Birth story! (Very long!)
Little Willow turned 1 month old 4 days ago and I still havenāt written my birth story out so figured I better get my arse in gear. It feels like only yesterday she was born but at the same time I canāt imagine life without her now.
So, after hitting 42 weeks and calling up the labour ward to cancel my prebooked induction for that day to give things a few more days for things to happen on their own, I ended up having a morning of little movement from Willow and I freaked the fuck out. The hours felt like forever and I just couldnāt deal with the worry anymore. I was due in to hospital for monitoring that afternoon anyway as I was refusing induction so I decided to go in and tell them and take the induction they would recommend. They wanted me in asap for induction so we called the film crew to be ready to come in and nipped home and stopped off to see Lily one last time at her grandparents.
Arrived at hospital at 5pm with film crew in tow which caused such a stir on the ward, felt like a celebrity for a few hours! Was told to expect a long wait to be examined and monitored. We did a few interviews with the film crew and I was given my own private room on the antenatal ward which never usually happens.
Finally monitored and examined at 11pmā¦ amazingly I was 3cm and she gave me the stretch and sweep of a lifetime, it was never ending. Crying happy tears after the sweep as I could bypass the pessaries and just have my waters broken to get things going. Was told to expect a long wait to be admitted to labour ward to have membranes broken so to get some sleep as it would probably be the next day. At 1am I sent Adam and most of the film crew home so we could all get some sleep. I barely slept 2 hours which was annoying, was having tightenings in my back/hips that were uncomfortable but not painful. Just kind of intense. Called Adam at 7am and he was on his way back to hospital, tightenings were coming every 6/7 mins and lasting just shy of a minute. Had a bath and at 8.15 whilst in the bath they told me my room was waiting on the ward.
9am we get to labour ward and at 9.15am I had another big sweep and my waters were broken and started to trickle v slowly. Was told to go for a walk and to come back in an hour or two (i think). I stood up and my pad had loads of green meconium on it, I knew this would complicate everything. Midwife said it was most likely because I had a 42 weeker but no walk for me now because we needed continuous monitoring. They tried using the wireless monitoring kit so I could be mobile but it wouldnāt stay on. They tried putting a clip on babyās head to monitor but it failed twice. The pads with the belt kept slipping off and didnt pick up a trace well unless I was on my back almost sitting up and even then most of the time a student midwife was holding them down to get a steady reading. Willow was ridiculously wiggly and we were watching her kick the pads off my tummy. I was pretty much doomed to labour on my back. If I didnt progress reasonably by myself (they gave me till 1pm to see some progress) then Iād be on the hormone drip which was freaking me out as I knew Iād without a doubt Iād have an epidural before having it and I really wanted to try a birth with no pain relief.
I neednāt have worried as pretty much as soon as my waters were broken I could feel the tightenings getting progressively more painful. At around 10:30/11am I started on the gas and air occasionally for some particularly bad contractions, the film crew came in and interviewed Adam a bit. Contractions were all in my back again like last time, a little further out on my hips but very much in my back. Willow was in a great position so definitely not back to back, apparently my body just hates me. My contractions were really weird too, Iād get really painful ones that made me yell out but some that were ok mixed in. Gas and air was really awkward, the mind altering affect didnt seem to hit until after the contraction had almost ended no matter how early I took the gas.
Everything was going well and getting more and more painful. The matron of labour ward turned up again after introducing herself in person earlier in the morning and I had an internal which hurt like fucking hell (I really dont take them well) and I was 5cms! She was awesome and did some cool techniques with me. Not sure if it was her techniques or because she just emitted out authority and control but she really calmed me downā¦ for a bit. This must have been between 12-1pm, the made me go for a wee which was just pure hell. Moving did not feel nice at all. The camera crew came in again shortly after and just filmed silently from the doorway. Shit started to really pick up then.
Everything was getting very very painful and around 2.30pm (i think) I was really starting to lose control when the contractions peaked. As it was getting so bad I asked for another internal (done by the matron herself) and she said 5cms still. I totally lost it at this point, how could I still be only 5cms and in that much pain?! I started crying a lot and saying I couldnt do it and asking for an epidural, contractions were hurting me so so so so so so SO much, my shouting as they peaked had turned into actual screaming. I was now swearing my head off and begging for an epidural and I was getting very vocal and swearing at the matron and midwife and telling everyone to get me a fucking epidual. I bloody well meant it too. Screaming, crying and swearing like trooper. I meant every horrid word I shouted at everyone. Apparently I had asked to die at one point. They were desperate to get me to move as I was still on my back but I would not budge. Moving was just awful. They were pleading with me but I wouldnt do it, all rationale just went out the window. I was totally in my own little bubble of pain and all I cared about was not being in pain anymore as soon as possible. Unbeknownst to me at the time the midwives/matron were all trying to stall me with the epidural as they thought something was going to happen quickly with my behaviour.
I finally agreed to sit up but only if I could have an epidural. 5 mins later the anaesthetist showed up but contractions were so bad I wouldnāt sit up for a good few minutes. I stopped gas and air at this point onwards and never properly used it again after. Eventually I somehow sat up and they put an IV in my hand and washed down my back with iodine, but I couldnāt keep still for the anaesthetist to place the epidural, I then got the urge to poo/fart and started screaming āI NEED TO SHITā¦ I NEED TO FARTā¦ IāM GOING TO SHIT MYSELFā¦ SHEāS COMINGā. I knew full well that the feeling of needing to go was baby descending but for some reason I felt the need to scream that over and over again. They told me to push and whirled me round. Sitting up for just a few minutes had got me from 5cm when I was examined 25 mins earlier to 10cms and pushing. I was screaming the place down. The sound tech guy told me the crew couldnāt believe how long I was holding my screaming notes for, they went on and on and on!!! Feeling Willow descend was absolutely horrific. A lot of people say pushing is better than contractions as you have something to do. For me? Nope! I canāt even begin to describe the pain. I had the gas and air in my mouth but couldnāt focus enough to use it properly so it didnt do anything what so ever. I didnāt feel any ring of fire but I remember getting her head out and then pushing her body out and thinking how weird a shape the body was to push out in comparison to the head. I have no idea how many pushes it was in total but it was very quick and very painful. I felt her head with my hand as it crowned.
My perfect 42+1 weeker Willow was then placed on my chest and we had skin to skin and delayed cord clamping. I delivered the placenta and eventually had a 2nd degree tear stitched up and a few smaller ones. I couldnāt believe how painful it was straight after birth, I could barely keep Willow on my chest I was in so much agony. Willow had to be monitored for 12 hours due to the meconium, we were given another private room on the postnatal ward and went home early afternoon the next day. The crew recorded Lily meeting Willow in hospital and we had our journey home as a family of 4 filmed too.
Overall it was a very good birth on paper but jeez, going from 5-10cms in minutes was not fun. I just seem to only get awful back labour despite having two babies in good positions which really sucks. I just donāt seem to be able to handle that kind of pain well at all and it kind of traumatised me how bad it was despite being very quick. None the less, I got the natural vaginal birth I wanted and I got to feel contractions start on their own as well as being able to feel everything at the pushing stage. Iām so so relieved that Willow is happy and healthy and Iām so pleased we had her birth recorded so Iāll be able to watch it back as my eyes were closed throughout the whole thing!!! Having the film crew there was actually a blessing, I barely noticed them in labour and got treated so much better than we would have normally as obviously the hospital wanted to make the best impression on film. The birth filming was all very tasteful too with the focus on baby immediately after delivery rather than the birthing process itself. Hopefully in 2 years time both UK and US followers will be able to watch it too :)
