From Mourning Into Dancing

Sometimes I write and sometimes I put that writing here.

[frommourningintodancing]

Ready.

Over the years, I have been to over a dozen summer camps and retreats, both as a student and as a leader. Each time, the same things happen; the time is full of joy and community and inspiration feelings of hopefulness and closeness with God. As the time ends and everyone goes back to their every day lives, the feelings quickly fade away. Sometimes some of the effects will stick around for awhile, and sometimes they will stick around permanently, but it feels inevitable that what happens while we’re away can’t be sustained once we’re home.

Yesterday, I got home from spending 10 days with 80 high school students in Newport Beach, California. I hadn’t planned on going until about a week and a half before we left. I haven’t been involved with my church for almost a year and have been disconnected. I have known that this trip was happening for a few months now and something about it drew me in. The summer before my senior year of high school, I went on the same trip and it was one that resulted in lasting change. It was a turning point for me and though much of what I felt while there faded, there were a few decisions and people and beliefs that are still with me today. I didn’t know what it was or why it was happening, but something about this specific year, on this specific trip, with these specific people attracted me. Somehow, I knew that I needed to be there and that it would change things for me. Without me having to do a single thing, the opportunity to go appeared and I jumped on it immediately.

I have spent the past year feeling incredibly lost. In early fall of last year, a slue of feelings that I had been repressing for years came to the surface and spilled out, forcing me to address them. I was hurting more than I ever have before. I was lost and scared and angry and confused and searching. Rather than running away from it like I usually would have, I leaned into it. I pushed at the wounds. I dug deeper and explored the causes. I did a lot of hurting, but much more healing. In the past few months, I have felt lighter than I have in many years. I have had more energy and more willingness and more joy and not the slightest clue where to channel it or what to do with it. I have desperately been trying to uncover where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. This week, with these people, has sent me flying in the direction of figuring that out.

Taking care of people has always been what I do. With different people, that comes out in different ways, but it always comes out somehow. I fell in love with cooking because it was a way for me to care for people physically. It is emotionally fulfilling for me and physically fulfilling for them and something about that makes my soul endlessly happy. I have always been the friend that people rely on for emotional support and advice. In the past, I have been bitter about that, but I am at the place now where I can see how much of a gift it is. It happens often that I don’t have to earn people’s trust, I have it inherently. I am skilled in navigating other people’s crises. I am able to stay calm for them and walk with them through it. I have felt all of the dark, scary, tormenting feelings and can empathize with people who are plagued by them, now. All the skills that I possess lend to the same thing: taking care of people.

This week allowed me to utilize the full spectrum of my gifts. I spent hours cooking for people and got to reap the rewards of that. I spent time loving on people who are struggling and watched their burdens lift slightly. I was able to look people straight in the eyes and tell people that things won’t always be as hard as they are now and watch that sink into them. I was able to support other leaders as they walked beside students. I was able to hold people while they cried because they finally felt an overpowering love that they didn’t know existed.

I feel more alive than I can ever remember feeling before. I am inspired and exhilarated and absolutely on fire. But this time, I refuse to let a single ounce of that disintegrate. I haven’t the slightest clue what path I’m on or where it’s leading, but I am willing and ready to find out. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt, but I can see now how worth it it will be once I get there. I have a family of people who are supporting me and believing in me and ready to jump in to help when things get rough. 

To the students and leaders that this trip was comprised of: thank you. Thank you for letting me love you and loving me back. Thank you for your transparency and honesty and realness. I am beyond excited about the relationships that were formed this week and I can’t wait to see how they evolve. Let’s not let this feeling fade.

[frommourningintodancing]

Parting ways and new adventures.

As most of you know, in November, I was accepted as a part time intern with iEmpathize, an organization that works to fight sex trafficking and child exploitation. The internship was something that I never planned for and never expected, but fell right into my lap. I am so lucky to have had the opportunities that I have had. I have met amazing people who I am fully confident will change the world. 

In January, things in my life began to get hectic. Someone walked in to my life who was broken and hurting beyond belief. She needed someone to listen and to love her and to remind her that she is wanted and that she had something to live for, and I became that person. Shortly after she entered my life, one of my closest friends began what would be a multiple-month-long, incredibly rough journey.

Between what my internship entailed, the personal situations going on, and my tendency towards depression, I entered a not-so-wonderful place.

A few weeks ago, I hit a wall. I had not been taking care of myself (to no fault of anyone but me,) and it all caught up with me. It became immediately apparent that something needed to change.

I made the incredibly difficult decision to not go on the trip to Mexico City that I was supposed to go on with iEmpathize. I determined that the trip was more stress than I could handle. I told iE that I needed to take the summer off to get my head on my shoulders a little better and to make sure that I was were I wanted to and was supposed to be. 

A little while later, I decided that iEmpathize is not where I belong and I quit my internship. I had amazing experiences with them that I wouldn't trade for anything. I learned an unbelievable amount and met some of my favorite people. I am grateful for everything they gave me and support them and what they are doing 100%. I love those people and I know they are going to continue to do great things.

After walking away from the internship, I began thinking about my options for the fall. I considered school, missions, and interning with various other organizations. One option I considered was to apply for an internship with the organization To Write Love On Her Arms, which was my plan before iEmpathize. As I left to go to middle school camp last Monday, everything was completely up in the air and I had no idea where I was supposed to go and what I was supposed to go.

Then, I showed up to camp and an amazing girl named Bethany waltzed in and made everything crystal clear.

The first night of camp, I was wearing a To Write Love On Her Arms shirt and I saw Mike Pillow (youth pastor at Boulder Valley Christian Church) wearing one as well, and went to talk to him about how we matched. We spoke about the organization and he asked me if I had met the girl who was there who worked for them. My jaw hit the floor. There was a girl at Maranatha, a camp in the middle of Nebraska, that worked for TWLOHA? What were the odds of that. 

Not 10 minutes later, someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see an amazingly beautiful woman standing in front of me. She tells me that she saw my shirt and had to say something. She said her name was Bethany and she works for To Write Love On Her Arms. My jaw, once again, hit the floor.

Once I gathered myself together, I asked her what she did for them. She told me she did a variety of things, but she did Warped Tour for them last year. I nearly lost it. If I was to pick any job on the planet, it would be touring music festivals for TWLOHA. The girl who has my dream job just happened to be at the same camp I was at, the same week I was there, and just happened to come over to talk to me? Coincidences like that do not happen. This was fate. 

I told her that she had my ideal job and she asked me if I had considered applying for an internship with TWLOHA. In that instant, it all became perfectly clear. It was if God yelled, "WAKE UP, SAM! This is what you're supposed to do!!" 

I will be applying for an internship with To Write Love On Her Arms for the spring. I am going to spend the next few months working and getting myself to the place I need to be. I am fully confident that this is what God wants me to do. Maybe I'll get the internship, maybe I won't, but God is calling me to try, and that's exactly what I am going to do.

Bethany, I couldn't have gotten here without you. I know you're going to say that it was all God, and yes, it was Him, but you have done more than you know for me. I love you and I am so grateful for you. And, if my dreams tell the future, you will be officiating my wedding, so here's a thank you in advance for that. ;)

To everyone who supported me through my internship with iEmpathize, you guys are amazing and I am so thankful for you. I hope that you will continue to support me in my next endeavors.

I should add that the entire time that I was writing this, I have been listening to Rich Confer's EP. This guy is amazing and his songs have been an incredible blessing to me in the past week. Download his EP for free here: http://www.reverbnation.com/richconfer

I am beyond excited to see what happens next.

<3 Sam. 

[frommourningintodancing]

2 Corinthians 2-3.

Today I had the overwhelming desire to dive into God's word. Without thinking too much about it, I opened to 2 Corinthians. It quickly became clear why God led me there.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort that God has given us. - 2 Corinthians 1:4.

For a long time, more so in the past 6 months, I have been placed in situation after situation where I am needed to comfort someone. It might be something as simple as a fight with a friend or as complicated as suicidal thoughts. I have been drained. It became difficult for me to find the words to say. I was discouraged and in need of comforting myself. I had no comfort left to give. I was depleted. I wasn't letting God comfort me. I was too proud. I didn't think I needed Him. I thought I could handle it on my own. That was selfish. If I am not comforted, I have no comfort to give. I need to ask and allow God to fill me up so that I can fill others up.

[frommourningintodancing]

Empowered.

I just got back from a meeting/talk with Kevin Bales. For those of you who don't know, he founded the organization Free The Slaves and is one of the most respected and most recognized anti-modern day slavery activists in the world. 

The only word that I can find to describe how I feel right now is empowered. I came into the evening with low expectations. I expected it to be the same old talk I've heard many times before about tackling the issues of slavery. That is not at all what it was.

I was blown away by the fact that Kevin Bales is the one who put together the number of 27 million estimated people enslaved around the world. He's the one that estimated that human trafficking and modern day slavery are the third biggest criminal business, behind arms and drugs. When you hear numbers and statistics and facts about modern day slavery, Kevin Bales and his team are the ones that put those together. The numbers that hundreds of organizations use to get people's attentions were found because he and his team took the time and effort to find them out. His research has been published all over the world and is used in tons of legislature. He has consulted for the United Nations about how to go about ending slavery. He has done an UNBELIEVABLE amount of good. But he isn't arrogant. He presents himself as just another guy with a heart for justice. He doesn't think that he has some special power to inspire change, he is just one guy. 

When most people are introduced to the issues of modern day slavery, they are immediately overwhelmed. I absolutely was overwhelmed. The issues are so vast and so deeply ingrained in cultures that they seem impossible to combat. Kevin breaks it down. He gives realistic, practical ways to fight. Ending modern day slavery is a process, not an event. It's not all going to happen once, but every little thing matters and helps. He is honest about the fact that it isn't easy and it isn't immediate. It's not always as simple as busting into a house and taking away the slaves. It's about changing people's hearts. It's telling slaves that they have a choice and that them being held isn't lawful and isn't right. It's also about helping freed slaves to begin to see themselves as free. People that have been enslaved for their entire lives are going to be resistant to the idea of freedom. It's scary and new. They aren't going to be rescued and automatically begin thriving. They need to recover. They need to be taught how to live healthily and on their own. There are so many things that need to be done to end slavery, but there are things we can do RIGHT NOW to affect the issue. 

Something I've been struggling with lately is the idea of not buying anything made using slave labor. I hate the idea that by buying a shirt, I am supporting someone in their enslavement of people. Kevin put it into perspective for me. He said that slave made products and things that are made using materials that were harvested using slave labor, represent a tiny portion of what's out there. It's nearly impossible to say with absolutely certainty that something was or was not made using slave labor of any kind. He said "Rather than trying to find the needle in the haystack, find where the needle was made and stop it there." Me not buying one shirt isn't going to free a slave. Me supporting organizations that go into villages and educate families on trafficking and enslavement tactics can stop someone from being taken captive. Me educating myself and others about modern day slavery can prevent more slaves from being taken. Me knowing the signs of slavery may help rescue someone being held against their will. I can make a difference. I may not be able to single handedly end slavery, but I can sure as hell help. 

Tonight made me realize that I want to be able to, in 20 years, look back and see that I made a difference. I want to inspire people. I want to inspire change. I want to create a movement. I want to be able to say I did everything I could to end slavery. 

There is now no doubt in my mind that I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Whether through iEmpathize or a different avenue, this is what I am doing with my life. This is the path God has put me on and it's the one that I'm staying on. I feel like I have purpose and I have motivation and I have directions.

Thank you, Kevin Bales, for tonight. It was an honor to hear you speak. You are an inspiration to me, and exactly the kind of person I hope to be one day.

[frommourningintodancing]

Jonny Rogers will be performing live throughout the evening at the Mexico Experience Premiere and Benefit on March 11th and will play a 30 minute concert at the end of the night. He is also providing the soundtrack for the new iEmpathize Mexico film.

[frommourningintodancing]

Mexico Experience Premiere and Benefit.

Friday, March 11th, iEmpathize is hosting an event to benefit vulnerable and victimized children in Mexico City. Rosi Orozco, Mexican Congresswoman and Anti-Trafficking Task Force leader will be our special guest, along with her husband, Alex Orozco, who is a Mexican senator. The event will serve as the premiere of a brand new film that highlights the issue of human trafficking in Mexico. New photography and artifacts will be shown that night, as well. An artist by the name of Jonny Rogers will be providing the live soundtrack for the entire event, and will perform a 30 minute concert at the end of the night.

Tickets are $20 each, and 100% of ticket sales goes directly to our partners who are on the ground in Mexico City fighting this issue. Tickets can be purchased at bouldertheater.com, at Cornerstone Church each Sunday leading up to the event, or at the UMC at CU March 7th-9th.

RSVP at http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=149882468403052

[frommourningintodancing]

"Sympathy gives you room to disengage."

I am exhausted and not in the mental capacity to blog fully about the events of the past couple days, but I want to share this one thing before I go to sleep, because I fear I will forget it.

As I was watching the S.E. Asia iEmpathize video for what was at least the 4th time, I was struck by something Brad said that I had never noticed before. He said "Sympathy gives you room to disengage." If you are simply sympathizing with someone, you can get up at the end of a talk and walk away and never look back. If you are EMPATHIZING with someone, you are called to do something more. You are putting yourself in someone else's shoes. You're feeling the suffering of someone else. Once you feel that, you can't walk away. You feel the overwhelming need to do something. That's the difference between sympathy and empathy. Empathy is active; it draws you in. Sympathy gives you room to walk away, empathy doesn't. Empathy is substantial and not easily forgotten. Empathy is unbelievably powerful.

[frommourningintodancing]

Before the beginning.

I think that it's important for me to take you to what started this whole thing in the first place. Back to what got me interested in iEmpathize and the issue of sex trafficking.

At the end of May this year, I took a trip to Mexico City. When I first heard that Cornerstone was taking a group to Mexico, I was incredibly excited. I had been on a mission trip there before, but at that time, I wasn't emotionally mature enough to get much out of it. I was craving inspiration. I need a life-change. I saw this as an opportunity to find that.

As we began to train for the trip, I was introduced to iE. We watched the SE Asia video, and I was automatically blown away. I could tell how passionate the people involved were. I could see that they had done the research. They had been right in the middle of it all. They had visited a brothel. They had met survivors of sex-trafficking. They weren't just talking about doing good, they were doing good. 

Going into the week, I wasn't sure what to expect. We were given a vague idea of what we were going to be doing, but nothing was certain. I went in with very little expectations.

The second day we were there, we went to the only safe house in Mexico City for survivors of sex-trafficking. This safe house houses 26 girls (the number varies) who have been rescued from the industry. They are protected, educated, nourished (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), and they begin the process of restoration. It's not just a place to stay, it's a place to heal and recover. 

I didn't know how much time we would be spending at the house. I thought that we would be able to briefly meet the girls, and maybe spend a couple hours hanging out with them. We spent all day, every day that we were there with them. We played Egyptian Rat Slap. We played soccer. We made bracelets (lots, and lots, and LOTS of bracelets.) We danced. We sang. We laughed. We bonded. I got to know these girls. They are the most beautiful, strong, brave girls I have ever met. They have been through more than I can fathom, but the majority of them are full of joy. They don't sit around saying "God, why did you make me go through that?" They sit around saying "God, thank You for bringing me out of that." They are full of life. They are my inspiration. 

The last night we were there, we all got together at the house and prayed and talked and said goodbye. The girls told us that it meant the world to them that we were there. They said that they felt incredible love from us. They told us that they knew God had sent us, and that they were so grateful that we had come. They prayed that God would bless us. They thanked Him for us.

Saying goodbye to them was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had no desire to leave them. I would have gladly stayed there forever. These girls are a part of me now. I don't go a day without thinking about them. I rarely go a few hours without thinking about them. Even though they are joyful, thinking about what they've been through breaks my heart. They didn't deserve that. No one deserves that. 

These girls are where "From mourning into dancing" came from. While we were there, my youth pastor Gabe was doing a quiet time, and he came across Psalm 30:11. It reads "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy." This quickly became the verse of the week. 

Prior to the trip, we had planned on building the girls a dance studio while we were there. Dancing is something that they all love, and we thought it would be cool for them to have a space to do that. The fact that Gabe came across this verse while we were there is so obviously a God thing. It was perfect. These girls have been through the hardest thing I can imagine, but they don't mourn it. They are joyful that it's over. This blew my mind. I had always felt sorry for myself. I had been through some tough things, and I didn't think it was fair. Seeing these girls be joyful, despite what they've been through rocked my world. It changed my outlook completely. At the end of the trip, I decided that I wanted to get a tattoo that said "From mourning into dancing." A few weeks after we got home, I got the tattoo. It is a reminder to be joyful. It's a reminder to appreciate what I have. It's a reminder of these girls, and everything they did for me and everything they mean to me.

These girls are why I wanted to intern with iE. They are why I believe in what iE does. I saw first hand the good that they have done, and I knew I had to become a part of that. 

The rest is history... :)

I would love to post hundreds of pictures of the girls from the safe house, but for their protection, I am not allowed. I will, however, share some favorites of mine from my trip. :)

The team at Mexican congress.

We were dancing... ahahahaha.

With Rosi Orozco, a Mexican congresswoman who is working to fight sex trafficking from a political stance.

Me and Jaron with Kalimba (the Justin Timberlake of Mexico.) He put on a benefit concert to raise funds for the safe house. He is one of the most amazing guys I have ever come in contact with.

[frommourningintodancing]

The beginning.

Tuesday night was my first event as an official part of the iEmpathize team. I can't even begin to explain to you how this night made me feel. It hit me that I am apart of something huge. I am involved in something that could very possibly change the world. That sounds cheesy and over-exaggerated, but I'm completely serious. These are people with big plans. These are people that are driven, focused, and motivated enough to make those plans a reality. They don't look at it as an obligation, they look at it as a gift. They get to help these people, not have to. They look at it as a blessing, not a burden. They are thankful that God is allowing them to be involved in this. It's absolutely inspiring. I am so grateful that I get to be apart of this movement of people. I never, in a million years, would have thought this is where I would be right now. I am so, so lucky.

Wednesday was the beginning of so much for me. This is a chapter of my life that is just starting. I am doing something important with my life. I'm making a difference. I am 100% positive that I am exactly where God wants me. I can't begin to tell you how good that feels.

I cannot wait for the crazy ride that 2011 is bound to be. iEmpathize is going to do amazing things, and I am in awe that I get to be apart of them.