💦🍑🍃

Julia | cancer | uk

[2indecisive4this-blog]

if this isn’t the trr book 2 concept then it’s not worth my keys smh

[ana10371-blog]

Omg I love this.

[jailor-deactivated20230520]

[6sage]

😂I love this show

[the-fake-woke]

[1080-p]

[sparklesstuffiesandcutethings]

My problem every day

[sandandglass]

[thaunderground]

dammit I gonna miss them

[stephrc79]

I DO miss them!

[la-belle-laide]

Remember when we had a president?

[jumpingjacktrash]

i miss the president

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[tastefullyoffensive]

“Dude, stop following me.”

[cheese24k]

Astronaut readjusts to life back on Earth

> Don’t give him a baby for a while.

[leradny]

HE GRABS THE CUP BUT THEN HE DROPS THE PEN 0.0003 SECONDS LATER

AND HE LOOKS UP AT THE CEILING INSTEAD OF AT THE GROUND WHEN HE CAN’T FIND THEM

[quasarkisses]

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HE JUST DROPS IT

IT’S NOT FUNNY IT’S VERY LOGICAL THAT HE WOULD HAVE ADJUSTED TO LIVING LIFE WHILE HE WAS IN SPACE BECAUSE IT’S DIFFERENT FROM EARTH BUT I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE

*THUNK*

[quasarkisses]

YES IT’S BACK ON MY DASH THIS IS MY FAVORITE VIDEO

[homiesexual42]

I could watch this video for hours and it would still be funny

[fridasmybae-blog]

how much it costs a trans person to physically transition: $7000-$50000+

how much it costs you to respect a trans person regardless if they have physically transitioned or not: $0

[soundsofmyuniverse]

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001) // Dir. Chris Columbus.

[dill-dill]

[ghostsandgoblins]

[princessesfanarts]

By DylanBonner

[lindsaylohoean-deactivated20160]

me watching someone not drinking their drink when i’m really thirsty

[henryscavills]

movie meme: [7/20 movies] ↳Titanic (1997) “A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets.”

[someonethatsfunny]

WISHING ALL OF MY MUTUALS AND FOLLOWERS WHO CELEBRATE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

[buffdaddylayton]

[princerook]

C R Y I N G OMG

[loki-cat2]

I DONT THINK YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND

HOW MUCH I LOVE THESE SPIDERMAN PICS

[triggafiasco]

OH OH OHHH! I have some!!  

[ralaferinmoved-blog]

[geeeeeeeeeeeeeeenji]

oh shit not this fucking bullshit again oh my god jfklsdjflkj

[amarilloo]

THERE’S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM! 

[frickingrimesarchive]

HOLY FUCK HE’S BACK OMG

I’M ACUTALLY CRYING HERE OH GOD

[wondermagician-deactivated20160]

can’t forget these

[curledmess]

THESE ARE GOLDEN

[lucifer-the-morning-star-blog]

THESE ARE THE BEST THINGS IN EXISTENCE OMG

[nunyabizni]

@turtrussel

[kardcaptor-sakura-deactivated20]

How can ya’ll have a Spiderman thread and not post the original?

[nunyabizni]

Oh dear me

[gifs-from-movies]

[2000ish]

“Don’t destroy a government on an empty stomach!”