Wit Beyond Measure

Kinsley Paige 2/10/16 💖 Parker Kevin 4/9/18 💙

[hey-kayla]

We’re supposed to head to the camper on Friday for the summer! We’re kicking off the season by seeing MGK Friday night and I am SO pumped!

BUT

I just got a notification that xfinity will be down on Thursday 🫠 and guess who has an eval Thursday morning 🫠🫠🫠 sooooo it looks like we have to head up Wednesday night now ugh. I am SO unprepared. We just finally had Parker’s birthday party on Saturday (he’s an April baby but he wanted a water party so we pushed it off. And it went so well and it was so hot, win!) so I was going to slowly pack everything this week to leave on Friday. Jokes on me!

Luckily Paul comes up every weekend so whatever I forget he can bring up each week but ugh. So unprepared. I don’t even have a list started for packing. Guess I’m just going to throw whatever I can fit in my car and hope for the best?

[hey-kayla]

Lollll apparently this stress caused a histamine dump which made my entIRE BODY ITCHY!!! And scratching just made me feel more itchy!!! AND I JUST got my nails done (stiletto, acrylic) and they’re sharp affffff

(Picture lovely, swollen, red welt looking scratch marks on my entire body because I canNOT stand feeling itchy. Bug bites? Scratch em to the bone babyyyy I’m a trash human I know)

This POTS flare has been the longest and worst flare I’ve ever had. We’re going on like 3-4 weeks now and I keep getting more and more symptoms that just pile on and I’m so ANNOYED!!! 😒 I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can hardly stand without fainting (but moving is fine so I’m still functioning lol), I have dermatitis (?) patches on my right elbow and left knee, my brain fog is out of this world I’m literally stumbling on my words and stuttering and that’s not a good look for someone who speaks for a living and gives families life changing information every fucking day like whaaaattttt this is horrific lolllll

Luckily going to the camper helps calm my system down so my doctor and therapist think my body will calm tf down within like 3 weeks so keep your fingers crossed that I find some inner peace or some shit otherwise ya girl is going on a grippy sock vacation ✨

Just kidding I don’t have time for that teehee I’m fine this is fine everything’s fine

[hey-kayla]

We’re supposed to head to the camper on Friday for the summer! We’re kicking off the season by seeing MGK Friday night and I am SO pumped!

BUT

I just got a notification that xfinity will be down on Thursday 🫠 and guess who has an eval Thursday morning 🫠🫠🫠 sooooo it looks like we have to head up Wednesday night now ugh. I am SO unprepared. We just finally had Parker’s birthday party on Saturday (he’s an April baby but he wanted a water party so we pushed it off. And it went so well and it was so hot, win!) so I was going to slowly pack everything this week to leave on Friday. Jokes on me!

Luckily Paul comes up every weekend so whatever I forget he can bring up each week but ugh. So unprepared. I don’t even have a list started for packing. Guess I’m just going to throw whatever I can fit in my car and hope for the best?

[hey-kayla]

Spent the weekend giving Kinsley (another!) new room. My roommates moved out and for some reason Kinsley wanted their room, despite it being smaller than hers??? Makes no sense but oh well. So new bedroom yay! I have still have some more decor coming in the mail but she loves it!

Parker’s room is next, he hasn’t had a room makeover since I did his nursery when I was pregnant (which actually turned into the spare room, then roommates, and now Kinsley’s). The room he’s in now is a nice neutral gray from when we were fostering. So it’s time. I’m just so sore and we’re leaving for the summer in like 2 weeks so he will have to wait until the fall unfortunately lol

[hey-kayla]

Happy Mother’s Day to all my beautiful pocket friends! I am so lucky to have found this mumblr community 12 ish years ago, and I’m even luckier to have maintained friendships without ever meeting most of you in person! I’m also feeling super lucky that I HAVE had the pleasure of meeting a handful of my mumblrs in person, and even having two matching tattoos with two of you 😍 never would have thought this hellscape would have brought me such meaningful relationships! 💐🩷

[scorebug]

height check. how tall are you people in my phone

[hey-kayla]

I saw someone I haven’t seen in a few years and he literally didn’t even recognize me. I had to tap him twice and call his name a couple times because he kept looking at me, deciding he didn’t know me, and then kept looking around for who was trying to get his attention. He was like HOLY FUCK you lost a lot of weight!! It was very wholesome and funny and sweet, a very appreciated compliment lol

[hey-kayla]

Because of recurrent UTIs, my urologist prescribed me a medication and vitamin c twice a day as a preventative measure. Apparently this combo turns urine more acidic so bacteria can’t grow therefore…no UTIs. Theoretically.

Problem is, me and my dramatic ass body are VERY sensitive to medication. So the preventative medicine made me feel like I had a UTI anyway! 🫠🫠🫠

I’ve been messaging my urologist and she’s basically like “well we recommend the full dose to ensure you don’t get UTIs, but if you want to try lowering the doses and see if you can tolerate that by all means go for it. Let us know how your experimenting goes kthanksbyeeee”

IM NOT A DOCTOR IDK WHAT IM DOING 😂😭😭

But in that same breath, I made the executive decision to skip my last 2 doses of said meds to see if my symptoms went away. Instead of going to get a culture done to see if I had a UTI. And I was right it was a side effect not an actual infection. So maybe I *can* figure this out lmao

[hey-kayla]

Well I tried Prozac instead of Zoloft and THAT isn’t working either. I know the deal, it gets worse before it gets better, but I just physically and mentally cannot handle the “worse.” Yesterday I woke up at 5:45 with anxiety and nausea, today was 5:00 am with heart pounding gagging nauseous almost throwing up. So I think I am just done with SSRIs because these activation phases are going to kill me 😭😭

[hey-kayla]

The icing on the cake of this day, 911 with my handsome hilarious husband, and this elite snack plate. Deviled eggs with “everything but the bagel” seasoning on top, slice of mozzarella, Genoa salami, garlic cheese croutons (I wanted garlic bagel chips but we don’t have those 😭), Snapple sugar free peach tea, and cookie dough for dessert 👌🏻

[hey-kayla]

I somehow had a very “I am a functioning adult???” day today lol despite being tired and fighting a headache since this morning.

I did one eval, started and finished two eval reports, saw my therapist, made some grown up financial decisions (investing?? Literally, who am I and how did I get here lol), got my health/scan stuff lined up for next week, and also started mapping out my roommate exit plan even more firmly with dedicated timelines so I can get my house/life/peace back soon

I feel weirdly calm and grown up and like I suddenly have clarity and foresight and I’m not drowning?? Seems fake.

I’m going to be SO PISSED if I just jinxed myself but at least if shit does hit the fan I can look back on this post and get a reminder of this little glimmer of positivity ✨

[hey-kayla]

You know what pisses me off? As I’m getting older, the pain is getting tattoos is usually nonexistent (except for some spicy spots). But HEALING the tattoo hurts worse. Like why am I in more pain now 24+ hours later. That’s really fucking annoying lol

[hey-kayla]

Full ditch 🥵

That lowest flower was spicyyyy lol

[hey-kayla]

Me, Paul, Kinsley, and Parker are just hanging out downstairs and it’s so nice. Just us four. I’m reading on my kindle, they’re playing Roblox together. We’re lobbing teasing insults and roasting each other. And our roommates are upstairs not bothering us.

It’s just a really nice night 🥰🥰🥰

[hey-kayla]

They changed the fucking buttons on this godforsaken app and I’m irritated by that.

But more importantly. Us four are watching High school musical now and it’s amazing. Paul and I are cracking up and the kids are actually so invested 😂

[hey-kayla]

Me, Paul, Kinsley, and Parker are just hanging out downstairs and it’s so nice. Just us four. I’m reading on my kindle, they’re playing Roblox together. We’re lobbing teasing insults and roasting each other. And our roommates are upstairs not bothering us.

It’s just a really nice night 🥰🥰🥰

[hey-kayla]

Here’s my face! And no complaining for today lol

[hey-kayla]

The freakin snow JUST melted! We had one day of good, snow free, outside time. Now we’re getting a “historic winter storm” yet the weather people are saying totals anywhere from 2-20 inches?? Sheesh.

I was SUPPOSED to be in Jersey for a surprise bday party so I went to the camper Friday night. Ended up driving home overnight last night cause driving from the Poconos to home in a blizzard sounded all kinds of shitty. But now it’s 7 am and only misting rain. Coulda slept there dangit lol

[hey-kayla]

Cool cool cool.

Zoloft - not for me anymore. 2+ weeks in and the anxiety spike + nausea + dry heaving in the morning is just too much. Zoloft always worked for me in the past but now it’s a hard nope. Doing an SSRI wash out and then trying Prozac.

I also have ANOTHER UTI and kidney infection. Again, symptoms started this morning, and escalated within a few hours. My PCP actually asked if I fell or experience trauma because of how much bl00d was in my sample. Cool cool cool. Back on antibiotics.

My doctor didn’t receive my bl0od work results even though I got it done last Saturday. So that’s annoying. They have to call the lab because apparently this lab just doesn’t communicate with the doctors??? Annoying. Mostly because I’m very curious about my cortisol and hormone levels because my body and brain are just a mess right now.

I did get my first mammogram though so that’s a win! It wasn’t terrible. Not pleasant but not unbearable lol

I’m also extra hopeful for my urology appointment next month because this is my second UTI/kidney infection this calendar year and I need to know wtf is going on with my body. I absolutely refuse to go to the hospital this time though so I’m just white knuckling it until the antibiotics start working.

I just took my leftover pain med from last month, I have on Harry Potter and the HBP (favorite HP movie!) so at least I’m feeling a bit better for the moment. I’m watching it on peacock too, I started rewatching the movies on peacock when Sara came to visit and there are extra scenes!! So yay!