atticus

they/he

[frogprincx]

my hyper fixation swings from one group of hopeless queers with a found family dynamic to another group of hopeless queers with a found family dynamic

[frogprincx]

currently hoping that my friend crush that i’m meeting for coffee today shares one of my hyperfixations

[frogprincx]

the sexual tension between me and getting “no mourners, no funerals” tattooed

[frogprincx]

drunk kaz gushing to jesper about inej

[frogprincx]

you know how van eck threatens to torture inej in front of kaz?

kinda wanna write a hc about that.

[stcrlghts]

i think what’s on a person’s nightstand is very telling so reblog this and put in the tags the things you have on your nightstand

[intrxpide13-deactivated20230721]

Kaz Brekker drinks black coffee just to brag to everyone that he does, but secretly hates it with a passion. It's true Sankta Leigh told me herself.

[frogprincx]

inej knows this and always fixes her coffee to be extra sweet so kaz can steal hers 

[intrxpide13-deactivated20230721]

i went into six of crows expecting to relate to the sarcastic sharpshooter or the waffle-obsessed grisha but instead I came out relating to the emotionally constipated white boy who hits people with a cane

[frogprincx]

i really think that inej is a talented artist and does charcoal sketches of all her friends

(and maybe kaz finds one of him and hides it away so he can look at it when he’s sad. maybe.)

[intrxpide13-deactivated20230721]

what do you mean emotionally projecting onto fictional characters isn't therapy

[frogprincx]

therapy: expensive

projecting onto fictional characters: free

[frogprincx]

I can’t get the kanej bathroom scene out of my head, so here’s them trying again a year later.

Inej sat on his desk, watching her swinging legs. Kaz was watching her. Though the chaotic night had left her disheveled -- sweaty hair falling from her braid and sticking to her forehead, small cuts left from rough knives -- Kaz still thought she was the loveliest person he’d ever seen.

He tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his side and shoulder as he stripped himself of his shirt, grabbing bandages on his way to the bathroom sink. Kaz couldn’t stop the pained noise that sprang from his throat as he attempted to lift his wounded arm to bandage his equally wounded side.

Inej’s head sprang up from the adjacent room; the bathroom doorway showing only her. 

“Saints, Kaz,” she whispered.

“I’ve had worse.”

“Still-” she stops herself. He’s worked side-by-side with Inej to know when she’s holding something back -- as she is now. He knows that she wants to offer her help; he knows that she’s thinking of the same memory as he is: a year ago, Inej sitting in the motel bathroom, Kaz trying -- and failing -- to help her dress her wounds.

Kaz, forever stubborn, reaches to bandage his side again, shoulder screaming in pain. They lock eyes again, Inej silently waiting for his resignation.

He sighs, dropping his hands to his sides in defeat.

She raises her eyebrows in response, silently stating: Do you want my help or not?

“Can you help me?” he asks.

Inej’s expression stays the same.

Kaz sighs, “Please?”

He watches as she gracefully hops down from her perch on his desk, taking the bandages from his hand.

“I need to clean this,” she frames it as a question more than a statement: Can I touch you?

Kaz nods, his eyes following her steady, practiced movements around the bathroom. Some love-sick part of him realizes that above everything -- his trauma, her’s, the constant work they’ve put in to just be able to touch each other without gloves -- he misses her presence in his space.

She returns with further supplies, settling herself between his legs as he props himself against the bathroom counter.

Though the damp cloth is cold on his skin, the soft graze of her fingertips on his side feel like a wildfire. He tenses under her touch, causing her to look up at him with the same question as always: Do you want me to stop? Kaz shakes his head, a movement so small that if their breaths weren’t mingled together, Inej would’ve missed it.

He loses himself in her as she works -- the few golden strands of hair glowing like the rare Ketterdam sun; dark eyebrows furrowed above even darker eyes; bottom lip pulled between her teeth in concentration.

“You’re good at this,” he realizes aloud.

“I got good at patching the other girls up at the Menagerie,” her voice barely tops a whisper.

The spell is broken. Inej glances up at Kaz momentarily, as if to gauge his reaction. Kaz doesn’t pretend to know all that Inej went through at the pleasure house, but he was no stranger to the dangers presented in one. He’s sure some part of him knew that Inej had been abused at least once or twice while she was enslaved there -- but her honesty shocks him none-the-less. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

She shakes her head, zoning back in on her work. Soon, she moves from his side to his shoulder, the only sound between them their synchronous breathing.

Inej ties the final bandage, but doesn’t move away from his space. She stares intently at a space above his shoulder, right above his collarbone.

His mind flashes back -- Kaz, planting his lips on the same spot on Inej’s neck -- the year that’s passed seems like mere minutes.

Despite nearly everything inside him screaming not to, Kaz softly reaches for Inej’s hand -- both ungloved. 

She leans down -- hesitant, but sure -- lips meeting sweat-soaked skin, completing the unknown cycle the pair started a year ago. 

The moment is over before it even began -- but it happened. Kaz squeezes her hand, locking eyes, sharing the knowledge that despite everything, they’re getting better. They’re healing, for themselves and for each other. And maybe, one day, they can do more than this -- hold each other at night, when they wake from the nightmares that will forever plague them; embrace after months apart when Inej travels the seas; share each other like ‘normal’ couples do. 

But for now, this is enough.

[frogprincx]

the way i literally don’t know what to do when i don’t have the all-consuming need to read a book in full. like this book i’m reading is so good. but i want to… take a break?? finish it tomorrow????? not stay up all night reading??????? what’s happening to me

[frogprincx]

always thinking about a drunk kaz and inej being all giggly and childish together

[intrxpide13-deactivated20230721]

i don't know what this is I'm sorry in advance

It was all Jesper's idea.

They were in Ravka. Nina and Matthias had run off somewhere, and Wylan was at a trading port, leaving the remaining three of them at the bar.

"Anyone?" Jesper asked, pushing shots towards Kaz and Inej, who shared a look.

"We leave in two days,"

"All I hear is that we have two days of drunk fun ahead of us"

"Is there a brain underneath all that hair?"

"HEY-"

"Enough!" Inej said, but it came out as more of a plea from sheer annoyance at their antics. She accepted a glass from Jesper.

"Nothing too crazy," she instructed, Jesper rolled his eyes but agreed. Kaz gave no response.

Surprisingly, it turned out Inej needed to take her own advice.

It was about an hour later, a half empty shot glass in hand, Inej turned to look at Kaz;

"You don't have any hands,"

"Inej I think you've had enough to drink"

"You wear gloves to hide that you have no hands"

"Inej you have seen me without my gloves"

She shook her head.

"Yes you have, how do you explain that"

Inej set down the glass, eyes focused on the floor as she racked her brain for an answer.

"Illusions"

'I'm finding Jesper and then we're leaving" he tapped her ankle lightly with his cane, a signal to follow him.

"No dirtyhands," she slurred. "Just dirt."

"Alright give me the glass"

"No"

"Inej, give me the glass"

"No. Kazzle."

Kaz opened his mouth to retort, but said nothing. His shock apparent to all of Ravka. Drunk Inej was basically Inej's alter ego he decided.

"I won.....seven million kruge" Jesper stated, flopping into the seat across from Inej, a dopey smile on his face.

"Can we see?" she asked eagerly. Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing.

Jesper placed four bottlecaps on the table, displaying them proudly.

"Because I'm generous, you can each have eight of them"

Inej thanked him earnestly, scooping up three, and offering them to Kaz.

"Here Kazzle."

Kaz stared at her, secretly wishing Nina and Wylan would return. Saints, he would even take Matthias at this point. Corralling a drunk Inej and Jesper into a carriage would be no easy effort.

As if he read his mind, Wylan stepped into the bar, spotting them and making his way to the table, which was littered with shots and bottles of kvas.

"Wylan!" Jesper exclaimed, hugging the boy who confusedly returned the gesture.

"Wylan has a flute," Inej stated, tipping back another shot before Kaz could stop her.

Wylan glanced at Kaz, who offered no explanation.

"Well, I am taking this one-" he looped his hand with Jesper's, "back to the inn. Send for me if you need help."

Kaz nodded, looking at Inej who was intently staring at one of the bottlecaps.

"I'm making it fly" she informed in response to his questioning look.

"Inej, we should really go, it's not safe here."

"If that were true," she pointed at him with a glass, "you wouldn't have let me and Jesper start drinking in the first place."

Kaz nodded, finally out of excuses.

"Kazzle, you know what would help?" she slid a shot towards him sloppily. "A drink."

"Inej you're absolutely wasted, there's no way I'm leaving you unsupervised." Kaz said, taking a slight sip.

"Saints" she threw her hands up in an overdramatic fashion, and looked at him, "Just say you love me."

Kaz spat out his drink. "Wha-When did I-"

"It's rather obvious. I've been waiting for you to say it for about a year now."

"Look, Inej I-"

"It's fine." For the first time in the past two hours Inej looked slightly sober. "I get it, you...you're still figuring things out and that's okay."

Kaz nodded.

"Kazzle Dazzle."

A breath of a laugh escaped his lips, before he spotted Nina and Matthias over Inej's shoulder. They started walking over as Kaz took a look at the glass in his hand.

"Screw it," he muttered, the tension in the air hung like a heavy fog as he downed the glass.

Inej clapped, giddy as Nina joined them, Matthias trailing close behind.

"I see we missed quite a lot here," she noted, at Inej's stupor and the empty glass in Kaz's hands. "I'm assuming Wylan took Jes home?"

Kaz nodded, taking the bottle from Inej and tipping it back.

"That means we're taking you two home. Come on."

"No."

Kaz nodded, a scary amount of the bottle now empty. "We're staying."

"Then we're staying right with you," Matthias said, dragging over a chair, declining offers of alcohol. "You'll murder the whole bar if we leave you."

"Inej would never do that."

"I was talking about you, demjin."

"Hey-"

"He's right," Inej said, having produced another bottle from somewhere or the other. Kaz gave up on his defense.

It was now the early hours of the morning, Nina was half asleep on Matthias' shoulder, who sat watching the pair in front of him giggling like children.

"What's so funny," Nina murmured, her head buried in his shoulder.

"There appears to be a goat at the window," he responded, reaching to take the bottle from Kaz, who held it protectively.

"Hey, s'like Milo," Inej said.

Kaz hummed in concurrence, "Sankta Milo," before taking the bottle and getting up. "Come on."

"Where?"

"We're storming the town darling,"

Inej shrugged, "Okay."

"Let them go Matthias," Nina said, her eyes shut. "Pray for the Ravkans though."

Kaz's gaze was focused on the sunrise, squinting against the light as his legs dangled off the roof. Inej was sleeping on her side next to him. Shot glasses and a bottle of kvas sat between the two of them.

"Wylan's actually going to kill us," she said, groaning as she got up, mirroring Kaz's position as she faced him.

"Recall anything?"

"No."

"Kazzle Dazzle"

Inej's eyes widened and Kaz saw the exact moment she remembered everything from last night.

"Kazoo was a strong contender for second place."

"Oh Saints."

Then there was the different statement Inej had made, her cheeks a faint crimson as she remembered.

"I meant it" Inej said gently, "We have time. And I do understand."

Kaz nodded, as the two sat a breath's away from each other, the rest of the world far below.

[frogprincx]

if i didn’t have a knife kink before inej i sure do now

[frogprincx]

really just thinking about pre-soc kaz teaching inej how to defend herself

he starts simple: how to throw a punch

little does he know, inej is stronger than she looks

“try to punch me”

“i’m not going to punch you, kaz”

he just glares at her

“really, kaz”

“punch me”

“no”

“do it”

“i’m not punching you, kaz!”

“punch me.”

“i won’t punch you-“

“punch me.”

he only managed to dodge her fist at the last moment — it just grazed his cheek

later, they realize inej has a gift with knives

kaz gifts her her first one

“here,” he holds out a knife. simple, elegant — like inej. “the first of many, i’m sure”

she gingerly takes it, turning it over in her palm

“kaz-“ she stops herself

“speak your mind, inej”

then she blurts out; “i don’t want to be a killer”

he’s silent for a moment, not sure how to respond

“me neither,” her head pops up at his response, “but it’s the barrel. if you want to survive here, you have to be”

years later, kaz and inej lay in bed, both unable to sleep — plagued by nightmares and anxious thoughts

“kaz?”

“hm?”

“when i first joined the crows,” she whispers, “you said you never wanted to be a killer”

they lay in silence for a moment

“do you ever think about what would’ve happened if you were never sold to the managerie? or if jordie and i had never come to ketterdam?” he asks

“i used to”

“what changed?”

“you did”

he turns to face her

“no, i never wanted to be a killer. but i had to be. so did you, if you wanted to survive here”

inej slowly moves closer into his space, giving kaz the chance to push her away

he only pulled her in

“we can do more than just survive now, kaz”

“what’dya mean, treasure?” his words become mumbles as the night goes on, both exhausted from late nights of scheming and spying

“we have a chance to live”

[frogprincx]

always thinking about a drunk kaz and inej being all giggly and childish together

[frogprincx]

inej just got back from one of her sea adventures (about a year after crooked kingdom)

after dinner at wylan’s, kaz and inej sit on the roof of the crow club passing a bottle of kvas — always keeping a safe distance, of course

talking about inej’s ship, kaz’s missions

(they’re both lightweights)

eventually, it gets too chilly for the pair to stay in their perch

even though inej has navigated the path from roof to window countless times, she stumbles on her way through

she hears a laugh from kaz — a rare and shocking sound

she feels it in her soul

kaz is just as unbalanced as he crawls through

maybe it’s the months apart, maybe it’s the kvas

inej has no problem grabbing kaz’s arms to steady him

and kaz doesn’t tense under her touch

yes, they’ve both been getting better about gentle touches and communication

but normally this impulsive touch would send them both into a meltdown

the realization hits inej’s kvas-soaked brain

by the look in kaz’s eyes, he realized it too

they both sober a bit at the thought, but not so much that they have to pull away

kaz is the first to speak up — “i’ve missed you, wraith”

“i missed you too, kaz”

inej moves her hand from his arm to softly cup his cheek

“the sea suits you, you know”

kaz blinked once, hard, as if he didn’t mean to say his thoughts out-loud

“does it?”

he nods, “you look well-rested, for once. and happy. you look happy.”

“i am,” she says decisively

they stand for a moment — inej’s hand on his cheek; kaz holding her other hand, rubbing his thumb over her quick pulse

“are you happy, kaz?”

he looks down at their intertwined hands

then, after a moment — “with you home, i am”

if they weren’t inches away from each other, kaz would miss the soft gasp in response

“home,” she says the word like a prayer

“inej”

“kaz?”

“i want to kiss you.”

both of their breathing is uneven, a mixture of nervous and something else — longing

“are you sure?”

one side of his mouth quirks up, “no”

“but you want to,” her voice is barely above a whisper, now

his only response is a nod

“then kiss me, kaz”

he barely has to lean in for their lips to touch

it’s brief, neither of them wanting more at the moment

but it felt like magic

despite the weight of what happened, inej resumes her drunken giggles

kaz scrunches his eyebrows, “what? did i do something wrong?”

“no, no,” she says through her laughter, “it was wonderful,” her thumb lightly traces his jaw as she tries to quell her giggles. “i’m just happy”

kaz grins, “me too, love”

this just makes inej laugh again, “call me ‘love’ again”

on an impulse, he brings their intertwined hands to his lips, kissing her fingers

“whatever you want, love”

they spent the rest of the night wrapped in the safety of kaz’s scratchy blankets, joking about jesper and stealing little drunken kisses

she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder and hands intertwined — no other parts of them touching, but it was enough

this started off as a cute drunk kanej and writing it almost made me cry why am i like this

[frogprincx]

my sexuality is kaz and inej. that’s it.