It's time to shed some light
(TW: s3lf harm mention and emotional & psychological abuse)
*This is on my old blog as I can't tag the person from main @sacredabettour *
I was talking with a hypnodom that goes by @designertrances since May of last year. He was highly abusive. He loved bombed, gaslit, and emotionally & psychologically manipulated me. This was not negotiated play, it was abuse. He took the time to learn about my traumas (ie: abdonment issues) and use them against me. We started talking everyday day for over a month. It was hot and heavy. He made me believe this was normal. Then he cut me off saying I'm unwell and can't handle someone like him. After a cut off he'd passive aggressively post about subs who use doms as hooks to place their issues on. Then he would reach back out saying how good I've been at being quiet. The cycle repeated. As we continued to chat and trance, he would regularly suggest obsession and addiction only to gaslight me and threaten with no contact when I displayed behaviors of attachment. He would sexualize me taking the blame for my own desire, making me repeatedly apologize. He seemed to get off on forcing victims to take blame for his abusive behavior.
Another example of his treatment was having me in denial for several months. Before this I had never been in denial or edged, let alone for that duration. One night he tranced me, never mentioning that my denial would stop and the next day he dropped off the face of the earth. He was gone for weeks without a word. I was left to break my denial and fall apart.
He always harped on not owing me any form of contact and told me I'm not doing well mentally whenever I was deeply aroused. You'd think a dom worth their salt wouldn't continue to engage with a sub that was genuinely unwell, especially for as long he did, calling it out over and over. At one point I told him I was thinking of harming myself because of the stress he was causing me. He told me to never bring it up again and take some time to myself. We still talked for months after that.
I've never been one to remain quiet about abusers and this is no different. I'm not going to protect this guy or act like what he did was ok.
If you've talked to or currently talk to @designertrances and had a positive experience, this isn't to diminish that. It's to encourage you to rethink about your interactions and gain caution going forward. He may make what's happening sound sexy and consensual but if you're in distress more than you are happy, that may be a give away.
People that behave as this guy does are the real unwell ones. He's not a dom and intentionally doesn't claim subs. There's nothing inherently wrong with not claiming subs but his behavior gives off the impression that couldn't. He doesn't have the capacity to do what having a sub takes. That would require dedication, commitment, consistency and care. He's void of such qualities. It's truly sad.
If any subs are questioning their interactions with this guy or any other dom, feel free to reach out to me. I know what abuse looks and feels like and if you want to talk, I'd be happy to. You are not alone.
