like his brakes were removed.
Free falling to an impending doom.
Thatâs how you lost him. Thatâs how you lost the love of your life, unable to save him or any remains of the person he once was five years ago.
Present day.
Your head is spinning, still not fully processing the information youâve just learned, frozen on the spot and forced to watch a scene that only brought you discomfort.
âHyunjinâŠhas been replaced?â
The words escape slowly, almost like you were first tasting them on your tongue before choosing to let them free. When you manage to tear your gaze from the field, blocking out the happiness on their faces, laughing away without a care in the world like they werenât missing their core, the most fundamental part of the team, your friends are unable to meet your eyes. The only one who tries is Jeongin, with a frown that contorts his whole face, as if your sadness was contagious and he caught it without meaning to just because he was there.
But this one was his. Because Jeongin cared a great deal, the little brother Hyunjin never got but has always wanted. They used to be close like no other, and you canât even begin to imagine what heâs feeling right now.
âAllegedly.â Jisung shrugs like he couldnât care less, the perfect picture of nonchalance with his hands shoved deep into his pockets.
âTemporarily!â Seohyun quickly clarifies, shooting him a cold glare he doesnât even acknowledge. âJust until he can play again, thatâs all.â
Now, youâre even more confused, gaze dropping to Chris who exhales loudly, taking his seat with great difficulty. âWhy isnât he able to play?â He hesitates, and that causes your heart rate to speed up, worry plaguing your mind and painting your surroundings in charcoal black, the colors fading gradually along with the light in your eyes.
âHyunjinâŠâ Chris trails off, clearing his throat and avoiding your pleading eyes. âHe got injured three months ago, at the last game of the season. The team couldnât remain in the lead without him so they lost.â
Noticing the shock on your face, he grasps your hand, squeezing while the other three come to cover you from prying eyes. His voice drops to ensure nobody else hears your conversation. âIt mightâve cost the team their victory but Hyunjin had to pay the price with his health. Changbin told me he still has trouble walking sometimes, so the coach and his dance professor agreed to give him more time to recover.â
âHyunjin is injuredâŠâ You feel like a parrot, only managing to repeat whatever words have the biggest impact on your impressionable mind, stuck in place like a broken record.
âBug â â
âYou all knew and didnât think to tell me?â
They donât expect you to snap out of it so soon, and redirect your emotions at them, eyes narrowing. Seohyun looks sheepish, even a little guilty while Jisung doesnât allow you to see his face, suddenly fascinated by the greatness of the stadium.
âI â â Jeongin clears his throat, pushing his big glasses up his nose. âTried to contact him after I heard what happened. He didnât answer, not even once, not even as time passed and he was already MIA for months.â
His face falls, obviously mourning the loss of their friendship. âIâm guessing they got a similar answer. Felix took pity on me at one point and filled me in on his situation. Hyunjin travelled home to Daegu right after, so nobody saw him for months. He became a ghost I doubted myself of ever meetingâŠâ
Chris nods, more in the loop than you were. âHe didnât answer any of our calls, but I did send him a flower basket and a card on our behalf.â
âA fucking flower basket, Chris?â You canât hold it in, exploding like a firework that missed its cue and blew up in someoneâs face, devoid of any pretty colors as tears well up in your eyes. âYou canât be serious. Tell me youâre joking.â
Everyone knew and chose to keep you in the dark, to protect you without realizing their actions were causing more harm than good.
If only you would have attended the game and not run off, if only they would have bothered to tell you â you could have been there for him, his shoulder to lean on during his recovery. Thatâs why Hyunjin was different, so much colder and detached; he was in pain. Sure, this change started way before the accident in June, when the game took place, but now his recent behavior made sense.
You couldnât even imagine what he must be feeling right now, forced to sit on the sidelines, not allowed to express himself through dance or run freely on the field to blow off some steam. A tortured man, trapped inside his own body without any means of escaping. Everything he worked so hard on, poured so much of himself into suddenly ripped away from him, life put on hold because of a stupid accident. Of an injury he didnât deserve.
The irony of it all almost had you in tears. Somehow, in some way, people who used their bodies for art, or to provide entertainment for others, always ended up in pain, unable to continue doing so.
Dancing was his past, present and future. Hyunjin must be devastated, rattling against the bars that kept him in place to be let out, screaming and crying in agony with nobody able to hear him.
One blow after the other, the coachâs decision must have driven him back home, to isolate himself from the world until he felt, even the tiniest bit, like himself again.
Scoffing, you donât wait for any of them to answer, storming down the stairs in search of the man who possessed all the answers you were looking for, not staring back once as Chris called after you, concerned.
You slip through the crowd, quickly avoiding all of the students who were just now arriving, leaving the bleachers area and sneaking into the field, on the other side of the fence.
The coach has his back to you, an older man in his forties who was the equivalent of a teddy bear, leaving everyone confused as to what drove him into coaching such a sport. In your opinion, he should have been a kindergarten teacher, with the way he coddles these grown men on the field. Of course, except in the cases where they mess up or get into fights.
âOh, itâs you.â The coach tenses up once he notices your presence, surprised, almost like the one in front of him wasnât you but a big, intimidating guy ready for a fight.
You slide next to him, taking a seat on the bench heâs standing by. âHello.â
âHyunjin isnât here.â
âYes, I have eyes.â
He looks nervous, arms crossed over his chest as he sneaks glances at you from the corner of his eye, perplexed at your sudden appearance. âListen, if you came over to try and convince me to change my mind â â
âI didnât.â
His shoulders slump forward, deflating as he sighs, looking straight up defeated, like the teamâs fate has been sealed before they even got the chance to play. Fidgeting on the spot, you wait patiently for him to speak again, knowing itâs a matter of time before he caves in and spills his heart out. The coach has always been a sensitive man, a heart over mind type of guy, caring beyond belief which made him the butt of the joke one too many times.
âI didnât want to bench him, it was never my intention, believe me. But I had no choice.â
You remain composed, crossing one leg over the other as you watch the team warm up some feet away. âBecause of his injuries?â
âYes.â He breathes out, relieved you seem to understand. âHeâs all skin and bones now, barely managing to use his dominant hand. Tell me, what was I supposed to do? Put the team above his health? Ruin his chances at a full recovery because of my selfish reasons?â
Now that was definitely an exaggeration. Youâve seen him recently, granted in his uniform, but Hyunjin looked fine, just about the same. The same but different, taking into account the changes he brought to his appearance.
But you did remember seeing him catch the football with his left hand while his right was behind his back, almost like he was hiding it from the world. This was concerning, causing anxiety to eat at your core unpleasantly. If Hyunjin also injured his dominant hand, that meant he couldnât paint. Which ultimately meant he was currently going stir-crazy, feeling truly hopeless.
Why was the universe so cruel to him?
âAnd so? Who became captain in his stead? Yeonjun?â You play dumb, keeping your emotions in check just to get all the necessary information out of him. A little dishonest, but your moral compass wasnât really working right now.
To your surprise, the man scoffs, turning to face you. âYeonjun? He called me a joke and laughed in my face.â
Bewiled, you lean closer, trying to understand Yeonjunâs behavior. He was one of the best guys on the team, why would he react like that? âWhat?â
He nods, letting his bulky arms fall to his sides. âAll of my best players refused to fill in for him, turning me down in hopes of changing my mind and allowing Hyunjin to return sooner.â
Now this was heartwarming, pulling an unvoluntary smile out of you, happiness blooming in your chest at their obvious care for their long time captain. They were all standing in solidarity with him, unafraid to share their opinions and give the coach a piece of their mind. Hyunjin was so loved â if only he was here to see it with his own eyes, you were sure heâd feel a hundred times better.
âThen maybe you should.â
âI thought you said you werenât here to get me to change my mind?â He raises a suspicious brow.
You grin, standing up and inching closer. âI lied.â
With a sigh, the coach shakes his head, not as impressed as you thought heâd be. âSorry, canât do. I already spoke with his dance prof and Hyunjin will be taking it easy for the next two months.â
You open your mouth ready to protest, his decision a little too extreme until something makes you stop, a light bulb going off in your head. Two months meant until November at most. The season started in late October which meant, in his words, Hyunjin would be back just in time to lead the team to victory. He wasnât trying to sabotage him or his mental health, the coach was genuinely looking out for him, trying to help and ensure he was completely healed before the championship.
He was giving him as much time as he could to pull himself together, to regain his strength and the sparkle in his eyes. Hopefully, Hyunjin could see that, see the light that was peeking through the dark clouds that were currently only bringing rain into his life.
Seems like, no matter how hard you try, youâll always care for him.
âBesides,â he continues, voice softer as he notices the contemplative look on your face, âJaemin is a good player. Hyunjin picked him himself during last yearâs tryouts.â
Well, Hyunjin definitely didnât expect Jaemin to take his place when he made that choice.
âHeâs the only one who didnât reject me. If it werenât for him, our team wouldnât have a captain right now, and you know how important that is for morale.â
Now this spoke volumes about Jaeminâs character. Sure, this was the right thing to do, a noble act that was meant to redirect the team on the right track, lead them in time of need. Yet, on the other hand, your personal feelings on the matter viewed him as an opportunist, one that couldnât care less about Hyunjin or the individuals on the team.
It looked like his loyalties only lay with himself. Something that wasnât viewed favorably in a team sport.
âSo please, donât resent me too much.â
Your head snaps to him, to see the man crestfallen, a sign his decision must weigh heavy on his heart.
Sighing, all the fight leaves your body as you prepare to leave, taking one last look at the field that now looks so much different. âI donât think Iâm the person you should be telling that to.â
Defeated, he nods and walks away towards the locker rooms, to reflect or maybe encourage the remaining guys before the game starts. You barely make it two steps when a deep, loud voice startles you out of your thoughts.
âY/n! Wait up!â
Turning, youâre surprised to see the one currently running towards you, distraught and desperate is none other than Daehyun from Yonsei University. Your rivals in more fields than one, the deans have been beefing behind the scenes and plotting on how to take the other down every single day without fail for years now.
Despite your reservations, you allow him to catch up, curious about what heâs going to say. You werenât friends, but you did bump into each other on one too many team dinners in the past, loving to celebrate his wins at the same restaurant Hyunjinâs team frequented a little too much. Petty and immature till the end, no wonder his most famous nickname was Petty Wap.
He comes to a stop in front of you, briefly leaning on his knees to catch his breath before blurting out, without giving you the chance to say anything. âWhere the fuck is Hwang? Did he finally realize he sucked and quit for good?â
Your eyes widen at the blatant disrespect, blood boiling in your veins as you try to pull yourself together and not cuss him out into retirement. With the nastiest glare you can muster, you cross your arms over your chest. âHello to you too, Daehyun. Donât you have a game to play?â
âWhat game?â He throws his arms up before running a hand over his face, too agitated for your liking. âIâm not playing against anyone other than Hwang! So where is he? Do I need to come drag his ass back on the field or what?â
The rivalry that sparked between them after a random game a few years ago was often a form of entertainment for all the people in attendance, who were looking forward to the games theyâd play against each other in anticipation of the winner. SNUâs team was arguably better than Yonseiâs, all of the stats pointing in that direction but sometimes, even they failed as the two teams would be neck and neck until the goal that sealed their fates.
It was mostly a one-sided rivalry, with Hyunjin loving to get under Daehyunâs skin by barely acknowledging his existence on and outside the field. Which only sprouted him, set on earning Hyunjinâs attention like he was some sort of buff high school girl, spending her days longing for her crushâs love.
You donât get to respond when an arm is thrown over your shoulder, the friendly gesture signalling only one personâs presence.
âGet off the field then. Nobody is looking forward to your lacklustre performance anyway.â
You look up at Yeonjun, surprised at the hostility in his voice. Daehyun splutters, taken aback. âWhat â â
âOh, sorry.â However, the apology is not sincere in the slightest, his arm pulling you closer. âShould I speak slower so you can catch up? Since youâll never catch up to me on the field, I might as well give you an advantage. â
âJun â â You try to diffuse the situation once you notice the anger on Daehyunâs face, his form towering over you both.
âMotherfucker.â He bites, almost growling and you still canât wrap your head around Yeonjunâs objective. Did he hear your conversation? Why the hell was he so mean?
Youâre pushed behind him when Daehyun steps forward, chest to chest with Yeonjun like they were preparing for a face off, drawing the nearby playersâ attention. Flabbergasted, you get a hold of his jersey and pull, urging him to back off until either of the coaches notices the commotion and calls the whole game off, benching them for the whole school year.
Before you know it, a hand comes in between them, and a familiar voice asks, concerned. âWhat is going on here?â
âWho the fuck are you?â Daehyun spits at Jaemin, eyes flying to Yeonjun who nods and makes a face you canât see. Squinting down at him, more guys gather around, assessing the situation before deciding if they should butt in or not.
âYouâre the pipsqueak thatâs currently replacing Hwang?!â It dawns on him a moment later, and now his anger is quickly redirected. It almost looks like theyâre both ganging up on Jaemin, suddenly joining forces once they realise they share the same enemy.
âExcuse me?â Jaemin raises a brow, looking between Daehyun and Yeonjun in confusion.
Then, almost like he couldnât be bothered to speak to him again, Daehyun lowers his head to whisper to both you and Yeonjun, deeming you an accomplice. âMeet me by the lockers after the game. We can take him out together.â
Yeonjun smirks as you stare at them in horror, not believing your ears. âThatâs the best idea youâve ever had in your life, Park. Letâs do it.â
They high five, snickering and you take this as your cue to back away, not wanting to get roped into whatever deranged plan they were currently cooking up. Sure, your perception of him might have been altered, but that didnât mean you wanted to see Jaemin getting beat up! What the hell was with men and starting unnecessary fights, just to satisfy their fragile egos?
You should let the coach know about this, just in case they actually decide to go through with their plan.
However, the tone of his voice surprises you before you can make your grand escape.
âChoi.â Jaemin speaks lowly, eyes narrowed as he stares at him with a superiority that is bound to make the other manâs blood boil. âShouldnât you be warming up for the game instead of kissing the competitionâs ass? Or have I interrupted something I shouldnât have?â
The implication isnât lost on either of them and while Yeonjun fumes, Daehyun canât help but chuckle, mumbling something under his breath that sounds almost like âmy bitchâ.
âScram.â Jaemin points towards the benches like heâs training a stray dog who canât do anything but obey, especially since the coach chooses this moment to exit the locker room. They stare each other down for a moment more before Yeonjun scoffs and walks away, bumping into his shoulder with unnecessary force while calling out mockingly.
âAye, aye, captain.â Saluting, the bitterness seems to sting Jaemin, who exhales loudly, relieved when Daehyun follows without saying another word.
Then, his eyes land on you, and you do everything in your power to not react as nasty as the other two did.
âY/n?â
âY/n!â
You ignore him, whipping around in the opposite direction to find Chris by the fence, waving you over, a little concerned and ready to jump over any obstacle to get to you. Behind him, you spot Seohyun, Jisung and Jeongin looking just as worried.
So, without another glance in Jaeminâs direction, you walk away, your indifference leaving him confused, and a little hurt, wondering what he could have done to upset you.
Chris explains everything, from beginning to end, with the other three chiming in whenever necessary to complete his story. As youâve already established, Hyunjin got injured at the last game of the season, with some guy tackling him to the ground with a little more force than usual. He was expecting him to stand his ground, meet him head on and when Hyunjin didnât, they both ended up hurt.
Hyunjin came out of it with a broken leg and a sprained hand, his helmet preventing any face injuries. It was apparently a big deal, taking two players out in an instant, and the game was almost called off until the coaches agreed to continue despite what happened. With him out, and all the other guys shaken up about what just transpired, SNU lost, not able to remain in the lead without its captain.
Youâre listening so intently, transported into the story your choices prevented you from witnessing, that your heart breaks into tiny pieces all over again. You almost stand up and drive yourself all the way to Daegu, just so you can finally provide him with the love and care he needs, to beg on your knees for forgiveness like him getting injured was somehow your fault.
It wasnât. It wasnât anybodyâs fault but his own. He took on too much, juggling too many things all at once while choosing to ignore the sirens and signs screaming all around him to stop. Hyunjinâs body has reached its limit and his stubbornness was the only one to blame.
And now, after making what he thought was a full recovery, he was forced to remain on the sidelines, so his mind could rest too. Chris continued to keep tabs on him, concerned as his friend, and Changbin had let him know that Hyunjin had just up and left their apartment, returning home to Daegu like he didnât spend his whole summer there.
But not only was he in Daegu, with his dog and parents who were supposed to bring him the needed comfort, he was apparently partying it up every chance he got, urged on by his childhood friends and the people around him. Hyunjin was on a quest of destruction, with nobody there to stop or slap him back to his senses. Nobody aware of what was happening, anyway.
How the hell were you supposed to help him from over here?
Better yet, were you the one supposed to help him in the first place?
Even if you were to make the trip, which would never happen since none of your friends would allow you to leave like that, just as the school year began, whoâs to say he wanted you there?
It was so typical of you to drop everything for him, put him above your needs and everyone else in your life that now, since his role in the story changed, you didnât know how to cope.
On most occasions, it felt like he was the sun, and you were one of the many planets rotating around him, pulled in by gravity and whatever magnetic field he developed over the years.
And how was the Earth supposed to not die out without the Sun?
You were running for your life, book bag above your head doing a poor job at protecting you from the pouring rain that was coming down violently, almost like the sky was venting its anger onto everyone in the city. Everyone unfortunate enough to not have checked the weather forecast that morning, anyway.
A few weeks have passed by in the blink of an eye and now October rolled around, bringing along its best friends, rain and thunder. Some friends you didnât particularly enjoy sneaking up on you.
You got caught up in tutoring the first years, so while most of the students had already gone home, you remained until the sun had set, being the last one to leave. It wasnât like you to lose track of the time, but for once, you didnât mind since you were enjoying yourself after so long.
They were full of energy and new ideas, coming up with things your department has never done before. And hence their excitement, you promised you would try to bring their project to life, take it upon yourself to talk to your professors and maybe employ the help of some upperclassmen.
You used to love getting involved in stuff like that, share the joy of music with everyone in different, innovative ways, get people moving to the beats you created. But with time, you seemed to have forgotten, your identity getting a little lost along the way.
Just as youâre about to start mulling over it, already chewing down on your bottom lip, Converse wet since you stepped into one too many puddles, a car pulls up right next to you, careful with the breaks to not splash anyone.
Without wasting a second, you run to the other side to get in, thankful for your saving grace.
The first thing Chris does when he sees you is laugh, reaching over the console in an attempt to fix your wet hair before deciding against it and opening the glove compartment for some tissues.
âSweetheart, you look like a wet dog.â He states the obvious, eyes sparkling in amusement. âDid you wait long? Sorry, I was at the studio when you called.â
You shake your head, accepting the tissues to wipe your face as he starts driving. âNo, donât worry. Thank you for coming on such short notice.â
âIâll always come when you call.â He says it like itâs the most natural thing in the world, and you know itâs true since heâs come to your rescue numerous times over the years.
You settle your bag on the floor, by your feet and thatâs when you notice your seat getting warmer, the heat turned up just for you.
âSorry for the mess. I know how much you despise water on your leather seats.â
Chris shakes his head, doing a great job at pretending heâs not bothered at all as he focuses on the road. âNonsense.â Then, he nods to one of the drinks in the cupholder. âI got you a hot chocolate to warm up. The red one.â
You let out a short laugh, shivering as your clothes were still sticking to your skin. âWhy is it red?â
âBecause itâs from your favorite coffee shop, duh.â He rolls his eyes in fake annoyance, driving leisurely with only one hand on the wheel.
âGod, have I told you how much I love you, lately?â
âYou might have mentioned it once or twice, but it never hurts to hear more about it.â
Having him in your life was a blessing you still werenât sure you deserved; the first person whoâs ever shown you the real meaning of friendship, sticking by your side no matter how many years passed, or how much you changed on your road to discovery. Heâs seen your highs and was right there for your lows, helping you get through them with a kind smile and encouraging words, never letting you give up no matter how hard it got.
âHow was tutoring?â The rain is still slamming against the body of the car, even angrier now and you were so grateful you were finally out of it, spared of its wrath.
You look in the back for one of his gym towels, the napkins not cutting it anymore, quickly grabbing it to dry your hair when he nods. âExhausting. These kids are way too happy.â
Chris laughs, tattooed arms flexing without difficulty in the flimsy tank top he was wearing, the black charm bracelet youâve bought him for his 18th birthday shining prettily when the light from the lampposts outside hit it just right. You were getting colder just by looking at him. âWe used to be just like them a few years ago.â
âI donât miss it.â You shrug, bending your head to continue with your previous task.
âLiar.â
He knew you too well.
âAnyway, Binnie tells me youâre avoiding him.â
A gasp escapes you, sitting up a little too quickly. âIâm not!â
âYeah?â He raises a brow, briefly making eye contact before looking back at the road. You were almost there, your apartment building not that far away from campus. âThen why havenât you replied to any of his texts?â
âI â â You trail off, embarrassed to say it out loud.
âWhat?â
Mumbling under your breath, you speak a little louder, but still not loud enough for him to understand you properly. Chris turns down the music just as one of his songs comes on, his playlist as random as ever.
âY/n, sweetheart, dear best friend, I canât hear a word youâre saying.â
With a deep sigh, you give in, right after throwing the towel over your shoulder, in the backseat. âChris, I canât write to save my life. I havenât been able to write any lyrics in months now, my mind completely blank. Thatâs why Iâm not texting Changbin back because I have nothing to say.â
Just then, the car comes to a stop and Chris rests one of his hands on your headrest, looking back to focus on parking.
You continue blabbering. âHeâs coming up with all of these great ideas and all Iâm capable of doing is agree and marvel at his genius.â
He chuckles but otherwise remains silent until the car stops moving, parking executed perfectly. Then, he raises the handbrake and bursts out laughing. âGenius, huh?â
You frown, blowing a wet strand of hair out of your face. âDonât be mean.â
Shaking his head, Chris continues laughing. âYou know what he does when he canât write?â
âHm?â
âTakes a break to get laid.â
Youâre surprised, eyes widening gradually as he keeps laughing, reaching up to wipe stray tears out of his eyes like heâs delivered the funniest joke of the night.
A little embarrassed, you struggle to get a word in between his laughter. âWow, gee thanks, Christopher! What helpful advice!â
You donât know whatâs worse. The fact that he believes you havenât tried it before, or that he assumes your sex life isnât completely nonexistent at the moment. WaitâŠwhat if heâs suggesting you sleep with Changbin? No, no, no! No way! Chris would never!
âWhat? Youâre telling me you havenât tried it before?â He wiggles his eyebrows, gently elbowing your side.
âTo get inspiration?â He nods and you respond a little too quickly, feeling your face warm up. âNo!â
Settling down, his smile is still as bright as ever, his happiness contagious as even you canât stop yourself from giggling, despite the lingering embarrassment. Since befriending Seohyun, youâve exclusively discussed things of this nature with her, sparing your childhood best friend the awkwardness the topic of your sex life would bring.
You were dating his friend, after all, you couldnât begin to imagine how weird it would have been for him.
âYou should. The post nut clarity hits hard, but not as hard as it hits Jisung.â
The face you make has him laughing again, and you almost gag at the idea of thinking of your other best friend in such a state. âOkay, gross! Stop putting these images in my head before I barf all over your expensive leather seats!â
Chris throws his head back, having the time of his life, until it hits you, reaching over to slap his biceps repeatedly.
âWait, is that why he keeps going back to Yoona?â
âBingo.â
âOh my god!â You shriek, hand flying over your mouth in disbelief. âHeâs so self-destructive!â
Nodding, Chris stretches in his seat. âI know and I keep telling him but itâs like he goes selectively blind, ignoring all of the red flags like theyâre not even there.â
You couldnât have said it better. Since before their break up, when the relationship was still fresh in the honeymoon phase, nobody could bring themselves to like Yoona. It wasnât like she was a horrible person, this evil green witch straight out of a fairytale; she just brought out the worst in Jisung, stressing him out, upsetting him and making him cry more times than you could count. Their relationship turned toxic so fast that before you knew it, they broke up and got back together twice in the same month.
He claims he wrote all of his best songs while dating her but you beg to differ.
âAnyways, my point is.â Chanâs voice snaps you out of reminiscing, making you aware of the pouring rain that still shows no sign of stopping. âWe all have an activity that never fails to inspire us. Or a person, a song, a movie or even a book. Try to remember yours and it will get easier.â
You nod, taking it all in. âYeah, and apparently yours is sex. Have you ever thought about a threesome? Just imagine all of the ideas youâd get if the three of you had sex at the same time!â
The deadpan look on his face makes you lose it, his next words as serious as they come among your loud laughter. âDonât even joke about this shit, Y/n, oh my God! My poor mind! Iâm going to be sick.â
Youâre having the time of your life at his expense, enjoying the way he shudders and gags as he starts imagining against his will. Thatâs what he gets for laughing at you.
âFine, but only if we go in before I freeze to death.â
Chris rolls his eyes but complies, opening the door before your hand on his elbow stops him. âDidnât you bring an umbrella? Or a sweater?â
âFor what? Our building is right over there.â
âChris, itâs pouring.â
He grins, showing off his pearly whites. âThe last one there is a wet chicken.â And then he bolts, slamming the car door shut while his giggles resonate throughout the whole parking lot.
You blink, still staring at where he used to be a second ago before youâre taking off, not forgetting your bag in the process as you begin running after him, in the direction of your building.
The rain soaks through your clothes, cold and angry, but Chan doesnât seem to care, deliberately stepping into every puddle with the biggest smile on his face. It reminds you of when you were kids, and youâd go out into his backyard to dance in the rain and look for snails, impatiently waiting for the rainbow that was sure to follow.
He looked so carefree and happy that it was rubbing off on you, allowing him to get a hold of your hands just so you could spin around, laughing together. The neighbours probably thought you were crazy, stupid kids without an ounce of maturity â but you were too happy to care, finally feeling like yourself in God knows how long.
Eventually, the cold found a new home in your bones, so you entered the building, creating small puddles everywhere you stepped, and laughing at each otherâs appearance.
And there, by the elevator, was none other than Jisung, leaning against a nearby wall with his eyes glued to his phone. He was wearing all black, leather jacket with silver trinkets going along nicely with all of his jewelry and slicked back hair. The two of you were a mess compared to him.
âJi!â You call out, startling him as he almost drops the device. âHi!â
His eyes widen as he takes in the state of you, pushing himself off the wall in slight concern. âYo, youâre both soaked. Did you decide to bathe in a puddle or what the hell happened?â
You and Chris share a mischievous look before nodding and lunging at him, arms wide open as he shrieks and tries to sidestep you.
âNo! This is a new jacket! Spare me!â
âBut, Ji! We missed you so much, let us hug you!â
Heâs cornered, eyes darting every which way before the both of you are on him, squeezing him into the tightest hug, fueled by the power of friendship!
Safe to say by the end of it, Jisung had to join you upstairs to change before going on his merry way, grumbling about running late to whatever plans heâs made tonight.
A mere hour later, Chris has also left â something about an urgent appointment which in his language was code for one of his usual booty calls.
So now, you were all alone in your apartment, which felt a little strange. Always surrounded by your friends has made you a little dependent, needing them at all times to feel whole. But now, they were all out, having fun at a party or a random outing, because as much as it hurt you to admit, time didnât stop for anyone. They werenât frozen in place, unable to step out of quicksand and continue with their lives like you were, no matter how supportive or kind theyâve been.
Your life was on hold, against your will, but theirs wasnât. As much as you deluded yourself into believing it, life went on, and your friends were all their own people, with their struggles and insecurities, and they werenât obliged to stand still and wait until you got your shit together.
Not like you minded, that much. You reckon having them all to yourself, at your beck and call like you were nothing more but a fragile being that needed help at all times, would feel worse.
So, you were glad to see that their lives regained their normality, the one they struggled so much to build and keep.
And you were sure that after a while, you would manage to follow in their footsteps as well. Just not now. Now felt too soon for any of that, your fluffy blanket too comfortable to leave behind yet.
In an effort to do so, to begin training to ensure youâll be able to keep up, you do the unexpected. Listening to Chrisâ advice from earlier, you take one of your four guitars out of hiding, all dusty from the months spent in the disorganized closet. You knock over some boxes in the process, stumbling backwards like you werenât welcomed into the little space, banished entirely from relieving any beautiful memory that was stored there.
From boxes to clothes, both yours and numerous articles that belonged to other people in your life, to your prized guitars and old diaries, your closet housed everything. There were photo albums, small gifts you wanted to keep safe, matching jewellery that was missing their other halves, movie, art gallery and concert tickets â you kept everything. A little bit of a hoarder, in Jisungâs words, your sentimental side couldnât rid itself of anything.
Yet, one box decided to bare its contents to you, taking pity on your pathetic self. Crouching down to examine it closer, familiar handwriting greeted you with a punch in the gut, note yellowed with time.
The first song you ever wrote. And the cute, crooked doddles he decided to leave everywhere, like little comments and annotations he couldnât keep to himself, highlighting every word or passage he liked. Hearts, smiley faces and angel wings, this is how Hyunjin described your stupid song that barely made any sense, the one heâd claim was his favorite, even after years and years passed and your skills improved.
You never got it, never understood why he was so attached to a love song written by a teenage girl who had no idea what love even meant at the time, a foreign concept she only discovered much later.
Perhaps he was even more sentimental than you, letting nostalgia rule his whole world without bothering to have a say in it. A go with the flow kind of guy, Hyunjinâs next move was always a mystery to everyone around him. Thatâs exactly why you were left dumbfounded when you tried gifting him this same song, but better, finished and properly recorded, a few years ago, and he firmly refused. He claimed the original was better, more authentic and you, and that nothing could ever come close to it in his heart.
To say you were disappointed was an understatement; you were disheartened for weeks, especially since that was the first time Hyunjin openly disliked one of your songs. Always your biggest fan, your muse would hype up everything you came up with and deemed worthy enough to put on paper, record and show him. After all, most of your songs were about him and your relationship, of course, heâd be left flustered and giddy, honoured by your unconditional love and support.
It's not like you couldnât handle criticism, your whole major consisted of it, but when it came from him, it hit extra hard. Not like he criticized your work to begin with, he just felt comfortable enough to speak his mind â but for some reason, you still took it as such.
So, for a few months, you stopped writing and composing, being left in limbo just like you were now, not daring to pick up another pen. Back then, you managed to get out of that state with his help, his love the anchor that pulled you back up to the surface.
But now, you didnât have such a luxury. How were you going to navigate these new waves by yourself?
Closing the box, you donât spare it another glance as your foot pushes it back into the closet. You grab your guitar and move to the living room, making yourself comfortable on the couch with slight hesitation.
Your fingers hovered over the chords, mind racing with all of these different thoughts you couldnât seem to put in order, quiet down enough to entrap on paper. You didnât have a muse now, so what exactly were you supposed to write about? It felt like every significant moment of your life had a song, immortalized into a piece of art to remember for years to come.
All but one, the most recent event.
You begin tickling the chords, sheepish and clumsy, out of your element as the random anime sticker Jisung stuck on the guitar stares at you expectantly. The pink haired girl was smiling, but you still felt like she was judging you and your lack of talent.
âWhat the fuck am I saying?â
Shaking your head, your eyes close as a familiar melody fills the air, echoing through the empty apartment. Your favorite song has never failed you before, sure to warm up your brain and unlock the creative part of it, breaking the chains which held it captive.
The corners of your mouth tilt upwards in a small, but genuine smile, pleased at what you are hearing and experiencing, happiness blossoming like flowers in your empty chest. Just as you open your mouth to start singing, you canât seem to find your voice, breath hitching in your throat.
You try again, and again, and by the third time, youâre luckily interrupted by loud buzzing, your fingers stopping abruptly. Where did you leave your phone?
Back in your room, you find it thrown on the bed, face down.
âHello?â You answer, barely checking the caller ID, a little annoyed at being interrupted.
âBabe!â Seohyunâs loud voice greets you enthusiastically, followed by muffled giggling and booming music in the background. Now see, compared to Jisung, Seohyun would actually pick up the phone if you called even if she was having the time of her life at a party. âI miss you! What are you doing?â
You sigh, smiling despite yourself. âIâm at home, Seo. Did something happen?â
She was currently at a random sorority party thrown by her department, having fun with friends and classmates alike. Of course, she had asked you to come along but you really didnât feel like it, choosing the comfort of your own home in favor of the loud, over the top party.
âSo, nothing important, okay.â She giggles, and you can already tell how many drinks sheâs had by now. âWill you come here? I promise itâs so fun, and youâll love it!â
Your head turns to the window by the bed, the rain calming down but not stopping entirely. âBut itâs raining.â
You hear her groan, presumably rolling her eyes before giggling again. âOh, excuse me, your highness, I didnât know a little rain would cause you to melt and turn into a puddle yourself.â
This time you snort, amused at her teasing. âNot at all, but I might grow a tail instead of legs and freak everyone out.â
You share a laugh, easily falling into your usual dynamic.
âPlease?â She tries again, the music suddenly quieter. âI want you to meet someone and I know youâre in desperate need of a drink. Or two. Or a round of shots if I think about it.â
She was certainly right but you werenât about to admit that and have her come back home just to drag your ass there personally.
âSeohyun â â
âNo, I donât want to hear it if youâre going to reject me!â Her voice gets higher, likely a little upset.
You take a seat on the edge of the bed, letting yourself fall backwards on the fluffy covers. âThen Iâll just hang up the phone.â
âBoo, you whore!â You laugh at the reference, not taking any offence as she keeps talking. âFine, Iâll come and get you â â
She doesnât get to finish her sentence as a loud shriek escapes her, followed by crashing in the background that has you sitting up instantly, worried.
âSeo, are you okay?â
No answer, at least not from her anyway, the chatter on the other side escalating into yelling that prevents you from catching any glimpse of your best friend. You hang up with the biggest sigh, throwing your phone to the side while letting your head fall onto cold hands, needing ten seconds to pull yourself together and come to terms with what youâre about to do.
When you stand up, grab your phone and keys, your mind is cursing at you for being such a good friend.
When you exit the uber, after a fifteen minute drive, youâre greeted by a sight that could only rightfully belong in a zoo. The beautiful and grand sorority, with its tall, white columns and perfectly mowed lawn, was a mess. With cheap, plastic lounge chairs thrown about hazardable, toiled paper on the roof and a few passed out students right next to random, white ballons and red plastic cups, the sight was one straight out of a bad, coming of age college movie.
It was obvious this was not the usual sorority party because the girls would never allow their place to get this rowdy. This was their sanctuary, so the fact that they allowed guys in here was already surprising enough. Now you were sure they would all be banned from stepping on their property by tomorrow morning, first thing once the sun rose.
You step over every drunk man and vomit puddle, swiftly avoiding the couples busy eating each otherâs faces off as you enter, already regretting your decision. But Seohyun stopped answering her phone, and you were too worried for your own good, needing to know what exactly cut your means of communication to be able to sleep tonight.
The castle like interior was filled to the brim with students, from every department you could think of, lounging about anywhere their eyes landed, either to rest or because they were too intoxicated to get up. Itâs packed, but somehow breathable, so you manage to make your way inside with ease â until you pass the grand staircase in the hallway, marble and chandelier. The main living area resembles a rave, lights down low, booming music along with the strong smell of alcohol and weed that makes your eyes water.
Ever the party animal, this was Seohyunâs natural habitat, loving everything this type of setting entailed, so she shouldnât be far. You, however, were quickly remembering why you stopped attending sorority and fraternity parties in the first place. They werenât as exclusive or organized as the parties 3racha threw, so by definition, they were a complete mess â mixing drugs with huge amounts of alcohol often led to lots of fighting, hook ups and too many unsanitary liquids on the floor.Â
They got so crazy that the university came up with a new rule, which forced every house to block off their pools and balconies to prevent any unfortunate accidents from happening. Most obliged, but some, that felt like they were above the dean, only pretended to listen to get the old man off their backs.
Passing through, you squint in an attempt at spotting any part of your best friend, bumping into people left and right. The colorful flashing lights were making it hard to see, or think, so you reached for your phone again, dialling her number in hopes of finally getting an answer.
You only manage to bring the device to your ear before a hand lands on your shoulder and suddenly, youâre spun around to face the one person youâve been searching for. What luck, really.
âBabe! You made it!â Seohyun throws herself at you before you can utter a word, hugging you tightly with her arms over your shoulders, buzzing with excitement. Her sweet perfume provides a welcomed change from all the overwhelming smells in here, bringing you some much needed comfort.
âSeo.â You pull back, holding her by the shoulders with a frown. âI mustâve called you a hundred times by now. Why did you hang up like that?â
Visibly confused, your best friend blinks, the gold shimmer on her eyelids blinding every passerby. âWhat?â
âYour phone!â You try again, speaking louder to make sure she hears you over the loud music. âWhere is it?â
âIâm not sureâŠâ
The furrow between your eyebrows deepens, grabbing her hand into yours. âSeohyun.â
The smile she shoots you is so bright, so sincere and toothy that your concern seems silly now like you have been worrying for nothing. Squeezing your hand into both of hers, she doesnât even seem to mind the people on the dancefloor constantly bumping into her, and you.
âY/n! Iâm so happy to see you!â
Defeated, you allow her to bring you into another hug, her delighted giggles like ointment for your tense muscles. One thing was for sure, Seohyun was drunk out of her mind, so you didnât regret coming out to find her, even if her level of awareness was currently under the negative mark.
Dealing with a drunk Seohyun was a particularly challenging task, one not many could see to completion. Her energy was either on top of the world or down in the dumps, no middle ground. Clingy like no other or suddenly disliking you with all of her might, a river of tears running down her pretty face that somehow didnât ruin her flawless makeup. Yet no matter her current state, Seohyun was still as endearing as one could be, unable to get mad when her childlike glee would sneak through all of your barriers and warm your cold heart.
âThere you are.â A deep voice startles you out of your thoughts, clear as day in your ear despite the loud music all around you. âI shouldâve known youâd manage to find her even in this crowd.â
Seohyun pulls away, eyes sparkling as they land on the new presence behind you, suddenly giddier than before. You donât manage to turn around before a small, familiar leather clutch is handed to her over your shoulder, a strong yet sweet cologne invading all of your senses as the stranger gets closer.
âMy bag!â She almost jumps with joy, smiling brightly as she hugs the expensive garment to her chest. Youâre now trapped between her and a random guy youâre sure she just met, lovely.
Fishing her phone out of the bag, her attention is back on you. âSome guys got into a fight and bumped into me when I was talking to you, so all of my belongings ended up on the floor, trampled by everyone. Thankfully Felix took care of them.â
Your eyes widen, worry mixed with surprise creating a concoction of a cocktail in your head. âFelix?â
You whip around before she can say anything else, heart rate speeding up as anticipation rises. There was only one guy you knew with that name, and even though the odds were low, you needed to see for yourself, to check if somehow, by some weird coincidence, the guy Seohyun met was your old friend.
And so, as unexpected as ever, your jaw drops when you make eye contact, too close to be mistaken, his many freckles greeting you before he gets the chance to open his mouth.
âHello, darling.â Felix smiles with his whole face, ready to burst with happiness at any moment. Your friend Felix, the one you met years ago in high school, whoâs been studying abroad in Australia for the majority of your time here, was in front of you, smiling like he never left. Which was funny because his smile was the only familiar thing about him, while things like his appearance and clothes, even the way he carried himself, were completely different.
You barely recognized the person in front of you, so grown up with his bleached, shoulder length hair and black, leather clothes. The exterior was different, but changes on the interior were harder to spot, and to accomplish, and by the way he was staring at you one thing was for certain.
His heart definitely hasnât changed.
âFelix?â Youâre so taken aback that you canât help but repeat yourself, his presence at this party is the last thing you expected. âBut how? Why? When? Werenât you just in Australia a few months ago â â
He laughs, high pitched as you remembered, throwing his head back in amusement. âGod, I missed you, Y/n.â
Youâre pulled into a hug before you can wrap your head around everything thatâs happening, your questions left unanswered as he squeezes you tightly, lifting your feet off the ground. Felix was really here, at a random sorority party, treating you as warmly as ever.
For the longest time, you were certain that once he returned, Felix would treat you as coldly as Minho, barely acknowledging your existence and the bond you shared. Which was understandable, if you took into consideration the way your relationship with Hyunjin ended. But here he was, claiming he missed you.
He hasnât been the greatest at keeping in touch, and you never blamed him â Felix was in his hometown, living life to the fullest, and experiencing university just like all of you were doing here. You couldnât expect him to be as present as before, a significant part of your friend group when he had his own thing going on, almost an ocean apart.
His warmth was familiar as you hugged him back, reminiscent of the way heâd always hug you in greeting, every time youâd bump into each other, either by mistake or when all of you hung out together. It almost brought tears to your eyes, a wave of emotions surging through you.
When youâre put down, his smile hasnât budged, staring at you with such fondness that you canât hold yourself back from pulling his cheeks. âLook who finally remembered he also has friends here, in Korea!â You pull a little harder, and he grimaces, the only show of discomfort as he then laughs loudly. âHave you met up with Chris yet? Heâs been missing you like crazy!â
One of his arms finds its way around your waist, the other reaching for Seohyun behind you as he pulls the three of you back, out of the way of all the people on the dance floor. By a wall, right next to a couch that was occupied by multiple couples who were oblivious to their surroundings, too busy making out to care, Felix finally answers.
âNot yet. I got back last month and I barely managed to find time to visit my grandparents.â The only family he still had here.
âWait a minute.â As if snapping out of a trance, Seohyun butts in. âYou know each other?!â
Both of your heads turn in her direction, stifling a laugh as she crosses her arms over her chest, little black dress riding up her thigh slightly. âWhat the fuck? I wanted to introduce you two!â
This time, Felix does laugh, properly amused. âYouâre joking, right? When she and I met, back in high school, you werenât even aware of her existence. I should be the one introducing Y/n to you.â
Baffled, she takes a step back and lightly collides with the wall, unsteady on her feet. âWhat?! Y/nâs my best friend!â Then, her gaze flies to you. âRight? Please back me up here.â
Giggling, you reach for her hand. âOf course, babe.â
Seohyun relaxes, and a smirk tilts the corners of her mouth as she sticks her tongue out at Felix. âSee? Suck it, pretty boy.â
Shaking his head, chuckling, Felix leans over to tickle her sides, the sudden closeness surprising as they share a laugh. Maybe you should be the one getting an introduction after all because damn, where was all of this coming from?
âYongbok!â
And just like that, your second surprise of the night strolls in like he owns the place, making his way over like there wasnât a whole ongoing party keeping you apart.
Felix turns around at the same time your heart drops, smiling so brightly while you try everything in your power to not succumb to the inevitable panic attack that threatens to take you under.
âHyunjinnie!â
What were the fucking odds?
Hyunjin shoves past a couple thatâs in his way, tense features relaxing once he spots his best friend, managing to stand out from the crowd even in the dim, dark blue lighting in his red, mohair cardigan and blonde ponytail. A sight to behold, Hyunjin could never be overlooked, no matter what was currently taking place around him.
People stop and stare, eyes wide in wonder as some try to get his attention, to no avail. He doesnât slow down nor greets anyone, for some reason in a hurry and heading straight to you. Well, not you specifically.
âYongbok.â He breathes out once he reaches your little group, face stern. âIâve been looking everywhere for you. Why the fuck did you run off like that?â
Frankly speaking, you couldnât believe your eyes. Last you heard, Hyunjin was partying it up in Daegu. Did he suddenly change venues?
You couldnât look at him, heart aching painfully in your chest, but at the same time, you didnât seem to be able to look away from him either, his mere presence pulling you in just like it was doing to everyone else around. A magician without a wand, his irresistible charm was enough to enthral a whole room of people at a time.
Felix bounces on his heels, like an excited puppy seeing his owner after a long time, forgetting all about you. âJinnie! I want you to meet someone!â
Seohyun disappears from your side, brought forth by Felixâs muscular arms, like some sort of trophy or a new, shiny toy a kid was excited about winning at a claw machine.
Hyunjin raises a brow, arms over his wide chest. âSeohyun.â
âHwang.â
âWhat the fuck?â Now Felix is the confused one, but still not as speechless as you, looking between the two like they somehow grew a third head. âYou know each other?!â
Talk about deja vu. Was it all a dream? Did you actually fall asleep before leaving the house and this whole scene was nothing but a fragment of your imagination? Somehow, that would make more sense than whatever was happening right now.
Hyunjin himself doesnât seem to understand whatâs going on either, but his cheeky side still manages to peek through. âWeâre best friends.â
Seohyun scoffs, shaking Felixâs hands off her. âI canât stand you.â
âSee?â He grins, as fake as they come, in Felixâs direction. âI told you.â
âButâŠâ Felix trails off, doe eyes softening as he looks at his best friend, almost like a lost child looking for guidance. âSheâs the one Iâve been telling you about. The one I bumped into on the first day.â
Hyunjin blinks, gaze drifting to Seohyun. âSo, youâre the one who stole his diary?â
âStole?! Iâm no thief, Hwang!â
Then, without being able to hold it in anymore, you explode. âWhat the fuck is going on here?!â
The three of them turn to face you at the same time, with Hyunjinâs eyes doubling in size like itâs the first time heâs made aware of your presence, the first time he sees you tonight. And you were sure it was, his attention solely on Felix from the moment he walked in. Which was to be expected, you havenât been his priority in a long time. An afterthought he barely remembered on most occasions, as always.
Still, he takes the time to look you up and down, take in your pathetic excuse of an outfit you threw together in your hurry to leave the house, regretting your choice that was now making you feel self-conscious. Not like he was fairing any better, in his obnoxious leopard sweats you could never stand that he managed to pull off infuriatingly well, looking like he just rolled out of bed. Even so, he was still flawless, glowing like an angel without his halo.
You havenât bumped into each other since last month but now, after your talk with the coach a few weeks ago, you saw him in a new light. Out of his gear, Hyunjin did look differently, softer around the edges, the weight loss visible on his lean body. Hyunjin was usually in tip-top shape, hitting the gym multiple times a week, properly taking care of himself and his health.
The injury must have left more marks than he wouldâve liked, forcing him to watch his muscle mass decrease with every day spent in bed, making him weaker than heâs ever been.
âY/n.â Seohyun grabs your hand, leaning into you for support as Felix begins talking Hyunjinâs ear off about what happened earlier. Heâs still staring at you, and you canât seem to be the first to give up and look away, not managing to decipher the emotion in his eyes. âI donât feel so well.â
Your other arm wraps around her shoulders automatically, to keep her upwards as you continue looking at him, pulled in his direction. âLetâs go get some fresh air.â
Making your way outside proves more difficult than expected with Seohyun on your arm, leaning most of her weight on you. Leaving the guys behind, and Hyunjinâs intense gaze that you donât notice following your every move, means youâre back into the sea of people, trying your best to navigate the tumultuous waters without crashing.
But you manage like you always do, and five minutes later youâre finally on the porch with a shivering Seohyun. The later hour has brought forth colder weather, characteristic of the autumn month.
âAre you cold?â You ask, just now noticing her outfit. In a strapless, sparkly black dress that barely covered her ass, your best friend shivers like a frightened chihuahua. When she nods, you donât hesitate to remove your leather jacket and drape it over her shoulders, careful of her long hair.
âThank you, Y/n.â She smiles, grateful, the cold helping her sober up. âAnd thank you for coming all the way here just because I asked. Youâre an angel.â
You shake your head, thinking nothing of it as you hug yourself. The tight and thin crew neck you had underneath isnât helping you combat the cold at all. âI was worried.â
âIâm sorry.â She whispers, staring down at her shuffling feet, heels suddenly uncomfortable.
âDo you want some water before we leave? Iâm pretty sure there were bottles by the front door.â
âThatâs champagne.â Seohyun laughs, properly wearing your jacket. âBelieve me, Iâve had more than enough of that.â
As you open your mouth to respond, the words die on the tip of your tongue when the front door slams open and startles everyone nearby in the process. You barely register as a random, naked guy flies past, running around the front yard without a care in the world, making it out into the streets and flashing the whole neighbourhood.
Heâs happy, laughing loudly as a small group approaches with their phones out, putting on a show for them all to record and make fun of later. With the elegance of a baby deer thatâs just learned how to keep steady on his feet, the guy jumps and dances or attempts to, his ballet number not as graceful as heâd hoped.
Not like it matters anyway â even the couples that were busy making out are now cheering on him, clapping and giving him the confidence to continue with his drunken charade.
âItâs small.â
You turn sharply to face her, eyes wide like you couldnât believe your ears.
âWhat?â She throws her head back in delight, finding the scandalized look on your face more entertaining than the guy who was currently making a fool out of himself. âItâs an unspoken rule! If your wiener isnât cooked, you donât take your pants off.â
Youâre still silent, disgust slowly morphing into your features.
âSorry. I forgot you donât get my humor.â Seohyun sighs, disappointed.
âYes, I do. This just wasnât funny.â
âOr youâre just a prude.â
You gasp, taking a step back. âWait, do you actually think so? Because Chris has implied the same thing earlier and now Iâm starting to believe â â
âWere you planning on leaving without us?â
Youâre cut off by the same deep voice from before, with Felix and Hyunjin seemingly appearing out of nowhere since the front door was still wide open. You donât make eye contact, body turned slightly away from the two in an obvious display of discomfort. As much as you loved Felix, the fact that he brought your ex out here was really starting to bother you, heart aching a little too painfully to be bearable.
âYeah, the uber is on its way.â You mumble, shuffling closer to Seohyun.
âLying is a sin, Y/n.â
You roll your eyes just as Felix gasps, warm hand landing softly on your elbow. âAre you in a hurry? Did something happen?â
âNot at all!â Seohyun chimes in before you can respond, stepping between you and the two blondes. Come to think of it, they mustâve talked about it beforehand â their hairstyles looked a little too similar.
Turning to them with a sigh, Felix grins and squeezes your arm. âGreat! Because Jinnie will be driving us!â
Felix frowns, his hold on you loosening entirely. âIs Jinnie deaf?â
âDoes Yongbokkie want to be left here?â Hyunjin counters, faux sweetness in his tone.
âI was the one who called you ââ
âDo you guys need a moment?â You canât help but giggle as Seohyun interrupts them, not missing the way Hyunjinâs eyes fly straight to you, softening. Meeting his gaze for a split second, you look away as loud cheering erupts from inside, attention stolen once again.
Shaking his head, Hyunjin then steps away with a sigh, presumably to his car.
Felixâs eyes follow him, his hands reaching for both yours and Seohyunâs as he begins dragging you along, contagious happiness in his voice. âAlright! Letâs go!â
A little farther down the street, the party and its loud music start fading in the distance, a faraway memory you wonât be looking forward to recalling any time soon. Hyunjin is a few feet in front, leading the way without a word. In contrast, Felix hasnât stopped talking since you left.
Frankly speaking, letting your ex drive you home was the worst idea someone could ever come up with. Your protests fell on deaf ears, however, because both Felix and Seohyun were too giddy and enamoured with each other to bother hearing anything else. So, you were stuck between them, surrounded from all sides with no way of escaping other than running back in the direction you came from.
Lovely. You couldnât think of a crueller fate, really.
A faint beeping sound signals youâve reached your destination, but the car in front of you couldnât be Hyunjinâs. This big, white SUV was brand new, nothing like the old, muscle car he got as a birthday gift a few years ago. Confused, you try to look around as subtly as possible, trying to understand what couldâve happened with the other car.
Meanwhile, Hyunjin opens the door to the back seat. âAfter you, Your Highness.â
Felix almost jumps in, stumbling over his own feet in the process and falling face first into the leather seat, to which both Seohyun and Hyunjin laugh a little too loudly at seeing. But he recovers quickly, and so do you, and as you move to join him, Seohyun steps right in your tracks.
âBabe.â She lowers her voice, waiting until Hyunjin takes his seat at the wheel before continuing. âWould you please, please, seat in front â â
You immediately shake your head, refusing on the spot. âNo.â
Was she crazy? Batshit insane? You could not sit there, right next to Hyunjin and pretend everything was fine and dandy when you felt like you were on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall to your doom at any second.
âY/n â â
âSeohyun â â
âHear me out!â She whisper yells, cheeks rosy as she bites onto her bottom lip, timid. âI really like this guy. Felix is like, the nicest man Iâve ever met and I think he might like me too. So, can I please sit with him?â
âBut you will, Iâll just be on your other side.â You force a smile, reaching for the door until she slams it shut, surprising you.
âAlone?â She adds, sheepish and way too flustered than sheâd usually get in front of anyone. Seohyun was bold and confident, nobody could ever reduce her to a blushing, stuttering mess like she was right now. Nervous was not a word in her vocabulary so, nobody could blame you for not recognizing the person before you.
But then again, she was still drunk, emotions heightened by the alcohol she consumed. Still, you donât think she understood what she was asking of you.
âPlease, Y/n? Will you please do me this huge favor? Itâs a fifteen minute drive anyway, youâre gonna be fine.â
Right, because who cared about what you felt anyway? Y/n, the one who always puts others and their needs above her wellbeing.
Seohyun is staring at you expectantly, almost like knowing you will eventually give in and sheâll get her way. Which would have offended you if it werenât true.
With resignation written all over your face, you step away, and she cheers while thanking you multiple times, her voice dying out when you get into the car and close the door. Hyunjin barely spares you a glance, like you riding shotgun next to him is the most natural thing in the world.
Because it is. Or actually, was.
Seohyun follows quickly after, and Felix shifts to make room, the rearview mirror turning you into a spectator of a play you didnât have any interest in watching, at least not right now. A story of new affection, an unexpected bond that appeared out of nowhere and forced you right back to the person who made you stop believing in true love.
But then again, maybe you shouldnât jump to conclusions so soon. As much as you hoped this thing she had with Felix worked in the long run, you had to be realistic and remember they just met.
The four of you wonât ever be together like this again. You were going to make sure of it.
Hyunjin wastes no time in starting the car, driving off without a hitch, as relaxed behind the wheel as always. This new car was different, so much different than the one heâs been driving since your freshman year, but nobody seemed to care. This man was slowly but surely changing everything about himself and none of his friends said anything, not an ounce of concern expressed for his ears to hear.
You needed to talk to him.
âNice jacket.â Felix says lowly, a statement meant for Seohyunâs ears only. However, his deep voice carries over, and since neither is trying to be subtle, you and Hyunjin have no problem hearing everything.
âThanks, I got it from my date.â Unexpectedly, she drapes herself over your seat to plant a big, loud smooch on your cheek that doesnât fail in leaving a red, lipstick mark. Youâre so taken aback that you donât react for a few moments, stunned before a groan escapes you and she laughs, delighted at your misery. You pull down the mirror on your side to check the damage, rubbing off the mark with your fingers while the conversation continues.
âI thought I was your date?â Felix asks, slightly offended.
âWell, I didnât see you offering me your jacket?â Seohyun counters, arms over her chest.
Felix glances down at his outfit, leather shirt a little too constraining. âIâm literally naked under this.â
âWhat a surprise.â Hyunjin mumbles, eyes focused solely on the road.
Through the rearview mirror, you see Felix lean forward to pat him on the shoulder, grinning. âYou shouldnât be talking when youâre currently dressed like a fucking stop sign.â
Seohyun laughs, a little too loudly, and you try to muffle your giggles, still pretending to be busy fixing the mess on your face.
Out of the corner of your eye, you spot Hyunjin pouting the slightest bit. You havenât seen him make that expression in literal months. âThese are my lounging around the house clothes. Sorry I didnât put on a suit before coming to pick your drunk ass up.â
Huh. Guess Hyunjin was tricked into coming over there just like you were, driven by the worry he only seemed to carry for his friends. Considering everything youâve heard about him lately, you were half expecting him to be one of tonightâs hosts, coming from Daegu just so he can party it up with new people.
âLighten up, Jinnie.â Thereâs a hint of melancholy in Felixâs smile, squeezing his shoulder before returning to his seat, and opening his arms to allow Seohyun to snuggle herself into his embrace. You flinch at the sight, looking out the window to distract yourself.
âYeah, or else your face will remain stuck like that.â Seohyun agrees, her head on Felixâs chest.
When Hyunjin doesnât respond, silence falls over the car, save for the occasional whispering and giggling heard in the back seat from the pair who were still too drunk for their own good. Stuck in their little world, they couldnât care less about the fact that you felt like a fish out of water in your seat, suffocating as you tried your best to not glance at Hyunjin whose eyes were strictly on the road, focused on getting you all home.
The usual fifteen minute drive seemed to stretch on forever, your destination suddenly impossible to reach. You felt like you were driving around in circles, fidgeting in your seat in an effort to get comfortable.
Not only was Hyunjin too close for comfort after being out of reach for so long, but sitting next to him brought forth all of the instances youâve found yourself in the same predicament, driving around together with no set destination in mind. Only back then, things were not as bad as now. Back then he was your boyfriend, your sweet and loving Hyunjin whose free hand was always resting on your thigh or holding your own, not letting go until the carâs engine was turned off.
Without their loud chatter to distract you, the strangeness of the situation was slowly creeping in, letting itself take shelter among your many thoughts. This must be as uncomfortable for him as it was for you, but for different reasons â especially since he now loved to pretend you didnât exist, not sparing you a second glance no matter how many times your gaze found its way to him, staring holes into his perfect side profile.
It truly felt like he didnât care about you anymore â the actual ending to the love story you thought would last forever. And it hurt, so much so that you struggled to breathe, opting to look out the window in hopes that your body wouldnât betray you and let the tears escape without permission. That would be truly mortifying.
âJinnie.â Felixâs voice makes itself heard again, snapping you out of your misery, quieter than before as you realize Seohyun is fast asleep on his chest, clinging onto him.
âYeah?â Hyunjin asks just as quietly, meeting his best friendâs eyes through the rear-view mirror, which only prompts you to steal another glance at him. Heâs relaxed, leaning back into his seat while driving with one hand, the other laying casually next to the central console. Your fingers were itching for him; it would be so easy to move over and hold his hand, intertwine your digits and bring them to rest on your thigh, just to feel his warmth one last time.
With a silent yawn, Felix gets more comfortable in his seat, looking sleepy himself. âI really hope you get to play next month. I know how much you miss it, and we all miss seeing you happy on the field.â
Your breath hitches in your throat as Hyunjin inhales sharply, free hand closing into a fist as the one on the heel tightens its grip, knuckles turning white. Before you can properly react, Felix continues.
âI overheard Mrs. Kang speak with your coach the other day.â He rambles on, the alcohol in his system blurring all of his awareness and making him spill everything without a care in the world, preventing him from noticing Hyunjinâs change in mood. âShe hopes youâll return to class soon. She misses seeing you dance and happily attending her lessons.â
Youâre full-on staring at him now, following his every move like a hawk would its prey, noticing the way his muscles all tense up and scream at Felix to stop talking, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. Your eyes widen as he slightly raises his fist, in a way that makes it seem heâs about to hit the dashboard, so uncharacteristic of him and his character that you almost freeze on the spot. Before you can even think about it, and process your next move, you reach for him, both of your hands closing over his fist to prevent him from being stupid. That makes him finally turn to you, eyebrows raised in complete surprise, facing you for the first time since you all got into his car.
Meeting his gaze, you subtly shake your head, letting your eyes do all the talking as you gently bring his hand in your lap, trying to coax him into unclenching his fingers.
Hyunjin is frozen, stunned and confused, tearing his eyes away from you once he remembers heâs still driving. Even so, a moment later, you feel him start to relax, your gesture appreciated.
Struggling to find an answer that would satisfy both him and Felix, Hyunjin fidgets in his seat, exhaling deeply once you finally intertwine your fingers with his. âWeâll see.â He manages to croak out, voice louder than before.
This answer, however, seems to confuse Felix even further. âIsnât this what you want?â His accent is thicker, voice latched with sleep. Heâs completely oblivious to whatâs currently happening around him.
âOf course.â He nods, not skipping a beat, stealing another glance your way when you start drawing comforting patterns on the back of his hand.
Felix frowns. âThen â â
To Hyunjinâs relief, Felix doesnât get to finish his sentence as Seohyun starts moving in his arms and steals all of his attention, with him opting to curl around her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear to soothe her back to sleep. A scene you wish you didnât witness. Staring out the window once again, you try to shake off the painful way your heart keeps squeezing in your chest, hating yourself for your incapability of being happy for your best friend.
âAre you okay?â Hyunjin asks quietly, and it takes you a moment to realize heâs actually talking to you for once, briefly squeezing your hand as the car stops at a red light.
You nod, meekly, looking in the rearview mirror for a split second just to find Felix fast asleep, joining Seohyun in dreamland.
Your fingers on his skin stop their exploration once they feel something similar to a scar, tainting the side of his soft hand all the way up to his pinkie. You look down and see it, angry and red and just now beginning to heal properly. âAre you?â
He doesnât even need to look to realize what youâre talking about, the brief touch causing him to tense up again and remove his hand like burnt, resting it back on the wheel. âYup.â
Youâre both lying.
The sudden tension is suffocating, so much thicker and unbearable than before as neither is willing to address the huge elephant in the room. You so desperately want to, having enough questions for the both of you. You knew he wasnât curious about what youâve been up to ever since you broke up, that he didnât care, but you did, and this silence was eating away at your sanity with every second that passed.
Were you truly the only heartbroken one? The only one who suffered every day because of his absence? That was something you couldnât comprehend, werenât willing to entertain for the sake of your emotional well-being.
Hyunjin has been your everything once. Actually, as much as you hated to admit it, he still is. But how could you let yourself fall for someone whose feelings have never run as deep, didnât consume his every thought and waking moment as they did to you?
How could you have been so dumb? But most importantly, how could you continue being this dumb when it was clear he didnât want anything to do with you anymore?
Because you have no answers that donât involve him, you somehow manage to muster enough courage to open your mouth and ask the one thing thatâs been on your mind ever since you found out about it.
âWhy didnât you tell me?â Your voice is low, and weak since bravery has never been one of your strong suits.
Hyunjin is silent, and youâre afraid that maybe he didnât even hear you. Eventually, as he turns into a familiar street, he asks, voice just as quiet in consideration of the two sleeping beauties in the back. âTell you about what?â
âYour injuries.â It escapes so quickly that you donât even have time to regret or feel bad for bringing it up in the first place.
To your surprise, Hyunjin laughs, short and dry and way too bitter. âAnd why would I tell you about that?â
âWhy?â Youâre baffled, blatantly staring at him as he continues avoiding eye contact, like driving didnât come as second nature to him. âWe dated for five years, Hyunjin.â
âIâm well aware, Y/n.â The way he responds, with obvious animosity, makes you curl into yourself, hurting more than it should considering his recent behavior. He changes lanes, entering a well-lit parking lot. âBut weâre not dating anymore, so me getting injured was none of your concerns.â
âNone of my â of course it was! Are you hearing yourself?â
Itâs not like you felt entitled to any explanation whatsoever â Hyunjin was hardheaded, you could never catch him doing something he didnât want to, which in combination with his hyper independent self was a dangerous combo. But the way he was acting right now made it seem like he was actively trying to erase your shared past, on a solitary quest to a place that couldnât be accessed by all of the memories and love you grew for each other over the years.
Never one to open up on his own accord when hurt, you had to pry every single word out of him with silver pliers to ensure they wouldnât irritate his sensitive skin. But this was ridiculous.
The person in front of you was no longer the Hyunjin you have come to adore with every fibre of your being.
âAnd why would it be?â He counters, pulling the handbrake to ensure the car wouldnât be going down the same hill your conversation will inevitably take a tumble on.
You shrug, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible before his icy glare. âYou know why.â
âNo.â Hyunjin shakes his head, running the hand that still had remains of your warmth through unruly hair. âNo, I donâtâ
Defeated, your voice drops to a whisper. âYou should have just told me. Picking up the phone and texting is literally the easiest thing in the world.â
But Hyunjin isnât as mellow. âIf you cared as much as youâre suddenly trying to convince me of doing, you would have come to the game.â
The subtle accusation hidden between the lines stings, and you turn to face him in your seat with a little more bite than before. âOh yes! Because you would have surely loved to see me there! Especially after you dumped me days prior!â
âMaybe I would have!â He throws his hands up briefly, coming together on the wheel as he lowers his head with a deep sigh, trying to get rid of the emotions that were threatening to bubble to the surface and take him down in the process
âYouâre so fucking confusing!â
You canât believe your ears nor the audacity Hyunjin is currently displaying, the entitlement so infuriating that you had half a mind of storming out of this car and never sparing him a glance for as long as you lived. Who did Hyunjin think he was to expect this of you? For you to read his mind and still put him first after he completely shattered your soul and entire existence?
He leans back, on the headrest with his eyes closed and you canât help but wonder what nonsense he was preparing next. Annoyance pinches his every word, the belief he was being the bigger person as clear as day. âI donât want to fight, Y/n.â
âFight?â You blink, eyes narrowed as they shoot tiny daggers at his blonde head. âI only wanted to talk! But I forgot you hate talking to me, so letâs just drop it.â
Before you can even process it, Hyunjin removes his seatbelt and swings the car door open, preparing to step out. Your hand reaches for his in an instant, eyes wide as sadness begins overflowing the usual colour, the fear of abandonment surging through you at an alarming pace. âWhat are you â â
âLetâs talk.â
You let go, reluctantly, and his door slams shut, the loud sound helping you snap out of it and recognize your surroundings. He has driven you home, car parked in the usual spot he used every time he came to visit â his spot.
You squeeze your eyes shut, pulling yourself together before following him, not wanting to miss such an opportunity no matter how much your heart hurts.
Unbeknown to you, as soon as your door closes and you begin walking away in the opposite direction, two heads full of curiosity shoot up, undetected thanks to the carâs tinted windows.
âPhase one, complete!â Seohyun cheers, raising her dainty hand for a high fives Felix returns with a chuckle.
âI admit, Iâm impressed.â He nods, eyes glued to his two friends outside who were currently studying each other with keen interest, unsure of where to start. âHow did you know this would happen?â
âI didnâtâ She shakes her head, fishing a hair tie out of her bag, suddenly as sober as one could be. âI just knew Y/n wouldnât be able to keep silent, especially after you gave her the opportunity to ask about his injuries. Theyâre too obsessed with each other to shut up or keep their hands to themselves. You saw for yourself.â
Felix looks amused, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. âYou really do have a lot of faith in this plan of yours, donât you?â
âDuh. Why wouldnât I?â She smiles around the hair tie, twisting her long hair into a bun. âJust wait and see, Iâll have you calling me Cupid by the end of it all.â
He raises a brow, tearing his gaze away from the two when he starts to feel like heâs intruding. âAnd when does it end?â
âWhen they get back together, silly.â
âSure. But in what time frame?â
âWhat do you mean?â Seohyun tilts her head, not quite getting his new line of concerns.
âYour whole plan is solely dependent on the conversation theyâre having right now. What if they fight and nothing changes? Things might get worse and then you wonât be able to get them in the same room anymore, let alone back together.â
She pauses, lips thinning as the gears in her brain get back to work. âDonât worry, Iâll manage no matter what.â
Felix is surprised by her determination, not expecting anyone to go to such lengths for a relationship that wasnât their own. Y/n has found such a great friend in Seohyun, heâs glad she managed to open up and create new, genuine bonds while he was away. âYeah? Even if they fight and swear to never speak to each other again?â
She nods, not fazed by anything heâs saying. âYeah, wanna bet?â
Felix throws his head back, laughing loudly. âBet on their relationship? Seohyun, thatâs fucked up.â
âBet on my amazing matchmaking skills, goofy!â
He wipes invisible tears from his eyes, freckles still sparkling from the faint traces of glitter on his face in the dim light that peeks through the windscreen, providing the night sky with the stars the grey clouds have obscured. âAlright, Seohyun, letâs bet. But if your plan falls through, you have to admit I was right.â
Seohyun frowns, a little offended. âWeâre a team. Youâre supposed to help me not pray on my downfall.â
âAnd I will.â He nods, leaning back into his seat while spreading his legs to make himself more comfortable, channelling all of his self-control not to spare the two outside another glance. âBut my plan is better.â
Rolling her eyes, she scoffs. âYour plan takes too fucking long. I get taking it slow, but if we were to go with what you suggested, theyâd only get around to holding hands by this time next year! We need to get a move on right now, Felix.â
âAlright, Miss Cupid.â Without warning, he leans in close, faces mere inches apart as they begin sharing a breath, lowering his voice to fluster her further. âTeach me what love is.â
i finally had a quiet moment to sit down and read through this and man was it worth it!! đ
god the way you write angst is so good đ my heart sank when we found out Hyunjin was injured and nobody said anything!! and somehow that feeling persisted the entire time, I just felt so bad for Hyunjin, I can relate to how frustrated he must have felt the entire time... explains SOME of his behaviour, although it doesn't excuse a lot of it đ
i'm sorry for ever being wary of Jaemin, you're good đ«
and the end?? they're made to be matchmakers!! but oh my god the tension between Hyunjin and y/n shdjsdhjk I really hope that situation ends well now that they can FINALLY talk
as always wonderfully written Deni, I loved it! đ
Your hot roommate somehow managed to become hotter than he already was even after he gave you a good scare.
You were used to seeing his fluffy hair flying around everywhere, him tying it up while he was painting or cooking, putting it behind his ear constantly as a habit.
But the hair you were so fond of (even though you found strands of it everywhere in your apartment) was completely gone.
Without any prior announcement too.
You were just finishing up with dinner when he came home, strolling in casually and greeting you as he opened the fridge to grab a cold drink.
You greeted back, not even looking up as you were concentrating on cutting up some veggies.
You made small talk as always, you were kinda close and didn't mind sharing your day to each other over a meal.
Something was weird, you noticed out of the corner of your eye and when you lifted your head to look up, you almost cut your finger off.
"What the fuck?!" you practically screamed and Hyunjin laughed before smirking at you.
"Surprise?"
"Damn right it is." you stared at him in disbelief.
It was different. His long hair was comforting to you as sometimes he even let you braid it or play with it when you hung out and seeing him now was a shock.
His facial features stood out more and you couldn't help but admire his jawline, his nose, his eyebrows, heck even his ears were pretty.
It was unfair that he looked so good.
"I think our dinner's burning." he smirked knowingly and you shrieked, quickly turning the stove off and moving the pot aside.
Even as you sat down to eat, your eyes were glued to him.
"I'm guessing you don't hate it since you keep looking at me." he said, smirking again.
"Hate it? Far from that. I think you look h- well... um." you bit your tongue.
You never made a move on him even though you wanted to so many times, he drove you crazy every day, testing your mental strength as he strolled around shirtless, sometimes only with a towel wrapped around his middle, still wet from his shower. And you had a feeling he knew what he was doing, he was playing with you and he knew you were gonna eat out of his hand no matter what he does.
If you say it now, it'll be there on the table, laid out for him to make the next move.
You were sure the sly bastard was teasing you constantly.
"I look what? Say it." he dared you.
You put your fork down, wiping your mouth as you looked at him again.
"Hot. I think you look hot." you said, your heart beating out of your chest.
"Damn, did I have to shave my head for you to finally admit that?" he smirked and yes you were furious.
But you were also turned on at the way he was eye-fucking you and licking his plump lips, making sure to put his pretty tongue piercing on display.
Fuck, it was even hotter now.
"Shut up." you threw a napkin at him and he laughed at your feeble attempt to chase him away.
"Make me." he bit on his lip.
You didn't expect that.
"Make you?" your thighs pressed together, your stomach filling up with butterflies as you felt arousal gather on your pussy.
"Yeah, shut me up. Be creative with it." he smirked.
You observed him shortly as you felt annoyance and arousal rise inside you, wilding like the sea that was constantly spilling between your legs.
You stood up, pushing your chair back, almost making it fall down before you rounded the table to his side.
Hyunjin had a shit-eating grin on his face, manspreading in the chair as he looked up at you as if he was inviting you to sit in his lap.
You grabbed his chin making his eyes flutter instantly as you leaned in closer to his face.
God, he was beautiful.
"What are you waiting for, doll?" he smirked.
God, he angered you so badly.
So you crashed your lips on his, finally tasting him, feeling his soft lips move against yours.
Your hand slid on his face, his soft skin under your fingertips as you made your way to his hair.
Hyunjin was smirking into the kiss as you swiped your tongue over his lips, pushing it into his mouth to play with him, your hand finally touching his hair and it was surprisingly soft as you caressed him.
Hyunjin's large hands grabbed at you, pulling you into his lap as you whimpered into his mouth.
The kiss was sloppy, full of slurping sounds and teeth clanking occasionally but neither of you cared.
"Creative enough?" you asked when you parted for air, his lips were swollen and glistening with spit and you were sure yours were the mirror image.
"I think you can do better." he noted, the annoying smirk playing on his lips as always.
You held his face as you crashed your lips on his once more, kissing him harder and Hyunjin gripped at your hips before his hands slid down to your ass.
You bit on his bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth and making him groan. His hand lifted up as he smacked your ass and you accidentally grinded against his growing bulge.
You froze for a moment and he looked at you hazily, his cheeks rosy, and a lazy smile, he looked even more edible than moments ago.
"Backing out?" he asked.
"N-no." you whined as he gripped your ass and pressed you into him, slightly moving against your core.
"Want me to take the lead, doll?" he asked with a smirk and you really didn't want to give him the satisfaction but he was already on it, leaning in as he started kissing your neck.
You shivered as he massaged your ass, slowly moving his clothed length against you and making your panties even more soaked.
Your hands were on his head and the back of his neck, touching him and getting used to the feel of it.
Hyunjin bit into your flesh, sucking on it and you wanted so badly to pull on his hair but you couldn't so you gripped the back of his neck, making him whine as his hands traveled under your shirt.
You were glad you didn't wear your bra as Hyunjin went straight for your tits, grabbing at them and playing with your nipples as he kept leaving marks on your neck.
You literally thought in that moment that he was going to make you cum in your panties, you felt so pathetic for letting him win so fast but he stopped all his movement, making you whine.
"Shh, doll." Hyunjin shushed you, grabbing your shirt and sliding it off, tossing it somewhere aside.
He looked at your tits as if he was in a trance but before you let him come near them, you tugged on his shirt so he took it off.
He had a few tattoos here and there and you wanted to press your lips to every single one, trace them with your tongue as if you were drawing on him.
Hyunjin didn't notice your mesmerized face because he was focused on your breasts, he finally leaned in and wrapped his lips around your nipple, moaning as he started sucking.
You whimpered, throwing your head back as you ran your fingers on the back of his neck.
Hyunjin's tongue lapped at your nipple, his hand sliding down into your panties.
You jolted a little, you didn't think he was this impatient but his fingers already found your puffy clit as he pressed into it and started moving them in circles.
You gripped his head, holding him down as he sucked on your breast harshly, making him whine around you as he sped up with his fingers.
"So wet for me, you're dripping." he ran his fingertips on your folds, gathering your wetness before he pulled them out of your panties and brought them to your mouth.
"Taste yourself." he smirked and you complied, opening your mouth as you moved against him, needing to feel anything as you sucked on his fingers.
He kept smirking as his other hand gripped your breasts, playing with them and you were just about to explode.
You gripped his wrist and pulled his hand away.
"I need more." you whimpered and he chuckled.
"Mm. What would that be?" he wrapped his arms around you, leaning in to kiss your collarbone and your breasts.
"Hyunjin, stop teasing me or so help me god-"
"What are you gonna do doll?" he smirked up at you, pressing your chest against his skin.
He was so warm and you wanted to drown in him.
You were about to get so annoyed with his teasing as you stood up, but Hyunjin followed you quickly, one arm wrapped around you as he moved the plates aside, making room to sit you up on the table.
You gasped in shock, looking back at the half finished dinner Hyunjin just pushed on the side, his fingers hooking into your pants.
"Here? Hyunjin, we eat here." you tried to scold him but he giggled.
"Oh, I'm gonna eat." he smirked, pulling your pants down and throwing them aside as you whimpered.
"Hyun!" your voice came out high pitched as he ran his fingers over the wet patch on your panties.
"All this for me?" he stared at you and you shivered under his gaze.
"Y-yeah." you swallowed, shivering in anticipation.
Hyunjin spread your legs before kneeling down, making you grip the table when his breath hit your core.
He leaned in, his lips attaching to your clothed clit as he licked at it, making the fabric even more wet before he started sucking on it.
"H-Hyun!" you moaned, your hand flying to his head to push him into you.
He smirked against you, tongue lapping over your folds as his nose pressed into your clit.
"P-please." you moaned, already grinding against his perfect face.
"Ah fuck it, I'm still hungry." he teased before pushing your panties aside, his tongue gathering your sweet juices as he moaned into you.
Your legs trembled as he started to suck on your clit, moaning constantly as if he was the one getting head, not you.
You kept running your hands on his soft hair, pushing him closer to you as he ate you out teasingly slowly, his tongue lapping at your insides, drinking from you, his piercing driving you crazy.
You needed more, faster, deeper and your legs started closing around his head but Hyunjin gripped your thighs, forcing you open as he kept eating you out like you were the last meal he was ever going to have.
You grinded against his face, his nose kept pressing against your clit as he fucked you with his tongue and soon your legs were shaking.
You kept him pressed against you and he moaned into your pussy, making out with your lower lips and you were losing your mind.
It didn't take much longer for you to explode on his face and tongue and Hyunjin eagerly licked it all up.
"Fuck." you groaned as he lifted up, licking around his swollen lips.
He looked at you as if he still wasn't satiated, as if he was going to devour you whole and at that moment you wanted him to.
"I could do that for hours." he whined, hand gripping at his obvious bulge.
"Why didn't you?" you smirked, still breathless.
"I wanna fuck your little pussy until it's shaped like my cock." he said as he pulled his length out, making you whimper and gasp at his words.
He gave himself a few tugs and you stared at his pretty cock, the tip glistening with pre-cum.
He gripped your panties and pulled them off before standing closer to you.
"H-Hyunjin!" you moaned when he pressed his tip on your folds.
"Gonna be a good doll and take it?" he smirked and you nodded.
He chuckled before pushing in, making you moan loudly as your nails dug into the table beneath you.
It wasn't the most comfortable thing to lay on but the feeling of Hyunjin stretching you with his cock and filling you up so perfectly made your mind cloudy.
He leaned closer to you and you gripped at his arms immediately as he held your hips, thrusting into you semi-fast.
"F-fuck..." you moaned, already on edge and it was embarrassing.
"How many times have you fantasized about me, hm babygirl?" Hyunjin smirked as he pressed himself closer to you, his cock massaging your cervix as his happy trail rubbed against your skin.
You opened your lips to speak as he held your hip, his other hand lifting up to put your hair behind your ear.
Before you could answer, your pussy clenched around him and you came all over his cock, tears flooding your eyes instantly.
"You came already?" he laughed mockingly as you dug your nails in his shoulders.
"I- I-" you were about to actually cry. This has never happened to you.
"It's okay doll. I know you're desperate for my cock. I think that makes you even cuter." he smirked as he started fucking you harder, the table with all the plates and glasses clattering.
"Ah!" you moaned repeatedly, not able to form any coherent words or sentences as he fucked you dumb on your kitchen table.
You wrapped your arms and legs around him as Hyunjin continued pounding into you, leaning closer again so he could grunt in your ear as you touched his soft short hair again, at this point the new look was making you feel even more aroused.
"I knew this pussy was greedy for my cock. Look how she's sucking me in." he looked down at where his length disappeared inside you so you followed his eyes, whimpering when you got the visual of his cock covered in your white cream fucking in and out of you.
"Shit!" you clenched around him again as he looked up at you.
"You gonna cum for me again?" he smirked, fucking you with even more force, the plates were dangerously close to the edge of the table.
"Y-yes!" you whimpered, completely dizzy and out of your mind as you squirted around his cock, your pussy gripping him so tightly that Hyunjin couldn't help it as he twitched inside you.
You scratched at his back as he dug his nails into your hips, filling you up with spurts of hot cum.
A crash startled you as he lazily fucked into you, trying to hold onto his high as long as possible and both of you looked up, seeing that one of the plates had fallen on the floor, smashing into pieces.
"Oh." Hyunjin groaned as he caged your head with his arms before he leaned down to kiss you, pressing his wet body against yours.
Both of you were sticky and wet and you couldn't believe you just let your hot roommate fuck you on the table in your kitchen.
He pulled out and chuckled at the mess.
"Wow you did a number on my back." Hyunjin noticed his reflection in the window, his back red with scratches.
"That's cause you didn't have any hair I could pull on." you smirked as you sat up.
"The way you held onto me I wouldn't have any left." he smirked back and you slapped his arm, giggling at him.
"I take it your really like my new hair." he leaned his hands on the table, caging you in again.
"I really like you." you said, your face heating up.
"I know you do, doll. Why do you think I've been teasing you? I was just waiting for you to finally react." he winked and you wanted to smack him but he caught your hand and held it.
"I really like you too." he said before kissing you.
"We should clean up the mess." you said as you leaned back.
"We should. After round two. Or more. Who knows." Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows before lifting you up in his arms and making you squeal as he carried you towards your bedroom.
synopsis: You have a bad history with Christmas, usually choosing to spend it alone in recent years. The boys want to help you realise there's other ways to spend the holidays.
warnings: mentions of familial verbal abuse (only briefly at the start!), swearing
genre: fluff; comfort fic; can be read as romantic or platonic!
w/c: 4.8k
a/n: this is incredibly self-indulgent and kinda personal, but I wanted to have something for Christmas! I tried to keep it as inclusive as I could and hope that some people can find some comfort in this, holiday season can be rough enough as is. happy holidays and happy reading! đđ
masterlist
divider by @firefly-graphics
The holidays were always rough for you. While you still liked the decorations, the christmas songs and everything surrounding the holiday, you didnât enjoy the day itself. Too much of it tainted by your family getting into arguments, belittling you over nothing. No matter what you achieved, it was always ridiculed. âWhat was that even good for? You donât need that in life. Itâs useless.â
Youâve stopped celebrating with your family for that reason, instead choosing to spend Christmas alone at home nursing your glass of the alcohol of your choice while watching bad movies until the night was over and your heart ached a little less. Not wanting to be pitied, you never really told your friends and always came up with some fabricated story over how you liked spending Christmas with your family. Just so they wouldnât ask or think it was their job to make your day better despite already being stressed enough with their own preparations for the holiday.
It worked quite well up until now but one badly hidden tremble of your voice brought your house of lies tumbling down and now you were roped into spending Christmas with your dearest group of friends. And while you were absolute positive that they would never break out into serious fights or make fun of you over nothing, especially now knowing your bad history with Christmas, a lingering anxiety gnawed at your heart when you stood in front of Chanâs apartment.
Already, the volume inside of the apartment was noticeable and you couldnât help but smile to yourself. Maybe this kind of noise would settle your heart and distract from the negative experiences. Sighing, you pressed your finger to the doorbell and hoped they could even hear that amongst the yelling.
The door swung open to reveal a very smiley Jeongin.
âYouâre here!â
You were immediately ushered into the warmth of the room, a wonderful smell permeating from the kitchen through the entire apartment already. At the sound of the door closing again, several footsteps could be heard padding their way over to you.
The apartment was fully decorated, fairylights that emitted their warm lights everywhere, Christmas trinkets here and there, candles that were ready to be lit and of course a Christmas tree in the middle of the living room, sparkling in beautiful colors.
âMerry Christmas, y/n!â, Felix beamed at the sight of you, coming up to give you a tight hug. Right behind him was Changbin giving you a soft smile and Hyunjin practically vibrating full of excitement beside him. After giving you one last pat on the back, Felix let go of you begrudgingly. If you let him, heâd probably cling onto you the entire night.
âSo what have you all been up to already?â, you asked while putting your jacket away.
âEarlier we made some cookies!â, Hyunjin chirped from his place on the couch, already getting cozy beside Changbin, his long limbs cascading everywhere.
âDonât touch the ones in the blue bowlâ, Changbin frowned from his place beside him, shaking his head in horror.
âThe hell did you do?â, you laughed and plopped down right beside them, leaning into Changbinâs side.
âSomeone canât read labels and put salt instead of sugar into the batterâ, he sighed and his eyebrows pinched together and youâre pretty sure he was the victim who had to find out the hard way.
âGet out of my damn kitchen!â, you heard Minho yell before a giggling Seungmin came jogging out of the door that lead to the kitchen in Chanâs apartment. That mischievous grin on his face as he made his way over to the couch told you everything you needed to know: he was probably annoying Minho while he was busy cooking until he had enough.
âHey! Thereâs my favorite person!â
âSaying that like you have so many people to choose from, other than usâ, you scoffed playfully and he opened his mouth to quip something back but chose to keep it shut to keep the original objective for tonight on track.
As to where the missing guys were, you assumed Jisung was still in the kitchen with Minho, actually trying to be helpful, Jeongin had disappeared into one of the rooms saying something about âpreparing itâ and you had absolutely no idea where Chan was, even though he was the one who invited you in the first place.
You decided to not worry about anything, trusting them to make this evening nice and relaxing.
-
âNo, fuck you, we said we wouldnât allow stacking plus fours!â, yelled Felix from one side of the table, clutching his UNO cards in his hands so hard you were afraid heâd destroy them.
âWell, good thing I have never listened to you guys, like, everâ, said Seungmin from the other side of the table, smugly pointing to the stack of cards on the table.
âNow take your 16 cards, sunshine boy.â
If Felix was capable of letting steam come out of his ears, now would be one of those moments for it to happen. He kept insisting he wasnât really angry, that itâs okay, heâs just having a moment but you could tell he was at least a little frustrated, if not angry. You had to hold back your laughter, clenching your eyes shut and holding yourself steady on Jeonginâs bicep, who was just shaking his head with a fond smile at the scene unfolding at the small coffee table.
Why you all decided to play UNO of all games was a mystery to you. This game brought out the worst sides in everyone. Not being overly competitive yourself, you only got front-row seats to everyone almost wanting to strangle eachother and just barely holding back, a forced smile on their faces that did nothing to hide all the pain of having to draw 8.
It wasnât even about who was going to win anymore, either. Hyunjin was extremely lucky and won first with you coming in second, followed by Changbin, Han and then finally Jeongin. Minho was still busy in the kitchen and said heâd rather watch the food change color in the oven than get into this game with these animals.
It was just about who was going to be last. And neither Felix nor Seungmin wanted to be the one to have to take home the title of Christmas UNO loser, especially when they were the ones who usually won these games.
âI feel like Yongbok is gonna explodeâ, Jisung quipped from his place behind you on the couch, his squirrel cheeks full of cookies. You leaned back against his legs as you chuckled, eager to see how this was going to turn out.
Unsurprising to anyone, Seungmin won over Felix, who dramatically threw the rest of his cards onto the table with a screech.
âHe probably cheated anyways!â, Felix pointed an accusing finger to Seungmin across the table and with his hair all messy from grabbing it so much, he looked like a disheveled, grumpy kitten.
âIf I was cheating, I wouldnât be second to last!â, Seungmin countered and pointed his own finger back at him
âMaybe youâre just bad at cheating, too!â
Their frowns broke out into big smiles as they finally laughed over their little overdramatic quarrel. Seeing them make up almost immediately pushed some of the rising anxiety back into the furthest corners of your heart, and you sighed contently.
âNow whoâs ready for round two?â
A bunch of groans followed.
-
Your games were temporarily interrupted by Chan finally coming back home, a big smile on his face as he saw his friends having fun together. He explained he had to make some last minute runs for the company and you felt kind of bad for him, that he was working even now.
âAh, donât worry, Iâm here nowâ, he waved your concerns away and after checking on Minho in the kitchen to see if he needed anything and promptly getting shooed out, he took his place near the coffee table to watch the chaos unfold.
Since you were already out anyway, you got up and waddled over to him.
âYou feeling alright?â, he immediately offered his hand to you and you gladly took it, his warm hand soothing on yours.
âYeah, itâs been funâ, you admitted softly and he smiled again.
âIâm glad. This is supposed to be just a fun evening for everyone, if something doesnât feel right, please tell me or any of the kids, okay?â, he squeezed your hand and you nodded. You knew they were trying to give you a pleasant Christmas memory just because they found out your normally spent it alone after some family issues, and it almost brought you to tears at how soft you were for your friends. You knew they would always have your back, no matter what.
Even if you said, you just wanted to watch a movie, they would try to make it the best experience ever.
The soft smile on Chanâs face shifted into a mischievous one and he tugged at your arm, successfully pulling you into his lap where he hastily put his arms around you while he giggled into your back.
âNow you canât ever leave!â, he giggled, swaying you two back and forth in the armchair and you lightly slapped his arm playfully. When he stopped moving so much, you relaxed back into his hold, comfortably resting against his shoulder and chest. His chin came to rest on your shoulder to watch the others still battle it out on the coffee table.
Sighing deeply in comfort, you told him, âthank you, Channie. For inviting me, I mean.â He nodded against you and poked your side.
âAlways. Youâre part of this little family, too, you know.â
Chan meant a lot to you. Whatever happened in your life, he would help you, no questions asked. Once, you showed up at his doorstep, completely silent, voice refusing to come out. And he took you in, worried out of his mind, holding you the entire night until your frozen vocal chords warmed up enough to tell him what happened.
You wouldnât know what to do without him, so thankful for him being in your life.
-
Silence. Blissful silence.
Only the occasional âmmh!â and clinking of plates could be heard as you all stuffed your faces with the delicious spread of dishes Minho had prepared while you were all busy caving eachotherâs heads in because of card games.
You sat between Minho and Jeongin who both kept loading your plate with more food every time they deemed it too empty. Minho kept stealing glances at you that he probably thought you wouldnât notice. You eventually caved.
âWhatâs up?â, you asked him and bumped him with your shoulder, earning a playful glare from him with his big boba eyes.
âWondering if youâre liking the food, thatâs all.â
âAre you kidding? This is delicious! Youâve outdone yourself again, Minho!â, you beamed at him and a relieved smile settled on his face, before he put some more of the stew into your bowl and you groaned.
âIf you like it so much, youâre gonna help eating all of this. The last few days must have been stressful anyways.â
So thatâs what it was. Minho remembered that you ate less during the holidays, overwhelmed by all of the stress your body was going through and suddenly you wanted to tear up again, your heart so tender because of his care for you. He was always so attentive in his own way. The last few years he would nonchalantly bring over food that heâd advise you to eat before they went bad. Even before knowing you never really spent time with your family during the holidays, he had looked out for you.
Sometimes heâd sent pictures to you with no caption whatsoever of Soonie, Doongie and Dori, knowing you loved the three troublemakers to bits and that it would cheer you up at least a little.
You nodded at him, digging right back in and he knocked his knee to yours, his thigh now pressing against yours, making sure you knew he was there for you if you needed him. Minhoâs presence in your life was steady, like a rock that you could hold onto when things got rough. He would always be there to catch you no matter how bad it got and help you back on track.
-
So full until you couldnât eat anymore, you told everyone that you wanted to go on a short walk to digest and Seungmin offered to join you, grabbing your jackets.
The cool breeze outside was exactly what you needed, your senses still buzzing from all the food, the laughter and warmth from inside. Seungmin took the hint and kept silent for a good chunk of your walk, just silently keeping you company, his presence comforting and unwavering beside you. Seungmin often offered to beside you when you needed silent comfort, his hand somewhere on you for you to feel the warmth of him and know he was there right beside you. That you werenât alone and that he would listen if you chose to talk.
âI saw a puppy plush the other day that reminded me of youâ, you suddenly said and his head whipped around to look at you.
âDonât tell me you got it for meâ, he sighed and was already ready to whine about it, even though you knew it would make him really happy.
âNoâ, you laughed, âbut I was close to it.â
He put one hand on his chest and breathed out dramatically, as if he dodged a bullet. You bumped into him with your shoulder with a small smile on your face and he bumped right back, careful to not overdo it so that you wouldnât fall face first into the snow right beside you.
âShould we get a Hotteok?â, Seungmin nodded towards a Hotteok stand in the distance.
âIâm stuffed, Seungmin.â
âSo? Thereâs always room for Hotteok.â
And he had you convinced in no time because you just couldnât say no to him and those stupid puppy eyes of his. Now you were both munching on your snacks as you went back to Chanâs apartment. You had to make sure that the others couldnât tell that you went out to get them without them or there would be hell to pay.
But you were ready to face that potential hell because you knew youâd win with Seungmin by your side. If the entire world was against you, Seungmin would find a way to either fight them all off or convince them you were the best thing in the world, no matter what it took.
-
When you and Seungmin came back, everyone was busy with something. Either cleaning up, playing cards again, fiddling with the TV for movie night later or doing whatever else. The only one who had decided to take it easy for the moment was Hyunjin, who was sprawled on the couch again, sleepily watching everyone around him.
You padded over to him and he groggily looked up at you, a slight pout on his lips.
âYou sleepy?â, you poked his shoulder, the softness of his sweater heavenly and suddenly you want to touch it more, your hand flattening against the fabric.
âAll that food made me tiredâ, he hummed.
âWanna join?â, he patted the space next to him where you could fit snugly beside him and the couch.
You looked around for a moment, wondering if it wouldnât be better if you helped someone around the house, your fingers wringing themselves together nervously. Hyunjin swatted at your hands lazily, forcing them apart.
âIâll share my sweater with you.â
Now that made you perk up.
âReally?â
âMhh, now come on.â
Suddenly your nervousness was gone and you climbed over Hyunjin to get comfortable in the space between his body and the backrest of the sofa. Hyunjinâs eyes were barely open when he lifted the hem of his sweater for you to crawl into.
âAre you serious?â
He just hummed again, already half asleep and you shrugged. He was so adorable when sleepy. The sweater was big enough. It was a bit of a struggle but soon enough you were underneath the sweater as well, bathed in both Hyunjinâs body warmth and the warmth of the sweater. You moved your arms around his waist to snuggle further into him. Like he was your personal teddy bear.
Hyunjin was also someone you could always count on. If you needed to go out and clear your head, do something, anything productive, he would find the best way to spend that time with you. Always eager to try out new stuff, he roped you into many crash or one-day courses to learn a new skill. One day you would tell him that you needed to do something with your hands or else youâd go crazy and he found a pottery course nearby that you eagerly tried out with him. If you needed something to fill your head with, Hyunjin would find a small opportunity to learn something more scientific that kept your head busy.
If you just needed someone to talk, he would listen for hours until your words ran out and you both laid exhausted in your bed. Together. Never alone.
Despite all the ruckus around you, you fell asleep fast in Hyunjinâs arms surrounded by his warmth and his scent.
-
When you woke up, sunshine was beaming down on you while you were still tangled together with Hyunjin in his sweater. After blinking a couple times, you realised it was Felix standing above you and smiling.
âHey, sleepyhead. Figured Iâd wake you two up so you donât sleep through the entire night. Wanna help decorate the cookies?â
You groggily disentangled yourself from Hyunjin, who insisted you keep wearing his sweater, before following Felix into the kitchen where he had already set up all the different cookies to be decorated.
âI wanted to do half of these as elves and the other half as gingerbreadmenâ, he explains and you nod, starting to decorate the cookies like Felix instructed you.
The tiredness washed right off as Felix got to talking about random things, the deep timber of his voice so smooth in your ears. He talked a bit about his plans after Christmas and invited you to come along for New Yearâs shopping. Apparently, he already had a list of gifts he wanted to give everyone. Obviously, you would have to look away and pretend you donât see him buying yours if you came along, otherwise he threatened heâd pout. And there was no way you wanted to be the reason that Lee Felix was pouting.
Then suddenly, Felix must have applied too much pressure to the piping bag, the plastic bursting open, red icing flying around the kitchen.
Felix now had an entirely new reason to pout as you laughed hysterically while helping him get all the icing out of his blonde hair.
âYou would look really good with red highlights, just saying. Oooh, or go pink next time!â, you giggled while your fingers threaded through his locks one last time, making sure nothing stuck to it.
âHot pink bitch or pastel pink?â
âPastel, please!â
Felix nodded wisely, storing your suggestion away in the back of his mind.
He was always there for you if you needed a laugh, even if he had to pull silly faces to do so. Spending a day with Felix always meant that you would be happy and giggly afterwards, his warmth and energy bleeding right into you. He was just such a good person that it was impossible not to feel content with him. Always thinking of everyone else first. You wanted to be there for him as much as he was for you.
-
Changbin was sitting idly at the table when you came out of the kitchen so you decided to hop over to him. He looked so adorable in his red sweater. You plopped into the chair right next to him and immediately leaned your head onto his shoulder.
âStill tired even after napping?â, Changbin chuckled.
âNooo, itâs just so warm and cozy in here, canât help but get sleepyâ, you pouted up at him after hugging his arm, his bicep was the perfect size for hugging and for abusing it as a makeshift pillow. Much like Felix, you sometimes couldnât help it but touch his arm or snuggle into it. Maybe that makes you as much as a muscle fan as he is.
âThatâs good. Iâm glad youâre feeling relaxedâ, he said in a softer tone, one that that made sure that you were the only one who could hear him. You sighed against him and snuggled right back into his arm. You kind of didnât want this evening to end. Even though it was Christmas, you felt good, for once.
âWe donât do this every year, but you know youâre welcome to join any of us at our familyâs home when we go away for the holidaysâ, Changbinâs head came to rest on yours.
âI wouldnât want to intrude, Binnie. I know nobody would mind but it feels⊠weird.â
âYou know almost every mom of us has practically adopted you as an additional kid in their household? Theyâd love to feed you, if anythingâ, Changbin slightly wiggled his shoulder to get you to look at him and you do, a pout still prominent on your lips. He rolled his eyes at you.
âIâll try to keep it in mind⊠Thank you, Binnieâ, you give him a kiss on his cheek and he sheepishly waves you away.
Changbin was like the root that kept you all together. You always knew that if you needed someone to talk, someone to try their best to give you a good solution to your issue, you could come to him. He was incredible at figuring out tricky situations and how to get out of them and his advice was second to none.
You could rely on him for everything. You could hand him your heart and he would protect it with his life, keeping it safe and loved until you were well enough to protect it yourself again.
And if you needed one of the warmest bear hugs, you knew who to go to.
-
It was almost time for movie night and you knew you were most likely going to fall asleep somewhere down the line, so you excused yourself for a quick moment to do your nightly skincare routine in one of the bathrooms.
When you opened the door, Jeongin was already inside rubbing something into his skin. He gave you a foxy smile and made some space for you.
âThe other bathroom doesnât have a mirrorâ, he explained and you nodded. You didnât mind doing your routine with him here. Spending time with Jeongin was always pleasant. He was funny and an incredible moodmaker, but you could also always rely on him to give you solid and honest advice whenever you needed it.
Your skincare wasnât as extensive as his (the amount of products he has at home is quite frankly impressive), but you hopped onto the counter next to the sink just to stay with him for a little longer.
âWho do you think is gonna fall asleep first?â, you asked as you swung your legs in the air.
He hummed, thinking for a moment.
âProbably Jisung or Hyunjinâ, he nodded, âJisungâs always so excited to watch movies with us but then heâs knocked out in the corner by the second one. Hyunjinâs probably going to cry at some point and thatâs making him tired.â
You couldnât even disagree. It was probably going to be these two and just a question of who was folding first.
âYouâre probably right. Iâll bet on Hyunjin, weâre watching a fantasy movie first, heâs definitely gonna cry and tucker himself out.â
âIâll bet on Jisung then. Whoever loses owes the other a meal.â
âDeal!â, you both shook hands on it and the bet was on.
Jeongin was always going to be your partner in crime. If it seemed like you couldnât do anything right, Jeongin was right there to assure you that you were doing just fine. He had so much love in his heart for his friends and would jump to any opportunity to let you know of his support, lifting you right back up if everything seemed useless.
-
A little while later, it was already time for the first movie of the night. Hyunjin and Minho cleared some of the living room space while Jisung and Chan were busy setting all the electronic stuff up. Now there were a bunch of pillows and blankets set up so everyone had a comfy place to settle into for the night.
You hadnât seen a whole lot of Jisung today, so when everyone was choosing their space for tonight, you jumped over everyone to sit next to him. Jisung beamed at you and immediately shared his blanket with you.
Beside him in the corner of the couch was Minho, and right behind you was Hyunjin, who in turn was seated next to Jeongin. A perfect setup to observe who falls asleep first.
âIf I see just one of you on your phone, itâs on sightâ, Jisung called out and everyone grumbled an affirmation.
Chan started the first movie and you made yourself comfortable against Jisung. Something about watching a movie in the comfortable silence amongst your group made you emotional. Maybe it was also thanks to the movie, maybe it was the day itself, maybe it was the warmth you shared today with each of them that finally settled in your heart that made you tear up. It doesnât matter.
At the first sniff, Jisungâs arm came to rest around you to press you into his side so you could properly cuddle him. You whispered a quiet âthanksâ to him as the fuzzy fabric of his cardigan pressed into your cheek and sighed deeply. A big lop-sided smile appeared on his face before his attention turned back to the movie, his hand drawing soft circles on your back as he held you.
With Jisung it was always all silent understanding. He seemed to have an extra sense for these things, being deeply emotional himself. He could always tell when you started feeling uncomfortable in certain situations and always took care of getting you out of it as soon as possible. Sometimes even you couldnât tell when a panic attack crept up on you, but he somehow always did.
Thinking about how Jisung keeps an eye on you even when youâre not aware makes you tear up even more, so you shook your head and tried to focus back on the movie.
Jisung would always be there for you.
-
You donât really know when it happened, but most of the guys seemed to have fallen asleep, including you for a short while. Jisung and Minho had curled together while you still laid on Jisung. A weight was pressed into your back that you assumed was Hyunjin and if you squinted, you could see Jeongin pressed into his side too. Further down the couch Changbin and Felix had gotten comfy together, both completely knocked out, while Chan had his arms around Seungmin as they slept.
You almost chuckled at the sight but didnât want to wake anyone. Instead, you chose to take this opportunity to cuddle back into the two warm bodies surrounding you and closing your eyes.
This definitely wasnât the most traditional Christmas, but the part of your heart that started freezing over, protecting your vulnerability from your family, started thawing up bit by bit with each moment of warmth you shared. If this was how Christmas was going to be every year, then you think it might turn into your favorite holiday, surrounded by the people you loved most, that did everything in their power to make sure you felt loved, too.
I thought this was cute and sweet perfect for the holiday season. The boys would definitely try and make the day special đââïžđââïžâșïž
synopsis: You have a bad history with Christmas, usually choosing to spend it alone in recent years. The boys want to help you realise there's other ways to spend the holidays.
warnings: mentions of familial verbal abuse (only briefly at the start!), swearing
genre: fluff; comfort fic; can be read as romantic or platonic!
w/c: 4.8k
a/n: this is incredibly self-indulgent and kinda personal, but I wanted to have something for Christmas! I tried to keep it as inclusive as I could and hope that some people can find some comfort in this, holiday season can be rough enough as is. happy holidays and happy reading! đđ
masterlist
divider by @firefly-graphics
The holidays were always rough for you. While you still liked the decorations, the christmas songs and everything surrounding the holiday, you didnât enjoy the day itself. Too much of it tainted by your family getting into arguments, belittling you over nothing. No matter what you achieved, it was always ridiculed. âWhat was that even good for? You donât need that in life. Itâs useless.â
Youâve stopped celebrating with your family for that reason, instead choosing to spend Christmas alone at home nursing your glass of the alcohol of your choice while watching bad movies until the night was over and your heart ached a little less. Not wanting to be pitied, you never really told your friends and always came up with some fabricated story over how you liked spending Christmas with your family. Just so they wouldnât ask or think it was their job to make your day better despite already being stressed enough with their own preparations for the holiday.
It worked quite well up until now but one badly hidden tremble of your voice brought your house of lies tumbling down and now you were roped into spending Christmas with your dearest group of friends. And while you were absolute positive that they would never break out into serious fights or make fun of you over nothing, especially now knowing your bad history with Christmas, a lingering anxiety gnawed at your heart when you stood in front of Chanâs apartment.
Already, the volume inside of the apartment was noticeable and you couldnât help but smile to yourself. Maybe this kind of noise would settle your heart and distract from the negative experiences. Sighing, you pressed your finger to the doorbell and hoped they could even hear that amongst the yelling.
The door swung open to reveal a very smiley Jeongin.
âYouâre here!â
You were immediately ushered into the warmth of the room, a wonderful smell permeating from the kitchen through the entire apartment already. At the sound of the door closing again, several footsteps could be heard padding their way over to you.
The apartment was fully decorated, fairylights that emitted their warm lights everywhere, Christmas trinkets here and there, candles that were ready to be lit and of course a Christmas tree in the middle of the living room, sparkling in beautiful colors.
âMerry Christmas, y/n!â, Felix beamed at the sight of you, coming up to give you a tight hug. Right behind him was Changbin giving you a soft smile and Hyunjin practically vibrating full of excitement beside him. After giving you one last pat on the back, Felix let go of you begrudgingly. If you let him, heâd probably cling onto you the entire night.
âSo what have you all been up to already?â, you asked while putting your jacket away.
âEarlier we made some cookies!â, Hyunjin chirped from his place on the couch, already getting cozy beside Changbin, his long limbs cascading everywhere.
âDonât touch the ones in the blue bowlâ, Changbin frowned from his place beside him, shaking his head in horror.
âThe hell did you do?â, you laughed and plopped down right beside them, leaning into Changbinâs side.
âSomeone canât read labels and put salt instead of sugar into the batterâ, he sighed and his eyebrows pinched together and youâre pretty sure he was the victim who had to find out the hard way.
âGet out of my damn kitchen!â, you heard Minho yell before a giggling Seungmin came jogging out of the door that lead to the kitchen in Chanâs apartment. That mischievous grin on his face as he made his way over to the couch told you everything you needed to know: he was probably annoying Minho while he was busy cooking until he had enough.
âHey! Thereâs my favorite person!â
âSaying that like you have so many people to choose from, other than usâ, you scoffed playfully and he opened his mouth to quip something back but chose to keep it shut to keep the original objective for tonight on track.
As to where the missing guys were, you assumed Jisung was still in the kitchen with Minho, actually trying to be helpful, Jeongin had disappeared into one of the rooms saying something about âpreparing itâ and you had absolutely no idea where Chan was, even though he was the one who invited you in the first place.
You decided to not worry about anything, trusting them to make this evening nice and relaxing.
-
âNo, fuck you, we said we wouldnât allow stacking plus fours!â, yelled Felix from one side of the table, clutching his UNO cards in his hands so hard you were afraid heâd destroy them.
âWell, good thing I have never listened to you guys, like, everâ, said Seungmin from the other side of the table, smugly pointing to the stack of cards on the table.
âNow take your 16 cards, sunshine boy.â
If Felix was capable of letting steam come out of his ears, now would be one of those moments for it to happen. He kept insisting he wasnât really angry, that itâs okay, heâs just having a moment but you could tell he was at least a little frustrated, if not angry. You had to hold back your laughter, clenching your eyes shut and holding yourself steady on Jeonginâs bicep, who was just shaking his head with a fond smile at the scene unfolding at the small coffee table.
Why you all decided to play UNO of all games was a mystery to you. This game brought out the worst sides in everyone. Not being overly competitive yourself, you only got front-row seats to everyone almost wanting to strangle eachother and just barely holding back, a forced smile on their faces that did nothing to hide all the pain of having to draw 8.
It wasnât even about who was going to win anymore, either. Hyunjin was extremely lucky and won first with you coming in second, followed by Changbin, Han and then finally Jeongin. Minho was still busy in the kitchen and said heâd rather watch the food change color in the oven than get into this game with these animals.
It was just about who was going to be last. And neither Felix nor Seungmin wanted to be the one to have to take home the title of Christmas UNO loser, especially when they were the ones who usually won these games.
âI feel like Yongbok is gonna explodeâ, Jisung quipped from his place behind you on the couch, his squirrel cheeks full of cookies. You leaned back against his legs as you chuckled, eager to see how this was going to turn out.
Unsurprising to anyone, Seungmin won over Felix, who dramatically threw the rest of his cards onto the table with a screech.
âHe probably cheated anyways!â, Felix pointed an accusing finger to Seungmin across the table and with his hair all messy from grabbing it so much, he looked like a disheveled, grumpy kitten.
âIf I was cheating, I wouldnât be second to last!â, Seungmin countered and pointed his own finger back at him
âMaybe youâre just bad at cheating, too!â
Their frowns broke out into big smiles as they finally laughed over their little overdramatic quarrel. Seeing them make up almost immediately pushed some of the rising anxiety back into the furthest corners of your heart, and you sighed contently.
âNow whoâs ready for round two?â
A bunch of groans followed.
-
Your games were temporarily interrupted by Chan finally coming back home, a big smile on his face as he saw his friends having fun together. He explained he had to make some last minute runs for the company and you felt kind of bad for him, that he was working even now.
âAh, donât worry, Iâm here nowâ, he waved your concerns away and after checking on Minho in the kitchen to see if he needed anything and promptly getting shooed out, he took his place near the coffee table to watch the chaos unfold.
Since you were already out anyway, you got up and waddled over to him.
âYou feeling alright?â, he immediately offered his hand to you and you gladly took it, his warm hand soothing on yours.
âYeah, itâs been funâ, you admitted softly and he smiled again.
âIâm glad. This is supposed to be just a fun evening for everyone, if something doesnât feel right, please tell me or any of the kids, okay?â, he squeezed your hand and you nodded. You knew they were trying to give you a pleasant Christmas memory just because they found out your normally spent it alone after some family issues, and it almost brought you to tears at how soft you were for your friends. You knew they would always have your back, no matter what.
Even if you said, you just wanted to watch a movie, they would try to make it the best experience ever.
The soft smile on Chanâs face shifted into a mischievous one and he tugged at your arm, successfully pulling you into his lap where he hastily put his arms around you while he giggled into your back.
âNow you canât ever leave!â, he giggled, swaying you two back and forth in the armchair and you lightly slapped his arm playfully. When he stopped moving so much, you relaxed back into his hold, comfortably resting against his shoulder and chest. His chin came to rest on your shoulder to watch the others still battle it out on the coffee table.
Sighing deeply in comfort, you told him, âthank you, Channie. For inviting me, I mean.â He nodded against you and poked your side.
âAlways. Youâre part of this little family, too, you know.â
Chan meant a lot to you. Whatever happened in your life, he would help you, no questions asked. Once, you showed up at his doorstep, completely silent, voice refusing to come out. And he took you in, worried out of his mind, holding you the entire night until your frozen vocal chords warmed up enough to tell him what happened.
You wouldnât know what to do without him, so thankful for him being in your life.
-
Silence. Blissful silence.
Only the occasional âmmh!â and clinking of plates could be heard as you all stuffed your faces with the delicious spread of dishes Minho had prepared while you were all busy caving eachotherâs heads in because of card games.
You sat between Minho and Jeongin who both kept loading your plate with more food every time they deemed it too empty. Minho kept stealing glances at you that he probably thought you wouldnât notice. You eventually caved.
âWhatâs up?â, you asked him and bumped him with your shoulder, earning a playful glare from him with his big boba eyes.
âWondering if youâre liking the food, thatâs all.â
âAre you kidding? This is delicious! Youâve outdone yourself again, Minho!â, you beamed at him and a relieved smile settled on his face, before he put some more of the stew into your bowl and you groaned.
âIf you like it so much, youâre gonna help eating all of this. The last few days must have been stressful anyways.â
So thatâs what it was. Minho remembered that you ate less during the holidays, overwhelmed by all of the stress your body was going through and suddenly you wanted to tear up again, your heart so tender because of his care for you. He was always so attentive in his own way. The last few years he would nonchalantly bring over food that heâd advise you to eat before they went bad. Even before knowing you never really spent time with your family during the holidays, he had looked out for you.
Sometimes heâd sent pictures to you with no caption whatsoever of Soonie, Doongie and Dori, knowing you loved the three troublemakers to bits and that it would cheer you up at least a little.
You nodded at him, digging right back in and he knocked his knee to yours, his thigh now pressing against yours, making sure you knew he was there for you if you needed him. Minhoâs presence in your life was steady, like a rock that you could hold onto when things got rough. He would always be there to catch you no matter how bad it got and help you back on track.
-
So full until you couldnât eat anymore, you told everyone that you wanted to go on a short walk to digest and Seungmin offered to join you, grabbing your jackets.
The cool breeze outside was exactly what you needed, your senses still buzzing from all the food, the laughter and warmth from inside. Seungmin took the hint and kept silent for a good chunk of your walk, just silently keeping you company, his presence comforting and unwavering beside you. Seungmin often offered to beside you when you needed silent comfort, his hand somewhere on you for you to feel the warmth of him and know he was there right beside you. That you werenât alone and that he would listen if you chose to talk.
âI saw a puppy plush the other day that reminded me of youâ, you suddenly said and his head whipped around to look at you.
âDonât tell me you got it for meâ, he sighed and was already ready to whine about it, even though you knew it would make him really happy.
âNoâ, you laughed, âbut I was close to it.â
He put one hand on his chest and breathed out dramatically, as if he dodged a bullet. You bumped into him with your shoulder with a small smile on your face and he bumped right back, careful to not overdo it so that you wouldnât fall face first into the snow right beside you.
âShould we get a Hotteok?â, Seungmin nodded towards a Hotteok stand in the distance.
âIâm stuffed, Seungmin.â
âSo? Thereâs always room for Hotteok.â
And he had you convinced in no time because you just couldnât say no to him and those stupid puppy eyes of his. Now you were both munching on your snacks as you went back to Chanâs apartment. You had to make sure that the others couldnât tell that you went out to get them without them or there would be hell to pay.
But you were ready to face that potential hell because you knew youâd win with Seungmin by your side. If the entire world was against you, Seungmin would find a way to either fight them all off or convince them you were the best thing in the world, no matter what it took.
-
When you and Seungmin came back, everyone was busy with something. Either cleaning up, playing cards again, fiddling with the TV for movie night later or doing whatever else. The only one who had decided to take it easy for the moment was Hyunjin, who was sprawled on the couch again, sleepily watching everyone around him.
You padded over to him and he groggily looked up at you, a slight pout on his lips.
âYou sleepy?â, you poked his shoulder, the softness of his sweater heavenly and suddenly you want to touch it more, your hand flattening against the fabric.
âAll that food made me tiredâ, he hummed.
âWanna join?â, he patted the space next to him where you could fit snugly beside him and the couch.
You looked around for a moment, wondering if it wouldnât be better if you helped someone around the house, your fingers wringing themselves together nervously. Hyunjin swatted at your hands lazily, forcing them apart.
âIâll share my sweater with you.â
Now that made you perk up.
âReally?â
âMhh, now come on.â
Suddenly your nervousness was gone and you climbed over Hyunjin to get comfortable in the space between his body and the backrest of the sofa. Hyunjinâs eyes were barely open when he lifted the hem of his sweater for you to crawl into.
âAre you serious?â
He just hummed again, already half asleep and you shrugged. He was so adorable when sleepy. The sweater was big enough. It was a bit of a struggle but soon enough you were underneath the sweater as well, bathed in both Hyunjinâs body warmth and the warmth of the sweater. You moved your arms around his waist to snuggle further into him. Like he was your personal teddy bear.
Hyunjin was also someone you could always count on. If you needed to go out and clear your head, do something, anything productive, he would find the best way to spend that time with you. Always eager to try out new stuff, he roped you into many crash or one-day courses to learn a new skill. One day you would tell him that you needed to do something with your hands or else youâd go crazy and he found a pottery course nearby that you eagerly tried out with him. If you needed something to fill your head with, Hyunjin would find a small opportunity to learn something more scientific that kept your head busy.
If you just needed someone to talk, he would listen for hours until your words ran out and you both laid exhausted in your bed. Together. Never alone.
Despite all the ruckus around you, you fell asleep fast in Hyunjinâs arms surrounded by his warmth and his scent.
-
When you woke up, sunshine was beaming down on you while you were still tangled together with Hyunjin in his sweater. After blinking a couple times, you realised it was Felix standing above you and smiling.
âHey, sleepyhead. Figured Iâd wake you two up so you donât sleep through the entire night. Wanna help decorate the cookies?â
You groggily disentangled yourself from Hyunjin, who insisted you keep wearing his sweater, before following Felix into the kitchen where he had already set up all the different cookies to be decorated.
âI wanted to do half of these as elves and the other half as gingerbreadmenâ, he explains and you nod, starting to decorate the cookies like Felix instructed you.
The tiredness washed right off as Felix got to talking about random things, the deep timber of his voice so smooth in your ears. He talked a bit about his plans after Christmas and invited you to come along for New Yearâs shopping. Apparently, he already had a list of gifts he wanted to give everyone. Obviously, you would have to look away and pretend you donât see him buying yours if you came along, otherwise he threatened heâd pout. And there was no way you wanted to be the reason that Lee Felix was pouting.
Then suddenly, Felix must have applied too much pressure to the piping bag, the plastic bursting open, red icing flying around the kitchen.
Felix now had an entirely new reason to pout as you laughed hysterically while helping him get all the icing out of his blonde hair.
âYou would look really good with red highlights, just saying. Oooh, or go pink next time!â, you giggled while your fingers threaded through his locks one last time, making sure nothing stuck to it.
âHot pink bitch or pastel pink?â
âPastel, please!â
Felix nodded wisely, storing your suggestion away in the back of his mind.
He was always there for you if you needed a laugh, even if he had to pull silly faces to do so. Spending a day with Felix always meant that you would be happy and giggly afterwards, his warmth and energy bleeding right into you. He was just such a good person that it was impossible not to feel content with him. Always thinking of everyone else first. You wanted to be there for him as much as he was for you.
-
Changbin was sitting idly at the table when you came out of the kitchen so you decided to hop over to him. He looked so adorable in his red sweater. You plopped into the chair right next to him and immediately leaned your head onto his shoulder.
âStill tired even after napping?â, Changbin chuckled.
âNooo, itâs just so warm and cozy in here, canât help but get sleepyâ, you pouted up at him after hugging his arm, his bicep was the perfect size for hugging and for abusing it as a makeshift pillow. Much like Felix, you sometimes couldnât help it but touch his arm or snuggle into it. Maybe that makes you as much as a muscle fan as he is.
âThatâs good. Iâm glad youâre feeling relaxedâ, he said in a softer tone, one that that made sure that you were the only one who could hear him. You sighed against him and snuggled right back into his arm. You kind of didnât want this evening to end. Even though it was Christmas, you felt good, for once.
âWe donât do this every year, but you know youâre welcome to join any of us at our familyâs home when we go away for the holidaysâ, Changbinâs head came to rest on yours.
âI wouldnât want to intrude, Binnie. I know nobody would mind but it feels⊠weird.â
âYou know almost every mom of us has practically adopted you as an additional kid in their household? Theyâd love to feed you, if anythingâ, Changbin slightly wiggled his shoulder to get you to look at him and you do, a pout still prominent on your lips. He rolled his eyes at you.
âIâll try to keep it in mind⊠Thank you, Binnieâ, you give him a kiss on his cheek and he sheepishly waves you away.
Changbin was like the root that kept you all together. You always knew that if you needed someone to talk, someone to try their best to give you a good solution to your issue, you could come to him. He was incredible at figuring out tricky situations and how to get out of them and his advice was second to none.
You could rely on him for everything. You could hand him your heart and he would protect it with his life, keeping it safe and loved until you were well enough to protect it yourself again.
And if you needed one of the warmest bear hugs, you knew who to go to.
-
It was almost time for movie night and you knew you were most likely going to fall asleep somewhere down the line, so you excused yourself for a quick moment to do your nightly skincare routine in one of the bathrooms.
When you opened the door, Jeongin was already inside rubbing something into his skin. He gave you a foxy smile and made some space for you.
âThe other bathroom doesnât have a mirrorâ, he explained and you nodded. You didnât mind doing your routine with him here. Spending time with Jeongin was always pleasant. He was funny and an incredible moodmaker, but you could also always rely on him to give you solid and honest advice whenever you needed it.
Your skincare wasnât as extensive as his (the amount of products he has at home is quite frankly impressive), but you hopped onto the counter next to the sink just to stay with him for a little longer.
âWho do you think is gonna fall asleep first?â, you asked as you swung your legs in the air.
He hummed, thinking for a moment.
âProbably Jisung or Hyunjinâ, he nodded, âJisungâs always so excited to watch movies with us but then heâs knocked out in the corner by the second one. Hyunjinâs probably going to cry at some point and thatâs making him tired.â
You couldnât even disagree. It was probably going to be these two and just a question of who was folding first.
âYouâre probably right. Iâll bet on Hyunjin, weâre watching a fantasy movie first, heâs definitely gonna cry and tucker himself out.â
âIâll bet on Jisung then. Whoever loses owes the other a meal.â
âDeal!â, you both shook hands on it and the bet was on.
Jeongin was always going to be your partner in crime. If it seemed like you couldnât do anything right, Jeongin was right there to assure you that you were doing just fine. He had so much love in his heart for his friends and would jump to any opportunity to let you know of his support, lifting you right back up if everything seemed useless.
-
A little while later, it was already time for the first movie of the night. Hyunjin and Minho cleared some of the living room space while Jisung and Chan were busy setting all the electronic stuff up. Now there were a bunch of pillows and blankets set up so everyone had a comfy place to settle into for the night.
You hadnât seen a whole lot of Jisung today, so when everyone was choosing their space for tonight, you jumped over everyone to sit next to him. Jisung beamed at you and immediately shared his blanket with you.
Beside him in the corner of the couch was Minho, and right behind you was Hyunjin, who in turn was seated next to Jeongin. A perfect setup to observe who falls asleep first.
âIf I see just one of you on your phone, itâs on sightâ, Jisung called out and everyone grumbled an affirmation.
Chan started the first movie and you made yourself comfortable against Jisung. Something about watching a movie in the comfortable silence amongst your group made you emotional. Maybe it was also thanks to the movie, maybe it was the day itself, maybe it was the warmth you shared today with each of them that finally settled in your heart that made you tear up. It doesnât matter.
At the first sniff, Jisungâs arm came to rest around you to press you into his side so you could properly cuddle him. You whispered a quiet âthanksâ to him as the fuzzy fabric of his cardigan pressed into your cheek and sighed deeply. A big lop-sided smile appeared on his face before his attention turned back to the movie, his hand drawing soft circles on your back as he held you.
With Jisung it was always all silent understanding. He seemed to have an extra sense for these things, being deeply emotional himself. He could always tell when you started feeling uncomfortable in certain situations and always took care of getting you out of it as soon as possible. Sometimes even you couldnât tell when a panic attack crept up on you, but he somehow always did.
Thinking about how Jisung keeps an eye on you even when youâre not aware makes you tear up even more, so you shook your head and tried to focus back on the movie.
Jisung would always be there for you.
-
You donât really know when it happened, but most of the guys seemed to have fallen asleep, including you for a short while. Jisung and Minho had curled together while you still laid on Jisung. A weight was pressed into your back that you assumed was Hyunjin and if you squinted, you could see Jeongin pressed into his side too. Further down the couch Changbin and Felix had gotten comfy together, both completely knocked out, while Chan had his arms around Seungmin as they slept.
You almost chuckled at the sight but didnât want to wake anyone. Instead, you chose to take this opportunity to cuddle back into the two warm bodies surrounding you and closing your eyes.
This definitely wasnât the most traditional Christmas, but the part of your heart that started freezing over, protecting your vulnerability from your family, started thawing up bit by bit with each moment of warmth you shared. If this was how Christmas was going to be every year, then you think it might turn into your favorite holiday, surrounded by the people you loved most, that did everything in their power to make sure you felt loved, too.
synopsis: You have a bad history with Christmas, usually choosing to spend it alone in recent years. The boys want to help you realise there's other ways to spend the holidays.
warnings: mentions of familial verbal abuse (only briefly at the start!), swearing
genre: fluff; comfort fic; can be read as romantic or platonic!
w/c: 4.8k
a/n: this is incredibly self-indulgent and kinda personal, but I wanted to have something for Christmas! I tried to keep it as inclusive as I could and hope that some people can find some comfort in this, holiday season can be rough enough as is. happy holidays and happy reading! đđ
masterlist
divider by @firefly-graphics
The holidays were always rough for you. While you still liked the decorations, the christmas songs and everything surrounding the holiday, you didnât enjoy the day itself. Too much of it tainted by your family getting into arguments, belittling you over nothing. No matter what you achieved, it was always ridiculed. âWhat was that even good for? You donât need that in life. Itâs useless.â
Youâve stopped celebrating with your family for that reason, instead choosing to spend Christmas alone at home nursing your glass of the alcohol of your choice while watching bad movies until the night was over and your heart ached a little less. Not wanting to be pitied, you never really told your friends and always came up with some fabricated story over how you liked spending Christmas with your family. Just so they wouldnât ask or think it was their job to make your day better despite already being stressed enough with their own preparations for the holiday.
It worked quite well up until now but one badly hidden tremble of your voice brought your house of lies tumbling down and now you were roped into spending Christmas with your dearest group of friends. And while you were absolute positive that they would never break out into serious fights or make fun of you over nothing, especially now knowing your bad history with Christmas, a lingering anxiety gnawed at your heart when you stood in front of Chanâs apartment.
Already, the volume inside of the apartment was noticeable and you couldnât help but smile to yourself. Maybe this kind of noise would settle your heart and distract from the negative experiences. Sighing, you pressed your finger to the doorbell and hoped they could even hear that amongst the yelling.
The door swung open to reveal a very smiley Jeongin.
âYouâre here!â
You were immediately ushered into the warmth of the room, a wonderful smell permeating from the kitchen through the entire apartment already. At the sound of the door closing again, several footsteps could be heard padding their way over to you.
The apartment was fully decorated, fairylights that emitted their warm lights everywhere, Christmas trinkets here and there, candles that were ready to be lit and of course a Christmas tree in the middle of the living room, sparkling in beautiful colors.
âMerry Christmas, y/n!â, Felix beamed at the sight of you, coming up to give you a tight hug. Right behind him was Changbin giving you a soft smile and Hyunjin practically vibrating full of excitement beside him. After giving you one last pat on the back, Felix let go of you begrudgingly. If you let him, heâd probably cling onto you the entire night.
âSo what have you all been up to already?â, you asked while putting your jacket away.
âEarlier we made some cookies!â, Hyunjin chirped from his place on the couch, already getting cozy beside Changbin, his long limbs cascading everywhere.
âDonât touch the ones in the blue bowlâ, Changbin frowned from his place beside him, shaking his head in horror.
âThe hell did you do?â, you laughed and plopped down right beside them, leaning into Changbinâs side.
âSomeone canât read labels and put salt instead of sugar into the batterâ, he sighed and his eyebrows pinched together and youâre pretty sure he was the victim who had to find out the hard way.
âGet out of my damn kitchen!â, you heard Minho yell before a giggling Seungmin came jogging out of the door that lead to the kitchen in Chanâs apartment. That mischievous grin on his face as he made his way over to the couch told you everything you needed to know: he was probably annoying Minho while he was busy cooking until he had enough.
âHey! Thereâs my favorite person!â
âSaying that like you have so many people to choose from, other than usâ, you scoffed playfully and he opened his mouth to quip something back but chose to keep it shut to keep the original objective for tonight on track.
As to where the missing guys were, you assumed Jisung was still in the kitchen with Minho, actually trying to be helpful, Jeongin had disappeared into one of the rooms saying something about âpreparing itâ and you had absolutely no idea where Chan was, even though he was the one who invited you in the first place.
You decided to not worry about anything, trusting them to make this evening nice and relaxing.
-
âNo, fuck you, we said we wouldnât allow stacking plus fours!â, yelled Felix from one side of the table, clutching his UNO cards in his hands so hard you were afraid heâd destroy them.
âWell, good thing I have never listened to you guys, like, everâ, said Seungmin from the other side of the table, smugly pointing to the stack of cards on the table.
âNow take your 16 cards, sunshine boy.â
If Felix was capable of letting steam come out of his ears, now would be one of those moments for it to happen. He kept insisting he wasnât really angry, that itâs okay, heâs just having a moment but you could tell he was at least a little frustrated, if not angry. You had to hold back your laughter, clenching your eyes shut and holding yourself steady on Jeonginâs bicep, who was just shaking his head with a fond smile at the scene unfolding at the small coffee table.
Why you all decided to play UNO of all games was a mystery to you. This game brought out the worst sides in everyone. Not being overly competitive yourself, you only got front-row seats to everyone almost wanting to strangle eachother and just barely holding back, a forced smile on their faces that did nothing to hide all the pain of having to draw 8.
It wasnât even about who was going to win anymore, either. Hyunjin was extremely lucky and won first with you coming in second, followed by Changbin, Han and then finally Jeongin. Minho was still busy in the kitchen and said heâd rather watch the food change color in the oven than get into this game with these animals.
It was just about who was going to be last. And neither Felix nor Seungmin wanted to be the one to have to take home the title of Christmas UNO loser, especially when they were the ones who usually won these games.
âI feel like Yongbok is gonna explodeâ, Jisung quipped from his place behind you on the couch, his squirrel cheeks full of cookies. You leaned back against his legs as you chuckled, eager to see how this was going to turn out.
Unsurprising to anyone, Seungmin won over Felix, who dramatically threw the rest of his cards onto the table with a screech.
âHe probably cheated anyways!â, Felix pointed an accusing finger to Seungmin across the table and with his hair all messy from grabbing it so much, he looked like a disheveled, grumpy kitten.
âIf I was cheating, I wouldnât be second to last!â, Seungmin countered and pointed his own finger back at him
âMaybe youâre just bad at cheating, too!â
Their frowns broke out into big smiles as they finally laughed over their little overdramatic quarrel. Seeing them make up almost immediately pushed some of the rising anxiety back into the furthest corners of your heart, and you sighed contently.
âNow whoâs ready for round two?â
A bunch of groans followed.
-
Your games were temporarily interrupted by Chan finally coming back home, a big smile on his face as he saw his friends having fun together. He explained he had to make some last minute runs for the company and you felt kind of bad for him, that he was working even now.
âAh, donât worry, Iâm here nowâ, he waved your concerns away and after checking on Minho in the kitchen to see if he needed anything and promptly getting shooed out, he took his place near the coffee table to watch the chaos unfold.
Since you were already out anyway, you got up and waddled over to him.
âYou feeling alright?â, he immediately offered his hand to you and you gladly took it, his warm hand soothing on yours.
âYeah, itâs been funâ, you admitted softly and he smiled again.
âIâm glad. This is supposed to be just a fun evening for everyone, if something doesnât feel right, please tell me or any of the kids, okay?â, he squeezed your hand and you nodded. You knew they were trying to give you a pleasant Christmas memory just because they found out your normally spent it alone after some family issues, and it almost brought you to tears at how soft you were for your friends. You knew they would always have your back, no matter what.
Even if you said, you just wanted to watch a movie, they would try to make it the best experience ever.
The soft smile on Chanâs face shifted into a mischievous one and he tugged at your arm, successfully pulling you into his lap where he hastily put his arms around you while he giggled into your back.
âNow you canât ever leave!â, he giggled, swaying you two back and forth in the armchair and you lightly slapped his arm playfully. When he stopped moving so much, you relaxed back into his hold, comfortably resting against his shoulder and chest. His chin came to rest on your shoulder to watch the others still battle it out on the coffee table.
Sighing deeply in comfort, you told him, âthank you, Channie. For inviting me, I mean.â He nodded against you and poked your side.
âAlways. Youâre part of this little family, too, you know.â
Chan meant a lot to you. Whatever happened in your life, he would help you, no questions asked. Once, you showed up at his doorstep, completely silent, voice refusing to come out. And he took you in, worried out of his mind, holding you the entire night until your frozen vocal chords warmed up enough to tell him what happened.
You wouldnât know what to do without him, so thankful for him being in your life.
-
Silence. Blissful silence.
Only the occasional âmmh!â and clinking of plates could be heard as you all stuffed your faces with the delicious spread of dishes Minho had prepared while you were all busy caving eachotherâs heads in because of card games.
You sat between Minho and Jeongin who both kept loading your plate with more food every time they deemed it too empty. Minho kept stealing glances at you that he probably thought you wouldnât notice. You eventually caved.
âWhatâs up?â, you asked him and bumped him with your shoulder, earning a playful glare from him with his big boba eyes.
âWondering if youâre liking the food, thatâs all.â
âAre you kidding? This is delicious! Youâve outdone yourself again, Minho!â, you beamed at him and a relieved smile settled on his face, before he put some more of the stew into your bowl and you groaned.
âIf you like it so much, youâre gonna help eating all of this. The last few days must have been stressful anyways.â
So thatâs what it was. Minho remembered that you ate less during the holidays, overwhelmed by all of the stress your body was going through and suddenly you wanted to tear up again, your heart so tender because of his care for you. He was always so attentive in his own way. The last few years he would nonchalantly bring over food that heâd advise you to eat before they went bad. Even before knowing you never really spent time with your family during the holidays, he had looked out for you.
Sometimes heâd sent pictures to you with no caption whatsoever of Soonie, Doongie and Dori, knowing you loved the three troublemakers to bits and that it would cheer you up at least a little.
You nodded at him, digging right back in and he knocked his knee to yours, his thigh now pressing against yours, making sure you knew he was there for you if you needed him. Minhoâs presence in your life was steady, like a rock that you could hold onto when things got rough. He would always be there to catch you no matter how bad it got and help you back on track.
-
So full until you couldnât eat anymore, you told everyone that you wanted to go on a short walk to digest and Seungmin offered to join you, grabbing your jackets.
The cool breeze outside was exactly what you needed, your senses still buzzing from all the food, the laughter and warmth from inside. Seungmin took the hint and kept silent for a good chunk of your walk, just silently keeping you company, his presence comforting and unwavering beside you. Seungmin often offered to beside you when you needed silent comfort, his hand somewhere on you for you to feel the warmth of him and know he was there right beside you. That you werenât alone and that he would listen if you chose to talk.
âI saw a puppy plush the other day that reminded me of youâ, you suddenly said and his head whipped around to look at you.
âDonât tell me you got it for meâ, he sighed and was already ready to whine about it, even though you knew it would make him really happy.
âNoâ, you laughed, âbut I was close to it.â
He put one hand on his chest and breathed out dramatically, as if he dodged a bullet. You bumped into him with your shoulder with a small smile on your face and he bumped right back, careful to not overdo it so that you wouldnât fall face first into the snow right beside you.
âShould we get a Hotteok?â, Seungmin nodded towards a Hotteok stand in the distance.
âIâm stuffed, Seungmin.â
âSo? Thereâs always room for Hotteok.â
And he had you convinced in no time because you just couldnât say no to him and those stupid puppy eyes of his. Now you were both munching on your snacks as you went back to Chanâs apartment. You had to make sure that the others couldnât tell that you went out to get them without them or there would be hell to pay.
But you were ready to face that potential hell because you knew youâd win with Seungmin by your side. If the entire world was against you, Seungmin would find a way to either fight them all off or convince them you were the best thing in the world, no matter what it took.
-
When you and Seungmin came back, everyone was busy with something. Either cleaning up, playing cards again, fiddling with the TV for movie night later or doing whatever else. The only one who had decided to take it easy for the moment was Hyunjin, who was sprawled on the couch again, sleepily watching everyone around him.
You padded over to him and he groggily looked up at you, a slight pout on his lips.
âYou sleepy?â, you poked his shoulder, the softness of his sweater heavenly and suddenly you want to touch it more, your hand flattening against the fabric.
âAll that food made me tiredâ, he hummed.
âWanna join?â, he patted the space next to him where you could fit snugly beside him and the couch.
You looked around for a moment, wondering if it wouldnât be better if you helped someone around the house, your fingers wringing themselves together nervously. Hyunjin swatted at your hands lazily, forcing them apart.
âIâll share my sweater with you.â
Now that made you perk up.
âReally?â
âMhh, now come on.â
Suddenly your nervousness was gone and you climbed over Hyunjin to get comfortable in the space between his body and the backrest of the sofa. Hyunjinâs eyes were barely open when he lifted the hem of his sweater for you to crawl into.
âAre you serious?â
He just hummed again, already half asleep and you shrugged. He was so adorable when sleepy. The sweater was big enough. It was a bit of a struggle but soon enough you were underneath the sweater as well, bathed in both Hyunjinâs body warmth and the warmth of the sweater. You moved your arms around his waist to snuggle further into him. Like he was your personal teddy bear.
Hyunjin was also someone you could always count on. If you needed to go out and clear your head, do something, anything productive, he would find the best way to spend that time with you. Always eager to try out new stuff, he roped you into many crash or one-day courses to learn a new skill. One day you would tell him that you needed to do something with your hands or else youâd go crazy and he found a pottery course nearby that you eagerly tried out with him. If you needed something to fill your head with, Hyunjin would find a small opportunity to learn something more scientific that kept your head busy.
If you just needed someone to talk, he would listen for hours until your words ran out and you both laid exhausted in your bed. Together. Never alone.
Despite all the ruckus around you, you fell asleep fast in Hyunjinâs arms surrounded by his warmth and his scent.
-
When you woke up, sunshine was beaming down on you while you were still tangled together with Hyunjin in his sweater. After blinking a couple times, you realised it was Felix standing above you and smiling.
âHey, sleepyhead. Figured Iâd wake you two up so you donât sleep through the entire night. Wanna help decorate the cookies?â
You groggily disentangled yourself from Hyunjin, who insisted you keep wearing his sweater, before following Felix into the kitchen where he had already set up all the different cookies to be decorated.
âI wanted to do half of these as elves and the other half as gingerbreadmenâ, he explains and you nod, starting to decorate the cookies like Felix instructed you.
The tiredness washed right off as Felix got to talking about random things, the deep timber of his voice so smooth in your ears. He talked a bit about his plans after Christmas and invited you to come along for New Yearâs shopping. Apparently, he already had a list of gifts he wanted to give everyone. Obviously, you would have to look away and pretend you donât see him buying yours if you came along, otherwise he threatened heâd pout. And there was no way you wanted to be the reason that Lee Felix was pouting.
Then suddenly, Felix must have applied too much pressure to the piping bag, the plastic bursting open, red icing flying around the kitchen.
Felix now had an entirely new reason to pout as you laughed hysterically while helping him get all the icing out of his blonde hair.
âYou would look really good with red highlights, just saying. Oooh, or go pink next time!â, you giggled while your fingers threaded through his locks one last time, making sure nothing stuck to it.
âHot pink bitch or pastel pink?â
âPastel, please!â
Felix nodded wisely, storing your suggestion away in the back of his mind.
He was always there for you if you needed a laugh, even if he had to pull silly faces to do so. Spending a day with Felix always meant that you would be happy and giggly afterwards, his warmth and energy bleeding right into you. He was just such a good person that it was impossible not to feel content with him. Always thinking of everyone else first. You wanted to be there for him as much as he was for you.
-
Changbin was sitting idly at the table when you came out of the kitchen so you decided to hop over to him. He looked so adorable in his red sweater. You plopped into the chair right next to him and immediately leaned your head onto his shoulder.
âStill tired even after napping?â, Changbin chuckled.
âNooo, itâs just so warm and cozy in here, canât help but get sleepyâ, you pouted up at him after hugging his arm, his bicep was the perfect size for hugging and for abusing it as a makeshift pillow. Much like Felix, you sometimes couldnât help it but touch his arm or snuggle into it. Maybe that makes you as much as a muscle fan as he is.
âThatâs good. Iâm glad youâre feeling relaxedâ, he said in a softer tone, one that that made sure that you were the only one who could hear him. You sighed against him and snuggled right back into his arm. You kind of didnât want this evening to end. Even though it was Christmas, you felt good, for once.
âWe donât do this every year, but you know youâre welcome to join any of us at our familyâs home when we go away for the holidaysâ, Changbinâs head came to rest on yours.
âI wouldnât want to intrude, Binnie. I know nobody would mind but it feels⊠weird.â
âYou know almost every mom of us has practically adopted you as an additional kid in their household? Theyâd love to feed you, if anythingâ, Changbin slightly wiggled his shoulder to get you to look at him and you do, a pout still prominent on your lips. He rolled his eyes at you.
âIâll try to keep it in mind⊠Thank you, Binnieâ, you give him a kiss on his cheek and he sheepishly waves you away.
Changbin was like the root that kept you all together. You always knew that if you needed someone to talk, someone to try their best to give you a good solution to your issue, you could come to him. He was incredible at figuring out tricky situations and how to get out of them and his advice was second to none.
You could rely on him for everything. You could hand him your heart and he would protect it with his life, keeping it safe and loved until you were well enough to protect it yourself again.
And if you needed one of the warmest bear hugs, you knew who to go to.
-
It was almost time for movie night and you knew you were most likely going to fall asleep somewhere down the line, so you excused yourself for a quick moment to do your nightly skincare routine in one of the bathrooms.
When you opened the door, Jeongin was already inside rubbing something into his skin. He gave you a foxy smile and made some space for you.
âThe other bathroom doesnât have a mirrorâ, he explained and you nodded. You didnât mind doing your routine with him here. Spending time with Jeongin was always pleasant. He was funny and an incredible moodmaker, but you could also always rely on him to give you solid and honest advice whenever you needed it.
Your skincare wasnât as extensive as his (the amount of products he has at home is quite frankly impressive), but you hopped onto the counter next to the sink just to stay with him for a little longer.
âWho do you think is gonna fall asleep first?â, you asked as you swung your legs in the air.
He hummed, thinking for a moment.
âProbably Jisung or Hyunjinâ, he nodded, âJisungâs always so excited to watch movies with us but then heâs knocked out in the corner by the second one. Hyunjinâs probably going to cry at some point and thatâs making him tired.â
You couldnât even disagree. It was probably going to be these two and just a question of who was folding first.
âYouâre probably right. Iâll bet on Hyunjin, weâre watching a fantasy movie first, heâs definitely gonna cry and tucker himself out.â
âIâll bet on Jisung then. Whoever loses owes the other a meal.â
âDeal!â, you both shook hands on it and the bet was on.
Jeongin was always going to be your partner in crime. If it seemed like you couldnât do anything right, Jeongin was right there to assure you that you were doing just fine. He had so much love in his heart for his friends and would jump to any opportunity to let you know of his support, lifting you right back up if everything seemed useless.
-
A little while later, it was already time for the first movie of the night. Hyunjin and Minho cleared some of the living room space while Jisung and Chan were busy setting all the electronic stuff up. Now there were a bunch of pillows and blankets set up so everyone had a comfy place to settle into for the night.
You hadnât seen a whole lot of Jisung today, so when everyone was choosing their space for tonight, you jumped over everyone to sit next to him. Jisung beamed at you and immediately shared his blanket with you.
Beside him in the corner of the couch was Minho, and right behind you was Hyunjin, who in turn was seated next to Jeongin. A perfect setup to observe who falls asleep first.
âIf I see just one of you on your phone, itâs on sightâ, Jisung called out and everyone grumbled an affirmation.
Chan started the first movie and you made yourself comfortable against Jisung. Something about watching a movie in the comfortable silence amongst your group made you emotional. Maybe it was also thanks to the movie, maybe it was the day itself, maybe it was the warmth you shared today with each of them that finally settled in your heart that made you tear up. It doesnât matter.
At the first sniff, Jisungâs arm came to rest around you to press you into his side so you could properly cuddle him. You whispered a quiet âthanksâ to him as the fuzzy fabric of his cardigan pressed into your cheek and sighed deeply. A big lop-sided smile appeared on his face before his attention turned back to the movie, his hand drawing soft circles on your back as he held you.
With Jisung it was always all silent understanding. He seemed to have an extra sense for these things, being deeply emotional himself. He could always tell when you started feeling uncomfortable in certain situations and always took care of getting you out of it as soon as possible. Sometimes even you couldnât tell when a panic attack crept up on you, but he somehow always did.
Thinking about how Jisung keeps an eye on you even when youâre not aware makes you tear up even more, so you shook your head and tried to focus back on the movie.
Jisung would always be there for you.
-
You donât really know when it happened, but most of the guys seemed to have fallen asleep, including you for a short while. Jisung and Minho had curled together while you still laid on Jisung. A weight was pressed into your back that you assumed was Hyunjin and if you squinted, you could see Jeongin pressed into his side too. Further down the couch Changbin and Felix had gotten comfy together, both completely knocked out, while Chan had his arms around Seungmin as they slept.
You almost chuckled at the sight but didnât want to wake anyone. Instead, you chose to take this opportunity to cuddle back into the two warm bodies surrounding you and closing your eyes.
This definitely wasnât the most traditional Christmas, but the part of your heart that started freezing over, protecting your vulnerability from your family, started thawing up bit by bit with each moment of warmth you shared. If this was how Christmas was going to be every year, then you think it might turn into your favorite holiday, surrounded by the people you loved most, that did everything in their power to make sure you felt loved, too.
synopsis: You have a bad history with Christmas, usually choosing to spend it alone in recent years. The boys want to help you realise there's other ways to spend the holidays.
warnings: mentions of familial verbal abuse (only briefly at the start!), swearing
genre: fluff; comfort fic; can be read as romantic or platonic!
w/c: 4.8k
a/n: this is incredibly self-indulgent and kinda personal, but I wanted to have something for Christmas! I tried to keep it as inclusive as I could and hope that some people can find some comfort in this, holiday season can be rough enough as is. happy holidays and happy reading! đđ
masterlist
divider by @firefly-graphics
The holidays were always rough for you. While you still liked the decorations, the christmas songs and everything surrounding the holiday, you didnât enjoy the day itself. Too much of it tainted by your family getting into arguments, belittling you over nothing. No matter what you achieved, it was always ridiculed. âWhat was that even good for? You donât need that in life. Itâs useless.â
Youâve stopped celebrating with your family for that reason, instead choosing to spend Christmas alone at home nursing your glass of the alcohol of your choice while watching bad movies until the night was over and your heart ached a little less. Not wanting to be pitied, you never really told your friends and always came up with some fabricated story over how you liked spending Christmas with your family. Just so they wouldnât ask or think it was their job to make your day better despite already being stressed enough with their own preparations for the holiday.
It worked quite well up until now but one badly hidden tremble of your voice brought your house of lies tumbling down and now you were roped into spending Christmas with your dearest group of friends. And while you were absolute positive that they would never break out into serious fights or make fun of you over nothing, especially now knowing your bad history with Christmas, a lingering anxiety gnawed at your heart when you stood in front of Chanâs apartment.
Already, the volume inside of the apartment was noticeable and you couldnât help but smile to yourself. Maybe this kind of noise would settle your heart and distract from the negative experiences. Sighing, you pressed your finger to the doorbell and hoped they could even hear that amongst the yelling.
The door swung open to reveal a very smiley Jeongin.
âYouâre here!â
You were immediately ushered into the warmth of the room, a wonderful smell permeating from the kitchen through the entire apartment already. At the sound of the door closing again, several footsteps could be heard padding their way over to you.
The apartment was fully decorated, fairylights that emitted their warm lights everywhere, Christmas trinkets here and there, candles that were ready to be lit and of course a Christmas tree in the middle of the living room, sparkling in beautiful colors.
âMerry Christmas, y/n!â, Felix beamed at the sight of you, coming up to give you a tight hug. Right behind him was Changbin giving you a soft smile and Hyunjin practically vibrating full of excitement beside him. After giving you one last pat on the back, Felix let go of you begrudgingly. If you let him, heâd probably cling onto you the entire night.
âSo what have you all been up to already?â, you asked while putting your jacket away.
âEarlier we made some cookies!â, Hyunjin chirped from his place on the couch, already getting cozy beside Changbin, his long limbs cascading everywhere.
âDonât touch the ones in the blue bowlâ, Changbin frowned from his place beside him, shaking his head in horror.
âThe hell did you do?â, you laughed and plopped down right beside them, leaning into Changbinâs side.
âSomeone canât read labels and put salt instead of sugar into the batterâ, he sighed and his eyebrows pinched together and youâre pretty sure he was the victim who had to find out the hard way.
âGet out of my damn kitchen!â, you heard Minho yell before a giggling Seungmin came jogging out of the door that lead to the kitchen in Chanâs apartment. That mischievous grin on his face as he made his way over to the couch told you everything you needed to know: he was probably annoying Minho while he was busy cooking until he had enough.
âHey! Thereâs my favorite person!â
âSaying that like you have so many people to choose from, other than usâ, you scoffed playfully and he opened his mouth to quip something back but chose to keep it shut to keep the original objective for tonight on track.
As to where the missing guys were, you assumed Jisung was still in the kitchen with Minho, actually trying to be helpful, Jeongin had disappeared into one of the rooms saying something about âpreparing itâ and you had absolutely no idea where Chan was, even though he was the one who invited you in the first place.
You decided to not worry about anything, trusting them to make this evening nice and relaxing.
-
âNo, fuck you, we said we wouldnât allow stacking plus fours!â, yelled Felix from one side of the table, clutching his UNO cards in his hands so hard you were afraid heâd destroy them.
âWell, good thing I have never listened to you guys, like, everâ, said Seungmin from the other side of the table, smugly pointing to the stack of cards on the table.
âNow take your 16 cards, sunshine boy.â
If Felix was capable of letting steam come out of his ears, now would be one of those moments for it to happen. He kept insisting he wasnât really angry, that itâs okay, heâs just having a moment but you could tell he was at least a little frustrated, if not angry. You had to hold back your laughter, clenching your eyes shut and holding yourself steady on Jeonginâs bicep, who was just shaking his head with a fond smile at the scene unfolding at the small coffee table.
Why you all decided to play UNO of all games was a mystery to you. This game brought out the worst sides in everyone. Not being overly competitive yourself, you only got front-row seats to everyone almost wanting to strangle eachother and just barely holding back, a forced smile on their faces that did nothing to hide all the pain of having to draw 8.
It wasnât even about who was going to win anymore, either. Hyunjin was extremely lucky and won first with you coming in second, followed by Changbin, Han and then finally Jeongin. Minho was still busy in the kitchen and said heâd rather watch the food change color in the oven than get into this game with these animals.
It was just about who was going to be last. And neither Felix nor Seungmin wanted to be the one to have to take home the title of Christmas UNO loser, especially when they were the ones who usually won these games.
âI feel like Yongbok is gonna explodeâ, Jisung quipped from his place behind you on the couch, his squirrel cheeks full of cookies. You leaned back against his legs as you chuckled, eager to see how this was going to turn out.
Unsurprising to anyone, Seungmin won over Felix, who dramatically threw the rest of his cards onto the table with a screech.
âHe probably cheated anyways!â, Felix pointed an accusing finger to Seungmin across the table and with his hair all messy from grabbing it so much, he looked like a disheveled, grumpy kitten.
âIf I was cheating, I wouldnât be second to last!â, Seungmin countered and pointed his own finger back at him
âMaybe youâre just bad at cheating, too!â
Their frowns broke out into big smiles as they finally laughed over their little overdramatic quarrel. Seeing them make up almost immediately pushed some of the rising anxiety back into the furthest corners of your heart, and you sighed contently.
âNow whoâs ready for round two?â
A bunch of groans followed.
-
Your games were temporarily interrupted by Chan finally coming back home, a big smile on his face as he saw his friends having fun together. He explained he had to make some last minute runs for the company and you felt kind of bad for him, that he was working even now.
âAh, donât worry, Iâm here nowâ, he waved your concerns away and after checking on Minho in the kitchen to see if he needed anything and promptly getting shooed out, he took his place near the coffee table to watch the chaos unfold.
Since you were already out anyway, you got up and waddled over to him.
âYou feeling alright?â, he immediately offered his hand to you and you gladly took it, his warm hand soothing on yours.
âYeah, itâs been funâ, you admitted softly and he smiled again.
âIâm glad. This is supposed to be just a fun evening for everyone, if something doesnât feel right, please tell me or any of the kids, okay?â, he squeezed your hand and you nodded. You knew they were trying to give you a pleasant Christmas memory just because they found out your normally spent it alone after some family issues, and it almost brought you to tears at how soft you were for your friends. You knew they would always have your back, no matter what.
Even if you said, you just wanted to watch a movie, they would try to make it the best experience ever.
The soft smile on Chanâs face shifted into a mischievous one and he tugged at your arm, successfully pulling you into his lap where he hastily put his arms around you while he giggled into your back.
âNow you canât ever leave!â, he giggled, swaying you two back and forth in the armchair and you lightly slapped his arm playfully. When he stopped moving so much, you relaxed back into his hold, comfortably resting against his shoulder and chest. His chin came to rest on your shoulder to watch the others still battle it out on the coffee table.
Sighing deeply in comfort, you told him, âthank you, Channie. For inviting me, I mean.â He nodded against you and poked your side.
âAlways. Youâre part of this little family, too, you know.â
Chan meant a lot to you. Whatever happened in your life, he would help you, no questions asked. Once, you showed up at his doorstep, completely silent, voice refusing to come out. And he took you in, worried out of his mind, holding you the entire night until your frozen vocal chords warmed up enough to tell him what happened.
You wouldnât know what to do without him, so thankful for him being in your life.
-
Silence. Blissful silence.
Only the occasional âmmh!â and clinking of plates could be heard as you all stuffed your faces with the delicious spread of dishes Minho had prepared while you were all busy caving eachotherâs heads in because of card games.
You sat between Minho and Jeongin who both kept loading your plate with more food every time they deemed it too empty. Minho kept stealing glances at you that he probably thought you wouldnât notice. You eventually caved.
âWhatâs up?â, you asked him and bumped him with your shoulder, earning a playful glare from him with his big boba eyes.
âWondering if youâre liking the food, thatâs all.â
âAre you kidding? This is delicious! Youâve outdone yourself again, Minho!â, you beamed at him and a relieved smile settled on his face, before he put some more of the stew into your bowl and you groaned.
âIf you like it so much, youâre gonna help eating all of this. The last few days must have been stressful anyways.â
So thatâs what it was. Minho remembered that you ate less during the holidays, overwhelmed by all of the stress your body was going through and suddenly you wanted to tear up again, your heart so tender because of his care for you. He was always so attentive in his own way. The last few years he would nonchalantly bring over food that heâd advise you to eat before they went bad. Even before knowing you never really spent time with your family during the holidays, he had looked out for you.
Sometimes heâd sent pictures to you with no caption whatsoever of Soonie, Doongie and Dori, knowing you loved the three troublemakers to bits and that it would cheer you up at least a little.
You nodded at him, digging right back in and he knocked his knee to yours, his thigh now pressing against yours, making sure you knew he was there for you if you needed him. Minhoâs presence in your life was steady, like a rock that you could hold onto when things got rough. He would always be there to catch you no matter how bad it got and help you back on track.
-
So full until you couldnât eat anymore, you told everyone that you wanted to go on a short walk to digest and Seungmin offered to join you, grabbing your jackets.
The cool breeze outside was exactly what you needed, your senses still buzzing from all the food, the laughter and warmth from inside. Seungmin took the hint and kept silent for a good chunk of your walk, just silently keeping you company, his presence comforting and unwavering beside you. Seungmin often offered to beside you when you needed silent comfort, his hand somewhere on you for you to feel the warmth of him and know he was there right beside you. That you werenât alone and that he would listen if you chose to talk.
âI saw a puppy plush the other day that reminded me of youâ, you suddenly said and his head whipped around to look at you.
âDonât tell me you got it for meâ, he sighed and was already ready to whine about it, even though you knew it would make him really happy.
âNoâ, you laughed, âbut I was close to it.â
He put one hand on his chest and breathed out dramatically, as if he dodged a bullet. You bumped into him with your shoulder with a small smile on your face and he bumped right back, careful to not overdo it so that you wouldnât fall face first into the snow right beside you.
âShould we get a Hotteok?â, Seungmin nodded towards a Hotteok stand in the distance.
âIâm stuffed, Seungmin.â
âSo? Thereâs always room for Hotteok.â
And he had you convinced in no time because you just couldnât say no to him and those stupid puppy eyes of his. Now you were both munching on your snacks as you went back to Chanâs apartment. You had to make sure that the others couldnât tell that you went out to get them without them or there would be hell to pay.
But you were ready to face that potential hell because you knew youâd win with Seungmin by your side. If the entire world was against you, Seungmin would find a way to either fight them all off or convince them you were the best thing in the world, no matter what it took.
-
When you and Seungmin came back, everyone was busy with something. Either cleaning up, playing cards again, fiddling with the TV for movie night later or doing whatever else. The only one who had decided to take it easy for the moment was Hyunjin, who was sprawled on the couch again, sleepily watching everyone around him.
You padded over to him and he groggily looked up at you, a slight pout on his lips.
âYou sleepy?â, you poked his shoulder, the softness of his sweater heavenly and suddenly you want to touch it more, your hand flattening against the fabric.
âAll that food made me tiredâ, he hummed.
âWanna join?â, he patted the space next to him where you could fit snugly beside him and the couch.
You looked around for a moment, wondering if it wouldnât be better if you helped someone around the house, your fingers wringing themselves together nervously. Hyunjin swatted at your hands lazily, forcing them apart.
âIâll share my sweater with you.â
Now that made you perk up.
âReally?â
âMhh, now come on.â
Suddenly your nervousness was gone and you climbed over Hyunjin to get comfortable in the space between his body and the backrest of the sofa. Hyunjinâs eyes were barely open when he lifted the hem of his sweater for you to crawl into.
âAre you serious?â
He just hummed again, already half asleep and you shrugged. He was so adorable when sleepy. The sweater was big enough. It was a bit of a struggle but soon enough you were underneath the sweater as well, bathed in both Hyunjinâs body warmth and the warmth of the sweater. You moved your arms around his waist to snuggle further into him. Like he was your personal teddy bear.
Hyunjin was also someone you could always count on. If you needed to go out and clear your head, do something, anything productive, he would find the best way to spend that time with you. Always eager to try out new stuff, he roped you into many crash or one-day courses to learn a new skill. One day you would tell him that you needed to do something with your hands or else youâd go crazy and he found a pottery course nearby that you eagerly tried out with him. If you needed something to fill your head with, Hyunjin would find a small opportunity to learn something more scientific that kept your head busy.
If you just needed someone to talk, he would listen for hours until your words ran out and you both laid exhausted in your bed. Together. Never alone.
Despite all the ruckus around you, you fell asleep fast in Hyunjinâs arms surrounded by his warmth and his scent.
-
When you woke up, sunshine was beaming down on you while you were still tangled together with Hyunjin in his sweater. After blinking a couple times, you realised it was Felix standing above you and smiling.
âHey, sleepyhead. Figured Iâd wake you two up so you donât sleep through the entire night. Wanna help decorate the cookies?â
You groggily disentangled yourself from Hyunjin, who insisted you keep wearing his sweater, before following Felix into the kitchen where he had already set up all the different cookies to be decorated.
âI wanted to do half of these as elves and the other half as gingerbreadmenâ, he explains and you nod, starting to decorate the cookies like Felix instructed you.
The tiredness washed right off as Felix got to talking about random things, the deep timber of his voice so smooth in your ears. He talked a bit about his plans after Christmas and invited you to come along for New Yearâs shopping. Apparently, he already had a list of gifts he wanted to give everyone. Obviously, you would have to look away and pretend you donât see him buying yours if you came along, otherwise he threatened heâd pout. And there was no way you wanted to be the reason that Lee Felix was pouting.
Then suddenly, Felix must have applied too much pressure to the piping bag, the plastic bursting open, red icing flying around the kitchen.
Felix now had an entirely new reason to pout as you laughed hysterically while helping him get all the icing out of his blonde hair.
âYou would look really good with red highlights, just saying. Oooh, or go pink next time!â, you giggled while your fingers threaded through his locks one last time, making sure nothing stuck to it.
âHot pink bitch or pastel pink?â
âPastel, please!â
Felix nodded wisely, storing your suggestion away in the back of his mind.
He was always there for you if you needed a laugh, even if he had to pull silly faces to do so. Spending a day with Felix always meant that you would be happy and giggly afterwards, his warmth and energy bleeding right into you. He was just such a good person that it was impossible not to feel content with him. Always thinking of everyone else first. You wanted to be there for him as much as he was for you.
-
Changbin was sitting idly at the table when you came out of the kitchen so you decided to hop over to him. He looked so adorable in his red sweater. You plopped into the chair right next to him and immediately leaned your head onto his shoulder.
âStill tired even after napping?â, Changbin chuckled.
âNooo, itâs just so warm and cozy in here, canât help but get sleepyâ, you pouted up at him after hugging his arm, his bicep was the perfect size for hugging and for abusing it as a makeshift pillow. Much like Felix, you sometimes couldnât help it but touch his arm or snuggle into it. Maybe that makes you as much as a muscle fan as he is.
âThatâs good. Iâm glad youâre feeling relaxedâ, he said in a softer tone, one that that made sure that you were the only one who could hear him. You sighed against him and snuggled right back into his arm. You kind of didnât want this evening to end. Even though it was Christmas, you felt good, for once.
âWe donât do this every year, but you know youâre welcome to join any of us at our familyâs home when we go away for the holidaysâ, Changbinâs head came to rest on yours.
âI wouldnât want to intrude, Binnie. I know nobody would mind but it feels⊠weird.â
âYou know almost every mom of us has practically adopted you as an additional kid in their household? Theyâd love to feed you, if anythingâ, Changbin slightly wiggled his shoulder to get you to look at him and you do, a pout still prominent on your lips. He rolled his eyes at you.
âIâll try to keep it in mind⊠Thank you, Binnieâ, you give him a kiss on his cheek and he sheepishly waves you away.
Changbin was like the root that kept you all together. You always knew that if you needed someone to talk, someone to try their best to give you a good solution to your issue, you could come to him. He was incredible at figuring out tricky situations and how to get out of them and his advice was second to none.
You could rely on him for everything. You could hand him your heart and he would protect it with his life, keeping it safe and loved until you were well enough to protect it yourself again.
And if you needed one of the warmest bear hugs, you knew who to go to.
-
It was almost time for movie night and you knew you were most likely going to fall asleep somewhere down the line, so you excused yourself for a quick moment to do your nightly skincare routine in one of the bathrooms.
When you opened the door, Jeongin was already inside rubbing something into his skin. He gave you a foxy smile and made some space for you.
âThe other bathroom doesnât have a mirrorâ, he explained and you nodded. You didnât mind doing your routine with him here. Spending time with Jeongin was always pleasant. He was funny and an incredible moodmaker, but you could also always rely on him to give you solid and honest advice whenever you needed it.
Your skincare wasnât as extensive as his (the amount of products he has at home is quite frankly impressive), but you hopped onto the counter next to the sink just to stay with him for a little longer.
âWho do you think is gonna fall asleep first?â, you asked as you swung your legs in the air.
He hummed, thinking for a moment.
âProbably Jisung or Hyunjinâ, he nodded, âJisungâs always so excited to watch movies with us but then heâs knocked out in the corner by the second one. Hyunjinâs probably going to cry at some point and thatâs making him tired.â
You couldnât even disagree. It was probably going to be these two and just a question of who was folding first.
âYouâre probably right. Iâll bet on Hyunjin, weâre watching a fantasy movie first, heâs definitely gonna cry and tucker himself out.â
âIâll bet on Jisung then. Whoever loses owes the other a meal.â
âDeal!â, you both shook hands on it and the bet was on.
Jeongin was always going to be your partner in crime. If it seemed like you couldnât do anything right, Jeongin was right there to assure you that you were doing just fine. He had so much love in his heart for his friends and would jump to any opportunity to let you know of his support, lifting you right back up if everything seemed useless.
-
A little while later, it was already time for the first movie of the night. Hyunjin and Minho cleared some of the living room space while Jisung and Chan were busy setting all the electronic stuff up. Now there were a bunch of pillows and blankets set up so everyone had a comfy place to settle into for the night.
You hadnât seen a whole lot of Jisung today, so when everyone was choosing their space for tonight, you jumped over everyone to sit next to him. Jisung beamed at you and immediately shared his blanket with you.
Beside him in the corner of the couch was Minho, and right behind you was Hyunjin, who in turn was seated next to Jeongin. A perfect setup to observe who falls asleep first.
âIf I see just one of you on your phone, itâs on sightâ, Jisung called out and everyone grumbled an affirmation.
Chan started the first movie and you made yourself comfortable against Jisung. Something about watching a movie in the comfortable silence amongst your group made you emotional. Maybe it was also thanks to the movie, maybe it was the day itself, maybe it was the warmth you shared today with each of them that finally settled in your heart that made you tear up. It doesnât matter.
At the first sniff, Jisungâs arm came to rest around you to press you into his side so you could properly cuddle him. You whispered a quiet âthanksâ to him as the fuzzy fabric of his cardigan pressed into your cheek and sighed deeply. A big lop-sided smile appeared on his face before his attention turned back to the movie, his hand drawing soft circles on your back as he held you.
With Jisung it was always all silent understanding. He seemed to have an extra sense for these things, being deeply emotional himself. He could always tell when you started feeling uncomfortable in certain situations and always took care of getting you out of it as soon as possible. Sometimes even you couldnât tell when a panic attack crept up on you, but he somehow always did.
Thinking about how Jisung keeps an eye on you even when youâre not aware makes you tear up even more, so you shook your head and tried to focus back on the movie.
Jisung would always be there for you.
-
You donât really know when it happened, but most of the guys seemed to have fallen asleep, including you for a short while. Jisung and Minho had curled together while you still laid on Jisung. A weight was pressed into your back that you assumed was Hyunjin and if you squinted, you could see Jeongin pressed into his side too. Further down the couch Changbin and Felix had gotten comfy together, both completely knocked out, while Chan had his arms around Seungmin as they slept.
You almost chuckled at the sight but didnât want to wake anyone. Instead, you chose to take this opportunity to cuddle back into the two warm bodies surrounding you and closing your eyes.
This definitely wasnât the most traditional Christmas, but the part of your heart that started freezing over, protecting your vulnerability from your family, started thawing up bit by bit with each moment of warmth you shared. If this was how Christmas was going to be every year, then you think it might turn into your favorite holiday, surrounded by the people you loved most, that did everything in their power to make sure you felt loved, too.
synopsis: You have a bad history with Christmas, usually choosing to spend it alone in recent years. The boys want to help you realise there's other ways to spend the holidays.
warnings: mentions of familial verbal abuse (only briefly at the start!), swearing
genre: fluff; comfort fic; can be read as romantic or platonic!
w/c: 4.8k
a/n: this is incredibly self-indulgent and kinda personal, but I wanted to have something for Christmas! I tried to keep it as inclusive as I could and hope that some people can find some comfort in this, holiday season can be rough enough as is. happy holidays and happy reading! đđ
masterlist
divider by @firefly-graphics
The holidays were always rough for you. While you still liked the decorations, the christmas songs and everything surrounding the holiday, you didnât enjoy the day itself. Too much of it tainted by your family getting into arguments, belittling you over nothing. No matter what you achieved, it was always ridiculed. âWhat was that even good for? You donât need that in life. Itâs useless.â
Youâve stopped celebrating with your family for that reason, instead choosing to spend Christmas alone at home nursing your glass of the alcohol of your choice while watching bad movies until the night was over and your heart ached a little less. Not wanting to be pitied, you never really told your friends and always came up with some fabricated story over how you liked spending Christmas with your family. Just so they wouldnât ask or think it was their job to make your day better despite already being stressed enough with their own preparations for the holiday.
It worked quite well up until now but one badly hidden tremble of your voice brought your house of lies tumbling down and now you were roped into spending Christmas with your dearest group of friends. And while you were absolute positive that they would never break out into serious fights or make fun of you over nothing, especially now knowing your bad history with Christmas, a lingering anxiety gnawed at your heart when you stood in front of Chanâs apartment.
Already, the volume inside of the apartment was noticeable and you couldnât help but smile to yourself. Maybe this kind of noise would settle your heart and distract from the negative experiences. Sighing, you pressed your finger to the doorbell and hoped they could even hear that amongst the yelling.
The door swung open to reveal a very smiley Jeongin.
âYouâre here!â
You were immediately ushered into the warmth of the room, a wonderful smell permeating from the kitchen through the entire apartment already. At the sound of the door closing again, several footsteps could be heard padding their way over to you.
The apartment was fully decorated, fairylights that emitted their warm lights everywhere, Christmas trinkets here and there, candles that were ready to be lit and of course a Christmas tree in the middle of the living room, sparkling in beautiful colors.
âMerry Christmas, y/n!â, Felix beamed at the sight of you, coming up to give you a tight hug. Right behind him was Changbin giving you a soft smile and Hyunjin practically vibrating full of excitement beside him. After giving you one last pat on the back, Felix let go of you begrudgingly. If you let him, heâd probably cling onto you the entire night.
âSo what have you all been up to already?â, you asked while putting your jacket away.
âEarlier we made some cookies!â, Hyunjin chirped from his place on the couch, already getting cozy beside Changbin, his long limbs cascading everywhere.
âDonât touch the ones in the blue bowlâ, Changbin frowned from his place beside him, shaking his head in horror.
âThe hell did you do?â, you laughed and plopped down right beside them, leaning into Changbinâs side.
âSomeone canât read labels and put salt instead of sugar into the batterâ, he sighed and his eyebrows pinched together and youâre pretty sure he was the victim who had to find out the hard way.
âGet out of my damn kitchen!â, you heard Minho yell before a giggling Seungmin came jogging out of the door that lead to the kitchen in Chanâs apartment. That mischievous grin on his face as he made his way over to the couch told you everything you needed to know: he was probably annoying Minho while he was busy cooking until he had enough.
âHey! Thereâs my favorite person!â
âSaying that like you have so many people to choose from, other than usâ, you scoffed playfully and he opened his mouth to quip something back but chose to keep it shut to keep the original objective for tonight on track.
As to where the missing guys were, you assumed Jisung was still in the kitchen with Minho, actually trying to be helpful, Jeongin had disappeared into one of the rooms saying something about âpreparing itâ and you had absolutely no idea where Chan was, even though he was the one who invited you in the first place.
You decided to not worry about anything, trusting them to make this evening nice and relaxing.
-
âNo, fuck you, we said we wouldnât allow stacking plus fours!â, yelled Felix from one side of the table, clutching his UNO cards in his hands so hard you were afraid heâd destroy them.
âWell, good thing I have never listened to you guys, like, everâ, said Seungmin from the other side of the table, smugly pointing to the stack of cards on the table.
âNow take your 16 cards, sunshine boy.â
If Felix was capable of letting steam come out of his ears, now would be one of those moments for it to happen. He kept insisting he wasnât really angry, that itâs okay, heâs just having a moment but you could tell he was at least a little frustrated, if not angry. You had to hold back your laughter, clenching your eyes shut and holding yourself steady on Jeonginâs bicep, who was just shaking his head with a fond smile at the scene unfolding at the small coffee table.
Why you all decided to play UNO of all games was a mystery to you. This game brought out the worst sides in everyone. Not being overly competitive yourself, you only got front-row seats to everyone almost wanting to strangle eachother and just barely holding back, a forced smile on their faces that did nothing to hide all the pain of having to draw 8.
It wasnât even about who was going to win anymore, either. Hyunjin was extremely lucky and won first with you coming in second, followed by Changbin, Han and then finally Jeongin. Minho was still busy in the kitchen and said heâd rather watch the food change color in the oven than get into this game with these animals.
It was just about who was going to be last. And neither Felix nor Seungmin wanted to be the one to have to take home the title of Christmas UNO loser, especially when they were the ones who usually won these games.
âI feel like Yongbok is gonna explodeâ, Jisung quipped from his place behind you on the couch, his squirrel cheeks full of cookies. You leaned back against his legs as you chuckled, eager to see how this was going to turn out.
Unsurprising to anyone, Seungmin won over Felix, who dramatically threw the rest of his cards onto the table with a screech.
âHe probably cheated anyways!â, Felix pointed an accusing finger to Seungmin across the table and with his hair all messy from grabbing it so much, he looked like a disheveled, grumpy kitten.
âIf I was cheating, I wouldnât be second to last!â, Seungmin countered and pointed his own finger back at him
âMaybe youâre just bad at cheating, too!â
Their frowns broke out into big smiles as they finally laughed over their little overdramatic quarrel. Seeing them make up almost immediately pushed some of the rising anxiety back into the furthest corners of your heart, and you sighed contently.
âNow whoâs ready for round two?â
A bunch of groans followed.
-
Your games were temporarily interrupted by Chan finally coming back home, a big smile on his face as he saw his friends having fun together. He explained he had to make some last minute runs for the company and you felt kind of bad for him, that he was working even now.
âAh, donât worry, Iâm here nowâ, he waved your concerns away and after checking on Minho in the kitchen to see if he needed anything and promptly getting shooed out, he took his place near the coffee table to watch the chaos unfold.
Since you were already out anyway, you got up and waddled over to him.
âYou feeling alright?â, he immediately offered his hand to you and you gladly took it, his warm hand soothing on yours.
âYeah, itâs been funâ, you admitted softly and he smiled again.
âIâm glad. This is supposed to be just a fun evening for everyone, if something doesnât feel right, please tell me or any of the kids, okay?â, he squeezed your hand and you nodded. You knew they were trying to give you a pleasant Christmas memory just because they found out your normally spent it alone after some family issues, and it almost brought you to tears at how soft you were for your friends. You knew they would always have your back, no matter what.
Even if you said, you just wanted to watch a movie, they would try to make it the best experience ever.
The soft smile on Chanâs face shifted into a mischievous one and he tugged at your arm, successfully pulling you into his lap where he hastily put his arms around you while he giggled into your back.
âNow you canât ever leave!â, he giggled, swaying you two back and forth in the armchair and you lightly slapped his arm playfully. When he stopped moving so much, you relaxed back into his hold, comfortably resting against his shoulder and chest. His chin came to rest on your shoulder to watch the others still battle it out on the coffee table.
Sighing deeply in comfort, you told him, âthank you, Channie. For inviting me, I mean.â He nodded against you and poked your side.
âAlways. Youâre part of this little family, too, you know.â
Chan meant a lot to you. Whatever happened in your life, he would help you, no questions asked. Once, you showed up at his doorstep, completely silent, voice refusing to come out. And he took you in, worried out of his mind, holding you the entire night until your frozen vocal chords warmed up enough to tell him what happened.
You wouldnât know what to do without him, so thankful for him being in your life.
-
Silence. Blissful silence.
Only the occasional âmmh!â and clinking of plates could be heard as you all stuffed your faces with the delicious spread of dishes Minho had prepared while you were all busy caving eachotherâs heads in because of card games.
You sat between Minho and Jeongin who both kept loading your plate with more food every time they deemed it too empty. Minho kept stealing glances at you that he probably thought you wouldnât notice. You eventually caved.
âWhatâs up?â, you asked him and bumped him with your shoulder, earning a playful glare from him with his big boba eyes.
âWondering if youâre liking the food, thatâs all.â
âAre you kidding? This is delicious! Youâve outdone yourself again, Minho!â, you beamed at him and a relieved smile settled on his face, before he put some more of the stew into your bowl and you groaned.
âIf you like it so much, youâre gonna help eating all of this. The last few days must have been stressful anyways.â
So thatâs what it was. Minho remembered that you ate less during the holidays, overwhelmed by all of the stress your body was going through and suddenly you wanted to tear up again, your heart so tender because of his care for you. He was always so attentive in his own way. The last few years he would nonchalantly bring over food that heâd advise you to eat before they went bad. Even before knowing you never really spent time with your family during the holidays, he had looked out for you.
Sometimes heâd sent pictures to you with no caption whatsoever of Soonie, Doongie and Dori, knowing you loved the three troublemakers to bits and that it would cheer you up at least a little.
You nodded at him, digging right back in and he knocked his knee to yours, his thigh now pressing against yours, making sure you knew he was there for you if you needed him. Minhoâs presence in your life was steady, like a rock that you could hold onto when things got rough. He would always be there to catch you no matter how bad it got and help you back on track.
-
So full until you couldnât eat anymore, you told everyone that you wanted to go on a short walk to digest and Seungmin offered to join you, grabbing your jackets.
The cool breeze outside was exactly what you needed, your senses still buzzing from all the food, the laughter and warmth from inside. Seungmin took the hint and kept silent for a good chunk of your walk, just silently keeping you company, his presence comforting and unwavering beside you. Seungmin often offered to beside you when you needed silent comfort, his hand somewhere on you for you to feel the warmth of him and know he was there right beside you. That you werenât alone and that he would listen if you chose to talk.
âI saw a puppy plush the other day that reminded me of youâ, you suddenly said and his head whipped around to look at you.
âDonât tell me you got it for meâ, he sighed and was already ready to whine about it, even though you knew it would make him really happy.
âNoâ, you laughed, âbut I was close to it.â
He put one hand on his chest and breathed out dramatically, as if he dodged a bullet. You bumped into him with your shoulder with a small smile on your face and he bumped right back, careful to not overdo it so that you wouldnât fall face first into the snow right beside you.
âShould we get a Hotteok?â, Seungmin nodded towards a Hotteok stand in the distance.
âIâm stuffed, Seungmin.â
âSo? Thereâs always room for Hotteok.â
And he had you convinced in no time because you just couldnât say no to him and those stupid puppy eyes of his. Now you were both munching on your snacks as you went back to Chanâs apartment. You had to make sure that the others couldnât tell that you went out to get them without them or there would be hell to pay.
But you were ready to face that potential hell because you knew youâd win with Seungmin by your side. If the entire world was against you, Seungmin would find a way to either fight them all off or convince them you were the best thing in the world, no matter what it took.
-
When you and Seungmin came back, everyone was busy with something. Either cleaning up, playing cards again, fiddling with the TV for movie night later or doing whatever else. The only one who had decided to take it easy for the moment was Hyunjin, who was sprawled on the couch again, sleepily watching everyone around him.
You padded over to him and he groggily looked up at you, a slight pout on his lips.
âYou sleepy?â, you poked his shoulder, the softness of his sweater heavenly and suddenly you want to touch it more, your hand flattening against the fabric.
âAll that food made me tiredâ, he hummed.
âWanna join?â, he patted the space next to him where you could fit snugly beside him and the couch.
You looked around for a moment, wondering if it wouldnât be better if you helped someone around the house, your fingers wringing themselves together nervously. Hyunjin swatted at your hands lazily, forcing them apart.
âIâll share my sweater with you.â
Now that made you perk up.
âReally?â
âMhh, now come on.â
Suddenly your nervousness was gone and you climbed over Hyunjin to get comfortable in the space between his body and the backrest of the sofa. Hyunjinâs eyes were barely open when he lifted the hem of his sweater for you to crawl into.
âAre you serious?â
He just hummed again, already half asleep and you shrugged. He was so adorable when sleepy. The sweater was big enough. It was a bit of a struggle but soon enough you were underneath the sweater as well, bathed in both Hyunjinâs body warmth and the warmth of the sweater. You moved your arms around his waist to snuggle further into him. Like he was your personal teddy bear.
Hyunjin was also someone you could always count on. If you needed to go out and clear your head, do something, anything productive, he would find the best way to spend that time with you. Always eager to try out new stuff, he roped you into many crash or one-day courses to learn a new skill. One day you would tell him that you needed to do something with your hands or else youâd go crazy and he found a pottery course nearby that you eagerly tried out with him. If you needed something to fill your head with, Hyunjin would find a small opportunity to learn something more scientific that kept your head busy.
If you just needed someone to talk, he would listen for hours until your words ran out and you both laid exhausted in your bed. Together. Never alone.
Despite all the ruckus around you, you fell asleep fast in Hyunjinâs arms surrounded by his warmth and his scent.
-
When you woke up, sunshine was beaming down on you while you were still tangled together with Hyunjin in his sweater. After blinking a couple times, you realised it was Felix standing above you and smiling.
âHey, sleepyhead. Figured Iâd wake you two up so you donât sleep through the entire night. Wanna help decorate the cookies?â
You groggily disentangled yourself from Hyunjin, who insisted you keep wearing his sweater, before following Felix into the kitchen where he had already set up all the different cookies to be decorated.
âI wanted to do half of these as elves and the other half as gingerbreadmenâ, he explains and you nod, starting to decorate the cookies like Felix instructed you.
The tiredness washed right off as Felix got to talking about random things, the deep timber of his voice so smooth in your ears. He talked a bit about his plans after Christmas and invited you to come along for New Yearâs shopping. Apparently, he already had a list of gifts he wanted to give everyone. Obviously, you would have to look away and pretend you donât see him buying yours if you came along, otherwise he threatened heâd pout. And there was no way you wanted to be the reason that Lee Felix was pouting.
Then suddenly, Felix must have applied too much pressure to the piping bag, the plastic bursting open, red icing flying around the kitchen.
Felix now had an entirely new reason to pout as you laughed hysterically while helping him get all the icing out of his blonde hair.
âYou would look really good with red highlights, just saying. Oooh, or go pink next time!â, you giggled while your fingers threaded through his locks one last time, making sure nothing stuck to it.
âHot pink bitch or pastel pink?â
âPastel, please!â
Felix nodded wisely, storing your suggestion away in the back of his mind.
He was always there for you if you needed a laugh, even if he had to pull silly faces to do so. Spending a day with Felix always meant that you would be happy and giggly afterwards, his warmth and energy bleeding right into you. He was just such a good person that it was impossible not to feel content with him. Always thinking of everyone else first. You wanted to be there for him as much as he was for you.
-
Changbin was sitting idly at the table when you came out of the kitchen so you decided to hop over to him. He looked so adorable in his red sweater. You plopped into the chair right next to him and immediately leaned your head onto his shoulder.
âStill tired even after napping?â, Changbin chuckled.
âNooo, itâs just so warm and cozy in here, canât help but get sleepyâ, you pouted up at him after hugging his arm, his bicep was the perfect size for hugging and for abusing it as a makeshift pillow. Much like Felix, you sometimes couldnât help it but touch his arm or snuggle into it. Maybe that makes you as much as a muscle fan as he is.
âThatâs good. Iâm glad youâre feeling relaxedâ, he said in a softer tone, one that that made sure that you were the only one who could hear him. You sighed against him and snuggled right back into his arm. You kind of didnât want this evening to end. Even though it was Christmas, you felt good, for once.
âWe donât do this every year, but you know youâre welcome to join any of us at our familyâs home when we go away for the holidaysâ, Changbinâs head came to rest on yours.
âI wouldnât want to intrude, Binnie. I know nobody would mind but it feels⊠weird.â
âYou know almost every mom of us has practically adopted you as an additional kid in their household? Theyâd love to feed you, if anythingâ, Changbin slightly wiggled his shoulder to get you to look at him and you do, a pout still prominent on your lips. He rolled his eyes at you.
âIâll try to keep it in mind⊠Thank you, Binnieâ, you give him a kiss on his cheek and he sheepishly waves you away.
Changbin was like the root that kept you all together. You always knew that if you needed someone to talk, someone to try their best to give you a good solution to your issue, you could come to him. He was incredible at figuring out tricky situations and how to get out of them and his advice was second to none.
You could rely on him for everything. You could hand him your heart and he would protect it with his life, keeping it safe and loved until you were well enough to protect it yourself again.
And if you needed one of the warmest bear hugs, you knew who to go to.
-
It was almost time for movie night and you knew you were most likely going to fall asleep somewhere down the line, so you excused yourself for a quick moment to do your nightly skincare routine in one of the bathrooms.
When you opened the door, Jeongin was already inside rubbing something into his skin. He gave you a foxy smile and made some space for you.
âThe other bathroom doesnât have a mirrorâ, he explained and you nodded. You didnât mind doing your routine with him here. Spending time with Jeongin was always pleasant. He was funny and an incredible moodmaker, but you could also always rely on him to give you solid and honest advice whenever you needed it.
Your skincare wasnât as extensive as his (the amount of products he has at home is quite frankly impressive), but you hopped onto the counter next to the sink just to stay with him for a little longer.
âWho do you think is gonna fall asleep first?â, you asked as you swung your legs in the air.
He hummed, thinking for a moment.
âProbably Jisung or Hyunjinâ, he nodded, âJisungâs always so excited to watch movies with us but then heâs knocked out in the corner by the second one. Hyunjinâs probably going to cry at some point and thatâs making him tired.â
You couldnât even disagree. It was probably going to be these two and just a question of who was folding first.
âYouâre probably right. Iâll bet on Hyunjin, weâre watching a fantasy movie first, heâs definitely gonna cry and tucker himself out.â
âIâll bet on Jisung then. Whoever loses owes the other a meal.â
âDeal!â, you both shook hands on it and the bet was on.
Jeongin was always going to be your partner in crime. If it seemed like you couldnât do anything right, Jeongin was right there to assure you that you were doing just fine. He had so much love in his heart for his friends and would jump to any opportunity to let you know of his support, lifting you right back up if everything seemed useless.
-
A little while later, it was already time for the first movie of the night. Hyunjin and Minho cleared some of the living room space while Jisung and Chan were busy setting all the electronic stuff up. Now there were a bunch of pillows and blankets set up so everyone had a comfy place to settle into for the night.
You hadnât seen a whole lot of Jisung today, so when everyone was choosing their space for tonight, you jumped over everyone to sit next to him. Jisung beamed at you and immediately shared his blanket with you.
Beside him in the corner of the couch was Minho, and right behind you was Hyunjin, who in turn was seated next to Jeongin. A perfect setup to observe who falls asleep first.
âIf I see just one of you on your phone, itâs on sightâ, Jisung called out and everyone grumbled an affirmation.
Chan started the first movie and you made yourself comfortable against Jisung. Something about watching a movie in the comfortable silence amongst your group made you emotional. Maybe it was also thanks to the movie, maybe it was the day itself, maybe it was the warmth you shared today with each of them that finally settled in your heart that made you tear up. It doesnât matter.
At the first sniff, Jisungâs arm came to rest around you to press you into his side so you could properly cuddle him. You whispered a quiet âthanksâ to him as the fuzzy fabric of his cardigan pressed into your cheek and sighed deeply. A big lop-sided smile appeared on his face before his attention turned back to the movie, his hand drawing soft circles on your back as he held you.
With Jisung it was always all silent understanding. He seemed to have an extra sense for these things, being deeply emotional himself. He could always tell when you started feeling uncomfortable in certain situations and always took care of getting you out of it as soon as possible. Sometimes even you couldnât tell when a panic attack crept up on you, but he somehow always did.
Thinking about how Jisung keeps an eye on you even when youâre not aware makes you tear up even more, so you shook your head and tried to focus back on the movie.
Jisung would always be there for you.
-
You donât really know when it happened, but most of the guys seemed to have fallen asleep, including you for a short while. Jisung and Minho had curled together while you still laid on Jisung. A weight was pressed into your back that you assumed was Hyunjin and if you squinted, you could see Jeongin pressed into his side too. Further down the couch Changbin and Felix had gotten comfy together, both completely knocked out, while Chan had his arms around Seungmin as they slept.
You almost chuckled at the sight but didnât want to wake anyone. Instead, you chose to take this opportunity to cuddle back into the two warm bodies surrounding you and closing your eyes.
This definitely wasnât the most traditional Christmas, but the part of your heart that started freezing over, protecting your vulnerability from your family, started thawing up bit by bit with each moment of warmth you shared. If this was how Christmas was going to be every year, then you think it might turn into your favorite holiday, surrounded by the people you loved most, that did everything in their power to make sure you felt loved, too.
quick question, there's gonna be two fics still coming up, one today (yay!) and another is specifically for Christmas, I know some people are busy as hell during these times, so I figured I'd just ask when people would most prefer to have it uploaded! tyy <3
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