how do you think bert plays into the frerard timeline? i was never a fan of the used but i think thereâs no denying that gerard/bert happened to some extent. did gee have something sexual with both of them simultaneously? did bert replace frank in a sense and then gee went back to him after the gerbert fallout? i never hear people talk about this outside of the fanfic trope where bertâs the annoying asshole that gets in the way and frank is gerardâs savior from his addiction. would love to hear a more grounded theory on this
Personally, I don't really gaf about The Used...but I do agree that Bert as an individual, as well as Bert's relationship with Gerard, are consistently pretty undermined on here. Putting aside whatever bullshit Bert's been spouting in interviews as a popularity grab recently, it's interesting that Gerard seemed to latch onto him of all people to view as an equal, if not maybe someone he looked up to in a way? Not disparaging Bert's talents, Gerard just has never come off as insecure as a frontman. He knew he could sing from an early age, he has never seemed to doubt that. His fixation on Bert just seems to compound what I've previously written about Gerard, which is that Gerard's ego needs some form of social reinforcement in order to actualize itself. Bert was the epitome of what Gerard was trying to lean into at the time, the "crazed frontman." Gerard likes to feel like he's in a gang, and if his own band wasn't going to back certain behaviors of his that he felt were necessary for the act, finding a mirror/twin in another singer would do the job just the same. I have no doubt that Gerard would have fetishized Bert's background as well. Gerard likes it when things are ugly, dirty, and complicated. He probably felt that he and Bert shared some perspective on the underbelly of life that Gerard couldn't share with his band.
I don't think Gerard, mentally, has the capacity to understand overlaps in relationships. He is so compartmentalized with how he views work, periods of life, and his relationships with people. He views events less as a linear timeline and more so as a red string map of what was serving/solving the given issue of the time. Frank lives in one box, Bert lives in another. There are parts of Gerard's life that he would've undoubtedly felt could not be understood by Frank, and that's where Bert would come in. It's funny, because F and B are the same age, but Gerard would've been keeping marks on based on life experience, and he will always view Frank as some scrappy punk kid who exists to personify the work, whilst Bert had a real, unknown/unpredictable edge that Gerard would've seen himself in and wanted to push further to see where it ends.
There are many, many things to be said about addict relationships, and one day I'd like to go into that further, but for now I'll just point out that I do believe that G's relationship with Bert was much more heavily rooted in competition than just some no-strings-attached fuckbuddy situation. Gerard saw himself in Bert and wanted to supernova him in every way. He was fine with camaraderie until he realized how truly successful Mychem had the potential of being. After that, he wanted to supercede The Used, he wanted to parasite-draw whatever magnetism/powers he could from Bert, he wanted to be the more prolific addict. He would observe everything Bert was doing and double the action to get twice the reaction. This was probably more sexually stimulating than anything Frank was doing for Gerard at the time, and probably totally involuntary on Bert's end. Bert was most likely genuinely just looking for a friend/drinking buddy.
To answer your question, I do believe Bert/Gerard and Frank/Gerard were happening at the same time, but there was no "going back to" one or the other, or feelings of cheating, at least on Gerard's end. Frank probably should've treated the whole thing as a cautionary tale of what Gerard is capable of putting people through, but c'est la vie. Nobody in this situation is a victim; everybody just made bad choices.
Iâm asking you about your theory regarding Frerard Hoboken prison moment. You canât put that in the tags and expect me not to ask
LMAOOO i was kind of asking for it right.
there. were. NO. homophobes. at that show. for them to piss off. there was no incentive for them to their usual skit of 'we're trying to make a safe space for queer people by doing bizarre gay theatricals' because it was a fucking tiny close knit show! what people do they have to alienate there? this was mostly family, friends, hardcore fans ??
sure, Gerard does weird stuff in the heat of the moment. they both do! but it was POINTED. it was direct. and there were SO many signs that something was wrong in that show ("know that i'll (never marry)" gerard checking on Frank, "lie to me" etc) and G was messing with frank in a way that is hard to tell if it was mean cunt behaviour or if he was winding up to some sort of of backhanded apology. some people think it was an interesting version of 'sorry' lol.
I don't think Frank was 'nodding' per se, I think he went to headbang to try and recover his reputation LMAO but he did look at gerard for a long time.
i think G was referring to what they used to do, and not offering it. i think G was going full cunt and was gesturing to Frank that those days are gone now, and isn't it funny ha ha hee hee, and Frank didn't find it funny. even if they were open before, i doubt in their new marriage that G would continue to service Frank like he used to lmao
Gerard was just being a cunt and he knows that Frank was hurt abt it, cos he likes to tease. Gerard loves to fucking tease! i wish we could pretend that G was 'offering it' for later as an apology but i think he was referring to old times. anyway that's my theory. maybe we live in a world that Gerard was actually offering it and they sucked him silly style later in a new york hotel room balcony
sometimes when i think deeply about frerard it hits me how young they were going through all that. yearning for your best friend slash bandmate and all the mixed feelings and confusing codependent dynamic, on top of being in a band that quickly exploded into fame, and especially frank like... he was 22/23. he should've been at the club
HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE CLUUURB!!!
frank was like 20 YEARS OLD during bullets! he had two loves: music, and people. he hated a lot of people. but the people he liked, he loved with every fibre of this being... he swore personal oaths to fly their flag into battle when he should have been at the clurb!!!
he had to figure all this out on the road too! it's amazing how his resolve didnt deteriorate or how his introversion actually reversed, and how his heart stayed open. in his early 20's he was struggling to keep his vice grip on gerard, on his gf, on his music, and his health despite the fact they were all at odds with each other. at first he felt invincible but as the decisions got harder and roads led him closer to his dreams but further from his innocence, it's a miracle he's still a nice fucking dude. he's sour, yeah, but in a way that's brutally stoic and his propensity to love deeply balances out that side of him.
like, can you remember the infatuations you had when you turned 20? hoping they'd last forever? could you imagine going on tour with that person for the next 10 years?
frerardology (my new favorite word) anon, yes to everything you said. it is a miracle frank is still nice and prone to wear his heart on his sleeve. i think he got better at boundaries, at shielding himself a little bit and lowering his expectations when it comes to what he can receive from the current state of his rs with gerard (which i think has become nostalgically platonic, but the love will always be there, but the band couldn't exist without some compromise), and i think a lot of that came from finding another band where he can find his enthusiasm matched a bit more equally. thinking abt his voice message to anthony with like 8 i love you's at the end, thinking abt his comment of not wanting to feel like the annoying yappy dog in the band who's like "wanna listen to this riff?? wanna listen to this thing i wrote??" and yikes, oh frankie. not saying lsd > mcr (not for me anyway) but i think lsd gave frank an outlet. anyway. back to frerard.
what's really crazy to me is how much "proof" we have that feelings WERE being had. not that they were fucking, but that there was Something romantic, be it one sided or not. look at fucking ftwillz. i mean. come on. that alone is enough. frank saying "all i want is nothing" is about being sure you wanna be with someone but SHIT HAPPENS on the road? yeah huh i wonder who that shit happened with. and people will kill you if you say stomachaches is about gerard but fuck y'all it is LARGELY about the band and gerard. "i wasted time with a crooked spine" is the literal second line in the album. what else? the little kisses that were not for show or for political statements, like the one on the cheek when gerard was convulsing on the floor, the conan kiss after he cut to ads. those drive me nuts. and i'm not the kind of shipper that's like gerard's an evil mastermind bitch who broke frank's heart, cause if i were in gerard's shoes i wouldn't know how to match frank's intensity either. + all the other stuff. and in my 20s OF ALL THINGS!! i just find it easier to empathize with frank and see his point of view cause gerard is so enigmatic and layered, while frank is an open book. so yeah there's so much that can be analyzed when it comes to those two and i'll never tire of it
anon i'm gonna put this under the cut cos i knooow i'm bout to go crazy with it
it's glaringly obvious that stomachaches is about the band, the culmination of the breakup, and with his life being so intertwined with mcr and its sudden end. we joke about it being a divorce album but it kind of is. in interviews he emphasises that its all hes ever known, it's all he wants to do. we don't know if the others share the same exact sentiment, but stomachaches also reveals a bittersweet dynamic that's also mirrored in his personal relationships. it feels like when mcr ended, he struggled to seek out validation from his loved ones, especially since they knew the band was making him ill.
when he gets pushback from family, he dives into music. when music kicks him out, he knows he can channel that effort into family. he can't live with one or the other.
^gerard was that bridge between both worlds, as his best fucking friend and his creative partner. losing gerard so abruptly was the catalyst to frank surfacing a lot of tough evaluations about life and love, which all wound up in stomachaches. so its not all about gerard directly but it's stupid to say that g wasn't involved in the process at all.
not to delve too deep into it, but frank was falling in love with two people when he joined the band.
and when mcr ended, and his marriage was strained due to constant touring and him missing his kids formative years, and now he's lost the other person he loved so deeply? yeah. i'd write a fuckin album about it too
also no i don't think g was callous, but i'm brazen enough to specluate gerard is autistic (sue me) and is a polarising avoidant. we don't have a decent ground truth for g's personal values and morals because they always fluctuate, due to demanding pressures to say the right thing, but i think g is more averse to pda- only when it suits them. he's a control freak. but gerard was also insecure and needed to be recieved well at all times. frank was a booster for this, but not a necessity. to frank, gerard was a necessity to bridge that gap between his need for to love and be loved and his need for music... i think. or idk maybe gerard just gives good head.
anyway consider how many times frank initiated vs. gerard. it's definitely outweighed in frank's favour, despite gerard being the careless and sexually ambiguous one. the gentle kisses fall under the category of love rather than stage antics for sure, but i've always felt that frank used mcr as an outlet to minimise any embarassment or shame with showing that affection. i think it was mack awsugar who said the stage was a conduit. i honestly don't think frank was doing it that much behind closed doorsâdespite now we see that frank is open with his friends (the i love you's to anthony and that whole group of people bringing down the walls of masculinity). in early days, i think frank would have used the stage, interviews, photoshoots to execute this behaviour. and alcohol too! in private, gerard was a lot more closed off to that thing. because he just wanted to read comics and write more music. i could be wrong though... they could have been spooning silly.
anyway, i think there's a lot to unpack here and we're climbing a huge tree with hundreds of different branches of possibility looped in the tight tendrils of proof and theory. so yeah is frerard real? i mean sorta. its something weird and wonderful and beyond what we can speculate. that's all we know.
(frerardology anon) hey so how do you think frerard's first hookup happened/went đŹ
YAAAY Im purring!!
iâm also writing a fic kinda like this rn!
ramblings under the cut. sometimes i ask god if i could please just wake up one day with a better hobby than this. oh well. we ball đŹ
so i donât have my perfect #my one true theory, although itâs fun to imagine bullets tomfoolery. they could have also let it fester until revenge when g was single and franks relationship was more open. or it could have been even just non-commital but taboo lingering touches and the intensity of being tied at the hip that all came out in one explosive hotel room night during pro rev which caused a fight. LMAO
i think alcohol played a huge part in it, such is the case of all early 2000âs blurring of male heterosexuality. i think without drink, they may have never breached the initial spark.
not to be cliche, but just thinking back to the 2000âs, the first time could have been something dumb like spin the bottle at a an after show party. frank doesnât really drink, and he doesnât need alcohol to initiate, but he was definitely buzzed on the road. it was kinda serendipitous, but the bottle landed on them both, and gerard instantly flaked out. frank was warmer to it but knew it carried risks, not just cos he was privy to gerardâs hygiene, but also he knew gerards hesitance was a pride thing. but, really, frank also didnât want to watch g make out with anyone else. in fact, he hated the whole stupid game! but they do it anyway, to a supportive crowd too, and it tastes exactly how frank imagined it. gerard does it in a way that dangles this harrowing possbility in franks face, cos heâs not into guys but gerard really does it like a girl.
i think in private, in the wee hours while others continued partying, f and g found themselves in a room just chatting and smoking, as they do. the conversation comes up back to the kiss and gerard says thereâs a different way guys kiss vs how girls do it. and before he can stop himself, frank is asking g to show him. he feels insane and nauseous but heâs desperately curious. theyâre best friends after all, they can share everything. he makes it a casual and almost utilitarian request. âshow me the difference then.â
gerard shows him, and their tongue is more submissive and almost fanciful when he does it the girl way. the âguyâ way feels forced and sloppy. they pull back and frank keeps it nonchalant by nodding and chiming in his 2 cents. he throws in a joke to keep the mood light and rolls another joint. they both try to ignore the growing tension, and as the weeks turn into months they canât stop thinking abt it, especially frank. f finds any excuse to make out with gerard, and g is really receptive to franks weird state antics and frantic physicality because g is into weird shit like that, especially when his friend looks like a cute punk lesbian. so their friendship grows but so does the evident attraction.
it also slowly comes to light that g really really enjoys giving head and servicing people in that way (this is my g oral fixation/blowjob queen theory lol) and frank canât stop thinking about it. like itâs between bullets or maybe early revenge or something when gâs hair was so long and they looked like a princess all the fucking time when they find themselves woozy and reeling off the back of stage adrenaline, finally in a hotel room, for a writing session or for a music video, who knows, when they enter a sudden staring contest. hearts race and the room spins. gerard asks âwhat?â and they canât help but first fall into each others eyes before the mouths follow. they abandon the sanctuary of formality and break the barriers for one night only, but the night is heavy and wrapped in sin and regret but they canât help themselves. they canât just stop halfway through. gerard shows frank what they learned in art school, and franks never felt so good and so connected before. he doesnât even worry about his sexuality because whatever g is doing and how they look feels like a filthy goth pornstar. the alcohol fuels g and they in turn trust frank with their life that heâd never tell. he gets so turned on that heâs so good at something that his best friend has been chasing them for it for years. something about it felt like it was written in the stars and franks legs feel like heavy and jelly the next day from his nerves eating away at him, whereas gerard doesnât seem to care.
g continues to make art and perform and drink coffee as always. itâs bizarre. but they donât talk about it. but they donât avoid each other either. frank notices g starts increasing references to gay sex and is moaning into the mic more and more on the stage and frank feels safer to act out on his impulses. maybe they didnât ruin things. they didnât need to talk about it. they just know it happened and they werenât repulsed by it. their love somehow deepens and the show goes on.
i have a few more theories like, years-long build up and prorev as the catalyst but nothing more than making out. or they never did anything until like, danger days recording where frank just says âshall we just fuck? shall we just do it?â LOL but thatâs kind of a silly theory.
do you really think frank was sober during pro rev? i thought they all relapsed
are you frerardology anon? well i'm gonna ramble anyways đŹ
so if i recall, mikey was the only one who really struggled with relapse during the black parade tour, but obviously we can't know for certain
frank, in his own words, has never been a big drinker. never been a typical user. his vices were overworking, pain medication, and people. i don't know if pain meds can make you hyperactive and horny (not my area but correct me if i'm wrong) but on the outside, he was full of energy and zest and a daring mischief that probably got him in a lot of trouble. so something was must have been making him particularly brazen.
some speculate/jest that maybe frank was on cocaine but it feels unlikely. we'll never know what the hell was going on during prorev, whether it was drugs or just pure adrenaline, but my theory, which is unpopular and controversial, is that frank was kind of...mad with love.
frank was newly married to the love of his life, and the honeymoon period didn't stop with the tour. the temporay loss of mikey probably also made gerard lean into frank more, and frank welcomed that with open arms, because he's addicted to certain people. the stage madness was a conduit for his horniness and honeymoon heart that was fit to burst!
with the sudden seriousness of g and linds, frank doubled down on his affection. maybe she spurred it on, like she was probably into it! lol i would if i was her.
anyway. yeah. sex was in the air. you can tell there was a lot of sex on this tour. warped/2004 era was more rock and roll on paper, but in prorev, i think the height of marriages and relationships and the stage gay just wrapped up into a messy untethered knot of not knowing where the boundaries are drawn, especially as they were all in close proximity with each other all day long (save for a few hotel room splurges probably), leading to all this adrenaline-fuelled mating frenzy lol
some of the shows really just feel like foreplay for their respective partners and maybe each other. they really do
i don't think it was drinking and drugs but who knows. it truly was a frerard summer !!!
âif Frank had rejected gerardâs attempts at rekindling sexually during DDâ If youâre fantasizing about Frank rejecting Gerard, are you implying that Gerard actually succeeded in his attempts to rekindle sexually with Frank during DDâŠâŠ. say more
Sure, I don't think it would've been nice, but sure. I think the drama of the CW ordeal would've knocked around between the two of them for a while, a low-level power struggle that Gerard probably wouldn't have taken as seriously as Frank did. The way I imagine things, Frank's total idol-worship of Gerard would've started tarnishing post-BP. They're so fucking famous, so there's no longer this expectation/pressure that Gerard is the only one capable of steering them towards the band's ultimate "end goal"; they already made it there in a sense, as a collective, and now it's becoming clear that Gerard is floundering at the finish line. CW gets canned, and then DD (while a fine record) is wrapped up in such a mess on Gerard's part that the record itself feels like an afterthought. Gerard is throwing everything he can at the wall because he is, for once, not totally confident in what he's doing. My whole issue with DD is that between the comics, the videos, the character Twitter accounts, the botched initial recording, Bob getting fired, and the lore that Gerard was actively making up during the album's press cycle- it's a lot of very fun bullshit to try and make certainty out about a record that sonically comes off as very insecure, and I think Frank is enough of a purist that he would've recognized that to some extent as well.
So I'm not saying that frerard at this time would've been on even footing, because that's never gonna happen, but they would've been as close to it as they're ever gonna be. Frank has stepped out with other bands, he's gotten older, he's had a few years to see outside the fucking psychological death-trap that is being in my chemical romance, and maybe taken the time to lick his wounds and develop some semblance of a spine. When Gerard starts losing it during the touring cycle, maybe Frank is able to be more objective about what he's doing when he gets himself involved. Gerard is no longer holding Frank's entire world in his hands. When Gerard had been inside his addiction previously, he'd still had power over Frank's life, and Frank had felt desperation/responsibility to be there for Gerard and give him everything he asked for if it meant maybe solving the problem and remaining a band/keeping Gerard alive. Now it's happening again, but that trust has been broken. Two instances of the same event under drastically different circumstances.
Frank might've been thinking that, like this, he might have a chance of getting through to Gerard and correcting the imbalance of their dynamic. Two people at their lowest aren't gonna solve anything, but this time, Gerard is a disaster, and Frank is...fine. Gerard is always asking for something, dangling impossible challenges and seeing who will rise to the occasion, and this is no different. This time, Gerard wants someone to want him, and tell him he's good, and make him feel excited during a period in his life where things have gone stale and colorless, and Frank can do that, and in return Frank is getting sexual affirmation (Because I do think, even if Frank were to close the door on any romance between them, Gerard would be a sexual blindspot he cannot get past). Gerard isn't asking for Frank to make him happy or "fix" him, which is great because Frank knows by now that he isn't that person for Gerard, but he can be a temporary band-aid and a good fuck. There is truly nothing romantic left between them at this point; it would be entirely sex-based, probably dying off cruelly and quickly, once they realize that things between them aren't really as exciting when the whole affair isn't a constant cycle of rejection/reward. When it's just two tired people looking at each other with complete clarity, it just feels kind of boring.
*Frank hurrying towards G*
"I love this song. We haven't played this yet, right?"
*Frank calls them out*
*G laughs* "What did I bring up? I know. He said I don't likeâI said I don't like to talk about that shit, but I brought it up. (??)"
*Frank feels smug*
"When you're right you're right, Frank!"
Good answer and real asf but to be more specific I just meant do you think they actually fucked and/or dated haha (and Iâm fully only asking your opinion cause obviously we donât know and probably never will :P) <3
sorry for the late response!
umm i don't have a bible ground truth for this (it makes it more fun to have multiple theories) so i'll lay them out for you.
theory 1: they fooled around in the early days. there's an interview with howard benson(i think?) where he describes gerard's androgyny as very confusing for both "him and the guys" i think he meant the band. frank saw gerard as his ideal person and the only thing that was missing was the 'correct' gender. i think with enough adrenaline, alcohol and blaise attitude from his gf, they played some games that led to shoddy physical intimacy that went unspoken about until 20 years later.
theory 2: physicality was only present on stage. off stage it was awkward and tense and the hugs and looks lasted a little too long. there was no discussion, just pained, burning touches. they remained solid best friends who used the stage for their intricate rituals and nothing more
theory 3 (silly edition <- the most fun): they're all in polycule wives and tour cast included and having awesome interchangeable group dynamics for many years with no holds barred
Do you ever think about Frank showing Gerard the first day of my life video and just go what the hell man! And they told us (through a tweet I'm pretty sure) about it!
I'm partial to the not a wedding ring in sight concert outing myself
re: comparing gerardâs songwriting to frankâs, idk if everyone feels this way but these leaks really feel like a weâre getting a different look into gerardâs mind to me. and an almost uncomfortable one tbh
Tbh, the writing on the leak only further solidified my complete faith that that fucking mayonaise blogspot blog was Gerard. If you compare, the writing is identical in tone. He loves rhyme-y poetry, he loves a little reference to England. Itâs Gerard without the pretense that heâs speaking for a larger mass, heâs no longer the voice of anyone but himself, and Gerard as a singular is quite cold, angry, and dark.
I know you don't talk on the wives which i greatly respect, but when I try to wrap my head around the frerard mythos as it may have happened in real life I can never get behind the "Frank was in love with Gerard but Gerard turned away" when Frank was with Jamia in some capacity the whole time they were together. In my head, Frank chases Gerard and Gerard toys which makes Frank want him more. But as time goes on Gerard does show an interest in Frank, and that's when he pulls back. He proposed to Jamia before Gerard got married I believe ... I don't know. I enjoy your thoughts a lot about frerard but this is my roadblock I struggle to get over. I think at the end of the day they both fucked with each other and and were both deeply deeply wronging one another in different ways. đđđ
In my personal canon, I see Frank's marriage/relationship actually acting as an enabler, at least in Gerard's mind, rather than something that would signify any necessary ending between FG. It allows Gerard to suspend disbelief and "other" what they do together from what a "real" relationship is, and he can exist there. They're just having fun on the road, right? Because Gerard is more of a traditionalist than people might think. He understands the clear lines, the degree, the career; he values uncompromised decisions and order. Love is a ring on a finger and promises you intend to keep. Love isn't what they do, because they've never been able to promise each other anything they haven't taken back the morning after, once reality sets in. I don't see them as "toying" with each other, or that the affection is unrequited in either direction; it's just a tug of war of who can handle the humiliation of loving someone that you know isn't compatible with you, and trading off which of them has the common sense to be practical, and understanding that the two of them never had a chance.
Frank has more of an ability to understand and receive love in whatever capacity he can get it. I can't remember which of my mutuals said it, but "Frank needs to be in love with at least five people at any given moment." He could make room for Gerard in his life, and Gerard would love him, yes, but he'd never be able to admit to it the way Frank would, considering that they wouldn't fit into the narrow idea of a "relationship" that Gerard can understand. Keep in mind that Gerard was a serial monogamist, engaged twice in quick succession. Frank and Gerard were never going to be "real," so Gerard is unable, under that truth, to give as much as Frank can, not that he doesn't think about it. He thinks about it all the time.
love what youâve been diving into lately. something i wonder though is what really was happening during prorev. because itâs everything youâve discussed and more. f&j arenât just dating but are now married (newlyweds mind you), g&l are falling in love and hooking up throughout the summer, ending in them getting married at the end of that tour. and then simultaneously f&g are their most wild on stage in 2007. what i find interesting is gâs in a much different scenario compared to what he had with kat. lindsey is at every single one of these shows, she can see all of what happens on stage and would grow suspicious if the guy sheâs dating is constantly nowhere to be found after shows. i also donât think he would want to cheat on her ever, especially in the honeymoon phase. like why are you, a man who is so obsessed with a woman you are going to marry her in a mere two months, passionately tongue kissing your bandmate to âget back at himâ for rubbing blood on you. like⊠okay how did we get there from that. and with f, why are you on the verge of jizzing your pants from humping your bandmateâs head and rubbing your entire face all over his body every chance you get to mark your territory months after marrying the love of your life. i understand fâs relationship is potentially more open, but youâd think he would still be in full out jamia land after getting married only a few months before tour started. like this so called âstage gayâ is a step up from past tours, why now? what a strange time to kick up the gears here. do you think they were still fucking around behind the scenes at this point? obviously the general frerardie consensus is that they were and the normal person consensus is that they werenât because they were both with their wives at that point. idk iâm just left confused and canât figure out what was happening here. would love to hear your thoughts
Hereâs my thesis statement, momentarily throwing aside my minor moral scruples in regard to speaking on Frerard and Cheating. Based largely on personal experiences on either end of infidelity, which I imagine actually informs very little, because really, this situation is pretty fuckin specific.Â
Firstly, I think if there were a world in which Any Of That actually happened, actual sex would be occurring far, far less often than people assume. Stage Gay is not Foreplay, not in the practical sense. Frerard, as an entity, is a series of half-second, irregular collisions that result in exhausting, endless consequences. The moment that either of them feels that the other is moving on, or that enough time has passed that they might be able to reach some kind of even footing with each other, thatâs when one of them would make a pass and start the whole business over again. Not out of cruelty, but because both of them are aware that what they have was never going to be a relationship, but theyâre mutually addicted to the Roles they have assigned towards each other, and are terrified of what it would look like if that dynamic were to change. Frank has Madonna-complexed Gerard to the point that Gerard is hardly even a person to him anymore; Gerard is the pursuit of desire, the pursuit of purpose. And what does Frank need more than something to work for, endlessly, unrewarded, with total devotion? While Gerard needs to look at someone and understand in a direct sense that they have an impact, that there is a physical manifestation of their efforts, that they have a shield that absorbs the more abrasive parts of the ârealâ world, and allows Gerard to operate safely behind them. Frank is the energy shield, Gerard is the sword. Weâve talked about this before, but Iâm trying to illustrate that sex, old-fashioned fucking, is a very minor part of what is going on here. The larger emotion I see at play here is fear, the fear that if the affair stopped entirely, the dynamic would change. When youâve loved someone, or been obsessed with them, becoming âjust friendsâ is perhaps worse than losing them entirely. Both of them know this.Â
So I donât see Prorev as some weird summer-long revenge-fueled fuckfest. Tbh I donât think they wouldâve been sleeping together at that time at all, itâs just not practical considering they were both partnered full-time. The aggression on stage would come from the panic of an emotional affair that no longer has an outlet. Theyâre trying to get a reaction out of each other because they both know that what they had is slipping, if not already gone. Theyâre wrapping their heads around losing something vital, live on stage every night in front of God, their wives, and everyone. You egg your affair partner on, when itâs really over, trying to rekindle some of that irresponsible passion that led you to a circumstance that you knew was going nowhere, the fear looms, the summer drags on. Kissing on stage, fighting, whatever. Itâs all cheap after youâve really fucked someone up. But maybe itâs kind of gratifying to let the world see an inch of what someone has done to you? Other people canât have any idea what it was really like, but at least thereâs proof that there was something there beyond friends, beyond coworkers.Â
So in a weird sense, I see prorev as a time with no âactualâ Frerard actively happening, but itâs the most emotionally prevalent time in the whole affair, as the absence-of forces you to confront what was there previously. The stage gay is a manifestation of a crisis, a goodbye note, proof of incident, collateral damage.Â
I donât believe G would bother to tell Lindsey about what had happened between him and Frank. One reason would be that he himself lacks the words to explain it, another is that heâd be embarrassed about his own irresponsibility and lack of self-control. The biggest reason, however, would be that Gerard views life in blocked-off, tidy âsections.â Every album requires a whole new identity to support it, and likewise, his new life as a married man requires no acknowledgment of whatever had happened âbefore.â He cannot easily admit to making mistakes, especially when heâs trying to prove himself to the woman heâs fallen in love with. Lindsey, however, is not stupid; I don't think either of their wives would be clueless. Frank and Jamia seem much better at communicating through any issue, whereas I see Lindsey as so similar to G, and probably very understanding towards the desire to throw out the past as it serves you to. The only issue is that Gerard is much better at pretending to be unaffected than he is in reality. The truth would reveal itself in every inch F and G would push away from each other, even while still in the band. Awkward smiles and small talk, appreciation and respect. Things are so fucking nice, but thatâs not what they are to each other. The facade is shambling at best. They both got everything they could have ever wanted, as long as you donât look at it too closely.
Iâm looking through the frerard blogspots for the first time since I saw you talk about them and Iâm so shocked at HOW MUCH there is?? Assuming itâs really them it feels so revealing LOL. Have you read everything? Would love to hear if you have any favorite posts that stand out like I need somewhere to start đ
Shits bananas actuallyâŠIâve been slammed lately but have been chipping away at a post similar to what youâre talking about, like semi-web weaving between FTWillz and the blogspots, highlighting certain post and explaining possible background etc. I was working on gathering some concrete proof on mayo being gerard but it started to get dicey with ethics soâŠstaying clear if that for now
My fave post from mayo is âIt was like this; there, assembled from misery, denial and frustration, we produced an alternate reality. Can we just admit that it was unnatural? Not quite forced, but awfully close. If so, then weâll leave it at that. In the end, it was finished. Iâm surprised we held out as long as we did. And yes, âit was grand, and we have the pictures to prove it.â Now itâs just shit and we are both shoveling.â
because baby thatâs the foundation Iâve built my frerard upon. get miserable, get angry, pretend things were better than what actually happened.
noooo what is your concrete proof that gerard is mayo? i understand your reasoning but since you teased it i gotta know lmao weâre all friends here
I started with going through trying to identify regular commenters that Mayo seemed to have some kind of relationship/familiarity with and connecting them to Gerardâs social circle. I matched one (keep in mind this was someone that knows someone gerard knows, which could be totally coincidence) but considering that that person is not a public figure I wonât be sharing.
Going to start archiving/shaping up some kind of narrative on its-mayonaise in neat little sections. First thing I wanted to do was get the postscripts all in one place, so hereâs the 2007 entries. Tried to keep tinhatting reigned in but itâs my party so whatevers whatever. Enjoy!Â
p.s. taking refuge in the palms and familiar faces of those I love. - 09/08/07
p.s. apparently we have been places. - 09/11/07
p.s. sign it on the dotted line. - 09/13/07
p.s. the key to âLifeâŠâ choose every fourth word to find the meaning - 09/16/07
p.s. held up in a castle up on that hill. - 09/18/07
p.s. completed by convention - 09/20/07
p.s. beautiful place amongst the cement and shoulders. - 09/25/07 (A note here, there is a post Iâll reference later made in the same month that alludes somewhat to moving, the post this signoff was attached to reminded me of that as well, the title alone âsupport free speech, have a garage saleâ and then the body, âShovel it out, cheaply priced and easily discarded. Pulling open box after box, nothing. Procrastination has dealt an awful handâ...the signoff could be a reference to New York, where he wouldâve been living at the time, though if we believe Mayo is Gerard he most likely wouldâve been using this time (Almost a month between their last show on Project Rev and their next show in Mexico) between shows to relocate from NYC to LA with Lindsey.Â
(Edit: The later post I meant to add was âTowel and tribulationâ posted 10/11/07:
I spread out the cloth for the dishes to lay.
The chipped rims and faded patterns
of plates that held the sustenance
of our years, pulled from the hutch.
Once careful, I now slam them down hard.
And it feels good that way.
The sharp clink of ceramic
greater comfort than the quiet smooth edges.
I wrap the sharp and cold pieces for trash
swallowing more pride than food.
This again, sounds like packing up house, possibly a reference to the home/possessions he shared with Kat. âSwallowing more pride than foodâ is interesting..are you feeling somewhat judged for your pattern of jumping into hyper-committed relationships once again?Â
p.s. chances are after all. - 09/27/07
p.s. while I invoke. - 09/30/07
p.s. interruption...post and repost, nothing new to spew. - 10/05/07
p.s. here we go, one last time...it's in the blood. (A note on this signoff from 10/07/07. This post was made on the same date as My Chemâs last show before their fame/infamous performance at Maxwellâs in Hoboken. Pulling from this quote from Gerard: âI could've stopped at the end of that tour. I should've, really. We had some really difficult runs (after Projekt Revolution ended). We went back again to the U.K., we went to Vietnam and South America, back to Malaysia...â (Alternative Press Magazine, July 2008) and considering the countless times G and F have alluded to considering ending the band after BP, this signoff could be a reference to the idea that the upcoming show at Maxwellâs could be their last time performing in New Jersey.)
p.s. sharp corners are the best place to post the desired effect. - 10/09/07
p.s. the ghost that floats by here now again find a way - 10/10/07
p.s. some are not obligated to wear the wool and others do it for good measure - 10/14/07 (Reminded my of the Vigil, on Birds and Glass quote: âIt is often my nature to be abstract, hidden in plain sight, or nowhere at all. I have always felt that the art I have made (alone or with friends) contains all of my intent when executed properly, and thus, no explanation required.â
p.s. 1037 BC - 10/16/07
p.s. conversation prompted the fire I'm out on a limb; x-rated in an alternate universe. - 10/18/07
p.s. no insights today just retort a fucking headache and my only defense to make amends with future earnest offerings. - 10/21/07
p.s. those dark moments back there cause me to pause and thank you. (Going back to the lead up to the Maxwellâs show, this post was made the night before on 10/23/07 and is most explanatory in full: âIt is down right impossible to kill the mood around here this fine evening. So, my intended post has been shelved for the time being. I am grateful for the distraction; my mood had drifted toward the foul. I am not my usual pretty princess self. You laugh...would you prefer The Queen? Quite honestly, I am like an unruly child. Foolishly, I lost my temper. In an attempt to do far too many things at once, I allowed myself to snap under the pressure. The target of my destructive behavior, ever so graciously, allowed my rant without a challenge. And yes...as I know you will ask, I have apologized. I am truly sorry.â Nothing too specific to indicate here, but if youâre reading with Frerard goggles (or at the least, an interest in band tensions) this could give some color to the interesting vibe on stage the following night.)Â
p.s. what has changed is mistaken for truth without question. - 10/28/07
p.s. trust that I try to reflect back to you what you have given to me. - 11/01/07
p.s. I couldn't resist you and your agile fingers as they swept over my heart filling it with glory. To follow the mass, my own words prey. - 11/04/07
p.s. allow your wisdom, wit, worry, and wonder to punch, provoke, purchase, and profess. - 11/06/07
p.s. it is because the light reflected from painted glass is ambiguous. mirror me in your words, and that is where I find clarity. as do you, in each others - 11/08/07
p.s. 1:16am: an answer, let's see...Divine Intervention. Adam can sing so lovely. - 11/11/-7 (Adam here is most likely referencing Adam Lazzara, with whom My Chem wouldâve just been touring with in September)Â
p.s. with all the finger pointing I can barely hear you anymore. - 11/13/07
P.S. Please stay, all of you, stayâŠnot for me, but for each other. - 11/14/07
p.s. my fear, again...and I am hungry, but often I forget to eat. - 11/15/07
p.s. been body snatching...Mayo is Keyser Söze. - 11/17/07 (Keyser Söze is the name of the antagonist in the film The Usual Suspects. A character in the movie describes his character with a Baudelaire quote: âThe greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist" which seems very Gerard, creating a mythic guise to operate safely behind. Not to mention âBody snatchingâ as a precursor to the Leathermouth song Bodysnatchers 4 Ever, which also doubles as a reference to the film Invasion Of The BodysnatchersâŠInheriting anotherâs body as a parasitic method of survival.Â
p.s. grateful for you as well (and the diversion) - 11/24/07 (A note on this entry: âI have given thanks. I meant each and every word.â Is a reference to Thanksgiving, which wouldâve passed on the 22nd that year, this disproves the theory that Mayo is European, which some people believe due to his use of English slang throughout the blog.)Â
p.s. this is how I have always imagined it for someone else. - 11/27/07
p.s. under the radar and all tangled in tales, love. - 11/30/07
p.s. patience please, my lovelies...I am listening. 12/04/07
p.s. my hand is there, reach for it. - 12/07/07
p.s. it can hit the fan tomorrow. 12/10/07
p.s. judge and jury, impartial. injunction exempt. 12/14/07
âTally-ho!â - 12/18/07
p.s. some speak in tides, others ride the waves in silence. - 12/20/07
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